I have to sell my pony

[Leo Walker]

Bobbie has to be sold. I'm losing my sight and I cant find any way I can keep a pony when I'm blind. I thought I had more time, but I lose my driving licence in 3 weeks and the prognosis for my vision is beyond poor. I'm suicidal with grief and misery and having a very hard time coming to terms with this, but it has to be done. The only thing keeping me going right now is focusing on getting her into the right home. I cant loan her as I cant have her coming back from loan at a future date when I cant physically cope with it which makes it harder. How do I find the right person? I dont care about money, I just want her in a long term home with someone who will love her and appreciate her.

I dont think I can cope with advertising her, I'm so heartbroken I can barely write this and theres no way I could speak to someone on the phone about her. I'm worried if I send her on sales livery I lose control of who she goes to, but maybe I'm just making excuses. I dont know what will happen to me once shes gone, I suspect I'm heading for some sort of breakdown as my life is pretty miserable with pain and mobility issues and I've relied on the horses to keep me going. I just dont really have anything else, and if I cant see there arent many things I will be able to do. Life barely feels worth living a lot of the time now but without the pony I have nothing and the thought of it is unbearable.

There is no help available from the NHS. They feel very sorry for me and dont know how I am coping, but there is no resources other than a community outreach nurse, who will be in touch in approx 8 weeks. I've not been able to go to work and quite frankly I dont care anymore. A few more weeks of working isnt going to make much difference. I'm in no state to manage it right now.

My friends are trying to support me but its not helping me having people say "oh you cant sell her, you love her" etc, etc. I've had to deal with lots of well meaning offers of help which dont change anything and just leave me saying thank you and having to explain it all over again upsetting me more and more every time. My partner also feels very sorry for me, but seems to be in denial that its happening. He seems to think this is because I dont really fancy going back to work after I've been on holiday I've tried to talk to him about money and how we are going to manage with one wage but hes avoiding it and i'm struggling to be able to talk about it. I think we will probably manage to keep the house, but its going to be a massive struggle financially so whilst I dont care about the money I get for her, I probably should.

I just dont even know where to start or how I can possibly do this.

 

[Cinnamontoast]

I’m so sorry to read this, love. I thought it was all stable and not going to deteriorate. I can’t help, I wish I could, but I reckon you could find her a beautiful home via someone on here. She’s the type that loads of people are looking for. Big hugs, I’m GUTTED for you. 😢

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

Oh my god, I am so sorry. You have already been through so much since I have been on the forum.

I sincerely hope that someone on here is able to help you find a great home for Bobbie.

((HUGS))

 

[bonny]

I’m just so sorry to hear your news, nothing anyone can say is going to help with your predicament but I just wanted to offer my sympathy x

 

[chaps89]

I'm so so sorry this is happening for you.
If selling her is your only option then you have really set her up for success and a good chance of finding a good home.
For getting a horsey fix going forwards is the RDA able to help?
Have you been in touch with any of the charities like RNIB about going through this, I'm sure they must be able to offer support and/or advice.
Please be gentle on yourself, this must be a horrendously hard time for you.

 

[albeg]

So sorry to read this LW.

I hope someone on here is able to help find Bobbie a new home.

 

[Snitch]

Awe Leo, I’m so sorry. It all sounds incredibly difficult. I’m sure your friends don’t intend to make you feel worse. It’s hard to know what to say that will help you to feel a bit better.
Really horrible situation and I’m sorry.

 

[kinnygirl1]

Really sorry to read this and I don't know that anything I can think of to say will help but I can't read and run. Life is terribly unfair at times. Your girl seems so lovely perhaps word of mouth alone will find her a special home? Maybe if you just mention at your local pony/riding club or where you take her driving? Finding her the right home may give you some peace of mind but I hope you can still find a way of spending some time with horses to help you cope with everything. Thinking of you.

 

[GreyMane]

So very sorry to read this.
Sending a hug (( )) and best wishes
This page is for the RNIB Sight Loss Counselling team, maybe they could offer you and your partner some support
https://www.rnib.org.uk/services-we-offer-advice-and-support-services/sight-loss-counselling-team

 

[Celtic Fringe]

My heart goes out to you.

I'm sure that other people here will have good suggestions but is it worth contacting one of the charities e.g. WHW to see if they could help re-home Bobbie for you? She sounds like the sort that would be fairly easy to place and that way a charity would retain ownership and you could be reassured about her future? It may be a long-shot but at least worth an email?

