I think I may hate my pony...

[Chestnut_filly14]

He is being very difficult at the moment and making it hard for me to like him. It's really upsetting as he can be lovely, but I don't think the change of owner [I loan him but he stays at same private yard] suited him, although I looked after him with the owner all Summer.

He bites and barges and nudges [in a nasty way] and pretends to kick and is generally irritating. He winds me up and I have a short temper and alot of the time have to go and hide in the tack room to prevent myself whacking him one out of anger. He makes me so mad and when I tack him up to ride he winds me up and winds me up because he is so NAUGHTY!!!!! its incredible! He won't let me put the bit in without at least one person jamming half their fist in his gob, and it takes much too long to sort him out - if I'm there at 5 I'm lucky to be riding at half past.

And then when I am on he is a very awkward ride - you have to organise yourself backwards to how he is. Today he improved at the very very end but then got silly and ruined it He makes me so cross and I have to try very hard not to shout at him or be nasty to him because obviously that won't help but I'm very short-tempered so generally just have to stop and take lots of deep breaths - only he wont halt which makes me even worse.

I know I'm making it worse because of the negative atmosphere but to be honest I don't think he cares! He makes everything difficult for himself, and he makes himself really hard to like - its like he wants me to hate him! He's bargy and naughty and even if I give him a good smack [if he bites or barges or whatever] he just couldn't give a sh1t. I have smacked him really quite hard and he doesn't give a flying f**k.

We do groundwork exercises but they don't seem to work for longer than ten minutes!!!! Even half way through a good groundwork session he will suddenly barge me and I don't know what to do to not make it worse!!!

Help???


ALSO:

Can I say I don't want people shouting at me telling me I'm a pony-bully, I know I'm not helping the situation and am sincerely asking for advice on what to do to help us bond and for him to respect me.

Thanks!

Em
x

 

[carys220]

Is this the same pony you posted pic of?.....has he lost any weight yet? Maybe he can't feel you smacking him. I've known of this happening

Has he been ridden regularly? He may just be grumpy at being brought back into work.

Most ponies will try it on with a new rider and the only thing to do is to persevere and not get too angry.....never give him attention for his bad habits as you are giving him what he wants, obviously don't let him get dangerous but I'm sure he'll give up if he's getting nothing from you.

 

[Searcher]

Sorry to hear about your problem pony.
I think you need to look into Natural horsemanship.
I had a bolshy, bargy,disrespectful horse,but when I took up Parelli ,it transformed my life.
I didnt do a great deal of it and i wasnt looking to pass any levels,I just wanted a bit of respect.
I did some aspects of the parelli games and blocks, they worked so well i just carry on doing them.

hope that helps.
V x

 

[nona1]

Wow.

You seem to have got yourself into a bit of a cycle here.

You need to think hard about whether you want to continue with this. It could be that he is simply not the right pony for you and you are simply not the right person for him. There's no shame in admitting that. If this continues you and he will end up miserable and picking up all sorts of nasty habits.

If you do want to continue -
a) could you ask the owner for further help and supervision. Or is there an experienced person on the yard who can help you both (not by jamming their fist in his mouth for you).
b) Take a little break from him. These sorts of situations can get worse and worse as you feed off each others' bad moods. Some horses can be buggers. True. But if he was ok before...what has really changed other than his handler. If he is not a natural 'sod' then you have to look at yourself. You are the intelligent one in this relationship, not him. Horses, however much we love them, we have to admit are often not terribly bright, and even the smartest takes their leadership from us. Or should, anyway. Horses can be absolute mirrors of what we give out to them. If you go thinking 'This bloody pony!' he will pick up on that and go on the defensive - and with horses attack (nipping, kicking, barging, non-cooperation) is often a good form of defence. So...a break from each other might help you break this cycle. When you go back you need to have a very calm and positive attitude. He is responding to your anger - even if you think you are not expressing it you are, in your tone and body language. I was volunteering with some horses this summer and 2 of the other volunteers took someone out for a lead-rein ride. Both volunteers had been in a foul mood all morning. It was a lovely horse but they came back yelling and smacking and he was doing his best to take a large bite out of both of them. It really was a war going on. I grabbed him and said I'd take the next rider out and left the yard with 'watch out for him, he's being a bastard today, he'll bite you' ringing in my ears. got him round the corner, spent 5 minutes soothing and calmly talking to him, and he went back to being as good as gold. They couldn't believe it when I strolled back into the yard with him on a loose lead instead of charging back in hanging on to his head for dear life. They asked why and I told them straight out it had been their bad mood effecting him, and they did agree. So...I don't think you can put all the blame on the pony. How you both get along is down to you, the human, who can think and control themself, not the horse, who is animal who really only responds to outside stimulus.

