I think I'm officially giving up on daughter...

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poiuytrewq

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So horse decision time. :(
I've posted before about her lack of enthusiasm for what is just the most lovely little horse. I talk to her/blow up at her/get depressed about the situation and she promises she does want him and will do more, and she does for a few days.
5 weeks ago he almost died. It hit me like an absolute ton of bricks, we got him through it and I knew I'd never ever sell him, not least because we don't know why he got ill but because the idea of not having him made me feel sick. Daughter on the other hand, she went out for the day. I hoped it would hit her how lucky she is to have him but seems not. He can be ridden again now and she's just not really interested.
I don't want to push it because it's not what the horse deserves, he deserves someone spending time with him because they want to.
So I guess my options are
1- keep him myself as a second riding horse. I do the majority of the care anyway but really not sure I have the time or get up and go to do 2 ridden horses everyday.
2- loan him from here but he's got a bad (but manageable with care) dust allergy and can be sharp/strong which I think will put people off
3- perhaps a sharer? How have people got on with this arrangement? I'm happy do continue the main of the work although won't lie help would be amazing (possibly financially?!)

Money wise I'm able to offer him to stay here free but we have no facilities as in a school but nice hacking.
I generally don't pay for hay so can provide that also so maybe just shows?

Daughters going to hit the roof but.....
wwyd?
 
I'd try a share. Sharers can be a real hassle and you will go through a few. But if you can find a good one they are a real gift. If you loan him you loose control over how he is managed and it doesn't sound like you want to do that. Or keep him yourself. Either way - one mum to another - you have to let your daughter live her own life. You love him. She doesn't.

Sorry posted that in a hurry and it came across harsher than I intended. I've done my fair share of trying to persuade DD to do - or not do - things. It doesn't work. You have a pony you love. You can afford it. So keep it. (I have a couple of those...)

You could also try approaching your local PC and see if there is a young jockey would needs something for summer. There is usually one or two at least either between horses or whose own is out of action. You never know DD might come round when someone else has him - but don't bank on it.
 
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Poor boy, well done for getting him through it.

From now on I would do what you want to do with him, and not worry about what your daughters view is.

Try not to be cross with her, hard I know, as I have a daughter that drives me bonkers.

I might put some feelers out for a sharer, they say everything happens for a reason!
 
I hate to see parents pushing their offspring into the hobbies that they enjoy themselves, or wish they had been able to do/shine at when younger.
I am not sure how old your daughter is but assume teenage; teenagers notoriously want to do their own thing. If you have decided that you can't sell the horse/move it on, that is your decision, not your daughter's. It may be that she went out when the horse was ill, not because she didn't care but because she couldn't stand the tension/emotion and needed to distract herself.
If you want to keep the horse, you need to decide what you will do about that and then tell your daughter what you have decided, without discussion. If she tries to change your mind, just keep repeating " I have decided to.........". But don't get drawn into an argument.
 
my friends 7 year old daughter is already losing interest in ponies- but she does like hanging out at the yard pushing my baby around in the buggy! she has been around them from birth. Mum isn't pushy though- the 4 year old daughter is pony mad! so has one to share the hobby with and do lead reign.

I got my first horse at 15, still have him 11 years later. Nearly lost him last year to a brain cyst but he is still going and love him to bits, retired now living out with my other ridden horses. I caught the animal and horse bug from countryside holidays despite mostly living in west London! what I'm trying to say is, you either have the bug or you don't! as a teenager many of my horsey friends cut back on riding and don't have horses anymore. I socialized but I would still rather be at the yard.

from you post in is clear the lucky horse is not going anywhere. So look or a share but just give it time to find the right person.

I remember as a 17 year old my friends horse was sold as she was going to go to uni and she was in tears while we were on holiday and her mum phoned to say she had sold.... but she had not even been to the yard in weeks. sometimes we don't miss things until they are gone. However, she quickly got over it!
 
I would sell him or loan him out away from the place. To get the right someone to want to come to your place is always harder. You didn't want him to die of course you didn't but he would be going on to have fun with someone else which is different. You've got financial and time constraints and work very very hard as it is so why not lighten your load and make your life easier and more enjoyable.
 
Could you get a share for the other one more easily?
The ideal Sharer for you is possibly someone to hack out with so perhaps try and find a mum whose kids are at school or older if you ride evenings/weekends.
 