I'm sure it is the last thing on your mind at the moment but don't assume this is the end of your contact with horses. I've known a couple of adults who lost their sight but rode regularly with the RDA, and of course there may be opportunities for driving if there is a suitable centre near you.

Thinking of you.

 

[oldie48]

Oh my dear girl I wish I could put my arms around you and give you a big hug, but I can't so just try to imagine it. Life is so bloody unfair and i can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. I guess your partner is really struggling too. when really difficult times hit us, it brings both the best and the worst out in us and we all flounder around trying to find a way to cope and keep our head above water. If you need to find a new home for Bobbie, then you will. From what i have read about her she is a nice pony and a credit to you and you will have given her a doorway to a good life and that is really important. The future looks bleak to you at the moment but it could well feel very different in the future. My thoughts and good wishes are with you. xx

 

[Lammy]

Awww Leo I’m so sorry to hear this ☹️ I will keep my ear to ground if I know of anyone looking for a nice sane pony, you’ve stood her in good stead for the rest of her life you need to remember that.
A friend at work was looking for a LWVTB which Bobbie might fit, I’ll talk to her to see if she’s in a position to buy.

And if really needed I would be happy to ask if I could have her at my place and look after her until the right new home is found x

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I am so sorry to see this. I wish I could offer you some practical help but I can't think how.

 

[TPO]

I'm really sorry to read this post LW, I had no idea what you've been going through.

I'm sure you've already considered this option but would your local RDA take her on as a driving horse? Carriage driving is really popular at the local RDAs here. That way you could still visit her and have horses in your life. I'm positive they will have strategies in place for partially sighted/blind equestrians.

Is there an organisation that you can contact about the financial aspects? I know Marie curie provide access to financial advice for their patients so do hope there was something similar from others.

If there is anything that I can do to help please PM. Not just words, if I can help I will. Thinking of you

 

[Leo Walker]

My heart goes out to you.

I'm sure that other people here will have good suggestions but is it worth contacting one of the charities e.g. WHW to see if they could help re-home Bobbie for you? She sounds like the sort that would be fairly easy to place and that way a charity would retain ownership and you could be reassured about her future? It may be a long-shot but at least worth an email?

I'm sure it is the last thing on your mind at the moment but don't assume this is the end of your contact with horses. I've known a couple of adults who lost their sight but rode regularly with the RDA, and of course there may be opportunities for driving if there is a suitable centre near you.

Thinking of you.

I've looked into it, it would just be me sitting in a carriage being driven around and sometimes being allowed to drive with false reins and someone else sitting next to me holding the reins. It sounds really petulant but I couldnt bear it. I'm not overly keen on driving out and plodding along now, I just do it as a means to an end.

 

[Leo Walker]

Shes not experienced enough to do RDA work. Shes a good pony but she hasnt been driving long and they need to be rock steady in any situation no matter what, and while I think she would be, I couldnt guarantee it, and thats not good enough when they have people strapped in in their wheelchairs and similar, or I would have liked that for her.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Shes not experienced enough to do RDA work. Shes a good pony but she hasnt been driving long and they need to be rock steady in any situation no matter what, and while I think she would be, I couldnt guarantee it, and thats not good enough when they have people strapped in in their wheelchairs and similar, or I would have liked that for her.

No horse can be guaranteed to be 100% safe, RDA groups have procedures in place and special equipment to mitigate any problems. It would certainly be worth talking to local groups if you would like her to go there.

 

[Jules111]

I'm so sorry to read this. I don't know your history so I apologise if i'm covering things you've already tried, I promise i'm only advising this because so many people do not take up the support they are entitled to.

1, Your disability does not mean you should loose your job. Your employer is obliged to actively work with you to try to find reasonable adjustments that could help you to remain in work. There is no real legal definition of "reasonable" but there is a great deal of disability support available out there that might help to keep you working in a way that is comfortable for you. Software such as JAWS can keep people who with severe sight impedements in work for many years. There are often options and your employer must work through them with you.

2, There are benefits available for people with disabilities. PIP is available for disabled people and there is a way of completing the application that can make the process much easier. If you haven't already claimed please do so and if you'd like more help feel free to PM me and i'd be more than happy to give advice. It is not means tested, you can claim this even if you are working full time. Once PIP is in place there is also Carer's Allowance available if there is anybody who could support you with care.