 

[carys220]

I wouldn't try Parelli unless you have the full written consent of the owner as they could sue you if you ruin their horse.

 

[Tia]

What is his relationship like with the owner? Does she get on well with him? What does she have to say about your deteriorating relationship with him?

There is obviously a personality clash here or the horse has neurological/confidence/bullying issues; I'd guess at the former though judging by what you are saying.

If I was you, I'd give up the pony. If I was the owner and I knew how you felt, I'd tell you that you would be giving up the pony.

 

[BackInBlack]

my little ponies go through behaviour changes with their diet, if they are too hungry or too well fed they can start getting pushy - they always let me know!!

 

[Kallibear]

He sounds like he has no respect for you and rather resents your attempt at being herd leader. I sus[ect he's quite an unhappy pony at present - they like to know who's in charge.

I had a horse who was exactly the same. He worshipped me but was horrible to most other people - pretty much like your boy. He was insecure but also domiante - it came across as bulshy and rude.

Before giving up on him I think it would be well worth your time getting an instructor out to show you some correct ground work. Incorrect groundwork is worse that useless - it just makes them resentful and switch off. If he's barging out halfway though what you're doing at present, it's not working.

What instructor you chose depends on where you are and the good instructors in the area. I wouldn't bother with a riding instructor as they tend not to specialise in ground work. There are some very good NH instructors out there (and many as anti-parelli as the next person

). My friend has a very good lady out to help with her difficult pony and it made the world of difference.

 

[Hippona]

I too think its a vicious circle...

stress/bad mood = stressy/naughty pony= stressy owner etc etc etc
He obviously hasn't got any respect for you either as a leader, and he needs you to be an effective leader if he is to have confidence in you and relax. However, you can't be an effective leader if you are stressed and possibly scared of him. I think you need to get help- it won't be a quick fix. And it may be that at the end of the day this simply is not a good partnership for either of you. And thats not a reflection upon you at all

 

[MizElz]

It sounds like you're having a severe personality clash, and I would say your best bet is to let him go. I've been there before, also with a loan pony, and although we had her for a year, I can honestly say I jumped for joy the day we took her back to London and shut the stable door on her

She was a right moo - barging, biting, kicking, bucking, rearing - she did it all, and I found it impossible to love her either on the floor or in the saddle. Sounds like you're in the same position, so if I were you I'd start looking for something you can really click with!

 

[vennessa]

At least you are admitting there is a problem and your temper. Although you say you are holding your temper it will still come through to the pony.
I agree you need a break. You also need an outside person to step in and give advice - not just anyone!
We had an Intelligent horsemanship demo at the weekend. As no offers of horses came forward - all the people that asked me for help suddenly had perfect horses! I believe not.
Anyway we used two of ours.
One was very much like the pony you describe. I sometimes had the feelings as you. He pushed me to boiling point but i walked away rather than have a battle - leaving it on a good note although it was steps backwards.
We did overcome it with groundwork. He is actually very intelligent and a quick learner - he also learnt quick how to get me out of his space by biteing and kicking!
He became a loveable horse until recently. We had trouble with a neighbour to a field - well he tried to cause trouble through us. Because of avoiding the man the horse was left to his own devices and he became bargy again. We used him for the demo and the groundwork with Garry Bosworth worked instantly. Just by not letting him into his space by asking him to go back. When he turned his head to him he was pushed away and ignored. He was not getting reward for being bossy/pushy. No long ropes or whips! Just a dually halter and a lead rope.
The second pony used was because she flips at shows. She has only been to two. The first she won and went back to the second for the championship - reserve champion.
She behaved perfect although she was away from home and had her mate calling her. Why does she flip at shows? Because i get stressed at shows! I get realy wound up and act differently. I had to admit it was down to me not the pony. And i did in front of everyone! She was being set off by my stress. Although i hold it in my body language and attitude change which she picks up on and makes her panic.
From what you say the problem is you just like it was me. Admitting it you are a long way towards solving the problem.
Personally i would go back to basics and build from their - or hand the pony back.
Good luck.

 

[Puppy]

[ QUOTE ]
I wouldn't try Parelli unless you have the full written consent of the owner as they could sue you if you ruin their horse.

[/ QUOTE ]


RAOTFLMAO!!!

 

[Puppy]

[ QUOTE ]
If I was you, I'd give up the pony. If I was the owner and I knew how you felt, I'd tell you that you would be giving up the pony.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have posted on your thread in SB, but agree with Tia. Walk away.

