I would be really grateful for some stories

It has taken me three years to have the confidence to ride Diva on my own without anyone watching me.

In the first 6 months she bucked, spooked, reared, napped and tried everything possible to scare the sh!t out of me.

In the end I stopped riding her and just left Mr Worried to do his thing.

Gradually I started getting on at the end to cool her down and bit by bit I started riding her again. It was 6 months before I cantered her again.

My first competiton was a walk and trot test and I made Mr Worried ride her first. The next two competitions I was so nervous I cried my eyes out.

Things were looking up and then she started bucking again - she went to the vets who thought she had pulled a muscle.

We brought her back into work and I got a wild card to the Petplan winter championships. I was crap, was crippled with nerves and got less than 60% but thrilled to have got there and survived!

Started going out at novice things were again looking rosy when she started going badly again, bucking, kicking out, rearing - the complete workd - by this time I was scared of her I refused to ride her and was contemplating turning her away and retiring her.

A trip to the vets revealed she has distended ovaries and was put on regumate. She improved overnight but still had some 'issues' which had become habit. Mr Worried took her to Emile for a make or break lesson - and things have improved no end.

I am really enjoying her again but it has been a real roller coaster - there have been times when I have seriosuly doubted if we were suited. I still sometimes think she is too good for me - but when she is good she is awesome. When she is bad I just make Mr Worried ride her
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I know exactly how your daughter feels as it is really hard for me as Mr Worried is a pro and I am not, I work full-time and ride when I can - when I compare myself to him I get very disheartened.

I have to tell myslef this is my hobby and it should be fun or I am going to stop doing it!
 
Right, here we go.
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First hunter trial on old boy- fell off three times (twice in first class, once in second) nearly finished second time round (until i fell off when he took a v v unexpected long one
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) but only because we were following friend and her horse- we were pretty much flat out bolting and making our way over, round or through the jumps in any way possible... couldn't withdraw/accept elimination as couldn't stop
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First SJ on old boy- kicked, pulled and shouted him round, got at least one refusal...at every. single. fence.
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then did clear round afterwards, (went clear
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!!) until last fence, when i got 3 refusals.
And this pone is not young/green etc, he's evented to BE Novice. So it must have been me
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Tell her she is doing very well compared to me
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You've only got to glance at my BE record to see how much fun we have at events!! It goes E, 89.70, E, R, E
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When I did Moreton last year he did a 22.5 dressage, clear showjumping and then stopped 1st fence XC, and then another stop at the 7 fence and another at the last. We went from 1st to 2nd to last in 4 mins 30!
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Did stockland lovell ode this weekend and literally had to beat him round the XC. Amazingly we came 6th so theres a glimmer of hope there!

Tell your daughter that having a tricky horse teaches you to ride. And yes its SOOOOO frustrating when you think you've cracked it and then you get eliminated again but that day when it all goes to plan will feel 10 times more special.
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I tend not to post event reports - atm there are more bad days than good!

It's important for her to bear in mind that we don't all start with rosettes - it took me over 4 years to get round a 45cm course of show jumps
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And a further year to get a clear - at which point I promptly forgot my jump - off course!!!

I think what you just have to do is look at how you got on and compare it to worse times. For example I got 3 lots of 12 faults SJ yesterday on a horse that could get double clears much higher, frustrating as it is I just look back to 12 months ago when 20 faults was our personal best!
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Or when I only get say 50% in a dressage test when I am fully aware the sod could of done better if he'd even been half inspired to! But then I think of the day I couldn't canter forwards and he went sideways into the side of the arena in two tests! the result the judge saying at the end 'well that was a bit of a disaster would you like to see if you can manage a trot before you leave!' We ended up with 32% and 43% - but my consolation was that he was reasonably behaved in the warm up!

I have a personal check list that goes as follows:-

Am I injured?

Is my horse injured?

If the answer is no then there's always another day.

The fact at the end of the day is if we didn't have the bad days the good days wouldn't be good!

Best of luck to your daughter and hope she comes through this as a better rider - we all go through our rough patches, I feel like I'm in one too now but don't let it get her down, make sure that she keeps her chin up and looks for the improvements rather than dwelling on the faults.

And just remind her that the results rarely say everything - how many times do you see an incompetent rider go clear and often win?
 