3, It may be (it is for so many) that by claiming the benefits that you are entitled to you have more choices, for example having more money available could enable you to pay for help for you to keep Bobby. God knows the horses who give us so much stress are also our greatest source of therapy.

If you'd like benefit advice feel free to get in touch and big hugs, you must be going through such a difficult time.

 

[HiPo'sHuman]

I don't want to sound insensitive but all isn't lost re horses - a lady who's blind has been having lessons at a local riding school and is even jumping and hacking out! I know a guy who's blind and he owns a Shetland, has also had a cob too. He does have some help from people at the yard but does a lot himself, even goes out to shows etc.

Please take care, really sorry that you're going through this.

 

[GreyMane]

Have you heard of Barry Hook in Andover, Hants?
Maybe he could help you search for a new owner - if that is what you decide.
If I was in your situation I'd be calling him for sure.
http://www.horsedrawnpromotions.com/

 

[honetpot]

There is someone near me that seems to do a really good job carraige driving, they post videos of FB of what they are doing with them, they take ponies for training, and the ponies look happy and willing. If you really feel you must sell perhaps someone like that would find a suitable home. You are not that far away from me to come and collect and take her there.
I have been talking to a friend today who is in the depths of dispair through the consquences of ill health. There is nothing anyone can say to 'cheer you up' and I can understand you not wanting to be nannied. Having had one of my ponies broken to drive you have more bottle than me.
Perhaps once you get your slate clear you will feel more settled. So if you need any help just shout, even if just putting her in a paddock to give you a bit of breathing space.

 

[Leo Walker]

I'm so sorry to read this. I don't know your history so I apologise if i'm covering things you've already tried, I promise i'm only advising this because so many people do not take up the support they are entitled to.

1, Your disability does not mean you should loose your job. Your employer is obliged to actively work with you to try to find reasonable adjustments that could help you to remain in work. There is no real legal definition of "reasonable" but there is a great deal of disability support available out there that might help to keep you working in a way that is comfortable for you. Software such as JAWS can keep people who with severe sight impedements in work for many years. There are often options and your employer must work through them with you.

2, There are benefits available for people with disabilities. PIP is available for disabled people and there is a way of completing the application that can make the process much easier. If you haven't already claimed please do so and if you'd like more help feel free to PM me and i'd be more than happy to give advice. It is not means tested, you can claim this even if you are working full time. Once PIP is in place there is also Carer's Allowance available if there is anybody who could support you with care.

3, It may be (it is for so many) that by claiming the benefits that you are entitled to you have more choices, for example having more money available could enable you to pay for help for you to keep Bobby. God knows the horses who give us so much stress are also our greatest source of therapy.

If you'd like benefit advice feel free to get in touch and big hugs, you must be going through such a difficult time.

I've not been able to say anything as it was going to a tribunal but I wont be able to do that now. Work discriminated against me for an extended period of time, a grievance was ignored and they failed to engage with ACAS and refused mediation via early reconcilliation. The next step was a tribunal as they are trying to push me back into a job analysing graphs for 9 hours a day. They know I am physically not capable of this and dont care. I am pretty sure being on the sick again now will trigger the absence procedures and I will be sacked. I know its not legal, but that hasnt stopped any of this happening so far.

My legal cover has refused to pay out so I was going to try and represent myself as it was really important to me. Quite frankly I dont care anymore. The stress of it all has contributed the issues with my eyes. Hindsight is amazing, but I should have walked away the very first time they did this to me. I didnt and all that time I wasted is gone now.

I cant see how I can possibly manage to work anyway. I struggle already but with sight loss in both eyes which is what is happening now, I'm blind in the right and the left is deteriorating, on top of everything else, even if I could force them to keep me on, I cant do it anymore.

I understand about PIP and have got the forms here, but I cant bring myself to start the fight with them for a couple of hundred quid a month. My friend had her interview a month ago and was utterly traumatised by them, and was then turned down anyway! Benefits and PIP combined wont come to a quarter of my salary anyway.

I have people who will help me with her, but to what end? Im far too fat to ride her and I get no pleasure from riding as it causes me such a lot of pain, thats why I started driving. I cannot drive blind, its not safe. I'd be paying to keep her for other people to look after her. I wont be able to afford to keep her anyway so its a moot point.

I've been over and over and over and over all the possible scenarios and options. I am so very desperate I would have done anything remotely feasible, but I'm out of options.

Now I just need to focus on the things i can control, which is getting her into the right home. I dont care about anything else right now. I very much doubt I will ever care about anything else ever again, but I do care about this and I just dont know how or even if I can do it.

