I Hate My Life What Is The Point Of It All

My Goodness I do not know where to start from, last night I was so upset and cried so much I could not read what people had said, went to bed not being able to breath, and this morning looked like a MONSTER with PIGGY EYES lol. I went up to the farm and gave my dearest and best friend a HUGE hug, and aked her to forgive her rotten mum. As its school holls a couple of my friends are off, I went out for a short hack only about half an hour across a field and back down a quiet ish road to make a small block. We came acorss a motor cycle and Ebony had a little wobble nothing major and then a small van with an open back with clatering iron gates again not to much of a problem and then home no issues and me feeling not quite so useless !!

What you have said I would like to PM you all and say seperate thank yous to everyone, I did have a small grizzle when I read all the very kind words advise and hugs, all of which i have taken on board and already acted on. One suggestion was to get an able bodied person to take her out for me, this we did again today in the afternoon, and she would kill me if she read this but she is a bigger girl than me on my ID I am like a fly to her, she took her out and met 25 cycle s another of Ebonys pet hates rode across the bridge of M20 and artic with flapping sides not to much of a problem but she prob handled better than me. I was jelous and like a nervous mother waiting for her rather large child to return !! All well, I have my next lesson tomorrow and my friend is taking Ebony out again in the afternoon.
Trust me your kind words really do help, sometimes all I do is say what I can not do and not what I can.

Bigh HUGS back to you all, with mine and Ebonys very best wishes, you too a truly amazing people and don't you forget it.

Thanks Chrissie x x
 
Please don't give up - you've achieved so much and that's the point. I know you probably think it's easy for us all to give you advice and in a way it is, but that's because we've all been there in one way or another and although it's going to be a struggle most of us do get our confidence back and I know you will. So, have a good old cry (it's actually good for you) and fight on.

Take up Wagonsroll offer and pm her, take and ask for all the help you can get, you deserve it. Perhaps get someone to ride Ebony for you say once a week to keep her on the right lines until you feel more confident with her. Is there another more steady horse that you could ride for a bit?

Love yourself and accept a big cyber hug xx

Ooops! just read your post above - big cheers all round - you rock!
 
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ebonyallen said:
My Goodness I do not know where to start from, last night I was so upset and cried so much I could not read what people had said, went to bed not being able to breath, and this morning looked like a MONSTER with PIGGY EYES lol. I went up to the farm and gave my dearest and best friend a HUGE hug, and aked her to forgive her rotten mum. As its school holls a couple of my friends are off, I went out for a short hack only about half an hour across a field and back down a quiet ish road to make a small block. We came acorss a motor cycle and Ebony had a little wobble nothing major and then a small van with an open back with clatering iron gates again not to much of a problem and then home no issues and me feeling not quite so useless !!

What you have said I would like to PM you all and say seperate thank yous to everyone, I did have a small grizzle when I read all the very kind words advise and hugs, all of which i have taken on board and already acted on. One suggestion was to get an able bodied person to take her out for me, this we did again today in the afternoon, and she would kill me if she read this but she is a bigger girl than me on my ID I am like a fly to her, she took her out and met 25 cycle s another of Ebonys pet hates rode across the bridge of M20 and artic with flapping sides not to much of a problem but she prob handled better than me. I was jelous and like a nervous mother waiting for her rather large child to return !! All well, I have my next lesson tomorrow and my friend is taking Ebony out again in the afternoon.
Trust me your kind words really do help, sometimes all I do is say what I can not do and not what I can.

Bigh HUGS back to you all, with mine and Ebonys very best wishes, you too a truly amazing people and don't you forget it.

Thanks Chrissie x x
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Im glad to read this. I was going to say how amazing you are, I thought it when I read your other posts. Its good to get someone else to hack her out until hacking is boring. Well done for carrying on, everyone has bad days when you feel like crap and want to crawl in to a hole and cry, but you got up and carried on with your pony. Well done and keep going xx
 
You always take my breath away with how brave you have been thru all you've been thru' . Glad today was a better day...you deserve all the luck in the world...
 
Just wanted to say:

1) Think you are amazing
2) Good luck in your lesson tomorrow - relax and enjoy
3) Cucumber slices are great but for swollen, piggy eyes but I hope you never again need them :)
 
ok. I dont kow you and you dot know me. what i see is a very brave and, more importently, strong woman who`s known more physical pain then the vast majority on here. Look at what you have achieved - even today. You need to turn today around and see the positive side. First ride hack out - successful - so what - you got a bit scared, horse got a bit scared but you SURVIVED; you got back to the yard. It`s a hell of a big step to move out of a nice safe schooling arena and out into the big wide world - but you did it and you will do it again. you dont need our sympathy and i wont give it to you even if i knew you. BUT i would give you all the support and help in the world to help you achieve what you want to achieve whether its with horses or something else.tomorrow is another day and the next hack out WILL be better. good luck and take care.x
 
Great you've ridden again today :) See you are gutsy. You will have blips but they'll be few and far between so please concentrate on the positive things and what you've acheived so far.