My first show with rupert I fell off
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Tell her to read my most recent report from doing working hunter at bramham
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yikes!! Its not just first shows that go miserably
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she will be fine keep working at it, if we won all the time it would be boring (she convinces herself
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)
 
I've got loads.CR'd after disasterous show jumping on my old cob/eventer on two occasions. Another occasion, after our "first fencitis" so pleased to leave first up I jumped no. 7 backwards, instead of no.2. Next horse decided it hated jumping would drop me on a good stride fairly requently, the most embarassing of which was over the practice jump at Eland in 07 end result two broken heels and an ankle - still have the limp. I could go on but i'm sure i'm boring you! Now have a different horse who is a star, makes all the pain worthwhile!!! Chin up and kick on
 
I had a terrible pony when i was about 12 he used to go to take off at a fence and then drop his shoulder so i went straight out the side door. In the end when we were selling him i had to jump a cross pole and i was literally shaking. Before we sold him i got a brilliant 13.2 on loan and the first show i jumped at he won and he carried on winning for the two years i had him. A few years and horses down the line i now have a gorgeous horse with amazing look at me presence and for the first 2 years i had him i got eliminated more often than i got round which is just great when everyone is looking at the brilliantly schooled and super talented horse with the girl on him who "clearly can't cope" (he was stopping when i bought him and i didn't school him briliantly he's german
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). I've now finally cracked him *madly touches wood* and i now feel i am a good rider. I think you need all the crap to make you a rider and it feels so much better when you finally do well. It sounds like your daughter has already made progress so she's obviously doing well she just needs to keep working through it and try to pick out the positives or failing that eat lots of chocolate, sulk for an hour or so and put it behind her
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I'd like to share my story of my first pony who sounds similar to yours!

She was a 14hh chestnut mare, been there done that sort who i got as a novicey 12yo. My pony introduced me to competiting and i did everything with her but we had so many problems along the way. Quite quickly this pony realised that i wasn't a very confident rider and she started stopping when jumping, sadly in my inexperience i let her get away with it and it just got worse and worse. The more she stopped the worse the confidence got and it was a viscious cycle. I had several lessons but no instructor tackled the route cause and we never improved. My pony also used to stop at ever single jump and could sometimes take 3 attempts at each fence, we were frequenctly getting eliminated at something as small as 1ft9 and i was losing hope.

The thing that turned it around was finding a decent instructor, slowly my attitude changed, i got more confident, started riding more positive and pony started stopping less. She still tried it on at shows but we started going clear more often. She was always going to have it in her to stop but by the end of our time together she was happily going double clear round 2ft6 courses and popping 3ft courses at home. I've recently sold her on as i outgrew her but she turned out to be the more fantastic pony and i wouldn't change anything about our time together.

Tell your daughter not to lose hope, it's not about the winning but the journey. With my pony we probably got eliminated more times than we got placed but it's made me a stronger rider and i'd rather learn how to ride something tricky than have a push button pony!
 
My horse was a harness racer for 9 years before i got him, 18 months ago. teaching him to co-ordinate his legs is hard enough- On sunday we did the clear round at a local show- we got 2 clears over about 1ft6/ 1ft9. I was thrilled. I've been riding for 17 years and competing for 12 on and off, in this time i have only ever one one first and that was a bending race. plenty of 2nd and 3rd in sj, xc and dr on other horses-but never that 1st. i don't compete to win (which is just as well, lol) i take my horse places where we can have fun while competitive people compete around us. we might win something one day, or we might not. Jumping a harness racer double clear is prize enough for me, especially as i know we've managed it through our hard work together.
that win may come next time out, it may take ten years - just enjoy while you're getting there, and if you never get there at least you've had fun trying.
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Ive still got all the (few)rosettes i won as a kid,with where and how written on the back.I am now in my 50,s with a new horse after a long break from riding. He is 17,3 and just turned 7.I dont think I have ever fallen off any horse as many times as I have,him.
Has your daughter discovered the pony club yet,I would strongly reccomend it.
 
Here's another one! The spooky pony, of course, is very spooky. I still haven't got him jumping reliably, he still spins and runs at the slightest provocation (today it was a folding bed inexplicably standing in the forest, which ended with me landing on my bum and the pony trotting away), and we're still trying for that elusive 60%...in prelim, of all things.

