I know I'm being a Wuss

3OldPonies

3OldPonies

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OK, I am feeling like such a wimp - please help me someone!

My old boy and I need to get out and about, for both our sakes - but I'm having a bit of a confidence crisis! We can go up and down our short lane OK but I want to go further and am just feeling plain inadequate (not helped by a lot of uber-confident horsey neighbours who make me feel a right muppet for being so nervy). Anyone got any bright ideas for how I can get over my (pretty stupid) nerves and get back to my confident self?

I can't ride in the field as it's too boggy and he always misbehaves in what he thinks of as his play area (which put us both out of sorts) and I don't have a nice safe school to ride in.
 
Is there anyone that can go with you? Even if they walk next to you? I find that I can overcome my nerves a little when I'm feeling worried simply by talking to someone about something non-horsey related whilst I'm riding. It'll help control your breathing and take your mind off things.

Just take your ride a little further each time and try to only remember the positives about each ride out you have. Don't dwell on any little bad points and your confidence will soon begin to improve.
 
Can you take him somewhere for a lesson - would let you see what he is like when out and about, but not the nerves of a show (for you). Do you have a friendly local riding club - I know that my local one does lots of clinics and lessons that are very popular and cater for all abilities. And ignore the over confident neighbours - almost all riders I know have had a confidence crisis at some time - some people are just better at hiding it ( I am the biggest nervous nelly at my yard). If you do decide to go for lessons, try to talk to the RI before you get there, to explain what it is you are worried about and I'm sure they will be more than happy to help you. Good luck - I'm sure by the summer you will be out there at lots of local shows.
 
Thanks Horseymumma and LIZ66. I like idea of just going a little further each time, I think that is something I can genuinely work on. And thanks also for the support, deep down I know that I should ignore the others, but it's so difficult at times, especially when there's a group of them, or they're telling me about the latest rosette in their collection.

I think the lesson idea is also great, but for now I think that might a bit more than my feelings can handle, it is another something to work towards when I can get beyond the end of the lane! Once I get beyond there and re-discover the old secure feelings I'm sure things will improve in leaps and bounds and I can start to think about lessons and shows and other outings.
 
I've been through much the same, after an unlucky incident out on the roads a while back. I started again, just leading and having a nice amble with the boy. It's a good confidence-builder and I think creates mutual trust too.

Once we'd done it with no tigers jumping out of the bushes, we did a small outing in the saddle. Gradually extended the scope of the outings.

Two things that helped me: firstly, only extend your comfort zone a bit at a time. The second thing that made me feel better (but I am weird) was that I did the first few little hacks with no stirrups; I inexplicably cope better in a spook or tension when my legs are extended and relaxed against his sides ... maybe this is something to do with making me more relaxed, and in turn he's more chilled.

Hope you're soon whizzing around the countryside confidently! It will come, with patience.
 
Ancient Hacker said:
I've been through much the same, after an unlucky incident out on the roads a while back. I started again, just leading and having a nice amble with the boy. It's a good confidence-builder and I think creates mutual trust too.

Once we'd done it with no tigers jumping out of the bushes, we did a small outing in the saddle. Gradually extended the scope of the outings.

Two things that helped me: firstly, only extend your comfort zone a bit at a time. The second thing that made me feel better (but I am weird) was that I did the first few little hacks with no stirrups; I inexplicably cope better in a spook or tension when my legs are extended and relaxed against his sides ... maybe this is something to do with making me more relaxed, and in turn he's more chilled.

Hope you're soon whizzing around the countryside confidently! It will come, with patience.
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This is great advice, and for the record, I prefer hacking with my feet out of the stirrups as well! And I agree with your explanation for this! :)
 
Ancient Hacker and Smokey - did you have your stirrups on the saddle while you were riding without? I may give this a go - I had loads of lunge lessons without stirrups yonks ago and have sometimes found since, in more confident times, that if I've found myself in peril I've actually 'lost' my stirrups and felt better. Hadn't thought to try this on our little outings but I may well do so now - you've brought back better feelings already with this suggestion.
 
Well, you can see from my name that I learned to ride in what my kids call "the olden days". Even though we have always used safety stirrups, on outrides the rule we were given was to drop our stirrups if we felt we were at risk of falling off. It may well be simply because a child we knew had been dragged and died, but I've always followed that rule when out. The other thing is that we lived on a very large farm with very few fences to stop a galloping horse, so we were very tuned in to how far and fast a runaway horse could take us!

What I have found is that when I've dropped my stirrups (horse prancing or whatever) I've stayed on almost 100 percent of the time, and it may be a combination of psychological and physiological issues. Every now and then my bigger horse forgets his manners, as he's a bit spooky and prancy, and we both calm down when I drop the stirrups and sit long and deep.

This may work for me, but it doesn't mean it works for everyone. Perhaps try it in the arena first, if you're not accustomed to much work without stirrups.
I think it's most important to take your riding out very slowly, just gently adding to your "bravery" incrementally. Because it has to be FUN! Let us know how you get along
PS What horseymumma says: breathing!!
 
do you have a non horsey friend or a horsey friend who doesnt have one who would go out with you riding a bike? my lad loved following a bike, better than a nanny horse and my friend knew less than me:D i was comfortable to say when I'd done enough and she never disagreed, she thought I was brave just for getting on, he heee. really got my confidence up when my lad took to spinning for home and we talked about non horse stuff.
 
