I need to rant!

[J_sarahd]

This is going to be long. Sorry. And I need to get it off my chest because it’s given me a huge confidence knock (more than my fall on Monday has!!)

From July 2017 until Dec 2018 I was part loaning a Welsh section D called Max. I posted about him a few times. When I first starting loaning him, he tanked whenever he could, especially into jumps. After months of hard work and going right back to basics, we were jumping and last summer we went to loads of workers competitions and even won our first (and now, only) county show and took the championship (still have the trophy for a few more months). We were winning things left, right and centre.

We had a bit of a confidence knock at SSADLs championship workers, which put us back a few months. But I would like to think we worked through it.

Around September, his owner got another rider. She was one of the students at a local vet school and she originally rode a pony on the yard who got sold. I was told she would just be riding him here and there. And that they would NOT be going out anywhere.

I see on Facebook one day that they’ve gone for cross country schooling. It made me jealous, but I was like okay fine whatever. All this time, his owner was convincing me that I was his number one rider and I should still think of him as mine.

Then, I took him for some arena eventing practise. The other rider tagged along to “watch”. Max kept refusing one of the show jumps so his owner said “well he never does this with (the other rider). Get off and let her do it”. I stood my ground and said no and that if I didn’t do it myself, I’d never do it. Then I went up to the cross country fences and he tanked. Badly. Looking back, he was definitely napping to the other pony and it was a vicious cycle of him doing that and me getting more nervous. So I got off and the other rider got on. And I made a joke about Max and all hell broke loose. His owner started shouting at me, despite me saying I didn’t want an argument. I walked away because I basically had a panic attack.

She never apologised for this and kept avoiding me and letting others ride when I was supposed to be riding. Or feeding him when she knew I was going up to ride.

So when I decided to look for my own horse, I couldn’t talk to her in person so I text her. I know that’s bad form, but she wasn’t actually allowing me to talk to her in person. Plus I didn’t want another argument.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, my old instructor told me she’s fallen out with previous riders (she’s had a lot for Max) to get them to stop riding. I didn’t believe it at first but now I’m questioning if that’s what she did to me.

And apparently now she’s saying I’m not a good rider, I’ll ruin Badger and I was never good enough for Max. And saying how this new rider is the best rider Max has ever had. Oh, and I know she’s more than likely been rude about Badger because she only likes Welsh Sec Ds and anything else is just not good enough. She moaned about one of the ponies that arrived when I was there saying it was too slow, too fat, too hairy. And whilst Badger isn’t a Connie, people think he is and she DESPISES connies

Disclaimer: I know if none of this has happened then I wouldn’t have Badger so I am weirdly grateful. I just feel like 1) she was just being fake nice to me all that time and 2) I’m not actually as good a rider as I think I am (even though I don’t think I’m good at all...)

 

[Shay]

Wow - I so feel for you.

One thing you really need around horses (or more precisely their owners) is a thick skin. But it takes time - and some heartache - to develop. I know the advice is easy to offer and really hard to do - but believe in yourself. It doesn't matter if you were good enough for Max - or if his other rider is "better" - whatever that means. There is nothing subjective in this.

I'm a huge believer in "you reap what you sow.." Other folk have noted this behaviour in the other owner. Her actions and what she might say about you or Badger don't harm either of you - but make her look silly and petty. You can't change how she is - but you can change how you respond to her. Succeed despite her - not because of her. And by succeed I mean grow as a person, grow in horse knowledge and grow in what you give to the world. You could win everything or nothing. As long as you and Badger have fun... that is all that matters.

And I know it is easy to say....

 

[LaurenBay]

And breathe......

In all honesty, just ignore her and enjoy your new Horse. No need to get so angry over comments you know aren't true, it sounds like you did well with Max also. Concentrate on your own Horse and have a blast.

 

[Fransurrey]

There is a saying which applies here. The people who matter, don't mind. The people who mind, don't matter. Forget her and move on (FWIW, I would have moved on after the eventing practise argument).

