I think my pony hates me.

allyj

allyj

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Hate might be a bit strong, but I don't feel like he loves me very much!
I've had him on part loan since December, and see his 3 - 4 times a week, for a good 4/5 hours at a time. I spend hours grooming and handling him, and i usually ride for about an hour. He's not nasty or rude to me, he just doesn't seem to acknowledge my existence! I love him to bits, he's the pony I've always wanted, I just don't feel like he likes me!
What can I do to build a bond with him? Wondering if I should try Monty Roberts' Join up?
Any advice would be appreciated!
 
Maybe rather thank 'acknowledging' you, he's just comfortable in your company?
In what ways would you like to see him respond differently to you if he's already polite? :)
 
Join up might be a good idea, Im going to try next week because the pony Im riding atm really does hate me. He is a naughty ****** who is controlled and motivated by his stomach. Cant believe how greedy he is! :(
 
I don't know, he just looks like he puts up with me, rather than wanting me to be there. It's hard to explain, but he has this expression on his face which makes me feel awful! A real "maybe if i stand still, she won't hurt me" face. I've never had to even tell him off, and his owner who I loan him from has never had to tell him off either. His previous owner was even softer than us so we're almost certain she'd have never hurt him either.

I guess I'd just like him to come to me more, and love me as much as I love him!
 
I kind of understand what you mean. What about doing lots of groundwork? Maybe some horsey agility stuff?
That really builds trust and bonds!
 
Might set some things up in the arena like poles and jumps and see what I can do in hand with him! Don't know if it's worth just taking him out in hand for a few weeks too like walk our usual routes instead of riding them?
 
Some horses just take a lot of time. My mare was so aloof when I first had her, didnt mean anything to her if I was there or not, but after 18 months she finally let her guard down and was the sweetest most affectionate horse (only to me..!)
 
Mine is always delighted to see me. He whinnies when I arrive, and flutters his nostrils at me whenever I move/speak.

The reason for this outpouring of 'love'...

Carrots!
 
Join up is a good idea, though I've never done it before! Just make sure that you do it right, and don't end up sending him the wrong message! Maybe he likes personal space, and feels you a bit pushy and all over him. Don't worry, you sound like a nice owner, so maybe it's just a matter of time. Good luck!
 
Some horses just aren't affectionate. Is he all lovey with anyone else? If not it may be that he's just a bit aloof by nature.
 
Maybe he doesn't like so much fuss. Some horses like short and sweet, my mare being one of those. She loves me and whinnies to me, nuzzles and all that but with anyone else is ears back, bitey and moody. She likes short cuddles and can only be groomed really quickly so I try to do it little and often rather than long periods of time. She is a complex one and you can't push the boundaries with her.

Maybe your boy would prefer short periods of fuss, and maybe just sit with him the rest of the time and let him come to you if he wants to. 4/5 hours is a long time
 
TrakehnerFilly said:
Maybe he doesn't like so much fuss. Some horses like short and sweet, my mare being one of those. She loves me and whinnies to me, nuzzles and all that but with anyone else is ears back, bitey and moody. She likes short cuddles and can only be groomed really quickly so I try to do it little and often rather than long periods of time. She is a complex one and you can't push the boundaries with her.

Maybe your boy would prefer short periods of fuss, and maybe just sit with him the rest of the time and let him come to you if he wants to. 4/5 hours is a long time
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True - my mare (who I have owned for 13 years) doesn't like hugs and cuddles, unlike my boys. She much prefers a gentle stroke on her neck and shoulder. I know she likes my company because she will often come over to me in the field and just stand with me having a snooze. She is a sensitive soul and its just the way she is. We have to try not to put our emotions onto horses. If he/she trusts you and feels comfortable with you then you are doing fine.
 
He spends time with you doing what you want to do......do you spend any time doing what HE wants to do?????????? A wandering walk stopping when he wants...a bit of grazing.....finding a few treats around.....
 
