I Hate My Life What Is The Point Of It All

You should be so proud of what you HAVE achieved - don't dwell on what's gone wrong, think about everything that has gone right. Yes, it was a horrid hack, but you should be so proud that you can get out and hack at all - a lot of people in your position would NEVER have done what you did. You have never given up and said "I can't", you've just got on and done it. What happened today was just a setback. There's no point in dwelling on it. Tomorrow is another day - it will get better. x
 
I agree with all that has been said, you have guts and determination.

Look on the positive. You never fell off and you are still alive.

So, what I suggest is that when you ride you have a strong elastic band, the sort that the post office band larger packets of mail with. Loop this around your stirrup and then hook the end over your toe. It will help to keep your foot in the iron but will not attach you in a way that is dangerous.

It is all very new to you at the moment and you are bound to be nervous but the more you do the better your confidence will get.

Keep it up. Who knows you could well be riding in the para games before long.

Hugs, kick the self pity into touch and find the strength to continue to be an inspiration to us all.
 
Hey Ebony :)

Sounds like you had a great morning and then a crappy afternoon! It's sooo hard to focus on the good bit of the day when you feel like the other part of it was a disaster!!
But today you not only schooled your horse alone but also hacked out and survived ;)
Little steps take you a long way

I understand you fear about your false leg , can you not attach it somehow to your stirrup iron? or is that just not possible / not safe??

Have you thought of having a go at side saddle? I found it to be an incredibly secure position. Might be worth having a lesson on a side saddle horse??

As for feeling rotten I always find that a large glass of wine ( or two! ) helps enormously :D

Hope you have a better day tomorrow <<Hugs>>

by the way , I found it helped me to look back six months and remember where I had been. Made it easier to see how far I had come ;)
 
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People only fail to achieve their goals because as they get close to them they tend to move the goal posts!

There are probably a large number of previous goals that you have barely noticed that you have reached and surpassed. The same probably goes for almost every reader on this board. :)

I have also sent you hopefully a slightly more useful PM.
 
I started to read the thread due to the title you had given it - and boy was I surprised. Without wanting to sound too flippant, put it down to a bad day and a few hormones. I know my hormones make me react like this to something far less severe. So I think you are well and truly allowed.

I can only say you sound like a true inspiration and someone I could only hope to emulate. Stick with the good stuff and enjoy doing it, then I'm sure the rest will follow.

Hope you're starting to feel a little better following some of the comments on here - I was nearly crying myself whilst reading them
 
Hey come on! Less of that!

Think about what you achieved! You got on, you got out through the gate, you dealt with the difficulties and you both came back unhurt. That is a great achievement that plenty of people on here would be chuffed with.

Maybe you both need some practice to get where you would like to be but you took the first step today and it wasn't a disaster! I fully expect that your next schooling session will be fab and that the hacking will continue to improve, because you don't let a few little hitches stand in your way!

Good Luck!
 
Does it help to say that I feel like that sometimes even though I don't have any health problems ..... though the upside is that it makes the highs even better when it dos go right (and sometimes it does!!) , so don't give up. I wish I lived nearer, someone to go out with for a walking hack, that would be fabulous.

For what its worth, my horse used to be scared of all things mechanical. I now make a point of exposing him to as much tractor, bike, quad bike, strimmer, lawn mower as I can. Is there a field nearer a road you could commandeer just for a bit, it really does help to acclimatise them!!
 
Huge hugs, you are bound to feel upset and have every right to as you had a bad experience here after you have come so far with your riding, but that's silly horses for you, nothing to do with you at all.

Try to move on from this in a positive way, think of a action plan that will get your horse back into the swing of things and safer out hacking, like someone said suggested a friend to hack her out a bit for you, a month going out can make all the difference it requires for you to enjoy hacking safely again.

Don't rush this hacking business, you'll get there just like you have with getting back on and your schooling.

You've don't fantastically and there is nothing stopping you now and I'm sure you'll be posting to let us know what a great hack you've had in due course. x
 
myhorsefred said:
Ebonyallen, I think you are amazing! I think you should congratulate yourself actually for how much you do with your horse.

I absolutely regularly lose my confidence and I have no excuse. You are without a lower leg, yet you school and hack, which I haven't done in months, and I have both my legs.

