I shouted at my YO.

[Sugarplum Furry]

I'm not a shouty person. Anyone who knows me on here will tell you that. But my patience ran out yesterday with my YO and I literally roared at her. To make matters worse she's such a sweet person, she had bought me a birthday present which she'd left in the tack room and I didn't find it until after the event, so know I feel like an utter biatch.

Why did I shout? A few months ago, inspired by me moving my horses to her place, she decided to buy herself her own horse, after years of not having one. Bearing in mind she's in her 60's, very frail, tiny, nervous, novicey and inexperienced I expected her to come home with a little sensible plod. Nope. What came off the trailer was a recently backed flat racing bred TB mare, just turned 4. Not vetted. Underweight. Not sound. With a funny look in her eye. Ah, right. (And shame on you, incidentally, if you were the person who sold this horse to her and happen to be reading this, there couldn't be a more unsuitable match of owner and horse) So months have passed while we all tried to make the best of a bad job.
'Help me' said YO, so I've organised vets, chiropracters, remedial farriers,barefoot trimmers, saddlers, behaviourists, you name it, I've found them and wheeled them in. I've supported, advised, researched, mopped tears, listened to hours of the YO agonising over the situation, lain awake at night worrying about them and found reserves of patience I never knew I had.

So yesterday, I walked past the stable and YO was in there with the mare. Bridle was on and YO announced they were going for a walk up the lane. 'Lovely' I said. Moments later I heard YO saying 'Oh actually I don't think I will, she's REALLY hyped up this evening'. I glanced back in, and mare was gently nodding her head up and down to get rid of a fly on her face. And I just blew. I shouted that it's not the mare thats the problem, it's HER. And then I found the present, and then I came home, and now I feel rather very hugely crap.

In my defence, I'm just getting over swine flu, and my Dad is very ill and not expected to last the summer, and it was my birthday yesterday and I felt a bit strange in the head, but on the other hand I shouldn't have taken it out on YO.

Just hope she doesn't chuck me out!!!

 

[flowerlady]

It was my birthday yesterday as well. Now then about your yard owner. Me thinks you need to do an early visit with bunch of flowers if you can find any at a garage of 24 hour supermarket. Apologise for you outburst and have a cup of coffee with her and maybe try to explain that they are not a match and maybe she needs to realise that before one of them is injured. If after you had gone she attempted to ride the horse and came off and hurt herself badly you would have felt even worse. But the YO needs to realise what sort of horse she needs. Sorry it all made you feel like crap but learn from it and speak up before it gets that bad. It should have gone back the day it arrived. Or she should have asked for someone to go with her who was experienced and knew her capabilities.

 

[Pedantic]

Maybe you should apologize for upsetting the lady but also use it as a good opportunity to really sort out the situaition as a whole, what you dont need to apologize over is being human
and reaching a point when you blow up when things get too much to handle, which invariably happens in this day and age, sorry about your dad

 

[kombikids]

thats one way of handling it!!! i would apologise and then say you care about her and want her to find a horse that gives her as much happiness as she deserves. Get rid of the thing quickly and then forcibly suggest some visits to some more sensible horses!

 

[Ellies_mum2]

O dear

I definitely think that an apology is in order along with a nice bunch of flowers. I would follow the apology up with an explanation of why you reacted the way you did ie out of concern etc for her. Then maybe depending on how this is going so far then suggest ways of moving on whether it be keeping this horse and taking things very slowly in the school or selling and getting something much more suitable for her


Good luck

 

[Booboos]

Ditto what everyone else has said about the apology. Everyone has bad moments, the important thing is how you react afterwards and if you explain to your YO how much stress you are under and apologise I am sure everything will be fine. It may also be a good idea to explain to her your worries about her horse and then maybe leave her to it for a while so she takes responsibility for her own decisions and you have a bit of space to deal with other things. I totally agree the horse sounds completely unsuitable but the YO probably know this by now and needs to make some tough choices.

 

[MrsMozart]

Ditto all of the above.

You're only human hun, and on the grounds that none of us are yet perfect...

Have a hug and a hot choccy, then go buy flowers (and a box of tissues).

 

[Honeypots]

Oh dear...

Happy Birthday for yesterday

Well as someone who know's you..I think you must have been at the end of your tether to have snapped like this.
Sorry you've had swine flu

and hope you're feeling better and very sorry to hear about your Dad

I'd just apologise for snapping when you next see her and explain why...

On the plus side...here's a Benji pic

 

[Sarah Sum1]

We all say and do things that we later regret at one time or another. I have plenty of times

As long as you aplogise and say how you feel. Sometimes it does good for things like this to happen because we can bottle up how we fee. Who knows she may be wanting to get rid of said horse anyway, but where you have been helping her and put your faith in her, she may not want to let you down. I think a good blow up is needed now and again. Don't feel bad, recovering from swine flu must be tough and you are only human. <font color="pink"> </font>

 

[Sugarplum Furry]

Sorry about the delay in replying, felt quite poorly today. yes, you are all right, flowers are in order as from tomorrow morning, which is going to give me a chance to apologise and explain why I snapped. And hopefully I can calmly say what I truly feel about her and her horse. It's a difficult one, as she does actually know and has admitted she should sell her, but as a Christian ( I mean REALLY Christian, her and her husband are at church at least 4 times a week, they keep trying to get me there too) she feels it's her moral duty to keep trying with the horse, and it would be wrong to sell her on to anyone else. If they were nasty people I'd have no problem with telling it like it is, but they are SO nice...just misguided and ineffectual and well, just hopeless around horses. I had to rush into the field a couple of weeks ago and remove a load of grass cuttings that YO's husband had dumped there...they are that level of novicey. Thinking about it today, after I posted, I realised that the whole situation with them has caused me to start losing the focus with my own horses, which definately isn't good!!

Sorry, didn't mean to turn my reply into a rant. Thanks again everyone...I must buy flowers and think calm thoughts.

Honeypots, hugs mate, that great big well covered thing can't possibly be The Benj can it? Wow! he looks wonderful, Benji in all his summer glory, with his Best Girl. Thank you. C XXX

 

[minerva]

Oh Deary me, surprised i couldnt hear you up the hill!!! the YO will end up like Ken and me before long - not a good place to be and dangerous, I am sure that she will understand that you were ill and frustrated about it all, but its a difficult one when they are so lovely, but you are too, so dont let it all build up and take care of yourself xxxx