Every time I get frustrated (all these people on perfectly-behaved large-moving warmbloods...
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), I need to remind myself where we're coming from:

Last October, he would spook every few strides in a school, and one couldn't get him near a wall, a pole, or a jump standard. He had trouble even going through the gates leading to his field, was difficult to catch, and had no idea what my aids meant. He was also terribly unfit from having been turned away for a year. He was about as straight as a banana, ran around like a deranged giraffe, and chose his canter leads at random. On hacks, he planted or spooked at anything and everything. He was always good with traffic, though, oddly!

In the last 6 months, he has gone hunting, done dressage tests every 2 weeks or so, tried an endurance ride and lots of long hacks, even had a wee go at Le Trec (he threw me off and galloped away...
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). Our dressage marks have gone from mostly 4s and 5s with the odd 6, to mostly 6s and 7s with just enough 5s to keep us at 59.5. He always picks up the correct lead, is progressing with TOF, shoulder-in, and leg-yielding, and is occasionally even seen to come into outline and stay there for a few strides. We can also trot over poles!
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Oh yes, and I can open many gates from on his back now.

We still have a long long way to go. Would an experienced trainer have him a lot farther along by now? Probably. Are we a competitive team yet? Hell no!
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But I'm progressing so much more as a rider, thanks to this little guy!
 
Again thank you everyone. You have proved to me what stars you all are. You deal with a lot of disappointment and bounced back everytime.

Pat yourselves on the back and tell yourselves you are special today!
 
Has she ever watched show jumping on TV? Even the top international professionals have refusals, falls, poles down and general 'bad days' where they end up retiring because nothing is going right.... does she really believe that she should be exempt from the same problems? try and get this point across - would she say THEY are terrible riders?

She just took a dismal view of what was actually a good day - she came 3rd!

teenagers eh, mountains out of molehills the whole time, just let her have her strop and carry on as normal yourself.
 
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I spent the first year with my horse, sitting in ditches watching my horse calmly canter off.

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My last pony (a Welsh D) gave me very similar experiences to this XC - although with me it was usually sitting at the bottom of drop fences while he had a good graze on the nearest patch of grass... he was a stopper extraordinaire, but we perservered and when he was going well was the most fun pony ever. Luckily my parents weren't at all pushy, so I never expected to do well (edit to say not because they thought I was crap, just becuse they loved it all without me having to win!) - very lucky, as most of my contemporaries were on specially bought comp ponies (e.g Matthew Wright was of my time in same pony club, I hd no hope!!) However, I still have the only 2 trophies I ever won in 4 years of owning this horse, and I still feel incredibly proud of where we got to - never really on a winning streak, but in a trusting combination which I reckon is most important!

I have to say also to OP - well done to you for being such an understanding parent, your daughter is lucky to have all your support. Lots of my friends at teenage age had incredibly pushy parents, who would bawl them out if they hadn't done well - I remember one of the very few times I did win a class, the girl I had beaten in the jump off came out crying and got shouted at straight away by her Dad (while I was brobably crying in joy, I always blub when horse goes well!)... Better to have fun on a beautiful animal that you love, than take it all so seriously that you lose the joy...

Good luck to your daughter - sounds like she is getting there!
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Edit again to agree that Pony Club is a good way to get going - also I found doing pairs hunter trails with more experienced/non-stoppy people helped get my confidence up!
 
Nuala, I have to recommend my favourite book for developing positive mental attitude. 'That Winning Feeling!' by Jane Savoie is fantastic. Jane Savoie is a dressage rider, but her approach covers all disciplines. I usually a major sceptic, but this book revolutionised by attitude to competitions - I actually enjoy them now!
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Only just seen this, don't often venture in here. When my daughter first started competing on a friends pony she was eliminated in every class. This went on for nearly a whole season, as they became more experienced they improved and she ended up winning several riding club championships on him. She was very successful with her own pony after that apart from at one show where they had a very spooky hanging gate. First time pony stopped and she fell off, through the rest of the season (RC so show a month job) the pony stopped at the gate, and could see daughter was tensing and riding defensively so as to stay on. She knew it herself but couldn't help it. Cracked it eventually and then there was no stopping her. Current horse is very consistent, again has won points trophies at RC several times. First show this year won his classes, 2nd show stopped and she fell off, then in later class knocked about 3 down
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Not sure why he stopped but she admits that she rode him differently in next class which I am sure whyhe had faults. Ayway the point of this long ramble is that ) your daughter is by no means alone in not being successful straight away, and b) riding hesitantly or expecting problems will imo usually cause them.
Good luck to her at future shows.
 
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