I need to break the news

poiuytrewq

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3 April 2008
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Cotswolds
I have decided to have my gorgeous much loved boy pts
He’s on 2 bute a day and I notice recently not joining in the play or canter over for hay.
keeps resting a hind leg which he never has before.
Had a terrible cough, steroids stop it. Ventipulmin doesn’t touch it. However you can’t long term give steroids and bute.
last summer I alternated. He coughed, we gave steroids, got sore we swapped to bute and so on. It worked.
This year I can’t stop the bute but he needs the steroids. My vet has agreed to give both very short term.
For me and him this means the end can be pain free and easy breathing, this means his old owner can come hug him and that he has a really nice last few weeks. That’s how I want to remember him.
OH on the other hand is going to be so hard to tell. He will make me feel awful.
Its the right decision I think.
OH is very much keep going til the bitter end, I did that once and the guilt is huge.
I’ve messaged his old owners tonight so they can come and see him happy but telling OH is killing me. It’s so hard 😥
 

PurBee

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23 November 2019
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3,638
It’s a hard decision to make to weight everything up, which it sounds like youve done very well and have the comfort of your horse as your priority. We can only do so much to mitigate the discomfort of illnesses, and then we do what’s best to end suffering, because we have that choice.
I used to when younger be a bitter end type person, thinking that is how nature wants to ‘play it out‘ - but that phase didnt last long, as i discovered the bitter end was very bitter, for smaller domesticated animals - so dread to think what its like for a massively heavy animal like a horse to endure the bitter end, when they dont need to. Also i reasoned, if they were in the wild they would hardly make it to the age domestic animals do, and with their illness conditions nature would take them out fairly quickly, as most wild animals rarely survive long with illnesses. So they in domestication have the luxury of enjoying a relatively long life, with us as caring owners having the choice of painlessly ending a life that is now suffering when medication/healing methods no longer benefit.

Sorry you’re facing this, i hope your partner appreciates the difficulty in making such a decision and understands.

Big hug x
 

maggiestar

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30 June 2009
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Brighton
How awful when not everyone is on-board! From what you've said this is absolutely the right decision and you've organised it in such a way as to be humane to everyone involved - horse and human.
I don't have any wise words for your OH as it's something they will have to deal with for themselves but I take my hat off to YOU for taking this emotional and practical responsibility. Wishing you the best!
 

Carrottom

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8 February 2018
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So sorry you have to make this decision, I hope your OH surprises you with his support at a difficult time.
 

View

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30 March 2014
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exiled Glaswegian
I’m sorry, it’s always a hard decision.

I can only suggest that you explain exactly what you have here: that you can let him breathe easily on steroids or have him comfortable on Bute, but you can’t have him breathing easily and comfortable. I would hope OH would realise that is unfair to the old boy and support your decision.
 

poiuytrewq

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3 April 2008
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Cotswolds
I’ve had a lovely message from his old owners who I’m very much friends with since buying him. She totally agreed which makes me feel a lot better.
thank you all for the support. I’m two minds as to wether ti tell him or make out it was unavoidable. He was brilliant last time when it was the only resort but made me feel terrible for even suggesting it beforehand. sadly that point was too far
 

SEL

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25 February 2016
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Buckinghamshire
I can totally empathise with the OH issue - mine has never had pets until he met me so realising that they steal a piece of your heart is all new to him. He completely gets in theory about not letting them suffer but the practical, horrible "it's time" decision is a head in the sand moment.

All I've been able to do is say that it needs to happen and start the process (old owners etc).

I'm so sorry - it's such a rough time even when you know it's the right decision xx
 

fankino04

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7 November 2010
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Location
Wiltshire
So sorry you are having to sort this without the support of your OH, my partner was very head in the sand when our dogs time was coming, I kept bringing up that we were getting to the end and would have to make the call soon and he would keep telling me that we weren't there yet and he was still OK. I had an awful sleepness night dreading telling him in the morning that we were past discussing it and needed to call the vet. I was so worried that I would need to argue with him to effectively "kill my dog" ( that's how it felt without his support). Thankfully when I told him, very matter of factly as he was getting up that I was calling the vet at 8 in the morning to get them to come out for pts that day he just agreed. Hopefully if you have to just tell him what is happening and when he will be OK with it too.
 

babymare

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24 June 2008
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cheshire
I’m so sorry you are facing this. Such a hard decision but you know it’s right. I hope your OH supports you through this but remember you have the virtual support of many on here. Sending you big hugs xx
 

Highmileagecob

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24 December 2021
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610
Location
Wet and windy Pennines
Nothing more I can add, it is a heart breaking decision. I also have a horse who cannot have steroids, they send him straight into laminitis. However, Piriton tablets or the supermarket cetirizine equivalent do a good job of damping down his pollen allergy.
You are right - a horse who separates himself from the herd and doesn't join in is not a happy lad.
 

Winters100

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18 April 2015
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2,133
I really feel for you, it is such a difficult situation. I had the same with our dog, when I told OH that I was having him put to sleep his answer was 'you'd better not', but the dog had been diagnosed with bone cancer, so there was nothing for him but a life of pain.

I asked OH to come to the vet, and when they explained it to him he accepted it. He knows that you love your boy, so you can maybe open a discussion by reminding him that you want the best for your horse, and that you need to put him first. The reality is for animals that very few die a 'good' natural death, if not PTS there is almost always suffering involved. If he really does not come around then I am afraid that you might have to tell him what I told OH, which was that I really wanted us to be in agreement, but that if we were not then I would still go ahead as I was absolutely certain that it was the only kind course of action.

Thinking about you and wishing you strength for this difficult time. It is horrible, but the only thing I can say is that when you look back after some time has passed you will not regret showing your horse this last and greatest respect of letting him go on his way peacefully.
 
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