 

[eggs]

Just ignore her and enjoy Badger. It doesn't really matter what horses she likes or dislikes as long as you like the one you are riding.

 

[J_sarahd]

Wow - I so feel for you.

One thing you really need around horses (or more precisely their owners) is a thick skin. But it takes time - and some heartache - to develop. I know the advice is easy to offer and really hard to do - but believe in yourself. It doesn't matter if you were good enough for Max - or if his other rider is "better" - whatever that means. There is nothing subjective in this.

I'm a huge believer in "you reap what you sow.." Other folk have noted this behaviour in the other owner. Her actions and what she might say about you or Badger don't harm either of you - but make her look silly and petty. You can't change how she is - but you can change how you respond to her. Succeed despite her - not because of her. And by succeed I mean grow as a person, grow in horse knowledge and grow in what you give to the world. You could win everything or nothing. As long as you and Badger have fun... that is all that matters.

And I know it is easy to say....

Thing is, I’ve had my fair share of bitchiness in the equestrian world but this knocked me for six. But thank you - I will definitely try and believe in myself. When I look at how far Max and I came, I do believe in myself and I know I can transfer that over to Badger. But then hearing she’s said that sort of made me question everything.

I like the bit you said about succeeding despite her, not because of her!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Are you still on the same yard? If not, you don't need to have anything to do with Max's owner, so block her from any social media and don't let any-one share anything of hers with you or of yours with her. You can be pretty sure that after a while she will treat he new rider in just the same way that she has treated you and others before you, just be glad that you are out of it now and enjoy Badger for what he is - yours!

 

[J_sarahd]

And breathe......

In all honesty, just ignore her and enjoy your new Horse. No need to get so angry over comments you know aren't true, it sounds like you did well with Max also. Concentrate on your own Horse and have a blast.

Hah sorry, when I start ranting, I get carried away.

Thank you. I know I need to focus on enjoying Badger more than her comments. Part of me is just thinking what is she saying about my ability to own a 5 year old. Oh isn’t anxiety a brilliant thing!

 

[J_sarahd]

There is a saying which applies here. The people who matter, don't mind. The people who mind, don't matter. Forget her and move on (FWIW, I would have moved on after the eventing practise argument).

I love this!! Also, in hindsight, you’re right I should’ve left after the argument. But I loved max so much that I wanted to try and make it work.

 

[J_sarahd]

Are you still on the same yard? If not, you don't need to have anything to do with Max's owner, so block her from any social media and don't let any-one share anything of hers with you or of yours with her. You can be pretty sure that after a while she will treat he new rider in just the same way that she has treated you and others before you, just be glad that you are out of it now and enjoy Badger for what he is - yours!

I’m not, but I’m still very good friends with a couple of people at that yard. I’ve deleted her from Facebook. But I just keep thinking of the comments. You’re right, actually. I genuinely didn’t think that she’d treat her as badly as she treated me once she’s bored of her.

 

[littlefluffball]

Karma is a wonderful thing. Things with this new rider might just not work out quite as well as expected and she will realise she has made a mistake. Everything gets better intime. Chin up

 

[awelshandawarmblood]

Forget her & enjoy your new one! Which leads me to say . . . . PHOTOS OF BADGER PLEASE!

 

[Red-1]

There is no excuse for shouting at you, but I can kind of see how she may be upset if you make a joke about Max when he was refusing.

OH's Charlie Horse was the kind of saint that we would let anyone ride, one child ride him as her first horse (as opposed to a pony) and 30 minutes later she went clear round a course of 1.20. Other adult novices were nannied round 70cm clear rounds. Other people did their first competitive dressage while he held their hands.

If he had refused I would have been upset enough, but if the rider made a joke concerning it being due to Charlie, well I would not have shouted, but that rider would not have been invited back.

That did happen twice, one rider borrowed him for a clinic and the clinician asked her to assess him. She could not say anything nice about him! The clinician even commented on that, and asked her to say something nice, and she could only think of his colour. I was incandescent. By the end of the session she was enthusing about his half pass as though she had taught him that. He was actually a successful eventer with BD points too, and well capable of half pass and all sorts of twiddly bits. Trying the be kind, I like to think she was so crass as she was nervous. But as the owners of a much loved horse, that we were kind enough to let people have a ride on, it was hurtful.

