I just don't want to ride any more. Anyone got over this?

KatPT said:
I was midway through the backing process when my little girl died. She was 39 so I imagine the grief was somewhat less than you feel now, but never the less I loved her and she wasn't ready to go (her eye ruptured through an ulcer that wouldn't heal and at 39 removal wasn't an option). I lost my 16 year old dog just months before so was already grieving fory best friend. I chucked my boy out in the field, gave him hugs and cuddles and cried into his neck and didn't get back on him for 6 months. Riding when I felt like that wouldn't have been fair to him. Don't pressure yourself, there will come a day when you are desperate to get back on, until that happens just give yourself a break.
Click to expand...

Thank you. Sorry to hear about you losses. They really do break our hearts. I am pleased that you are back riding again. Gives me hope I will regain my enthusiasm.
 
Pinkvboots said:
Its normal to feel like this I felt a bit the same when my first mare was pts, I did have my Sisters youngster I was riding at the time so felt like I just had to get on with it, and for a while I just missed her so much and riding him was a bit of a chore, but I think without having him I would have felt much worse and I learnt to really love him and my Sister gave him to me a few months down the line, I wouldnt be without him now love him to bits so believe me you will get it back just give yourself time x
Click to expand...

That's a lovely story. Thank you.

VickyP said:
I've been through this, but not caused by the loss of a horse but a particularly bad yard situation where I lost confidence in all areas of my life. Not only the horsey bit! I kept the plot together for my old girl who needs regular gentle exrecise, but my lovely ex racer just got shoved on the walker or anything else rather than ride him, through no fault of his own. Happily a yard and people change got me back on track and despite being chivvied along and pushed by people previously to no effect, I just started when I felt better. It was a decision that nobody else could have made for me, I just evolved and got back on. Don't beat yourself up, it's your choice and it sounds like you are doing a great job of looking after the horses in your care so you have nothing to apologise for. Look after yourself.
Click to expand...

Thank you. I have strangely maintained my enthusiasm for all things horsey and still really enjoy looking after the yard, even though I am often really tired and sometimes feel I need a break. But just the riding bit has 'gone'. And that's supposed to be the best bit.
 
KatPT said:
I was midway through the backing process when my little girl died. She was 39 so I imagine the grief was somewhat less than you feel now, but never the less I loved her and she wasn't ready to go (her eye ruptured through an ulcer that wouldn't heal and at 39 removal wasn't an option). I lost my 16 year old dog just months before so was already grieving fory best friend. I chucked my boy out in the field, gave him hugs and cuddles and cried into his neck and didn't get back on him for 6 months. Riding when I felt like that wouldn't have been fair to him. Don't pressure yourself, there will come a day when you are desperate to get back on, until that happens just give yourself a break.
Click to expand...
That's so sad. That story just made me realise why I'm not in a riding frame of mind at the moment too - I lost my dad in October, followed by my old Labrador in December. The weather turned wet and miserable and I have lost the get up and go. I still love my boys dearly, but don't have the oomph to ride at the moment. I guess it will come back, probably when the weather bucks up. Horses are out 24/7 so are oblivious!
 
Yes for 12 years I didn't ride. Then got the right animal and the desire is as strong as ever. Think you will be very keen once the time comes for your own and this is connected to that particular horse/time of year etc. don't worry.
 
It's winter, it's miserable, you're still grieving. There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you are. Take the pressure off. Why should you ride? Sounds like you're getting enough exercise looking after 8 so you're not being lazy. Your youngster does not need backing this year, you can leave her another year and it won't hurt her, and you've taken the pressure off yourself. I rarely want to ride anything other than my own horse, and sometimes I don't feel like riding her, and that is fine! I do however spend a lot of time with my horse doing groundwork (although not much in this weather) so I still have the enjoyment of being with her. Why not look into doing some horse agility with your youngster? You get your special time with your horse, it's fun, there's nor pressure, it's great training for if/when you start riding. But you don't HAVE to ride. Horses did not evolve to have a human on their backs, if you never ride again it's fine. If you want to ride again it's fine too. It's upto you and only you.
 
