I never thought it would come to this :-(((

[mickey]

Get the popcorn out!
I have had my boy since he was 4yrs old. He is now 12. He has had some behavioural/veterinary issues (and I have had health related issues). He has always been there for me to keep me going, and I have always been there for him. He trusts me, and neighs to me every day when I see him.
I have ridden and competed all my life, but he is my first horse (I was 26 when I got him). Thus he is really special to me, I love him to bits and I will never sell him on and don't want to full loan him.
However, I broke my back in a riding accident in 2005. (A very bad break that required surgery, I came mms from spinal cord damage). After 6 months I was back on board and confident as ever. I think I must have been going through some sort of delayed shock as after a yr post accident I started becoming very nervous in the saddle. I have metal rods in my back and I was (and am) worried about what would happen should I fall off. When I ride I constantly think about falling off and in my spare time I think about a wheelchair existence. He never bucks with me or rears, but he can be sharp and shoot off, and if I get thrown backwards, because my back is funny, I find it hard to get stable again. I also saw him really playing up with YO a few weeks ago (bucking, leaping forward 4 foot in the air).
I am doing lots of other exercise outside of riding and I keep thinking how this might not be possible if I feel off again. I don't enjoy riding anymore, I only do it to keep my horse fit and occupied. I have given up hacking which was one of my greatest pleasures.
He is excercised once a week by YO (who is a good friend). I have asked his physio if she would like to hack him occasionally.
I don't think it is fair not to work him as he is bright and enjoys work?
Would you, in my position, get a part loaner? Being so close to my horse I am not sure I could cope with that.
I can't sell him as he has a hock spavin and he would not be happy retired.
Would you carry on riding if you were me?
Would you loan him out?
He's my boy, I want to spend time with him every day, but in truth I just love spending time at the yard and with my horse. I couldn't give that up.
I hope this makes some sort of sense, it's very garbled!!
Any thoughts/similar circumstances??
Thanks for reading

 

[dieseldog]

I think that if it is not making you happy I would find another solution. Maybe if you had a break from riding you might change your mind and decide you would like to get back on again, a part loaner would give you that flexibility.

It would hurt to try to find someone and she how it works out.

Riding is about having fun and if you get the most pleasure from caring for him I would concentrate on that.

Good luck in making a decision that you gives you the most happiness.

 

[Grumpy Herbert]

There's no law says you have to ride your horse!! I get as much enjoyment from other aspects of having my horse as from riding. If I only had them to ride them, I would have given up ages ago as it's been an uphill struggle sometimes.

If you feel you want your horse exercised, advertise for a loan or share stating you want the horse kept at the same yard and that you will continue to be involved. Or carry on with the arrangement you have just now. Enjoy the time you spend with your horse and don't feel guilty about not riding. As long as he's cared for, he won't give a stuff if he's not ridden!!

You've had a rough time of it, so give yourself a break.

 

[Tharg]

I'd get a part loaner to keep him in work.

It may be a good idea to talk to someone about what happened as it is obviously playing on your mind.

I suppose when riding you can try to make it as *safe* as possible eg neck rein to grab and back protector.

 

[Nickijem]

I really do sympathise. I know if I wasn't happy riding my horse or I couldn't ride him for some other reason, I would have as much pleasure just caring for him as GH above says, there is no law saying you have to ride him.
However if you think he would be happier getting some work then try to find a suitable rider/sharer. And remember there are a lot of people out there who would do that so if the first person is not suitable, don't give up.
As for your own confidence issues, you should really do as much as you can round your horse that is in your comfort zone - don't try to do things you are not happy with.
If you are happy grooming etc, do lots of that or if you are happy in walk then do schooling exercises in walk.
I had a real confidence crisis with my last horse but found a great help in afriend who didn't push me or make me feel bad if I didn't want to get on board somedays or I just wanted to walk. Eventually I felt more and more confident again.
Good luck with whatever you decide but you have obviously been through a tough time so don't be hard on yourself or beat yourself up if you are not able to ride,
Keep us updated.

 

[debsflo]

i dont think he would mind not being ridden,often the reward is in caring for them. dont feel guilty hes a lucky boy to have you.