You are an inspiration to us all. I know we all get 'down' sometimes, but I really think you should be really proud of yourself.

Chin up lovely. It always gets better. You'll have good days with your horse, you'll see. No more tears.
x
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another one who agrees with the above:cool:
you really have come so far and overcome so many obstacles, don't let one bad hack take all that away from you.x
 
Just a thought.....

I noticed another poster mentioned attaching the stirrup iron to your foot. Maybe an elastic band would be enough to give you a little bit more security and stop your foot from slipping, this way it would also snap if you were to part company? Its amazing how your conficence can improve if you feel more secure :D
 
Aw <<<hugs>>>> to you! Come on ebonyallen, you are inspirational, ask anyone who has read your posts.
You had a bad day and a confidence knock - these are bad enough for anyone without a false leg to contend with, so give yourself a break - don't be so hard on yourself.

Folk would be lying if they say they never get scared or worried or feel inadequate at times and question the point of everything. Well you are truly inspirational and if you can inspire people through your sheer determination then your life has a great contribution to make to many many people!! Noone is perfect ebonyallen and having bad days is allowed and should be expected.
Your mare probably picks up your anxiety like a radar - could you try Bachs Rescue Remedy for you both before a ride?

On a practical level - could you not get a volunteer to walk on foot with you - particularly to be there for reassurance at the road crossings etc? I would willingly offer, but you are too far from me - but I am sure that someone would be so kind? I use my daughter or a friend if I long rein my young WB out on the lanes as I couldn't manage him alone from the ground if he decided to play up. We all have demons - it's natural.
 
I hope you've read the posts by now and realised that you've done amazingly well. I've had rides like that in the past (bar leg falling out of the stirrup!) - those things are difficult to deal with regardless of whether or not the rider has a false leg.

I think you've got a lot to be proud of. If nothing else you've had the balls to get back up there and do everything a two-legged person does (and takes for granted). Be proud of you!
 
I agree with all that has been said above.

Horses come with highs and lows and you've had far more than your fair share of lows but if you look back at what happened from a different perspective - after everything you've been through you're still riding and you took your horse out for a hack which is amazing! Ok, so you had a sticky moment but you didn't fall off and nobody was hurt! Go back to your instructor and carry on the lessons and heed the advice above about taking someone along on foot.

But first of all, cry it out and eat an obscene amount of chocolate (or whatever), read all the replies above again, dry your eyes and go and give your horse a good grooming/bonding session. xx
 
You sound like you have a lot of Balls to get back into the saddle having lost a leg to take that leap to riding on your own to an even bigger leap to hacking out! You should feel so pleased with yourself.

I have read your older posts and I do honeslty feel for you and your passion clearly lies with your horse and riding, try and put today behind you and perhaps go for a ride around a field on your own and see how you get on and gradually build it again you sound strong enough.

Chin up and try and find something to smile about.
 
loads of good advice and encouragement already, you accomplished a LOT, and will accomplish a lot more. I think you simply need a little bit more help - get someone confident and experienced to hack Ebony out and bombproof her, for both your sakes. Then, either ride a more bombproof one a few times to get your own confidence bolstered, OR get someone experienced to go with you on foot so that if anything untoward does happen, they can be your 'anchor'... this gives horse huge confidence.... and it's something i still do with a nervous horse if i feel it might be necessary. makes a huge difference.
very best of luck. my cousin lost a leg above the knee and has constant phantom pains, etc etc, it is an utter nightmare, so i absolutely take my hat off to you for having the determination and courage to do what you are doing.
 
I think you are brilliant for 100's of reasons and as far as I am concerned you are absolutely right to pour your heart out on here. Perhaps Admin should allow you to use banned words to show how bad you feel.

I really wish you were nearer because although hugs get bandied about on here willynilly you really need some.

I'm not going to tell you what to do life just seems to chuck the brown stuff around too much.

Be Brave, Be Strong and remember sometimes it is really good to have a bloomin Good Grizzle to clear the air.

Good Luck.
 