Regular updates would be nice and photos of you and Ebony. I love IDs infact, got one myself.
 
well the saying "laugh and the whole world laughs with you ,cry and you cry alone" is not really true as you have me welling up :(

i cannot even imagine what your going through and haven't seen your other posts but i really feel for you
chin up it won't always be this bad ,go back to your comfort zone and take baby steps to get your mojo back and like others have said think of the positives and try not to dwell on the scary parts of your day

practice ,practice ,practice the time with your horse that you enjoy and can do with her on your own and build from there
you will find a way to over come the parts that you can't yet do with her you just need to get some grit and determination back
good luck and take care x
 
Pick the phone up and talk to your instructor, he / she will know you and your horse well and will be able to give some rational advice and get you back on track,.....remember leg or no leg, riders will always have wobbles !

tomorrow is another day !
 
Yay! Go you!! The point of it all is to tell the bad days to stick it where the sun don't shine, and have a great time with the good ones. :o)
 
I hardly ever post on peoples personal or horse issues as i feel a bit of a fraud if i dont know them well stupid i know, and you had so many replies but i have read alot of your posts.

My dad is a real hard old fashioned type strated racing late in life is probably one of the oldest point to point riders had a couple of years off with cancer hoping to get back if he can pass physical he is early 70s now,crazy i know.

I dont normally mention much of forum stuff to him not his thing,hes just a buckle down and get on with it type but i did tell him about you and some of your posts mainly because i was amazed by you.

I have to say it takes alot to impress him but you did :eek: and that is no mean feat so you should realise how well you are doing and be proud of yourself, one step at a time if you have an off day so what you have achieved more than most people can.
 
Dear EbonyAllen ,please forgive me for not even looking at your post till now. I read only the title and dismissed it as the ramblings of some ungratefull teenager. I am so sorry!I learnt to love and respect horses ,to care for them and ride them, at a little stables in Ewell ,Surrey. My entire life was changed for the better by this experience. The YO was (he is sadley long gone ,but I miss his advice)a man called Bill"shep" Balman. .I learnt the right way of doing things from him . Sorry I am rambling,what is the point of my post ? Well shep had the same disadvantage as you but ULTIMATELY" the point of it all is what you leave and give to others . I got so much from this man . I wonder if he ever realised. On a practical note ID s are a very strange breed . They are far smarter than mere horses. (well so I am informed by my own ID ,Bob the "not a "cob)You do need to talk to them a lot, especialy when they are worried. And a pat on the neck goes a long way (though taking my hands off the reins at that point takes a certain amount of will)Talk to your mare ,explain the problem .I know this sounds awfully NH and Horse communicator,but its not .Its pure Bill Balman and it will help you.
 
Hi EbonyAllen..I read your post this morning but didn't have time to reply then..you have been on my mind all day! To be even back sitting on your horse so soon after your op, and the emotional stress you must have been through this past few months is AMAZING!!

So glad you have had a better day today :) Wish I lived near you so I could maybe go on little rides out with you, short and sweet, with my big bombproof girl..I lead my mini shetlands from her she is that steady. She would be quite happy helping to keep your girl calm. But there is no rush, if you are enjoying your schooling more, and so is your horse..well..there is a fantastic thing to enjoy, you should be feeling very proud of yourself indeed :) I'm so impressed by you and your openness, and to be honest, the fact that you are mobile and even thinking of getting on your horse right now has inspired me no end..I need to get my a**e in gear big time and ride my beloved girl more, no excuses..I just need to get up earlier and get on with it. If you can school your horse, I have absolutely no excuse!

Sorry you had some frights on your hack..if I had been riding out with you, with respect to your riding companion, I would have tried only to stay on quiet tracks and not gone far the first few times, to give you and your girl chance to get your confidence up..I like to stay safe over anything else, I'm too old and stiff and had my own health problems to be taking risks lol and try to make things as safe as possible for me and my horse and anybody else who might be riding out..Wish we could go for a few potters.

