I say goodbye to Andy on Tuesday

I have been giving him a bit of danilon to keep him as comfortable as possible until Tuesday.

Thank you again for all your kind words, Tuesday will be very difficult but I need to be there for him as he visibly relaxes when I'm around and I couldn't put him through this alone.
 
So sorry to read this. Whenever you feel the guilt, do try to remember what brought you to the decision in the first place. It's a horrible thing to do, but also the kindest act. Take care. X
 
So sorry

Can't remember who sings it but there is a pop song with a line:

"sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"

This gave me huge comfort in a similar situation.

x x x
 
Kokopelli said:
If its the right decision then why do I feel so guilty?
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People have probably addressed this since you wrote it, but the guilt comes with playing God..... (and I don't mean that in any religious sense in the slightest)

I recently had to make the decision to have my old lurcher PTS. He he had been heading downhill for a while, but it got to the stage that we knew we would have to act. Anyway, we decided that we would do it the following Thursday. On the Monday of that week, I looked at him and he just didn't look very happy - he would have been fine until Thursday, but I couldn't bear to have him uncomfortable for a minute longer than he could be and also, I (and this is the guilty bit) didn't want to experience the pain and sadness of the countdown 'til he went on the arbitrary Thursday. So I rang my OH and said if he was ok by him, I would ring the vet and have Ollie go that afternoon.

It was awful waiting for the vet and I felt soooo guilty knowing I was taking 3 days of life from him - but you know what - the dog didn't know that - all he knew was that when the time came, he was sat at home on his Mum's knee having cuddles. He had been in the car that morning which he loved, had steak and cake for his lunch and then had loads of hugs and attention paid to him from me and OH. He couldn't have been happier, apart from being old and very tired. I hope that I have the privilege to go out like that. However, I was miserable for the reasons stated above, and of course, not to mention I had lost my constant companion of 15 years. But the overwhelming thing I had to think of is that I took responsibility and made that animal as happy and comfortable as I could in the time I had with him - and that goes for you and Andy too.

Guilt in these situations is a silly thing...... I still have little niggles of it now about Ollie going on the Monday, but you know what, it's just self torture and in our cases, completely unjustified. Making life and death decisions for other beings is a huge responsibility, so it's not surprising that we can't take it lightly.

Take it easy on Tuesday and don't beat yourself up - you are a 100 times better owner than most of the people on the planet. Sending lots of strength and hugs to you.
 
Kokopelli said:
I put him out in field this morning and he galloped around like a loon then had a good roll. :( its making me have second thoughts now but i know tomorrow he could go back to walling out stiffly and not rolling. I can't remember the last time he rolled but maybe he is feeling better and I've made the wrong decision? :(
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I went through the same thing with my "horse of a lifetime". I'd had her for 18 years, she'd taken me to the top, and when she did her DDFT for the second time, I felt that I was putting her down to make things easier for me. (My husband had just been diagnosed with cancer) I gave her 6 weeks to try and improve, but she was still the same, and was miserable being shut in a small pen. The day the knackerman came, I let her out only to find that she'd had a loon round, and was lying down, and didn't want to get up. I felt then that I'd left her too long, and after she was PTS, my first feeling was relief that I'd finally done the right thing by her. I'm sure that when the time comes, you will feel the same. My thoughts are with you.
 
I can't add to what the others have said. So sorry to hear that you are facing this, you're doing your best for him though, just try to hold on to that.
 
Very sorry to head this.
I've followed your story.

You know what is best.
Be there to comfort him.
Talk to him him about how's he's going to a better place and stroke him.
It will be hard but soon you will feel a relief as the hard times and decisions are over.
 
I remember I asked why I felt so bad about it as I believed in Euthanasia Dignitas etc and assumed it would be the same feeling of choice etc and we put animals to sleep when ill(sort of a normal thing that is done). But another horse owner said its because you are taking a life(& I had never thought of it like that ). I am use to death/bereavement at work but it was a right shock and still when I read on H&H someone else has to make the decision for PTS it just is still as raw and it is the worse decision I think I have had to make although it was 110% the right one. But like you, I wanted to be there as I thought no one else could know my horse as well as me and I wanted him to be completely at ease. Although at the time I did wonder if it would have been easier for me to let someone else witness the whole proceedings. Which did go very smoothly indeed. What a way to go. No insight or knowledge. That is the blessing for them.

You will be fine, just keep it normal for Andy. I had some brilliant support on H&H in my inbox for which I think there are some great kind people out there. But again big hugsx.
 
Being with them at end may seem hard but im looking at it as the final road in our journey and a journey i have been proud to share with baby . so in a few weeks i will stand calmy but proudly by her side singing our song to her. be proud koko proud of andy proud of yourself for being a loving mum and proud of the journey you bith have shared.
 
The support on here is incredible and once again the kindness and sincerity of strangers on a forum has helped me through a tough time with my horses.

I still feel guilty and I hope in time it will go but I'm hoping it will be slightly more bearble on Tuesday knowing i have so much support behind me. Thank you everyone it seems silly but it does mean a lot :(
 
I'm so sorry, I remember what you went through with your loss of Koko and I'm sorry that you haven't had much time with Andy but hold onto the fact that you've given him a good life and time with you, and could not have been more loved and you're letting him go when it matters.
 
So sad :(

You are doing (and always have done) the best by him!

And if it is any comfort when my old boy went, he still had his mouth full of carrots and his ears forwards, he didn't know a thing about it. It takes such bravery to make that decision but you know you're doing the right thing xxx
 
You have my sympathy. I think everything has been said, but it's true what they say - better a week too soon than a day too late. You have nothing to feel guilty over. X
 
Koko i agree with you regarding the support,kindness & understanding of the peopke on here. it is just amazing that "strangers"join forces to help and confort. like you i thank everyone x x x
 
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