 

[rosieted]

I dont blame you, It might not be your idea of fun but have you considered taking him out for walks? (just leading him) He would stiill get exercised and you would still spend time together. Its beteer than you might think! I personally wouldnt get a sharer because i hated it when someone else got involved with my horses, she thought she knew everything and was crap!
good luck x

 

[wizgirl]

Hi,
I gave up riding for ten years after my spinal surgery for all the reasons you describe and after 2 really bad falls which threatened my op and made me terrified. I didn't have a horse then as i had sold him a few years before.

However, i gradually have missed it so much i am back in the saddle and confident again, but am careful and think things through. I always wear a body protector and now my boy is much calmer we are a happy little couple, plodding around and enjoying ourselves.

To make my me and my boy safe together, i had lots of lessons with him and became confident with him. There were many times where i felt so over horsed, i cried, and thought we would never get there. I am pleased to say we have.

I would consider a horse share with someone who can continue to bring him on for you, then perhap with time for you and practice for him you can come together again

I really hope you get through this, good luck

 

[Damnation]

Maybe see someone about the delayed shock thing? See if you can conquer that fear and boost your confidence? If he shoots off with you how about riding with a neck strap? So if you feel him about to shoot of when he tenses you can quickly grab hold of it and not be thrown backwards?
It sounds like he looks after you to a certain extent so far as he never bucks or rears with you but he did with your YO? I bet he wouldn't do that if you were on him.
Maybe continue with the arrangement you have now and just mill things over? Whats the rush?
Maybe find a competent rider to exercise him 3-4 time a week to keep his mind ticking over?
Or get lessons to improve your riding and confidence on him?
Just throwing out as may suggestions I can think of but I hope some of them help :3

 

[YorksG]

Would there be any possibility of his learning to drive? That way you could still work with him but from a safer place perhaps.

 

[zelli]

I honestly think that he would be fine not being ridden. But do what ever you think is best, you could even play around with a few different things... see what makes you both happiest, you have him for many more years, and the most important thing is that you enjoy your time together, if that means you only spend time on the ground then there is no harm in that at all. I have a horse in the field that I havent ridden since the summer because he has behavioural issues that means when light is short I can't risk the chance of not having the time as I dont have a school, and don't fancy things going wrong and getting stuck in the dark, but you know what, our relationship is actually stronger at the moment, he wants to spend time with me because the time we spend together is probably nice in his eyes...

Do whatever makes you happy, don't be pressurised by people with the opinion that a horse should be ridden... its not true...

 

[appyjude]

Good idea about the driving - start with long reining from behind - I walked my boy miles doing that when I couldn't face getting on him. He got fit, got out, and I got exercise and spent time with him....win win if you ask me.

 

[jen1]

I ditto everything everyone has put on here, do what makes you happy. You obviously enjoy spending time with him and you also obviously have a great rapport so don't give up! Find a sharer if it makes you more happy that he is being ridden but above all enjoy your horse and the special time you have together, riding isn't everything and in time you may feel better about getting on him and would regret not having him around.

 

[mickey]

Qr: thank you all so much for your suggestions. I do feel happier in the summer as he tends to be more laid back then. At the yard I think everyone just thinks I am the same as them, they probably forget the ongoing issues......people always ask me if I am riding, but I guess, like many of you have said, it's about what I enjoy doing with my horse......

 

[cellie]

I can relate to a few of your comments.Like you I have had my horse from a 4 year old and we are now going through the process with spavins and have also had many quite major injuries.
If you dont enjoy your riding but love caring for him I would look for a loaner.You can afford to be really fussy as you are still very much a hands on owner .You can still have all the benefits of caring for him and making the major decisions in his life.I have a horse on loan for my daughter and encourage the owner to come and watch them at pony club or local shows .We have a good relationship and she is welcome to come and ride whenever she likes.Like you she is busy and has lost some of her confidence but is very happy that her horse has moved on and is enjoying her life.
Im sure with the right person you could still enjoy your yard life.I dont think I could give up the social side either although I wouldnt mind the lie ins.
I was devasted 6 weeks ago when we discovered my horse had spavins he had just come sound from a tendon injury and cannon bone bruising.The year before he did his curb ligament.I have empathy with you (hope thats the right word)sometimes I feel like I cant move on he has had so much bad luck.
There are alot of things you can do with your horse from the ground without the ridden work to keep him busy and his mind occuppied.If he is well looked after you dont have to make any major decisions. You could look for a loaner and have a trial period and insist he stays on your yard.I hope things work out for both of you but dont put your health at risk for the sake of your horse .Your health is too important .If I didnt feel confident to ride him personally I wouldnt take the risk.

