i just need to talk

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babymare

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As some may know i am soon to have my beautiful mare pts. I clear in my head it is right but it hurts so much. More than have ever felt. Im happy round baby so she doesnt pick up on my pain but tonight after bathing her i leant across her back and sobbed at the memories. the memories of the day i knew i had won her shattered trust . of the joy when i first sat on her a place i nevet thought i would be the first hack where a soft hand and quiet word soothed her fear. the day the vet told me she was going blind. so many memories of a friendship where she helped me out of an abusive relationship . it hurts so much . im sirry its but so depressing but i just need to say it as it hard to talk to others around me x
 
So, so sorry babymare. Can feel your hurt through your words. You are doing the right thing and she has been and still is loved. x x
 
Your love for her shows in every word you have written. I am so sorry you are going through this. Will be thinking of you. xx
 
I've not been through this (luckily) but it must be horrid. Have you heard of this new BHS scheme - I wonder if this might be helpful to you? Friends at the end. Was mentioned in HHO recently I think.

mailto:friendsattheend@bhs.org.uk
 
Hi Babymare. coming to terms with the loss of something that means a lot to us takes time and you are still grieving for your mare and that's perfectly natural. You gave her something special and in return you got something special back, you have been very fortunate to have that relationship, it is something to be treasured. You will start to feel better able to cope with her loss, it just takes time. Try to remember all the good times you had together and feel lucky that you both found each other, even if that time was cut short, it was better than never at all.
 
Aw so sorry to hear of your sad loss.It's so hard when you have loved so much,then have to let go.Your feelings are perfectly natural and make you very human.Your time together was a journey replete with many positives,so remember all of those good times and the fact you were lucky to have your mares love. x
 
Of often wonder if theres a god cause if there is he knew we needed each other that day i saw her by chance. she so badly needed me then but i needed her so soon to. I knew the decision is right but its so painful. my oh is caring but there is only so much i can say . friends are kind but cant understand. my only solace is she camefrom a life of abuse so frightened and stressed and untrusting to find happiness never hearing a raised voice or hand in 7 years. but thank you for caring and your words. it does help to talk here thank you xxx
 
You talk away as much as you like. I can only think of what you are going through at the moment,heart goes out to you at the horrid time. Every hors deserves to be loved and she truly is that we can all see, and it takes a very brave person to do the right thing remember that love never dies, take care x
 
I don't know her story or what is wrong with her that she needs to be PTS but if she is suffering then it is for the best. However, it's never going to be easy I have only been through this with old animals who deteriorated quite rapidly ad the decision was almost made for us really Therefore I can only imagine how hard it must be to make the decision if that is not the case :(
 
Baby is 15 and half blind . due to her past life where she was battered and(but i proved wrong)dangerous and unrideable she is incredibly stressful which i have always managed with routine routine routine. but due to life changes 18 months ago i had to move 45 miles from her. with help i hoped it would work. but it hasnt her sight has got worse has as her stress. to move her would cause her to go back to where she was . she is so so stressful. yes i could try but the yards here are restritive and individual grazing both would be torture to baby and there would be no big lad next to her. there is more to my decsision but basiciall y I had to put baby first. i would rather she left the herd where she is happy and fall asleep. i know her sight will worsen 3 years ago i knew we were on borrowed time but how do you tell your horse it took 37 years of being around horses to find that "one"horse that as inspired you that as amazed you with her forgiving nature. that showed you with tiny stepps its ok to trust again. her legacy will always be my life now. thank you x x
 
Oh I am so sorry, it is such an awful thing to have to say goodbye when they must go. But every story has an ending, and this is hers - and it's not a bad one, is it? She will go having been dearly beloved, cared for to the last and most importantly knowing nothing but peace, peace at last. You have my deepest sympathy.
 
These things are never ever easy, doesn't matter how many years you have either owned or been round horses, and people cope in different ways. But think on about what she's taught you that you can pass onto other people that find horses like Baby. I had a mare who suffered badly from sweet itch, when I bought she was also classed as dangerous, would have to muzzle her so the farrier could trim her feet, in the 11 years I owned she went from a dangerous animal to one(the sweet itch permitting) that was nearly normal as she also go stressed badly, as you said routine routine, routine, worked wonders, I had her put down last October and I just think of her being at peace no more dreadful itching and trying to rub herself raw, just grazing out in a large meadow and no midges.
 
My mare was put down yesterday - she was just too broken to fix :( Like you I feel just odd - relief she is out of pain,guilty because I feel the relief and just sad and heartbroken she had to go at the age of 9. Surround yourself with people - my friends have been awesome in the last 24 hrs and be around your other horse. My other one who is normally very aloof came and just stood over me in the field today - didn't nudge for treats or view me with any suspicion just more of a 'im here ' way
 
Thank you everyone for your words. its help to talk on here to be understood thank you. esp as was asked tonight "why you having feet trimmed tuesday when having her pts " cause i care. Just because. What can you say to that. thats what turned me to a sobbing wreck. but thank you all for listening to my rramblings thank you x x x
 
I cried at my farrier when he said this - it wasn't set in stone that he was going when she was due so I asked for her to be done as normal and he turned around and said 'why when she may not be here next week ' needless to say he was made to do her feet. Ramble away its good to remember them - been reminisicing in a major way today - trying to remember the good times not the bad. Im sure yours was forever thankful you found each other and of the years you had together
 
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