If you were a horse, and you were for sale, what would your ad read?

C

chillidragon

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29 May 2008
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West Yorkshire mountainside
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Mine:

16hh 9yo mousey coloured (mousamino?) Akhal Teke mare, prefers to stay in box fully rugged up rather than go out, but good doer. Done prelim dressage (ballet) but disastrous at jumping and cross-country as shockingly clumsy. Needs competent rider willing to give her a kick up the bl**dy arse as very lazy when left to her own devices. Know to caffeine-slurp, office-walk and keyboard-crib. Comes with modest wardrobe. £2,000 ONO. (And I even found a pic of 'me' too... just try to ignore the fact that it's a boy!)

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Ah, see how my nearly-ewe neck shines in the sun...
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Fat, lazy, Welsh Baptist broodmare, good natured but past her best, has bred two lovely foals. Sound, no known vices (ha!) but overweight. Not easy to handle can be temperamental. Chestnut with several white socks but no two seem to make a pair.
Mane needs pulling, but might clean up quite well - not destined for the showring, but reliable old plod.
No sensible offer refused!
 
Dark bay wanabee palomino, stubborn, marish, doesn't listen to rider (!) untapped potential. Needs understanding owner with lots of time and money (!)

Oh dear I sound like a "project"
 
Very beutiful welsh cob. Chunky but hey that's they way I was made. I am not FAT!! Don't mind jumping if you want me to and I'm told i'm not to bad at the old dressage even though i'm not exactly made for it. I load well, especially if theres a haynet. I'll do anything for food infact I require plently of feeding as my current owner seems a bit tight on the rations. I don't mind living out, infact I prefer it but full neck rugs required during winter as I don't like getting wet. I'm sure my full wardrobe of rugs will be avaliable with the sale. If you think you fit the requirment then please enquire to my current keeper tp discuss terms.
 
17hh english bred dark bay Irish draught mare.
Very powerful chunky horse would excel in eventing.
Willing to learn but can be tempremental at times. Live in our out. Well schooled. Good to box, shoe, catch, clip but not with dentists.
5* homes only to this very special mare
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16hh medium weight, proven broodmare, with two foals at foot. Happy hacker, not up to hard schooling...... hacks out on own, never nappy towards home!!! Slight sweet itch, but managed with vaseline....

Dark bay at the moment but will grey out if the roots are anything to go by!!

Home more important than price.... chocolate lovers will be given preference!
 
People call me eeyore as im a bit dopey.My names Bear, 15hh bay cob x, Im nearly 5. I like to make friends with anyone or anything. Even horses that try and savage me.
I can XC, but for SJ I need someone with some enthusiasm as my mums a wimp so I pretend Im having a game of skittles just to really embaress her!
I am great to take out on hacks, apart from scary leaves can make me spook a little.
I love hunting and dont really mind showing, its quite easy to stand in a field for 20 minutes and look handsome
Apart from that Im pretty much 100%honest and trusting and loving!
Oh and I come with a lovely pink MW turnout rug and pretty pink patch work fleece!

http://s165.photobucket.com/albums/u76/sophie221/?action=view&current=IMG_2702.jpg
 
The Greatest Horse That Ever Lived..

Super intelligent, know-it-all 4-legged beautiful beastie, with a perchance to favour pomegranates....

Hate's the cold (Alpha Centauri ranges in temp, DragonSlayer favours the warmth greatly...) and will not do a thing until tea has been intravenously administered in the morning.

Can be bribed with alchohol, and try and force the issue, you will have a broken nose.

Apart from that, pay £12,000,000 and you could own The Greatest Horse That Ever Lived....

~Cackles~
 
[ QUOTE ]
The Greatest Horse That Ever Lived..

Super intelligent, know-it-all 4-legged beautiful beastie, with a perchance to favour pomegranates....

Hate's the cold (Alpha Centauri ranges in temp, DragonSlayer favours the warmth greatly...) and will not do a thing until tea has been intravenously administered in the morning.

Can be bribed with alchohol, and try and force the issue, you will have a broken nose.

Apart from that, pay £12,000,000 and you could own The Greatest Horse That Ever Lived....

~Cackles~

[/ QUOTE ]



**sniggers**
Sounds like my welshie!
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I got one written for me for my 18th birthday:

"Delightfull Chesnut Filly for sale, this sweet natured little filly has an excelent temperment, is well schooled, has a soft responsive mouth and is beginning to experience all situations on the flat. No Vices, must be seen to be appreciated."

I would like to think i'm still the same but this is probs more accurate now:

"Dark bay/black Mare, wise beyond her years, experanced on the flat and excells under harness. Controllable vice (alcohol) but very easy to do in and around the stable."
 