 

[laura_1983]

sounds like the way my pony was heading!!! he's out on loan at the moment and is a very nice boy with his loaner the majority of the time, the few times iv ridden him since having my baby he's basically been a nightmare apart from one ride and he started playing up with loaner too, he's most definately a one person pony and that person isnt me anymore, iv stopped riding him and he's in process of being sold to the loaner, only because i now have 2 kids and no time to spend with him anymore to keep him sane! maybe giving your pony up and finding a pony you get along with is the best plan!

 

[jb4]

I respect you for being so honest,I think we have All had moments where we dont like our ponies if we are honest But when their are lows,It makes the highs very high,Be patient,Seek profesional help.You really dont know what that animal may have been through in its life ?Maybe it has never been taught any manners and is confused as it doesnt know any different,Alot of this problems stem from the PEOPLE meaning everyone that has ever had dealings with this animal in its life ,It must be wonderfull owning an animal from day one in the right hands.Good luck .

 

[Bosworth]

I have a new livery owner on my yard. She has a gorgeous connemara - show quality. The owner is mid sixties and allegedly has had horses all her life. This little chap walks all over her, she shouts at him constantly and he is always on a state of alert or barging through her. He rears as she tries to get on - he pulls back when he is tied up. I finally intervened when I saw her get on him from her mounting block while he was tied up with the head collar round his neck.

I insisted he had to stand by the yard mounting block. She insisted he wouldn't and that her way was fine. I told her in no uncertain terms that NEVER again was she to get on with him tied up as she was asking for trouble. i volunteered to get him to stand still at the mounting block.

I spent 20 mins on ground work, backing up, walking on and standing. I then walked him to teh mounting block and he stood still, I got on - he carried on standing still and only moved off when I gently asked him. I tried a few times and couldn't fault him. I had been lead to believe he was a stroppy, bargy nippy pony. He was an angel. I then handed him over to the owner and suggested she did some ground work - and thats where it all goes wrong. She Shouts constantly - WALK ON, HARRY WALK ON. She drags him by the mouth she smacks him, tells him off - abuses his name by using it constantly in a really negative way, before my eyes I could see Harry changing back to Mr bargy. I took him back and tried to make her understand by calling my dogs - firstly in a happy way - then in the COME HERE way she adopted with Harry. In the aggressive tone they dropped, cowered and stayed where they were. In the Happy way they came straight over, wagging, She seemed to understand so we tried again. She just can't do it. The pony is scared of her, has no respect whatsoever and if he tries to do the right thing he still gets shouted at. He can't win. The pony is looking for leadership and to be treated with respect. He needs to feel he can trust someone to be his leader and she abuses that trust every single time she touches him.

She feels he needs to know who's boss, but she has no idea how to do it. If I were you I would go on the Kelly Marks website and get one of her RA's out to you. they will teach you about groundwork and how to go about earning your ponies respect.

Good luck and you can build a relationship - you just need to be shown how.

 

[merlinsquest]

I would be horrified to read this if I was the owner

To be honest to get there at five and be lucky to be on him at halfpast is maybe a clue to where the problem lies.

Perhaps he sees you as 'the one who just comes and chucks my tack on and rides me'

My horse wont have his bridle on, infact he would stand all day with his teeth clenched trying to ignore the fact that I am there at all (but in a nice cheeky way)

My answer isnt to get someone to 'jam their fist in his mouth' but instead I offer a mint on my hand just below the bit...... if he wants the mint he has the bit....

He actually now looks forward to having his bridle on as its now a pleasant activity.

Maybe think of either giving this horse up and finding another one, or changing the way you overcome your problems

 

[joeanne]

[ QUOTE ]
I would be horrified to read this if I was the owner

To be honest to get there at five and be lucky to be on him at halfpast is maybe a clue to where the problem lies.



[/ QUOTE ]

am very inclined to agree with that.
with our horses i have always spent a good deal of time grooming (horses mutually groom each other in friendship as we all know), and i now find myself at a stage where i actually get "groomed" back whether i want it or not!

our newest (not even had her a week yet) has had no attempt made to ride her, just tied up and a good hours worth of grooming and feeding of treats (if she stands nicely). today we pull up and she bellows and comes straight to the gate (friendship forged me thinks!)
bad behaviour is dealt with firmly but gently with all of them, the point is made and then dropped unless a reminder is needed.
maybe if you spend some quality time with him, you will build a better bond with him, to me it just sounds like you mistrust each other.