 

[kerilli]

if you aren't enjoying riding, and are worrying all the time (very very reasonably and justifiably) then don't do it any more, there's no point. your tension will transmit to him and make him worse. your long-term mobility is far more important than anything else. you have a perfect reason, if anyone asks you why you've given up.
if you want to keep him just to love and fuss, i'm sure he'd be very happy tbh... a lot of horses aren't ridden (they weren't designed for it, for a start!) and have a great life. a nice sharer (and there are some lovely people out there, and you can vet them at your leisure) would be ideal, but not if you are going to fret all the time about what they're doing with him - you'd have to trust them.
very best of luck, it's a very hard decision, but i think your long-term health is more important than him being ridden, and if you aren't enjoying it, you shouldn't carry on out of habit or because you think you should!

 

[2K85]

If you aren't enjoying your riding and are feeling worried (with very good reason!) I would stop - if you're anything like me you'll find enough things to worry about without adding something that's meant to be a pleasure to the list!
I don't think your horse will mind not being worked as he'll still be getting plenty of love and attention. But equally if you prefer to keep him in work, maybe look for someone who would ride him a few times a week - would he be a bit calmer in more work or just fitter and friskier? If upkeep etc isn't a problem you can be choosy with your sharer/rider and find someone to do as much or as little as you like, so you don't feel too much like you're sharing your horse if you know what I mean. Also, it might be nice to be the proud owner, and enjoy watching you horse being ridden/competed without the worry. He's a lovely looking horse - I'm hope you find a solution.

 

[wonkey_donkey]

As above you don't have to ride to enjoy your horses. I've got my BHSAI and competed up to a reasonable standard in my twenties but now I just can't be bothered!!
However, I still spend hours (and get tons of pleasure) out of just looking after my horses nicely and since my kids moved on, I now have a lady compete and school my horses for me. I even splashed out and jointly bought 'a good one' with her which I go to shows and watch every weekend.
Don't feel guilty about riding - just find an alternative perhaps.
Good luck

 

[laura_1983]

i cant ride my pony at the moment coz im pregnant and he's a plonker! i did have a sharer but that went all wrong, pony was getting ruined and no money was appearing. i came to the decision that he's my pony so il pay for him and i have two great kids from the yard that ride for me, they get to ride whenever they want as long as they check with me beforehand about what their doing with him, they sometimes go out together and swap half way or they have day about and go riding out with other people, all works out fine. i see my boy nearly every day to groom him, walk him and just generally potter around and they keep him working away for me, sometimes they only ride 2/3 times a week and other times he works everyday. as long as the kids carry on checking in with me and my wee demon pony is happy then this arrangement will probably carry on once my baby arrives with me riding once or twice a week to get pony schooling and jumping again!

dont know if this will help or give you any ideas on what to do but its all worked out perfect for me and my boy!

 

[Mid]

If I ever couldn't ride, I'd show (and maybe even breed) instead. I'm sure In Hand doesn't have the same thrill as ridden stuff, but it's certainly better then being afraid, and I love the preparation - grooming, plaiting and cleaning

You can still be very involved in horses and not actually ride. You could help out at the local pony club, you could judge, you could be a groooom!

 

[zozo]

hi

if i was u i find some one to help with exercising him, there no reason why u cant carry on looking after him and doing all the things you enjoy and just have some one to exercise him! then hopefully with work he stay nice and calm for when ever you do want to ride him! i know lots of people who either have some one to ride their horse for them, or just ride other people horses to hlp them out!

gd luck

xx

 

[mickey]

QR: Thanks for all your support.

Mickey's physio is a very competent rider who used to event but now doesn't have time for a horse of her own. I asked her if she'd hack him out and she said she'd love to. If she could manage to do it once a week that would be perfect. He does love to go out and explore, it adds interest to his work.
YO exercises him once a week in school (dressage work). I think for the time being I will fill in perhaps 2 days a week but be careful about what I do and when I ride. Not sure what I will do in the longterm but I will always keep him. I think the ideal is getting someone to exercise once/week and see if they are good for him. I don't really want to take on a part loan commitment...........as I am too protective. (Never say never though). But he is the sort of horse that thrives on work. It would be mean not to do something with him.