When I lost my boy I couldn't face being back in the saddle. While I did ride once or twice just after he was gone, it just didn't feel right and I had well over a year break.

This time last year I bit the bullet and helped out sharing friends horses, but it got to end of summer and while I enjoyed hacking out in my free time, I wasn't getting the buzz from horses I knew I once felt so sadly stopped sharing. A few weeks later I saw a youngster advertised for sale; I'd always wanted something young to see through to backing and beyond. We are miles away from getting her backed, I have started to re-kindle my love of having a horse once again, and despite the awful weather recently there is no pressure to ride (we are just doing ground work/de-spooking etc)... I even enjoy mucking out again! lol
 
MrsD123 said:
I think you are probably suffering from overwork and the fact that you no longer have some "me time" to balance the work. I used to love working with racehorses, the mix of riding and other things suited me perfectly, but I worked 45 hours per week and six days per week [give or take], 40 weeks per year, so that I had time off, and I was not a YO, heaven forbid!
See if you can find someone to help you out .......... I would jump at the chance to have one or two days a week messing about in a properly run yard, sadly there are none of those round here!
Click to expand...

I would agree with this. The closest I've felt to not wanting to ride was when I was trying to balance running a yard, going out to teach, and riding the training horses. I could physically do it but it wore me down and sucked all the fun out of it. I closed up and went to work for a high end yard, riding and teaching, with time off and money for facilities and other people to share the load. It was pivotal.

I see so many bitter people in horses and it's because they've become slaves to the industry. Don't. Remember what brought you to wanting to work with horses in the first place, what made it worthwhile and try to get some of that back.

Or quit. Or do something different. People change jobs and careers all the time in this world - there is no reason people who work in horses have to stick it out if it's not working.

Right now it's winter and you're grieving, so probably not the best time to be making decisions. You pretty much just have to put your head down until spring no matter what, so give it some time and see how you feel in a couple of months.
 
Last edited:
Thanks everyone. It is good to realise I am not alone in this but that many have felt the same way and somehow managed to get their love of riding back. Hopefully I will too as I really want to find that riding bond again. I was always one who preferred riding my own horses best. I would ride others because I was paid to. Now I would do it if I had to s part of my job, but not because I wanted to. I think I will take up the kind offers of rides when my work starts to drop off slightly in the summer because I will see it as a means to an end, to getting me riding fit again and ready to lightly back my filly (so long as she's big enough by then as I'm 10 stone. May have to find a lightweight jockey for a while.
 
Wagtail - there's nothing wrong with not wanting to ride. The day I had Rebel PTS - I got home from saying my goodbyes, and the phone rang and it was the vet from Glasgow Vet hospital saying that Blue was diagnosed with navicular, PSLD, arthritis and bilateral spavin and I was told the prognosis was poor with a return to ridden work unlikely. It was a double whammy in one day. I brought her home from hospital a few days later and didn't want to ride ever again. I couldn't face riding a horse that wasn't Rebel and I "gave up" riding. As far as I was concerned that was the end of it. I did ride a Connemara on the yard a couple of times but I hated it. I got no enjoyment and after that just made excuses not to ride. It was about six months later that I started long-reining Blue out on the roads for some exercise and then eventually I sat on her again, just to see how it went. I still hated every second, it was a chore. I loved looking after the horses, but didn't want to ride. Eventually I started riding Blue out at weekends with a friend - just very short rides at first of about 30 minutes, and then we seemed to build the time up - just chatting about other stuff. It's built up from there really and I now ride Blue and Kenzi my youngster regularly. I enjoy it more than I did, but in all honesty even now, if I never rode again, I wouldn't care. What I'm trying to say is you will get back into it, over time, but it will take a long time and may never be the same as it was - still good, just different. Don't feel pressure to ride - take your time.
 
I can hand on heart say that not only have I regained my enthusiasm but that riding my pony is now the one thing that is guaranteed to put a big grin on my face. Last year I rode at 5am, worked one job from 8am til 5pm, did ponies then taught fitness classes until 10pm. Even though they were all things I loved it took a massive toll on me. It was only when I was forced to give up the fitness instructing side that I realised just how exhausted I was. It's definitely worth seeing if there is a way to take even a little of the pressure off. At least you know we are all around on here, even if it's just a little moral rather than physical support.
 