That's interesting ancient hacker cos I've seen international show jumpers kick away their stirrups when horse is stressy following a refusal or something obv helps chill them out.
 
The first few times I took idiotpony out on hacks alone, I'd get off and lead at any point I felt unsure, or felt that he was a bit nervous.
I have no shame in admitting that, even though loads of people told me I should always stay on. He was a young pony but would willingly follow anyone/horse past something he found a bit spooky, the day we found a mattress in the woods, I got off, led him back and forth past it, so he could see it in both eyes, stopped him so he could sniff it, gave him a polo then got on and rode him past it and praised him lots. He never flinched at it after that. Even when the local kids moved it to torch.
Eventually we got enough courage in each other to face things without me getting off, even uberspooky plastic bags.
 
Nosey said:
That's interesting ancient hacker cos I've seen international show jumpers kick away their stirrups when horse is stressy following a refusal or something obv helps chill them out.
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Nosey, that's interesting - I had never noticed that (need to get out more maybe ;))

You reminded me of the most fantastic advice i got very recently when riding with a friend who has had a long career in show jumping. Horse was spooking and prancing in the field, so I dropped my stirrups and at the same time my friend shouted "just SLUMP". It worked beautifully, and I'm not sure how it took me decades to learn that bit of wisdom. Obviously it depends on the horse and rider, but I think I tense up at the first hint of madness, which exacerbates the prancing. I am working on being a more relaxed rider....
 
Did anything happen to make you feel like this?
Or has it been a gradual loss of confidence?

I agree with the earlier poster, stop beating yourself up about riding. Go back to basics, walk him out, rebuild your relationship and most of all, ignore the people who are making you feel bad.

I used to know somebody who seemed to be going through something like this. I could not understand why they wouldn't just forget the riding for a while and just take the pony for long walks. Instead, the pony plays up and it's an immediate return to the stable and then next time it was even harder.
 
3OldPonies said:
Ancient Hacker and Smokey - did you have your stirrups on the saddle while you were riding without? I may give this a go - I had loads of lunge lessons without stirrups yonks ago and have sometimes found since, in more confident times, that if I've found myself in peril I've actually 'lost' my stirrups and felt better. Hadn't thought to try this on our little outings but I may well do so now - you've brought back better feelings already with this suggestion.
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Yes, always have stirrups on the saddle, I ride with them for about 10 minutes, then the feet come out. I find when I use them, I am so busy concentrating on my lower leg, I can't relax. Leave my legs to do their own thing and I feel so much more secure! :)
 
Horseymumma said:
Is there anyone that can go with you? Even if they walk next to you? I find that I can overcome my nerves a little when I'm feeling worried simply by talking to someone about something non-horsey related whilst I'm riding. It'll help control your breathing and take your mind off things.

Just take your ride a little further each time and try to only remember the positives about each ride out you have. Don't dwell on any little bad points and your confidence will soon begin to improve.
Click to expand...

Agreed! Find someone nice and understanding to ride out with you. Get them to go first if your boy starts to act up and perhaps lunge him a bit before you leave so he is more settled and not so excited?

It can be really scary riding out on your own and almost impossible to not let your horse know how you feel but try to remember to breath, acknowledge how you feel and picture how you want to feel.
 
Thanks everyone - I'm starting to feel better and a bit more confident already. I'm definitely going to give some of your suggestions a go - I'm really fed up with feeling as I have been. Time to 'woman up' and get on with it!
 
I am just as much of a wuss myself when it comes to hacking out alone. Last summer I found a small circular route and we did that alone quite a few times - early in the morning when there is less around.

I felt as though I had won Badminton on my first ever solo expedition around it!!!!

I have been bad though as I have not gone out alone all over the winter - this is my summer thing to crack.

I think everyone's advice is really really good - and I would say loads of riders have at some time had a confidence issue, over different things, and if they haven't, they may well do in the future.
 
I have a similar problem, years ago i had a close call while cantering on a hack, won't go into all the details but it has plagued me ever since.
We have 300 acres off road to ride on and i walk, trot, canter her all over that, i go on the roads on my own fine but the mere thought of taking her to the local common is filling me with dread.

One day i will go with someone sensible (and sensible horse) but i need to learn to control how i feel inside. I know that after doing it once we will be fine it's just that first time. If something happens then so be it it can happen anywhere but i need to get out of my safety bubble when it comes to hacking in open spaces.

It would be great if people could share their tips on getting over these dreads.

Don't listen if people say you shouldn't get off if you get worried. I always think that if your horse respects you from the ground then there is no harm as passing nerves down to him could make him worse. Get off calm down and get back on when ready.
 
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Just reading over this thread, it crossed my mind that a "Reticent rider achievement updates" thread or sticky would be a good thing.

Many, many experienced and even competing riders have their little confidence quirks. I think there are a lot out there, and it would be good to have a place on the forum where like-minded riders could post their milestones and gain encouragement. I'm especially looking forward to hearing of the OP's progress because I have been through precisely the same challenge - and so have many forumites, I'm sure.
 
Thanks once again everyone - I now feel so much better I really want to get on and do something about this now. It has helped so much hearing about your experiences and what worked for you - I'm not feeling anything like such a wuss as I was, so that has to be a good thing. Your support and friendliness is so much appreciated.
 
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