I hope I'm doing the right thing! :(

Some of these replies are so insensitive! Poor OP having to read this with what she is going through. What good will it do to the Horse if the OP is going to be very upset. Horses pick up on these things. If you have been able to stay with your Horse to the end, then well done you. But OP shouldn't HAVE to do anything. It is a personal choice.

Op very sorry for that little outburst! Only you know what you can handle. I beleive you are making the right choice and i'm so sorry you are losing him :( chin up!
 
LaurenBay said:
Some of these replies are so insensitive! Poor OP having to read this with what she is going through. What good will it do to the Horse if the OP is going to be very upset. Horses pick up on these things. If you have been able to stay with your Horse to the end, then well done you. But OP shouldn't HAVE to do anything. It is a personal choice.

Op very sorry for that little outburst! Only you know what you can handle. I beleive you are making the right choice and i'm so sorry you are losing him :( chin up!
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This, definately ^^^^^

I had my old Standardbred boy PTS last year and was with him til the very end, he died with his head on my lap, literally and I dont regret it for a second. However I did find the whole thing very traumatic to be honest, and like yourself I suffer from depression. My best friend who loved my boy as much as me was also there and she doesnt regret it either.
But honestly hon, dont beat yourself up about it. There is no right or wrong, you have to do what you feel is right, just think it through carefully before you choose. Huge hugs to you, will keep you in my thoughts :(
 
I think its the right decision for you....

I guess its fortunate he is on loan and you do have the option of walking away.

It was horrible when my horse was PTS, but I can still remember him munching a haynet, and galloping around the field.

Good and bad times, rough with the smooth. Its part of horse ownership.
 
I don't think it's necessary to be there as the needle goes in but I do think it's important in his last few days that you give him the same care that he has had up until now. That's why I don't think handing him over on Sunday is the best thing for him.

Sorry, it's hard enough without posting about it on a forum and getting answers that you didn't want.:(
 
OP you titled the thread 'I hope I'm doing the righ thing :(', which means you are not sure, or you are uncomfortable with your choice. No one has given nasty answers, just been honest. So for my answer. Many years ago a loan horse that I took on from a friend because he had dumped every rider that had got on him, but for some reason, I was able to sit his enormous buck. All was well for about a year, until he develped a technique that would get me off. From a totally relaxed walk he would put in an enormous buck and step backwards as he landed. Even if someone had counted me down from ten for that buck I couldn't have sat it. When finally he knocked me out at a show jumping event (I always laned on my head), I decided to send him back. Sadly, before he went he sustained a kick in the field and never recovered. Xrays showed no fracture etc. His owners travelled him back to see their own vet and he was PTS. I was releaved I didn't have to be there and I don't regret it. His owner had had him far longer than me and loved him more than I did, I'll be honest. So much as I was sad at the time, as I did really like him, I didn't LOVE him. However, another horse that went to my sister, I totally and utterly adored. I had three horses at the time and had to downsize and knew she adored him too and he could have the best home ever and I would know how he was doing. A year after he went, He broke his leg in the field and had to be PTS. My sister was visiting me at the time so NEITHER of us were there for him and that took a dreadful toll on the both of us. Truly terrible, and guilty, even though we had no choice.

And finally, when it's my mare's turn to go, I will do everything in my power to be there for her. Much as it would be easier not to watch her die, I would do it for her, and because I could not do anything but be there with her.

So for me, it boils down to how much I love that horse, how important it is for me to be there.
 
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I'm surprised by a lot of the replies on here. It's the OP's choice and she's made it and needs support.

She's said that the owner will be with the horse so he's not going to be held by a stranger!

TBH - I sometimes have to ask my YO or a friend to be with my horse while he sees the vet for check-ups etc. My mare has been to the vets and stayed there all day on her own with the vets scanning her, etc. Providing the horse isn't usually upset by vets/farriers, etc (most aren't) then I don't see an issue with an owner/loaner not being there at the very end. As many people regularly say on here - it's all over so quickly with the injection and the horse has no clue what is happening anyway.

I think that in his case, the only person who might lose out here is the OP but she knows herself better than we do and deserves support for making a difficult decision (to be there or not) at a difficult time.
 
I'm quite suprised at a lot of the answers too. It doesn't matter, it doesn't reflect how much you love them and it doesn't leave you full of guilt if you don't go! Although people on this thread seem to be trying to make sure it does!

I adore my horses, but will no way be there when they are PTS, I will have my lovely calm friend be there like last time. I had enough problem holding myself together when the ponies were sold! The horse deserves dignity and calm, not someone trying not to cry because they've convinced themselves its better for the horse if they're with them.

OP hope you're ok and this thread hasn't hurt you.x
 
Amaranta that's so insensitive.....it's an individuals choice and not up to anybody else to judge. How does th OP know how she'll be until put in the situation? Saying poor boy,like OP is in the wrong, is out if order imo !
 
Anthropomorphism! The OP is handing the horse over to his owner who also loves him dearly. He's staying in familiar surroundings with someone he knows. As far as the horse is concerned it's just another vet and just another injection.

If the OP feels she can't handle being there, so be it.

Tough times OP, I feel for you.
 