I quit riding-- and really thought I would never ride again. I quit after a divorce, a move, and change of job- I managed to hang on to one of my horses through all that, but going to the yard to ride just seemed to stir up a lot of pain and memories of how much I had lost and how much it hurt. I changed yards-- twice-- it did not matter. I did not want to ride, which was a weird thing to realise-- as it had been such a big part of my life. I tried telling myself that part of my life was over, and to start again, without horses, doing something new. I missed it all in a way horribly-- but it just made me so sad at the same time--- that I could not enjoy it. Well-- time has moved on-- and my horse is being delivered to me at the end of the week. =) and I cannot wait. I am not sorry I walked away from it when I needed to---but I am darn glad that I found the courage to come back to it as well!!!

Grief and old memories can spring up at strange times and places-- be patient with yourself- give yourself time and room to do what you need to take care of yourself.
 
Wagtail, no wonder you feel as you do after what you went through with your mare. I know how that kind of pain affects you because I gave up riding for 25 years after the horse I loved (but did not own) was put down. I just didnt have the heart for it. I was only 17 at the time and perhaps I would have gone back to it after a couple of years if all the other things in life had not intervened. But I have never felt the same way about a horse since. Recently too I lost my mojo after a relationship breakup - wondered if I would ever want to ride again TBH - all just seemed too much trouble - but I found Bilbo 4 weeks ago and I am so enjoying him and now remember why it is all such fun. I do think its the combination of a little spark in your (if I can call it that) 'riding libido' and the right horse. Hopefully that's your youngster but you never know, it might be another horse and if it is do trust your instincts. For now, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel what you feel without 'shoulds' or 'musts'. x x
 
I know how you feel, I lost my 3 horses in a fortnight, didn't go near a horse for 3 months, then went and bought a foal lol (so still no riding) , he was 3 1/2 and just started to break him in when found out I was pregnant, so turned him away, year later I ended up selling him as wasn't fair on him as didn't have enough time for him, rode a couple of times but can take it or leave it, daughter has a pony now, can't afford two, and not bothered if I ride or not (plenty of offers of horses too ride)
 
I've been away from here and hadn't realised you lost your mare. So sorry Wagtail.

As far as the riding, you will when you want. Right now during the winter it's near enough impossible to find mojo. Especially given the cirumstances. You will probably ride again but don't stress about it. As far as your friend be nice but firm. Just say I'm taking a break at the moment and enjoying it.

Terri
 
I'm sorry that you are still struggling with your loss. A riding break will do you good. Dont feel pressured into riding for the sake of keeping others happy. During the summer you will probably get restless and want to get up, and if you do, make sure you get on an enjoyable horse!

If livery persists, just tell them you don't gel with their horse.
 
Sorry to hear you tale of woe. Just to let you know you might get the 'itch' back - I have roughed mine off for the winter am glad as I too was/am exhausted and all the mud...however, some people hacked past yesterday and I thought 'hmm'...today I have long-reined one in preparation for riding at some point (will keep it up now probably)...I also stopped riding for a while when I lost a mare I had from a foal, broke myself etc and then bought a youngster to show in hand - you don't HAVE to ride it's not obligatory ! (())
 
Just a little update. I bought myself some nice new riding boots to try to motivate me. Today the sun was shining. I had my son to empty my wheelbarrows for me (so I had a bit more energy), and I rode TWO horses. Only for 15 minutes each as I was absolutely knackered! I am slim and fit but riding is just something else, I am totally exhausted. One of my liveries has a new horse and he is just my type, so I'm going to try to get on him on days when I have more energy. But just how long will it take to get my riding fitness back?

I am debating whether to ride a third horse later. But maybe I'll be regretting it tomorrow!
 
Wagtail said:
Just a little update. I bought myself some nice new riding boots to try to motivate me. Today the sun was shining. I had my son to empty my wheelbarrows for me (so I had a bit more energy), and I rode TWO horses. Only for 15 minutes each as I was absolutely knackered! I am slim and fit but riding is just something else, I am totally exhausted. One of my liveries has a new horse and he is just my type, so I'm going to try to get on him on days when I have more energy. But just how long will it take to get my riding fitness back?