My main horse isn't too bothered by me either! As in he'd be the last to come and say hello if I walked into the field, he's never called too me or seemed particularly pleased too see me! I think some horses are just like this- in fact I find it more normal than my daughters pony who I swear loves us like a dog! He'd be happy if he could come home and watch tv being cuddled I'm certain ;)
Don't take it personally and in your case its very early days x
 
If you want love and affection, get a dog. Horses are not naturally cuddly or "lovey" some are, but that's not the way a horse would show affection to a horse. Don't do join up, he won't love you he'll just submit to you. I know it looks magical to chase a horse around until he gives in but you're doing and wanting all this from a human desire, and he's not an effing human! My horse doesn't love me either, she trusts me, I know because I can do a lot more with her than anyone else, but her time with me is for me, and when we're done she gets to go back into the field and be a horse
 
Alyth said:
He spends time with you doing what you want to do......do you spend any time doing what HE wants to do?????????? A wandering walk stopping when he wants...a bit of grazing.....finding a few treats around.....
Click to expand...

And the result will be a horse that has complete control over the human
 
Hug it out of him! I tried this with my puppy and it worked pretty well. I pay for his dinner; he has to accept hugs when I want them.

No not really. I know how you feel, my lad's taken about 6 months to get to tolerate me. I occasionally get a neigh when he hears my car, or a whicker when he sees me which is very nice. It can take a while as others have said, and some horses may not be that way inclined; it doesn't mean you can't get on well and be a good team. When I gave up and figured I'd have meany faces forever (he does it to everyone) a week later he started calling to me. So just don't worry about it. You'll figure each other out.
 
He's a horse they vary so much , sometimes I think that there's too much talk of bonding and such like and people who have one of these self contained horse feel they are missing out or the horse does not like them .
OP time is the cure for this it will come in time he may never be a overly affectionate type and remember you are not one to one with him he has other carers to which can affect them to.
I have mine at home so it's just me my Oh at weekends and the two grooms that share the work but I reakon it's often six months or longer before they show that special extra side to their characters some are never people horses it does not mean they are not having happy lives.
 
I think some horses/ponies aren't as demonstrative as others.We've had knobberpony nearly 2 years now and she isn't what you'd call affectionate,doesn't like being fussed or groomed,and is quite aloof in general.But I know that she has a bond with me,despite me rarely riding her,and I am the only person she neighs a greeting to.She can be awkward with other people,but I don't have any trouble with her.

Our new pony is very affectionate and will follow anyone around the field and loves being fussed,a completely different character.

Don't feel bad if your boy never shows any affection,from what you've said it sounds like he is very comfortable in your company.
 
I've had mine since late October and only now does he let me give him kisses on the muzzle and blow into his nostrils while he does it back :D

He loves being groomed, but it took a while for him to become affectionate. Like others have said, just keep going, it'll come with time.
 
My pony will never be a soppy puppy - he doesnt shout for me or come over to me when hes in the field - he has his equine friends for that - but he'll stand whilst I groom, doesnt try and bite or kick me and is respectful of humans (large or small) in his stable - perfectly normal, non bolshy gelding.

OP it sounds like your pony is respecting your space - its early days yet - perhaps this is his way of showing affection? At least hes not trying to bite you :-D

Xxx
 
Takes time and they're all different

Foxy, my ex racehorse, has always been a people horse - probably because he was owner bred out of their own mare and had quite a lot of human interaction as a baby. Has always been quite affectionate and very trusting

Lockie on the other hand (ISH) much slower to trust and is a horse horse - not too bothered about people but definitely needs his horsey friends more than Foxy who's a bit more independant. That said, went to get them from field the other day and Lockie was over far side, called to him and he came belting across the field, hugely excited, stopped a few feet away from me and was broncing on the spot! So funny! I like to think he was pleased to see me .... Probably just wanted his dinner though :rolleyes:
 
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