Another rider did not warm him up enough before dressage, despite us telling her exactly what warm up he needed. Nope, she was far too busy faffing with plaits, her hair, the shine on her boots and the poor horse went in with just 5 minutes under saddle. He made a couple of mistakes, and when she came out she said it was Charlie's fault (even stamped her foot ), so she was not invited back. He was OH's world, even though he did not ride him much himself.

We let people ride him as generally he enjoyed the outings, I found him a bit boring and had my own more exciting ones to ride, and OH used to like to go and be the proud father. Riders did not have to be 'good' at all, but they did have to be gracious and good fun to share the outings with, as well as worship the bones of Charlie.

That is just a possible outlook from the other side, and I repeat, being shouty and rude is not acceptable for them to do to you.

All that being said, I would not let it affect you now with your new horse. It is now none of their business what you get up to. Just do as you feel is correct. No one gets it right all of the time, as long as you and your horse have fun and hopefully make progress.

 

[cauda equina]

It sounds as if poor Max is getting the worst deal in all of this
That's not meant to make light of your own troubles but it strikes me that his owner might have priotities other than his welfare
You're well out of it!

 

[J_sarahd]

Forget her & enjoy your new one! Which leads me to say . . . . PHOTOS OF BADGER PLEASE!

Thank you. This is my favourite of him so far:

 

[J_sarahd]

There is no excuse for shouting at you, but I can kind of see how she may be upset if you make a joke about Max when he was refusing.

OH's Charlie Horse was the kind of saint that we would let anyone ride, one child ride him as her first horse (as opposed to a pony) and 30 minutes later she went clear round a course of 1.20. Other adult novices were nannied round 70cm clear rounds. Other people did their first competitive dressage while he held their hands.

If he had refused I would have been upset enough, but if the rider made a joke concerning it being due to Charlie, well I would not have shouted, but that rider would not have been invited back.

That did happen twice, one rider borrowed him for a clinic and the clinician asked her to assess him. She could not say anything nice about him! The clinician even commented on that, and asked her to say something nice, and she could only think of his colour. I was incandescent. By the end of the session she was enthusing about his half pass as though she had taught him that. He was actually a successful eventer with BD points too, and well capable of half pass and all sorts of twiddly bits. Trying the be kind, I like to think she was so crass as she was nervous. But as the owners of a much loved horse, that we were kind enough to let people have a ride on, it was hurtful.

Another rider did not warm him up enough before dressage, despite us telling her exactly what warm up he needed. Nope, she was far too busy faffing with plaits, her hair, the shine on her boots and the poor horse went in with just 5 minutes under saddle. He made a couple of mistakes, and when she came out she said it was Charlie's fault (even stamped her foot ), so she was not invited back. He was OH's world, even though he did not ride him much himself.

We let people ride him as generally he enjoyed the outings, I found him a bit boring and had my own more exciting ones to ride, and OH used to like to go and be the proud father. Riders did not have to be 'good' at all, but they did have to be gracious and good fun to share the outings with, as well as worship the bones of Charlie.

That is just a possible outlook from the other side, and I repeat, being shouty and rude is not acceptable for them to do to you.

All that being said, I would not let it affect you now with your new horse. It is now none of their business what you get up to. Just do as you feel is correct. No one gets it right all of the time, as long as you and your horse have fun and hopefully make progress.

See, I can understand why that is upsetting. But I think all i said about max was “there must be something scary up there” because literally as soon as we got to that arena, he changed. I didn’t mean it in a malicious way, or anything. Plus Max is very much a welshie. Like, I don’t think there’s a more welshie pony than Max. I know that when he tanked, it got me more nervous which is probably why he kept doing it until I got off. Plus, like I said, he was napping and we were jumping towards his friend.

