I really need some help/advice :(

SatansLittleHelper

SatansLittleHelper

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Long story short...
I had two young horses, sold one to buy older horse with a little more experience/miles on the clock. Bought him and got him home. Ive ridden him once. I just have no motivation at all.
I have depression and a few other problems and my confidence/self esteem is at zero.
I still have my other young sports horse who is 3 and the light of my life. He has a difficult past and has been hard work but worth every second. He is not ridden and wont be til next year.
I have a severely disabled child so me getting broken is not a good thing.
I have the chance of a Breton (French Draft) mare who is a complete novice ride and although only 6 is a real confidence giver. Im thinking of selling the new horse, buying this one and spending time on all of my confidence issues before my young boy starts his work. He will be my forever horse so Im not going to rush him in anyway.
Im just sick of doing stupid things and rushing into buying unsuitable mounts when really I need to chillax and go back to basics for a while.
Does this sound like a good plan or should I try to motivate myself with the new boy?? :(
 
Sounds to me like it might be a good idea, if you've only ridden your new horse once then I doubt he's the horse for you ...it's hard as a mum of young children and if you're worried about falling then the mare sounds ideal and hopefully would get your motivation back ....
 
Sorry to hear you are struggling :(

Why do you feel your new boy isn't suitable? How long have you had him for?
 
Ive had him just over a month. The other 2 horses he lives with hate him and dont let him near the shelter and chase him about if he gets too close. He seems unhappy, and its stressing me out. I just look at him and have no idea why I bought him. He needs to be working regularly and I dont have the inclination whatsoever. However if it was my younger boy I would be raring to go.
I feel pathetic...he doesnt scare me...Ive just lost all confidence in my abilities and its getting me down :(
(Gosh I sound like such a miserable cow :o )
 
If you really don't think he is the horse for you then maybe you should sell him but personally I would not rush into buying another one until you are in a 'better place,' if at all, it won't be long before your youngster is in work so do you really want two to do?
 
If he's not happy where he is, then to put it bluntly, he doesn't present you with a picture that means if you get on, you'll feel better... If that makes sense? How different would you feel if he was happy, relaxed and confident before you even got on? I got my four year old in tonight, was going to do some work until I clicked on to his mood- he was as antsy as a kid with a bowl of blue sweeties. He was put back out to take it out on the herd instead of me! I know it's the opposite to your situation, but you sound unhappy, he's not happy and either you need to put him in a better situation and review in a few weeks how you both feel, or let him go but not rush into another one... You must have liked him well enough to buy him- did you like him as much as you like the sound of the Breton?
 
So sorry to read you are struggling, sounds as if you have lots of responsibilities.

It is difficult to know what is best for you, but why not sell the new one, and do not make a decision about another one until he is sold or you could end up with three.

Think you should also as above talk to your GP about how you feel.

Sending hugs, take one thing at a time and do not rush into another decision.
 
mandwhy said:
Sounds like you need some help with your depression primarily. Have you been to the doctor recently?
Click to expand...

Hi yes I see Dr and have CBT regularly plus am on meds.
It was an extensive conversation with the mental health worker that brought all of this to the fore. She feels that a relaxing horse would be better. The other horse who shares my field is my best friends 14 year old Breton who is a joy in every way. I plod about on her happily due to an old injury she cant do anymore than that.
The Breton just seems perfect for what I need and I could have her on a 3 month loan before committing to a purchase.
I am not a generally miserable person and at my most relaxed when with the horses x
 
Sorry you're struggling at the moment, sympathise as have suffered with depression in the past (cBT worked wonders!).

Sounds like you have a good plan which would take some stress away and give you something positive 😊

Sending you hugs and best of luck! X
 
How about loaning your new boy whilst you try the Breton? Does sound a better scenario. Otherwise, get someone to ride your new boy and concentrate on yourself for a bit. I know my depression gets much worse in the winter, so if you're anything like me, you'll be riding much less in the coming months anyway.
 
I have to say you seem like you think the next thing will solve all your problems. Like, you bought this horse as the other young one didn't do it, if you could just ride the existing young one, it would be ok, if you buy the new mare it will all be ok. That is the depression making you feel like that, I think, and not necessarily what will happen, so I think you need to tackle that before anything else to be honest.
 
It does sound like you keep hoping the next one will get you motivated. I've little experience with depression but I do with lots of kids, no time and lack of motivation. Why not take a break from riding, just groom etc. then wait until you really want to ride, then wait another day, then get on. Sometimes this is a few days, sometimes a month (usually if the weather is grim!) but if you take the pressure off yourself the motivation comes back.

There must have been something about the new horse that made you buy him - has that changed or is it nothing really to do with him more about your motivation?

That said if you have the money/ time to keep buying and selling with all the hassle of vettings and people coming to view there's nothing really wrong with that - although personnaly I think a relationship has to be built and it's unlikely you'll sit on the perfect horse and 'click' 100% the very first time. It took me almost a year to really learn to ride my big horse well (ish!)
 
Being really honest I don't think you are in the right place to make decisions. I have suffered with depression myself so I understand how everything just seems difficult and how it is hard to be objective, but it sounds to me like you are thinking that the Breton is just a "quick fix"

There are a number of issues here. Firstly it seems that your new boy has not settled, and a a result of this you are feeling more stressed for which you "blame him". The problem is that without a crystal ball it's impossible to say how long it will take for him to settle and also whether you will have similar problems with another horse. Getting a new horse is stressful at the best of times, without adding depression into the mix.

Honestly I would either try to sell the new boy and just keep your youngster until you are in a better place, or I would enlist some help from a friend who will help you to put a plan together and support you (MAKE you) follow it through to start riding the new boy regularly.

Trust me I've been there, I know that some days it feels like just getting out of bed uses all the energy you have and all you want to do is stay home and hide under the duvet, but going out and doing things will make you start to feel better. It will be hard the first few times but I bet if you start to get on him more, before you know it you will start to enjoy the new boy, your feelings about him will change and then he will start to settle.
 
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I too think that rushing into a decision about a new horse might not be a good idea. However, maybe it would be a good idea to sell your new boy as it sounds like him and his happiness (or lack of) are getting to you and is sounds like the last thing you need is another stressful situation.

They say that it is the things we don't do that we regret not the ones we do. From your post, it seems as though you believe that selling him is right but don't trust yourself. Selling a horse is always tough but you wouldn't marry someone who you didn't love, however nice they were. It might only be a horse but you probably spend nearly as much time and money on them as you would your spouse, so I think you need to be nearly as careful when choosing them. It sounds like you know this horse isn't right for you, so you are probably both better off with a partner you are better suited to.

I can completely empathise with your confidence issues and I think that you are right to consider a horse that will give you the reassurance to deal with those challenges. I recently lost my confidence (again) riding a difficult loan pony (my mare does not travel and I wanted to start competing). If I hadn't had my rock solid mare to go back to, I would have been tempted to give up. She has also been a godsend when backing my new 4 year old, as although he is a sensible type, you just can't relax with a youngster and going for a relaxing hack on her when I have convinced myself that I am a useless rider and can't ride anything more challenging than a stuffed toy has saved my sanity on more than one occasion.
 
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