I'm not cross or angry at her. I've made this decision so we can stop arguing about him.
I know she genuinely loves him but she has the ride of bigger better horses (who have a groom and don't require mornings etc!!)
I can't loan or find a sharer for my horse as he's only on loan to me and it's in the contract that only myself and daughter are to ride him.
We also, or I also have other non ridden horses so the work side of things I find a lot in winter. However daughter will be in uni hopefully in a year or so which according to other parents will leave me bored (!) so I think timewise things will get easier which is another reason I'm reluctant to sell. He truly has bags of character.
I may advertise for a sharer and see what comes of it.
Really scared of getting it wrong or awful people applying 😳
 
if only it was okay to sell children, ay! hahah sorry!

I'd get a sharer to come and ride the pony!! some kids just don't realise how lucky they are! my friend has the same problem with her daughter, who's now 17, they still have the pony, but luckily my friend is small enough to ride her!
 
My daughter is 17 also and pony is actually 15hh and a fairly chunky type. I'm 5'3 (and a important half!) so easily able to ride him.
I always said he was too much for me but actually had fun on him over winter and am now happy to take him cantering or whatever.
My horse is a 16.3 tb and people are always shocked at which ones the easier ride!
 
I really do feel your pain with teenagers, my daughter was / can be the same, it just seems that teenage life gets priority. I would hang in there and you will be amazed at how much extra time you will have when uni starts.
 
poiuytrewq said:
I'm not cross or angry at her. I've made this decision so we can stop arguing about him.
I know she genuinely loves him but she has the ride of bigger better horses (who have a groom and don't require mornings etc!!)
I can't loan or find a sharer for my horse as he's only on loan to me and it's in the contract that only myself and daughter are to ride him.
We also, or I also have other non ridden horses so the work side of things I find a lot in winter. However daughter will be in uni hopefully in a year or so which according to other parents will leave me bored (!) so I think timewise things will get easier which is another reason I'm reluctant to sell. He truly has bags of character.
I may advertise for a sharer and see what comes of it.
Really scared of getting it wrong or awful people applying 😳
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Does the horse do what your daughter wants to do horse wise? If she's preferring to ride 'bigger, better' horses would she be more interested if she had a different horse?
 
Squeak said:
Does the horse do what your daughter wants to do horse wise? If she's preferring to ride 'bigger, better' horses would she be more interested if she had a different horse?
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Yes he will do what he was bought for, IF he's fit and in work. The bigger better has only been a recent ride, taking over from another she had been riding for years for the same people. I'd say it's definitely a social thing tbh which is fine and I know how she feels. It's boring keeping your horses at home with no one to ride with. It's boring tidying the yard or doing chores at home. If there's a few of you at a yard it's fun. There is no doubt about that. If this horse could move to that yard it would be problem solved but it's not possible.
 
I think you simply have to accept that your daughter has her own mind and let her live her own life. If you want to return the pony to its owner then tell her that's what you are going to do, otherwise keep him and ride him yourself which is what I think you want to do anyway :) I don't mean to sound harsh but there comes a time when you have to let your children go their own way and take a step back as they become independent and start making their own decisions. Your daughter sounds like most of us were at that age.
 
I would advertise him giving people the option of either full or part loan at your premises and see what interest you get. If he stays at home it should be possible to ensure his dust allergy is being correctly managed. What interest you get will depend on exactly how sharp/strong he is - if he is that sharp/strong that it is not possible to find a suitable sharer/loaner then could this be part of the reason your daughter doesn't ride him much?
 
From the point of view from a 15yr old who wants to event at Badminton and won't stop at anything to get there I would find a sharer who will come to the yard. My sister likes the riding but isn't so keen on mornings, yard work, schooling ect, every time my mum suggests not getting a new pony when her current one is sold she bursts into tears despite being lazy with the yard work. She then does really well for a few days before she can't be bothered again.
 
Advertise him as available for share, part loan or full loan to stay at your yard and see what interest you get and who comes along.

Alternatively look into whether your daughter could have him at a yard with facilities instead and see whether she is more inclined to work him then.
 
Try not to feel bad about it. My daughters had ponies since they could walk and I was very lucky that they both rode until they were about sixteen. The eldest had a lovely maxi-cob and when she decided she didn't want to ride I said no worries and I took him on.
You have to remove her for decision and decide what's best for you and him.
I think the natural default setting for young people is self involved, perhaps made worse by social media and friends, to them what their friends think is far more important than what goes on at home. They do get better but sometimes its hard.
 
Kezzabell2 said:
if only it was okay to sell children, ay! hahah sorry!
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:D :D naughty!

poiuytrewq, good on you for getting him through his illness! If you have the time to keep him just as your second riding horse, go ahead with that!
Otherwise, since selling is not an option for you, then yes, I would look into horse sharing. As for his sharp reactions, I think potential sharers are quite understanding, as long as all the cards are laid out on the table from the start. Then they can work with him bearing in mind that he has these reactions from time to time.
How are his allergy and his sharpness related? Does he get wheezy or is it his skin?
 