I am debating whether to ride a third horse later. But maybe I'll be regretting it tomorrow!
Click to expand...

Great to hear this. Bet you're going to ache tomorrow!
 
mayb eyou need a bit of a break, can you get some help on the yard and have some time away from the horses? even if you did a few hrs each morning and had some time away from it all each afternoon for a few weeks.

maybe a holiday with your new horses, just walking out with her away from the stress and day to day repetitiveness of yard chores, new scenery will give her a lot to think about and may create more of a bond between you as she will have to look to you for confidence and reassurance.

you have said before how pleased you are with your new mare but I think we all realise that it is tough to create a new bond with another after losing something so special. try taking both of you out of your comfort zones to make you a partnership.

I had my mare for for nearly 4 yrs before I rode her and it was not till I rode her that I really bonded with her-she had always trusted me and would follow me anywhere and do anything I asked but never had to trust in her till I sat in that saddle and she is amazing-i really enjoy her now.
 
When I lost my horse I didn't want to ride....in fact TBH I don't enjoy riding as much as I used to, even though I have a lovely horse. Well- three in fact as I can also ride daughters and OH's.
I think I compare too much to my old lad...who wasnt perfect but I knew him inside out.
I enjoy it when I do ride but currently im forcing myself....the weather is not helping either.
 
Wagtail i have decided not through loss of my horse but due to not being asked to hang up my boots for the time being, i would just rather muck out, groom, lunge and thats it, maybe i will ride again next year
 
twiggy2 said:
mayb eyou need a bit of a break, can you get some help on the yard and have some time away from the horses? even if you did a few hrs each morning and had some time away from it all each afternoon for a few weeks.

maybe a holiday with your new horses, just walking out with her away from the stress and day to day repetitiveness of yard chores, new scenery will give her a lot to think about and may create more of a bond between you as she will have to look to you for confidence and reassurance.

you have said before how pleased you are with your new mare but I think we all realise that it is tough to create a new bond with another after losing something so special. try taking both of you out of your comfort zones to make you a partnership.

I had my mare for for nearly 4 yrs before I rode her and it was not till I rode her that I really bonded with her-she had always trusted me and would follow me anywhere and do anything I asked but never had to trust in her till I sat in that saddle and she is amazing-i really enjoy her now.
Click to expand...

I do agree regarding the bonding and riding thing. I think there is something about riding a horse that brings you closer than you can ever be not riding. I think the strong bond I had with my mare was because we had a terrible time at first when hacking alone. But I overcame her nappiness by getting off her and leading her past scary things and then became quite adept at getting on whilst she was walking or even trotting in circles around me because she was still wound up. But we got there in the end.
 
Wagtail said:
Since I lost my mare, who I loved so much and I am still grieving quite badly. I have never been anywhere near this bad when an animal has died before. I am functioning well and running my yard. All horses are well cared for and loved. I have a new filly who is just amazing, but I don't want to ride any more! I especially don't want to ride one horse whose owner keeps trying to get me to ride. I am worn out from single handedly caring for 8 horses and riding just leaves me exhausted with no energy left for all the chores I have to do. In fact I haven't PROPERLY ridden for 6 months other than a 15 minute sit on a fabulous dressage horse. So I am worried I will 'lose it' but don't feel I should ride unless I get my mojo back.

But even though I keep telling people I do not intend to ride again until the Spring why does one person keep trying to get me to ride her horse? I have never liked riding him and never will. If I do decide to ride a horse it will be one that does not have his issues. But I don't want to hurt her feelings. I love the horse, but just hate riding him :(

And then I worry that I'll never want to ride again. I wonder if I bought a 2 year old just to put off having to ride again. If I had my old mare back I would want to ride, but other than her, I just don't want to any more. Has anyone else ever fet like this, and did you get over it?
Click to expand...

Give yourself full permission to not ride. You have perfectly valid reasons to feel the way you do and allow yourself as much time as you need. Perhaps when this dreadful winters gone you'll feel better in the spring.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top