He knows the vet aswell as she has her horses on our yard aswell and he's always been okay with her. Thanks for some on the nice replies I really do appreciate it x
 
Some of the people commenting seen to think that the horse has human feelings. He is not a child and he will not be thinking "Oh God, I'm so nervous where's mummy?" Horses just simply do not think like that. For all he knows he's having a blood test done. At the end of the day OP, once he's gone he's gone, if you are there you will have to picture it for the rest of your life. Hugs x
 
Thankyou freddiesgal, the last thing I want to remember abou Alfie is him dead :(

I don't know what I'm going to do without him, I feel like im loosing a part of me :(
 
I cant believe that anyone thinks it is any animals best interest to have a stressed out/upset person who they trust holding them at anytime-surely the animal picks up on fear from those they trust more than those they dont, if so rather than a reassuring confident person being there and giving confidence to the animal in its last moments it too is stressed and worried?
 
Box_Of_Frogs said:
Sorry but owning an animal isn't all pink and fluffy. There's good times and bad, in sickness and in health etc etc etc. Ask yourself who you're doing this for, him or yourself? Would he be more reassured if someone he knows and trusts is standing holding his lead rope and stroking his neck and just loving him, or a virtual stranger. I think you're doing it for you, not him. You can still remember him munching his haynet but how can you !!


This.....it's the hard way but it's the responsible way! A big growing curve for you....good luck.
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FreddiesGal said:
Some of the people commenting seen to think that the horse has human feelings. He is not a child and he will not be thinking "Oh God, I'm so nervous where's mummy?" Horses just simply do not think like that. For all he knows he's having a blood test done. At the end of the day OP, once he's gone he's gone, if you are there you will have to picture it for the rest of your life. Hugs x
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Of course the horse doesn't feel things in the same way we do....however he does read our body language far better than we can imagine....and humans give off emotional signals all the time!!
 
FulshawGirl said:
I'm still handing him over back to her on Sunday. Having being diagnosed with depression previous to getting Alfie and Alfie helping me get over life's problems I cannot let myself get ill again. His owner loves him just as much as I do and he does remember her and has a strong bond with her aswell as me. Shes had him since he was 4 years old and he's now 18 so I think he'll be in the right hands. As for not knowing what day it'll keep my mind at peace, yes I will be wondering what the next text will be but at least I'll know he's in a better place.

I'm heartbroken Alfie is my best friend and I am going to miss him so much so please, horrible comments are not wanted here. Thankyou.
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None of the comments have been horrible.

People have been kind enough to tell you of their own experiences, which is hard and hurts, and how they view the situation.

Your thread title says you hope you're doing the right thing, which in itself invites comment from all points of view. In a later post you qualify with how long the owner has had him and that they have a strong bond, which may well alter people's view, but they will have responded on the info the opening post gave.

A number of us on here have had to have a beloved animal put to sleep, some of us more than one, so we do have an idea of what we're talking about from our point of view.
 
Omg. So much judging. If the OP does not wish to be there then so be it. I took my horse to the vets to have her put down and the vets, my parents and the yard told me not to stay. So I didn't. I didn't even drive past the knackers truck either. My last memories are of happy days and knowing she was cowing down a net at the vets and the caring staff who were practically crying along with me would care for her
 
FG do what is right for both of you. If you are not going to be able to hold it together then don't be there it will only upset and worry him. You are making the right decision by accepting how you will be and the effect it will have on him. I lost my previous horse to GS. When I was with him and upset he was worried, when I was fine so was he. I knew I couldn't hold it together when the deed was done so I chose not to be there so he didn't go worried about me. My choice and I still believe it was the right one. In tears just typing this as he meant the world to me. You are doing the right thing by not being there.
 
Alyth said:
Of course the horse doesn't feel things in the same way we do....however he does read our body language far better than we can imagine....and humans give off emotional signals all the time!!
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Exactly! So surely if the OP is going to be there nervous, upset and scared, the last think the horse wants is to pick up on that!
 
lucemoose said:
Omg. So much judging. If the OP does not wish to be there then so be it. I took my horse to the vets to have her put down and the vets, my parents and the yard told me not to stay. So I didn't. I didn't even drive past the knackers truck either. My last memories are of happy days and knowing she was cowing down a net at the vets and the caring staff who were practically crying along with me would care for her
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I don't see anyone judging. :confused: I for one have given an example of when I chose not to be there, when I couldn't be there, and when I would move heaven and earth to be there. The OP should not have posted this thread and indicated that she is not sure she is doing the right thing if she only wanted people to say that she was. Look at the thread title. Look at the opening post where she does not state how bonded the owner is with the horse, just that she is going to hand him over for his owner 'to deal with'. If she had, instead said that the owner had a much closer bond to the horse etc, then answers would be different.
 
Crimbowitch said:
The only thing that matters to me is that the right thing is being done for the horse.
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Exactly, which is why IMHO the management of the horse should not change in the last few days but that the OP has no need to be there for the injection if she's not able to keep it together.
 
Op should do what SHE thinks is best and she should be NOT be made to feel guilty for whatever she decides. I wonder how people in NL climb down from their massive, huge, sky high horses sometimes!
 
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