Don't feel bad.. try a sharer for the summer while you can keep an eye on the horse... do it for a trial period so if it all goes wrong you can just call it a day with share.
My son was mad keen on his horses, we had 4 at one time !
But once he came 17 and was in college, and discovered drinking and women...well..need I say more..
Horse he competed on sold in 2 days a year ago.. other one went on permanent loan,
Old one is a companion to a friends 3 SJ horses..
I sold all my horsey stuff, lorry, tack etc ... and I don't miss it one bit. I realise now how much fell on my shoulders, even at comps once he was done he was off with mates and assumed mum would sort out horse and stuff.. don't worry if she has a hissy fit... I gave my some 3 chances to step up and do his bit.. but it always was something else he had to do.. do what is best for you and the horse.
 
Trying to reply to a few questions!
His allergy is respiratory, it's not related to his work, I'm not sure if I made it sound that way somewhere.
Ok, so he's not sharp as such, maybe that was the wrong word but he's not a novice ride. Very forward going and loves to go fast! He can be very strong. I struggle a bit to hold him, daughter seems to have it fine tuned. That's partly the annoying bit she rides him so well and really enjoys it when she does.
On the plus side he will perfectly happily walk through open grassy spaces, the pulling and being a bit silly comes when he's cantering. I have let a slightly nervous rider hack him and to be fair he was a saint, almost like he knew!
Snowy Celandine I own this one, he has no owner to return him to, he's also 17 and has just had this unknown illness. I can't sell him just incase.
I think I'll get him back into work and be sure all is ok then advertise and see what happens.
 
Definetly loan or sell the horse
My pony can be strong v forward going she also has a bad dust allergy. I bought her from a dealer and learned previously owners disliked pony so much they no longer wanted to ride her. Thank god they had the sense to leave her with dealer so someone else (me!) could absolutely adore and enjoy her as I have for so many years. Let someone else enjoy the pony there will be someone out there
 
poiuytrewq said:
Trying to reply to a few questions!
His allergy is respiratory, it's not related to his work, I'm not sure if I made it sound that way somewhere.
Ok, so he's not sharp as such, maybe that was the wrong word but he's not a novice ride. Very forward going and loves to go fast! He can be very strong. I struggle a bit to hold him, daughter seems to have it fine tuned. That's partly the annoying bit she rides him so well and really enjoys it when she does.
On the plus side he will perfectly happily walk through open grassy spaces, the pulling and being a bit silly comes when he's cantering. I have let a slightly nervous rider hack him and to be fair he was a saint, almost like he knew!
Snowy Celandine I own this one, he has no owner to return him to, he's also 17 and has just had this unknown illness. I can't sell him just incase.
I think I'll get him back into work and be sure all is ok then advertise and see what happens.
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I see! He seems like a sweet horse :)
I think your plan sounds good! :thumbup:
 
I know exactly what you are going through. Last Summer my daughter who was 17 at the time, was at college during the week and got herself a little weekend job which meant she was only seeing the horses once or twice a week. I was doing them all the rest of the time as well as having a job. Even when she had a day off she wasn't interested in riding and would prefer to spend the time shopping with friends.

By Christmas I was knackered and had really had enough. Her pony was fat and bored (I don't like riding her, she's a bit unpredictable).

Thankfully daughter decided to give up the job in the New Year to concentrate on her college work and since then has started riding again, albeit she tends to ride my horse more than hers as hers won't hack out on her own.

Daughter is off to Uni in September so I've gently broached the subject of what we might do with the pony and mentioned that it probably won't be fair for the pony long term as if she isn't exercised she has to live in a bare pen to try and keep her weight down. Pony also prefers to be busy and seemed really unhappy not doing anything last Summer.

Added to that, youngest daughter now wants to ride and elder daughter's pony is totally unsuitable as a first pony!

It's all a bit of headache! So I completely understand your conundrum. It's good that you actually enjoy riding your daughter's horse though, that at least means that you don't have to make any rush decisions.
 
Sorry OP, I misunderstood and thought he was on loan :o I think he should have a home for life with you in that case as you sound very fond of the old chap :)
 
Snowy Celandine said:
Sorry OP, I misunderstood and thought he was on loan :o I think he should have a home for life with you in that case as you sound very fond of the old chap :)
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I really am yes. I originally bought him for me years ago thinking I'd be able to lorry him over to where the horses my daughter rides are kept and ride with her but she took an instant shine to him and he became hers.
My horse now that I have is on loan which is probably where the confusion came from.
 
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