 

[Leo Walker]

I’m so sorry to read this, love. I thought it was all stable and not going to deteriorate. I can’t help, I wish I could, but I reckon you could find her a beautiful home via someone on here. She’s the type that loads of people are looking for. Big hugs, I’m GUTTED for you. 😢

The consultant told me it was stable and discharged me, which is why I bought her. From December onwards I knew it wasnt and kept going back and being sent away. In February my right eye severely hemorrhaged. No one cares. They told me it wasnt related to the issues I'd had since December. They are lying but theres nothing I can do.

They treated the left eye again and now that cannot have any more treatment. The right eye still hasnt healed and its unlikely it will now. They arent interested in treating it in any way. A small bleed has now started in the left eye. Nothing can be done about it. There are no treatment options. I've had a second and third opinion, none of whom seem to care or agree on anything other than I am going to go blind.

Ironically I pass the tests for driving but I only have a 3yr restricted licence on medical grounds. It runs out in 3 weeks and wont be renewed. Once the sight starts to be impaired in the left eye I wont be able to see enough to drive anyway.

 

[DabDab]

Oh LW, I'm so sorry, life is so desperately unfair xx
You sound (understandably) completely a sixes and sevens atm, so you need to find a way to take the pressure off. There are people who will help you write an advert and field phone calls if you're finding it all too much, or alternatively could you get in contact with the people that broke her to drive and ask them for help?

If you're resolved to walk away from your job and just draw a line then do it quickly so that it's one less thing to stress you out. But you need to find the strength (or accept help from friends who can be strong for you), to claim every benefit that you are entitled to and get in contact with charities that can offer you support, even if that is just in the form of someone who understands what you're going through.

Thinking of you xx

 

[ozpoz]

I'm so very sorry to read this.
Now, you have to tackle one thing at a time. Start by contacting the Advocacy Society - they will have someone to help you before and through the tribunal - it is just a process and is about your employer more than you.

The RNIB is also a very good idea. Take up Jules111 offer of help with benefits and just go through the process. It is much easier to do with someone knowledgable.

Bobbie is a gorgeous pony and you have done so well with her - you'll be able to pick the best of homes for her.
I know it feels very bleak now - everyone here is willing you on past this horrible phase. xx

 

[Shay]

You could try contacting FRU - The Free Representation Unit. http://www.thefru.org.uk/ They provide free representation for Tribunals etc. And I would echo contacting the RNIB and the RDA. The RDA may still be able to take Bobby if you want - just talk to them.

 

[Sandstone1]

Im sorry you are in this position. Maybe look in to taking some advice as others have said.
guide dogs may be able to help as they do much more for visually impaired people than just guide dogs.
It may be worth contacting them.
As for your pony, blind and partially sighted people do ride and drive too.
im not suggesting it would be easy but maybe a share arrangement with someone might work?

 

[Rumtytum]

I feel for you from the bottom of my heart

 

[Red-1]

I am so sorry to her this, just when we thought you were on the up.

I would say to take a breath for a period like 2 weeks. You won't be in any position to make any decisions right now. Just leave the details and have a bit of time to draw breath. It my give you space to process the information so you can make decisions once the 2 weeks are up.

 

[Chappie]

I'm devastated for you, LW.
I've not posted much on the forum but you've replied to my queries and are always so kind, helpful and are obviously massively knowledgeable. I love reading your posts as your girl looks very much like my loan cob.
I wish I could help you practically - if I lived nearby I'd offer in any way I could, but unfortunately I'm in the northern wilds.
I feel desperately sad for your situation - like others have said you'll have no problem finding the most excellent of homes for Bobbie, that doesn't bring comfort to letting her go I know but it's good to know you can take your pick carefully, and it's thanks to your investment in her that you can do that. As mentioned the centre who broke her to drive could help, or folks on your yard - members on here too possibly.
I can only imagine how much pain you are in right now and there seems no way forward, but please do make contact for support, because there will be help available. Your GP and those on the medical side could advise where to get help with benefits and get you started with that, and the charities mentioned above are there to help you. Once practical help is in place you will feel a bit more secure. I know it's too much to think of just now but you could possibly get involved with guide dogs and have that in your life, or the RDA in future if you felt like it.
I've had some dark times in my life but am still here, trundling along my path; I'd say just take it day by day and take help that is offered. Thinking of you x