I know it’s early days but having no horse is killing me!

[cblover]

Hi all.....I’m just about a week into loosing Sox to grass sickness. I’m desperately sad and feel cheated but can’t cope without a horse. I feel very guilty even thinking about considering looking for another.

Plus am I brave enough to have another? Has anyone lost a horse and started to look for a replacement shortly after?

 

[Pinkvboots]

Don't feel guilty everyone is different on how they feel and I have known lots of people that feel the need to get another very quickly.

I have been very lucky when I have lost one I have always had at least one other to look after, and I am sure in your position I would be going stir crazy.

Do you have any friends with horses that you could help out with in the meantime, at least then it's at your leisure so no pressure to go all the time.

 

[meleeka]

I totally understand this. Too much time on your hands isn’t always helpful. Just be aware the relationship you had took time to build and you won’t have that with a new one immediately.

 

[Tarragon]

Everyone is different, and if you feel it is the right thing to do, then it probably is! Put out some feelers, perhaps offer to ride other people's horses for a bit, and see what happens. I often think that the right horse will find you.

 

[JackFrost]

Sox will be irreplaceable but there will be others that in their own way can bring you some of the happiness that she did.
I think it's fine to be looking around, because you just never know when the next one will appear.
Sounds like you were a lovely mum to Sox and you could be again for another one. What do you think Sox would want for you?

 

[Bluewaves]

Not quite the same, but i had bad news on my old boy that caused his immediate retirement to the field and bought another within the week. It's taken a while to get used to the newer one but we got there.

 

[Birker2020]

Hi all.....I’m just about a week into loosing Sox to grass sickness. I’m desperately sad and feel cheated but can’t cope without a horse. I feel very guilty even thinking about considering looking for another.

Plus am I brave enough to have another? Has anyone lost a horse and started to look for a replacement shortly after?

I lost four in a row (one horse owner). I lost the four in the space of just under seven years, the first one I'd had for 2.10 years before losing him as a result of an accident on a fun ride. The second horse I had I bought in haste and it was the worst decision of my life, bought him about four weeks after losing Biggles. I lost him 11 months later to a kick in the field. The third one was a dream, had him within about six weeks of the second horse, had him around 2.5 years, he died aged 14 of a heart attack in the field whilst being turned out, the fourth within about 6 weeks again, he was the one I loved the most strangely enough, and he was PTS with incurable wobblers syndrome after owning for 2.8 years Now my present one I bought after 20 days after losing the previous one. None of their deaths was as a result of my negligence, just really bad luck as it so often is with horses. They were all five stage vetted, all passed and all were healthy at the time of their death apart from my Wobblers horse. By horse four I'd had enough, but I went to see this one with a view to it being my very last chance horse - owned nearly 17 years now, she is 23. It was hard to bond as I was convinced that I would lose that one too but in time I came to realise I wouldn't. I loved all of them but I had to move on, I think if you had your own stabling you would give yourself longer, but with a stable on hold on a livery yard and concious that people could use your stable/paddock, its a pressure trying to find something else.

I couldn't be without a horse in my life, and when this one has gone I will be having another one for certain.

None were replaceable, each were loved in their own way, I guess I love my present one more than any due to the amount of time I've had her but because I'd invested so much love in the fourth one and was with him at the end so it cut the deepest as I was never able to be with any of the others at the end of their lives.

For me it was the routine more than anything that I missed, the people, the feeling, the elation of seeing my horse every night after work, etc. I missed having something to cuddle and love and I even missed grooming, riding did not bother me even though I was always out competing every weekend and in the week, it was the reason I'd had horses to compete and it was my passion and I had the disposable income at the time to be able to do this.

It does make you feel guilty looking for another horse but its just something you do, in my case I am compelled to do it to move on.

One thing I will say though is that it's never as much fun finding another horse when you have lost one as it is when you buy your first horse.

 

[Annagain]

I'm so sorry, CBL. I remember that feeling when I lost Eb. He was semi retired and I was considering another when I lost him unexpectedly to colic. Once the shock wore off, it was replaced by guilt (I was convinced he knew I was thinking abut another and decided to go to make things easier for me) and finally boredom. I remember phoning my non-horsey sister after work one day to ask her what 'normal' people did at this time of day. Her answer was "watch Neighbours" which wasn't helpful!

I was lucky in that I had a friend with two horses so I rode hers a bit but I only really wanted to ride Monty, not her mare as she scared me. I knew my friend really wanted to ride Monty herself so within 3 weeks I was looking. I lost Eb on April 5th and Archie arrived on July 5th. I'm not sure I'd have been ready in May, if I'd seen one I liked straight away, but by the time I'd seen a few, I was ready for Archie. (That sounds like I'm a time waster - I'm not, I had every intention of buying them if they were right but they weren't) I did feel a bit guilty about 'replacing' him so soon but I wasn't replacing him as he could never be replaced, I was just filling the Ebony shaped hole in my life. While I knew it was daft for me think that Eb chose to go to make it easier for me to get another, that feeling did make me realise that he wouldn't want me to be moping around after him.