You are amazing, you have achieved so much. You clearly set yourself some challenging goals which probably explains why you have come so far on a journey most of us can't even begin to imagine. Try to think of it as just one bad day, we all have them:)

There is every point in carrying on, you are truly an inspiration. Every time I dither and lack confidence, I think to myself if EbonyAllen can do this the least I can do is give it a damn good go, so thank you for being you.
 
Oh Ebony Allen - I know the feeling. I returned to riding after losing a leg & things will get better. As a previous post said - you will laugh about this one day, after you have acheived & surpassed more goals. You need to reflect on how far you've come & how BRILLIANT you are to be doing this at all.
Also, get a bombproof partner &/or a person on foot. Ebony was proably picking up your tension, as you relax, she will too.
You did not fall off, and survived the whole thing so WELL DONE you!!!!
Tomorrow is another day x
 
So many positive messages, hope they have helped! It seems to me that although you have many specific issues which I would in no way belittle, many of us with horses suffer similar days. I watched an Andrew Hoy demonstration recently and he said that it had taken him 2 years to get to a point where he and this particular horse trusted each other. TWO YEARS! for somebody as experienced and successful as him, who does it professionally. I came away thinking that I should stop beating myself up about problems I have with my horse. He also said never be afraid of going back to basics! Sadly it really helped me to take the pressure of myself, and I have been enjoying my riding so much more since, including some competitive success!
 
OP you are incredible. Wow! Well done for coming so far. Do not let this setback knock you back too much.

What you have done today is push your comfort zone, you have done things that you haven't done for a while (canter) and seen things that you know your horse is not comfortable with. This is how we grow. By doing things that scare us. If you never push, you will never know where it might get you. Sometimes it works brilliantly and sometimes you have to do it a couple of times until you get the hang of it.

What I would suggest is that you 'bookmark' this day and come back to it in a year and compare where you are then with where you are today.

Chin up, keep growing and keep pushing! Remind yourself every day of how far you have come and I promise you it will get easier.
 
Well, how brave are you girl ??!! End on a good note, they say. Just tell yourself you did that, right after your super schooling session, with the canter and all, and the road bit never happened. Bad dream. Concentrate on the morning and you'll be fine - well done and heaps of luck :-)
 
Your allowed a bad day we all get them, we all have rides from hell whether we have two legs or one. What you do need to do is think about the positives.

1) you hacked out..... yes it was bad, and is a poor benchmark, but one never the less and one that you aim to improve upon

2) you didn't fall off.

3) your false leg came out of the stirrup, yes a big thing, but look at it this way, you stayed on, your leg stayed on and you came home all together

I can only echo all the other posts on this thread, but rest assured, you are doing great.
 
I can't really add any more to that that has allready been said but what I would like to say is that I think you're amazing. Dont give up and you are entitled to a few bad days every now and again!!
 
Anyone who is brave and tough enough to cope with losing a limb is not going to crack up over one crap ride! I agree with everyone who has said "tomorrow is another day" or words to that effect. Do something you're both comfortable with and I'm sure you'll both be smiling again very soon. Good luck!
 
Angua2 said:
Your allowed a bad day we all get them, we all have rides from hell whether we have two legs or one. What you do need to do is think about the positives.

1) you hacked out..... yes it was bad, and is a poor benchmark, but one never the less and one that you aim to improve upon

2) you didn't fall off.

3) your false leg came out of the stirrup, yes a big thing, but look at it this way, you stayed on, your leg stayed on and you came home all together

I can only echo all the other posts on this thread, but rest assured, you are doing great.
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This from me too. Hang in there, we all have bad days with horses. Hugsxx
 
Oh sweetie
I'm a disabled rider but i have the use of all my limbs. Come on you can do this, barneykins is right, i remember my mum leading me round the forest about 20 years ago when i was in my mid 20's cos i couldnt ride on my own, still cant. I would say box to ride off road until you're 100% confident in each other and find friends to help. Also speak to your limb appliance centre, I'm a podiatrist and i know an orthotist can make you something which will stop your appliance shifting when you ride. A common problem with new disability is asking for help, but honey asking for help and sorting the problem sets you free. You're on such a long journey and yep their are times you'll feel awful but the bravest thing you can do is ask for help. If i can be of any help even a shoulder to cry on pm me and i'll be there for you. Promise:D
 
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