Chestnut mare. Small build, 13hh approx. Would possibly do well at local level shows but needs some sprucing up & bringing gently back in to work as has been turned away for the past year or so due to now cured joint probs.

Even tempered & very willing to please but can be stubborn if not handled correctly. Snaffle mouth but can be head strong so not a novice ride, would suit small, competent adult. No novices or she is liable to take the P!
Needs gentle but calm & firm handling, hates raised voices & conflict.
Not mareish in any way although is a terrible flirt.
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Would suit a home where she can get out & experience lots although her nerve tends to fail her XC & the like.

Does not kick, bite, rear or is in any way nasty but is liable to bolt at the first sign of heavy handedness. Needs reassurance at times although once you have her trust, she will try her heart out for you. Takes time to settle but once she has she is quite a forthright personality.

Unsure of breeding although apparently is of Irish descent!
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Well built bay mare, all rounder, enjoys hacking, jumping and schooling.

Good traveller, loves to be shod, not good with dentists.

Prefers to live in with cosy bed and rug. Can be tempramental so experienced home required!!
 
16.2 palamino broodmare, will also show under saddle and enjoys fun rides. Must be stabled over night. A very happy horse and a pleasure to own if you keep her well fed and keep the stallions coming, does not take to AI.
 
5.6'' hands
Bay with flaxen mane and tail (oops maybe not the tail bit lol!)
29 years old (ideal for veteran classes)
Schoolmaster (anybodies ride!.....Ooo La Laaar!)
Good athletic paces and placid attitude
Bold over fences (so true...always me and never the horse I happen to be riding!)
Easy to do (how bad does that sound lol!)
No ailments but partial to some ale

Very un reluctant sale....

....therefore FREE to good home
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14.2 tempremental mare for sale.
Very stubborn and headstrong. Can be a very laidback and loveable pony once hadled correctly.
Needs a kick up the backside once in a while (be careful - you may recieve one too)
Does bite therefore needs competant handler who will not argue, must be sensitive and light handed.
Will not live out 24/7 and requires grazing muzzle when turned out as she will pile on the pounds even by looking at food.
English bred, possible use as broodmare in years to come.
 
17.3, bay mare.
Fiesty and pig headed, but can be sweet natured if sensitively handled. Not for the faint hearted, as can be bolshy and will take the p*ss if allowed. Has issues
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Only 1 vice..... drinks a lot.
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Proven brood mare, but foal is as bad feisty as it's mother.

No novices or time wasters please
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Quiet old mare seeks retirement home. Has worked her ass off for years, now needing to take life a bit easier. Cheap to run and has no vices though carrying a bit too much weight. If not suited as a riding horse would make an ideal doormat as is too easy going. Can be irritated by noisy youngstock. Eyesight a bit suspect so not suitable for jumping or fast work.
Not a looker so would not do well in the show ring.
Someone please take pity on this poor creature!
 
Classy brood mare, can be extremely marish. good doer. all known vices.Not suitable for novice but will do well with proper care.
 
handsome 16 h 7 yr old tb.
Guaranteed to break your bank account
Great in hand but always broken but has a good relationship with vet.
Can rodeo rear nap and buck
Doesnt work in a good outline because is rarely sound .
Great with farrier
Loads well but no point in going out on three legs
Jumps like a helicopter
Very affectionate
 
16hh palimino mare lazy, stubborn, and has an awful attitude towards any kind of movement and has beem known to rear buck nap and lie down so must have kind experienced rider. must be rugged up and kept in through winter. good doer. good box, clip, shoe and vet unless getting injections. only one vice kicking stable door when not getting enough attention.
1p buy the mare and we will give you £50.00
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Dark chestnut mare in the prime of her years. Eats well but hard to maintain weight.
Been there, seen it, done it and still enjoys doing it now. Still fidgets in spite of attemps to train. Couple of harmless vices. Can be grumpy in the stable and a sod to catch. Loyal to owner - whoever that may be at the time.
 
15hh palomino mare, fiery temperament but would never kick or bite. Not competeative but would make a good alrounder if she could be assed to let someone catch her.
 
I am looking for a home with lots and lots of food with lots of opportunity for sleep. I expect at least an hour of brushing, fuss and bum rubs daily. I do not expect to do any work - at all - ever (unless we go hunting which I like so much I get a bit hysterical and have brain meltdown).

I will only eat extra strong mints, please don't try to give me polos or any other type of mint as I will spit it back at you. I also expect to have an apple in my breakfast and dinner.

I will give you a months trial to ensure that you will look after me and generally be my slave to a high enough standard before committing to a sale.
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