I feel so bad :(

MrsElle

MrsElle

Well-Known Member
Joined
21 November 2008
Messages
6,183
Location
Back Where My Heart Is :)
Visit site
Why do I feel guilty for wanting to return a loan horse?

Owner isn't happy about having him back and I feel bad for wanting to return him.

I will never ever loan again
frown.gif
 
Loaning is difficult from both sides. I put one of my youngsters out on a loan a few months ago and although she is very happy where she is I don't think she is going to cope with the work load expected of her (injury as a babe) and I will have to take her back and I am agonising about that. I keep wondering why I am getting so stressed about it as she is my flippin horse!
What are your reasons for wanting to return him? Do you have a contract?
 
I had the same thing when we wanted to return a mare that was totally unsuitable. As much as she was a nightmare the owner kept saying she had never been like it before etc.. This kept on for 3 months and in the end she was forced to take her back which was horrible for all parties. I felt really bad even though we were footing the bill for something completely not as we were led to believe! Its put me off too tbh I don't think I would look to loan again.
 
It is really hard, but even if the owners are initially annoyed, if they are decent people they will realise that it is better to have him back than to have him in the wrong home.

Whatever your reason for returning him, you are doing what is best for you AND the pony.
 
You will wish you hadn't asked why I am returning him, its a long story so pull up a seat and make yourself comfortable......

I have a 27 year old on permanent loan. She came to me in December in extremely poor condition and with a lot of tlc and hard work she is just about right weight wise (just need to build up a bit of muscle now). In February her owner asked if I would consider loaning another horse from her. She didn’t own the horse at that point but wanted to buy him. She didn’t have time to keep him herself. I didn’t need another horse to ride but she suggested that if I had him he could replace 27 year old as my riding horse when 27 year old retires. That may not be for two or three years plus yet, so I presumed the new horse would be with me for some time and agreed to take him for her.

I got him in March and he was huge (fat) and hadn’t been handled in a long time. I have spent a lot of time with him getting him used to being handled and ridden and getting the weight off him. He now comes to call (used to be an hour of chasing him round the field until he was too knackered to object to being caught!) and is coming on really nicely. I asked if I could buy him a few weeks ago and she no as she would be wanting him back herself after Christmas. I just felt a bit betrayed, by that point he will be a lovely fit and healthy boy who is good to do instead of the frightened obese bad mannered boy I took on. I decided that to send him back sooner rather than later would be better for me personally as I was getting very very attached.

Owner isn’t happy though.

Huuuge box of chocs for getting this far.

ETA: I thought I had him long term and felt a bit peed off that she wanted him back so soon. Perhaps petty of me but I like horses I can bond with and have with me for many many years, not something just for a few months at a time
 
What a difficult situation for you. It does seem pretty outrageous that you have put in all the hard work and you won't get to keep him as your riding horse. Don't feel bad, the owners have got a bloody great deal!! They really have no cause for complaint.

Also, the pony won't mind! As long as they are looked after, they're fine......luckily they don't have to deal with guilt or hurt feelings!!
 
OIC, so she has basically made use of you to fitten him up and then winter him and have him back sorted. I wouldn't feel bad about something like that even though you probably will as you obviously have more concern for other people than she does.
She isn't likely to take the other one off you is she?
Loaning is so incredibly difficult so i do feel for you. I have to keep asking myself in situations like this if the other party involved would agonise over the decision as much as I am doing; most the time the answer is no and I find that helps me sleep better at night!!
Good luck and I think you have made the right decision
 
Don't agree with her letting you sort him out and then wanting him back. However i wouldn't want to loan my horse out for years but she should have stated how long the loan would be for
 
QR

You did all you reasonably could with the horse and as she refused to sell him and is planning on taking him back much sooner than you thought then you are 100% doing the right thing by sending him back now.

She is the one who has behaved badly here by not being honest about her intentions from the outset.

You're feeling guilty because of your attachment to Chad, not because you have done anything wrong. At the end of the day, he is her responsibility, not yours.

Console yourself with the fact that you have found a lovely horse who is yours to replace him
smile.gif


Out of interest, when is he going back?
 
I remember how excited you were to get the lad, and how you were bonding with him: it certainly seemed like he was going to be with you for a very long time.

If it wasn't that it would be so bad for the horse, I wonder what she would say if he were to go back to her as he came to you - fat, bad mannered, unhandled. Not suggesting it for a minute, or that the owner would be so motivated, but it does make one wonder.
 
If she suggested him as a replacement for the 27yr old at retirement, then she did give you the idea that he would be with you for some time.

I'm put off loaning from both sides, too (although I did have one really nice loaning experience years ago). In looking for Henry's companion, one lady wanted to loan me an unhandled/serious project mare, but said she wanted to breed from her and would take her back in a year, send her to stud for a year or so (leaving me back at square one!)...obviously I said no thanks very much. I did suggest a sale (she claimed she was desperate for a home) and haven't heard anything back. Seems there's a few people in the horsey world who think it's quite acceptable to use someone's handling services for free and then take the horse back for their own gains!!

Sad result for you, really. Hope you get it sorted out.
 
Id offer again to purchase him and if she says no again then I would just say that you'll have to return him as you thought you were having him for alot longer and dont want to get even more attached as it'll be too hard for you to let him go.
keep us updated, loaning is such a mine field
frown.gif
 
I'm not surprised you've told her you want to send him back. She appears to have totally misled you about her intentions. The only trouble is that you need to keep her sweet as you don't want her to decide to take Ellie back as well.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top