 

[J_sarahd]

It sounds as if poor Max is getting the worst deal in all of this
That's not meant to make light of your own troubles but it strikes me that his owner might have priotities other than his welfare
You're well out of it!

I feel so sorry for him. He’s rugged up to the eyeballs, in all weathers. Fed conditioning mix to make him “show ready”... the list goes on. Ridden by a new rider every so often - doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going.

 

[Red-1]

Wow what a gorgeous photo of a gorgeous horse.

In my comment I was not saying that you had done anything 'wrong' just that as an owner we recognised that we could be rather protective!

 

[J_sarahd]

Wow what a gorgeous photo of a gorgeous horse.

In my comment I was not saying that you had done anything 'wrong' just that as an owner we recognised that we could be rather protective!

Thank you!! My friend took it when we went to our first dressage show a few weeks ago. Also, I know I’m biased, but I definitely agree that he’s gorgeous!

Oh no, I know. Sorry if my reply came across as blunt! Max’s owner is the definition of overprotective. However, previously, he had refused with me or tanked off with me and she, herself, had blamed Max.

 

[ester]

I’ve known some people like this, a bit on to the next best thing (rider) but doesn’t last.
But you were sensible, leftand have got a lovely horse of your own without anyone interfering (which you will appreciate a whole lot more as a result of this woman). Try not to ruminate on the comments too much though easier said than done!

 

[blitznbobs]

Do you know what it took me a helluva long time to learn? That people that do this kind of thing are broken, damaged people. They can’t form proper relationships and usually have little self confidence. I’d be inclined to feel a bit sorry for her and then get on with your own life. Turning anger to pity is a cheats way of getting over something like this but it does work...

 

[awelshandawarmblood]

Thank you. This is my favourite of him so far:
View attachment 29917

Oh he's beautiful!!! And a wall eye too <3 You must be chuffed to bits with him! Put all the Max stuff behind you & enjoy your beautiful boy - you definitely came out of it the better person & with Badger as a result. All happens for a reason

 

[J_sarahd]

Do you know what it took me a helluva long time to learn? That people that do this kind of thing are broken, damaged people. They can’t form proper relationships and usually have little self confidence. I’d be inclined to feel a bit sorry for her and then get on with your own life. Turning anger to pity is a cheats way of getting over something like this but it does work...

That would make sense. Like I said before, she’s bitched about every person at that yard. And that’s not the sign of a happy person!

 

[J_sarahd]

Oh he's beautiful!!! And a wall eye too <3 You must be chuffed to bits with him! Put all the Max stuff behind you & enjoy your beautiful boy - you definitely came out of it the better person & with Badger as a result. All happens for a reason

Honestly his wall eye was what drew me to him in the first place. I’m over the moon with him. He’s an absolute saint of a pony too. Thank you!! 😊

 

[blitznbobs]

He is really stunning ... I bet she’s well jell!

 

[babymare]

Firstly Badger is gorgeous. Secondly get your head in the air high and try to put her out of your head. People can be mean and nasty sometimes but that is their failing not yours. Put all your thoughts and energy in to Badger and enjoy your journey together xx

 

[Highflinger]

Badger is lovely.
All I can say is someone who despises any horse is not worth tuppence. IMHO they are ALL worth our love, care and respect.

 

[awelshandawarmblood]

Honestly his wall eye was what drew me to him in the first place. I’m over the moon with him. He’s an absolute saint of a pony too. Thank you!! 😊

The wall eye & the fuzzy fringe I'm not surprised! Love it

 

[Jellymoon]

Think of all the things you’ve learnt from your time riding Max, not just regarding him, but also about people!! Horse people can be absolutely horrible, like someone else said, if you want to enjoy the horse world you have to develop a thick skin - but not too thick as you want to stay nice yourself!! And all the things you’ve learnt about showing Max which you can transfer to your gorgeous new boy.

He’s all yours and you don’t have to answer to anyone. Don’t let people think you can’t manage a 5 yr old, with the right attitude and the right help if you need it, you will be fine.

 

[cindars]

Very handsome lad.Enjoy him.