You are amazing,most would struggle to be even walking after what you had to go through..never mind horse riding. Please keep us posted on how you go, you have a lot of support and admiration on this board. For good reason.Hugs :) xx
 
I'm surprised to read this post and I hope people don't hunt me down and shoot me for this but suck it up and put ur survivor head back on. I have followed ur posts and even I know that after all u have dealt with u are far stronger than this. U will have rubbish days. We all do. Remember u and ur horse love each other. The road thing will have been scary but she does not do it every time so crack on with the schooling which sounds like it went well and start again with short poddle down the road. U are a much stronger person than ur post suggests. Please remember that and be brave so u can enjoy ur horse. U have come too far and love her too much to get upset for long by 1 horrid scary hack. Will be thinking of u while I ride today and hoping u manage to enjoy a ride too. X
 
Everyone has said all I wanted to and you have woken up feeling brighter and better so alls well that ends well. You are a total inspiration as everyone has said. You have fought your biggest battle - everything that comes after will pale into insignificance :) xx
 
We all have down times, and tough days, believe me, I know!!! I have learnt to accept the down times, they are part of life and you need to just run with them until the good days come along.
After all, if we didnt have bad days, the good days wont seem quite as satisfying!
 
I am so glad to read that you have started to feel better. It is very easy to get down when you have so many challenges slung at you. I dont have the same challenges just battles to keep quality vision and I have done the major grizzling not a pretty sight and I can never understand why tears wreck your eyes. If I have a grizzling session I cant drive for a good 12 hours as my eyes are b round thing'd with ollo in it.

Anyway to the point of my post those of us who arent near you cant come round and give you a hug or a smack on the bum so why dont you set yourself up a blog and post all the good and the bad so we could follow cry with you and waggle fingers. Just a thought.

You are doing so well so keep stubborn.

My eyesight issue is Keratoconus and one of the consultants said of us KCers :

"If you operate on cataracts on a normal patient they say thank you doctor I can read my knitting patterns now. If you operate on a KCer they say thank you doctor is my eyesight good enough for me to take my pilots licence now?"

So never give up never give in and must of all be stubborn.;)
 
Flibble, sorry to hear of your problems,everyone has different issues to deal with in life which test us all.I had never really thought of a blog due to the fact I never really thought anyone would be interested in hearing about it. You have given me food for thought.You take care of yourself. :)
 
You are nice I find that sometimes just blogging is therapeutic you just have to not blog anything you dont want to share globally.

I have my down times but then kick myself up the butt I can see fine with my right eye if I have my special lens in (well enough to drive anyway) but my left eye is what I call my washing up eye so if I ever get an eye infection or hay fever in my right eye I panic - lots.

So basically my love if you can keep your chin up and get on with your riding with what you have to put up with why on earth cant the rest of us.
 
Oh crikey, chin up - even us "able bodies" have crappy days! I am sometimes have a good old cry because I think I am being an idiot trying to do the family, kids, horses, ponies, full time job etc etc thing!

Would I be completely out of order asking whether or not Ebony is the right horse for you? He doesn't sound that easy??

Best of luck x
 
I havent read the other replys.

poor you, what a tough time.

As much as you love your horse maybe she isnt right for you, could you find another more suitible horses?
This has nothing to do with your health, it can happen to anyone.

Could you find a sharer to help?
What about going to your local riding school or even RDA, they will be able to help.
They will have suitible horses and help you have fun again!

Good luck
 
So sorry to read this, I read one of your other posts and honestly thought 'wow this woman is amazing!!'

We all have really rubbish days, but you need to think about how many good days you've had so far, and what you've achieved!! You really are amazing and an inspiration, please don't let it beat u!!! :o
 
I have to agree with the many people who have already expressed their admiration at what you have acheived. You have overcome great difficulties to continue doing something you love, that takes real guts and strength of character. You were right to open up and express your feelings, now talk to your instructor, talk to your more experienced horsey friends, perhaps see if you can contact other disabled riders in your area, I am sure people will be happy to offer you their support, advice, and practical assistance if they can. It might be a good idea to stick to the activities you feel most comfortable with for a short while to rebuild your confidence, then gradually work towards hacking out again in small steps, treat it like you would if you are schooling a young horse, don't move onto the next step until you are comfortable with what you are doing. Remind yourself everyday that you are an amazing person who has already overcome many difficulties, and that given time there is no reason that you will not continue to overcome any difficulties that life throws at you, be kind to yourself - you are allowed bad days, you are allowed a few tears along the way, but stay focussed on your goal and believe in yourself and I am certain you will continue to enjoy riding for a long time to come.
 
This is going off at a tangent a bit - but have you ever considered learning to ride sidesaddle? I read an article about amputees finding it much easier, Because the pommel offers a lot of security etc. And you don't need equal strength/balance in both legs.

Maybe it would be worth contacting the British Side Saddle Association to find out more?
 
boxcarhorse said:
This is going off at a tangent a bit - but have you ever considered learning to ride sidesaddle? I read an article about amputees finding it much easier, Because the pommel offers a lot of security etc. And you don't need equal strength/balance in both legs.

Maybe it would be worth contacting the British Side Saddle Association to find out more?
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Thank you, this has been suggested on here to me before, but it has alot to do with money or the lack of it really, that I have not been able to take this further but thanks again for time to answer my post
 
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