There's no harm in looking - it might take a while to find the right one and you'll know deep down if it's too soon because you'll find reasons not to go to view horses or reasons not to buy them but one day maybe in a month or maybe in a year, the horse and the time will be right. Hugs.

 

[MyBoyChe]

Just because you get another horse doesnt mean you are being in any way disloyal to Sox. As a caring and committed owner you are just the sort of person any horse would be lucky to have. If I were you I would be looking straight away as I couldnt bare to be without at least one to look after. Any newbie will be different to Sox and Scrappy and will find its own place in your heart. Good luck x

 

[Caol Ila]

I panicked when Gypsum was really struggling in January and bought the filly. Gypsum rallied and is ridable at walk, and now I feel like an idiot for buying a 2-year old because of the situation I ended up in, but I honestly could not find anything older of the quality I wanted at a price I could afford. But if I'd bought a five-year old okay-ish cob, it would probably still be at the same yard as Gypsum. The YM at least would not be blaming me for buying a baby.

I'm okay with breaking in youngsters so long as they're not nuts, and this filly is anything but nuts.

You won't feel a connection to it, not immediately. I'm also sad because I don't feel a connection to Hermosa like I do with Gypsum, which I know is totally crazy and irrational because I've had Gypsum for 21 years and the filly for about 12 days. I think everyone must go through that with a new horse, especially if it's your first new horse in a very long time.

However, there is nothing wrong with starting the search now. If I hadn't bought a horse to overlap with Gypsum, I would have started hunting for one immediately after she goes, and I probably would have felt really guilty about it but done it anyway.

 

[Annagain]

You won't feel a connection to it, not immediately. I'm also sad because I don't feel a connection to Hermosa like I do with Gypsum, which I know is totally crazy and irrational because I've had Gypsum for 21 years and the filly for about 12 days. I think everyone must go through that with a new horse, especially if it's your first new horse in a very long time.

This - it took me a good 6 months to feel like Archie was 'mine'. I thought it was because I kept comparing him to Eb, who had developed saint status in my head since he died (in truth he was a bolshy old git, but he was MY bolshy old git) but 15 years on I was in almost the same situation (Archie is still with me but retired) but Arch is now the 'saint' to whom Charlie gets compared - although Charlie is actually easier to ride. Charlie arrived in August and it's only been the last 6 weeks that I've not wished I was riding Archie every time I get on him. I really feel like I've clicked with Charlie now and can't wait for lockdown to life to do things. The timescales are remarkable similar even though the circumstances are slightly different. I don't plan on getting another after Charlie but I know if I do not to worry about that first 6 months.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

You should do what you feel like doing. I was different in that I knew Kia’s time was coming. I’d already made the decision not to put him through another winter, so I bought the wee guy to give me a focus and to help lessen the pain of Kia passing. It did give me a focus but it didn’t lessen the pain. He’s now my delight but he will never replace Kia.

If you want to get another horse then do so, I needed it as a mental anchor, horse time is my happy place and my grounding. Without it I think I would not be as functional as I am.

 

[Andrew657]

Currently in same place as you CB - having had Henry pts ten days ago. Realised at the weekend how big a hole there is in my life. Have started looking at ads - but need to have a time to save up first.

I think for me the forced break will probably be good and help me to decide what I should look for (and whether I really want another but this feeling seems to be growing stronger)

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Hi all.....I’m just about a week into loosing Sox to grass sickness. I’m desperately sad and feel cheated but can’t cope without a horse. I feel very guilty even thinking about considering looking for another.

Plus am I brave enough to have another? Has anyone lost a horse and started to look for a replacement shortly after?

Yes, and when I lost the last one, I really found it hard not to be able to start looking for another. We had already decided that the 2 remaining youngsters would be our last horses, because of our ages but in the past I have always started looking for the next one immediately, even though we have always had others to look after.

Except when we lost our first horse, a gelding, in a field accident. We waited 2 years before buying another but we were at very different stages in our lives then. Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[Flowerofthefen]

Bless you. Getting another so soon is only something you know you can deal with. Beautiful Sox was Sox and cant be replaced so dont feel guilty for thinking if getting another so soon. Horses are in your blood and no one can guarantee how many tomorrows we have. Good luck with whatever you decide xx

 

[Ambers Echo]

Has anyone lost a horse and started to look for a replacement shortly after?

We bought Dolly within a few weeks of losing Ginny and it was the best decision ever. Ginny was loved and is still missed, but there was room in our hearts for another pony.

 

[canteron]

I think it is a compliment to Sox that you would like another horse, so don't feel guilty, there is a horse out there that needs you!

 

[Merrymoles]

I think it is a compliment to Sox that you would like another horse, so don't feel guilty, there is a horse out there that needs you!

Exactly this!

I waited two years after losing mine to colic but that was because we were in the middle of trying to move house etc etc. I coped by riding other people's occasionally but it wasn't the same. My current horse has some similarities but a lot more differences than my old boy but I love him just as much and there is definitely room in your heart for as many as you can afford!

We are also on dog number six as my OH can't bear not having a dog!

 

[Midlifecrisis]

Yep..me. Lost my mare Easter Saturday 2016 (end of March that year) and new mare arrived June 15th. There’s something about structure and outdoors and animals all rolled up into what makes my life ..my life.

 

[Dexter]

If its a planned PTS then I try and buy the new horse first, and if not then ASAP. I'm lost without a horse. I'm not replacing the one I've lost, but I am trying to fill some of the huge gap they leave behind.

In your shoes I'd be looking for an older, established horse that you can get on and have fun with now, without all the worries that come with young horses

 

[Meredith]

Whatever you feel is right, is right. We cannot choose for you and should not influence you.
We all have our own stories and experiences. I have lost over 1/2 a dozen horses over many years and the time I waited before getting another varied each time.
My latest, purchased last autumn, is not special yet. This is because of lockdown all we have done is hack. I am sure in time he will join all the others who have their own special place in my heart.
I hope your next horse gives you all you need.

 

[JulesRules]

If Sox could choose, I bet he'd want another horse to have the opportunity to have the great home he had.

Do what's right for you x

 

[doodle]

I lost 2 in 6months. Went from having 2 horses for years to nothing. My best friend told me to wait. I thought if I didn’t get another soon I never would. I had to wait for insurance to pay out which took a little time. I went to see many horses and none quite suited. I wasn’t getting “that” feel from any of them. I decided I was being silly and would never get the same relationship again. So I bought a horse that on paper suited. I secretly hoped he would fail the vetting. He didn’t. I moved yards and the first day I rode him realised I had made a huge mistake. He hated me, I hated him and he refused to even think about trying to do anything.

My normal instructor was blunt and said this horse would never suit me or do the job. After 2.5 months I moved back to old yard hoping that would help. It didn’t. After 5months my boss said to sell him. It was great, someone had given me permission. He was advertised the next day. Vetted sold and away in the month. He is still with her and utterly adored. At viewing they just stood and cuddled each other!

I then started looking again. Saw one and was not inspired. Saw Robin the next day and instantly fell in love and knew he was “the one”. I was sensible and viewed twice and vetted but really after 3 mins sat on him I knew he would be coming home.

So yes go and look at horses, but don’t settle for something until you get “that” feeling!

 

[webble]

I'm having mine pts tomorrow, I've been looking at others but it feels wrong. If you do look put your big girl pants on and go and view that day it's crazy out there

Sorry for your loss

 

[scats]

Don’t feel guilty at all. It’s not replacing, it’s giving another horse the chance of a good home.

If you are missing having a horse, go and see what’s out there xx

 

[vmac66]

I lost Zac 4 years ago today. It was a, Thursday. I picked my mare up on the Saturday. She did just kind of fall into my lap, a freind knew I'd lost Zac and I casually asked did she know of anything for sale. She said she'd sell me her mare if I wanted her. I just needed something to fill the great big hole Zac had left. I went to see her and brought her home. I didn't particularly like her or want her she, was just a horse. I've had her 4 years now and couldn't imagine life without her
Don't feel guilty, you will never forget Sox but another horse will hopefully make things a little bit easier. Xx

 

[IrishMilo]

I'm having mine pts tomorrow, I've been looking at others but it feels wrong. If you do look put your big girl pants on and go and view that day it's crazy out there

Sorry for your loss

Sorry to hear this - I'll be thinking of you.

 

[Spottyappy]

Everyone is different, as many have said.
Do not, ever,feel guilty that you want another one.
when I lost my homebred boy suddenly to colic,I started to look immediately for another one, and found my heart horse within a month.
when I lost her (also suddenly to colic) I wasn’t sure if I would even get another. Then lockdown happened, and in the middle of the first lockdown, I broke the rules and travelled to buy my new girl, 6 months after loosing my heart horse.

 

[Trouper]

I think the title of your post answers your own question. If having a horse makes life worthwhile (as most on here would agree, I think!!), then start looking. Just don't go looking for "another Sox". Find the best you can and try and use logic to select - not easy, I know.
I never believe that it is 'disrespectful' to find another quickly - a good home is a good home and there are plenty of horses needing one.

 

[ycbm]

I always buy another horse as soon as possible, but not with any expectation of being able to offer the new horse a permanent home, just to fill the gaping great chasm. I work out later whether it's the right horse to stay or not, and if not, find it a home that will love it better than I do.
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