If your horse could talk...

I

ILikeThemHairy

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... What would it say?

This was inspired by ponypilotmum (I think thats the username, sorry if its wrong!) who said:

'One of mine would be:

Is it dinner time yet?
Oooh itchy, I'll just push that fence over. Can't believe you put me in a field with HAY.
Is it dinner time yet?
Ach, another itch, I'll just slice my leg open.
Is it dinner time yet?
Move out the way I haven't eaten all day and my stomach thinks my throat's been cut.
Is it dinner time yet?
I'll just escape and help myself to the feed room if no-one's going to prvide something edible.
Is it dinner time yet?
Yes? Let me at it quick before the invisible monster eats it
I SAID stay away! Do not look at my dinner, I am starving!

Well, that was naff. I hate you.


Is it dinner time yet?'

It absolutely tickled me, and I wondered, if yours could talk, what would it say? :D
 
Puh-lleeeaaassseeeee don't make me go out of the yard!! Pretty please?!
Do I have to come in?
Can I have another cuddle? Or carrot?
What is that? Is that a baby rabbit?!?! OMG SCARY!
It's only a lorry, why are you worried?
Is that a polo? I think it is, don't lie.
 
La la la la la aaaaaah new place most exciting thing ever must prance la la la la ooooooh another horse most exciting thing ever must prance la la la la oooooooh a car most exciting thing ever must prance!

And when at home tied up - boooooored, I'm going to throw the hoofpick at Hon!!
 
Kelsey (27yr old): for god sake woman, stop trying to kiss me!
why does he get his dinner first, the little *****
Do I look like I want to walk? no, so I'm going to go everywhere at 100mph!
Tell him to get away from my hay, he's not listening to me!
only 5 carrots, surely you must have some more in there somewhere!
Please can you clip me, I look like a right scruff!

Sam (2.5yr old): Oh those wellies look taste, let me have a nibble.
This food tastes much better if I eat if from the floor, so I'm going to kick it out of my bucket!
Who do you think you are, I want to eat this grass and I will have a tantrum if you don't let me! For god sake, why won't you let me?
Owwww that's interesting, what is it? of yes umbrella's are not scary, because I can break them with my teeth!
your kisses make me laugh! I also love the pussy cats dolls, they make me laugh too!

Jezza (mini shettie): get away from me, you're scary! oh you have polo's I might be able to get one if I stretch my neck as far as it can possibly go!
Don't you dare try and touch me, its too scary!
YAY a walkies, I love walkies, maybe you're not scary, but don't think you're coming near me again! Woohoo lets have a run around the woods!
Where's Truly gone, I can't cope when she's not here, but you're still not catching me, Ill just follow behind!!
 
OMG YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKET!!!
Is that mint? I think it's a mint!
Oh no just a phone...
OMG YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKET!!!
Is that mint? I think it's a mint!
Oh no just a key...
OMG YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKET!!!
Is that mint? I think it's a mint!
Oh no just gloves...
 
emma.is said:
OMG YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKET!!!
Is that mint? I think it's a mint!
Oh no just a phone...
OMG YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKET!!!
Is that mint? I think it's a mint!
Oh no just a key...
OMG YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKET!!!
Is that mint? I think it's a mint!
Oh no just gloves...
Click to expand...

PMSL, This one all the way
 
B1. Are we jumping yet? Hurry up. Are we jumping yet? Can I have a treat? Are we jumping yet? Move faster. Are we jumping yet? Can I have tea now? Are we jumping yet?

B2 scratch here, cuddle me, feed me, another rug please, treat me, ooh pretty, what's that? Can we gallop now? More food please. I want to go out if it's warm enough, no too cold i'd like to come in now. Kiss?
 
Rileyboy said:
Why do u insist on cleanin my bits you peado once more n I will ring RSPCA
Click to expand...
Absolutely cryin with laughter here, that's hilarious!!!


My girl would say;
What's that? Can I eat it?
Get off my ears.... I hate it when you mess with my ears!
*groan* but I'm too old to work.....see I can only go slowly.
Oh look JUMPS! Don't talk to me I can only go REALLY FAST!!
AAAAAARGH! The pole fell down and now all the jumps are going to eat me!!
Hey, what have you got.....is it edible?
Mmmmm.....I love having my ears rubbed!
Is that food? Can I eat it anyway?
 
''Any minute now, any second now,, wait for it,wait for it....OMGOMGOMG DONKEY! I knew it was there, just testing...''

''Did you hear that? I heard it. Did you hear it? It came from over there, yes over there. Look, see i know it came from over there. They are hunting without me? How cruel is that? HUNTING I tell ya.... Food? At a time like this? They are Hunting... I heard them, I can't possibly eat NOW''


''Wanna play? wanna play? Oh, polo, thanks! Wanna play? Wanna play? Can i have another polo? Ppppllleeeeaaaaasssssseeeeee''
 
When my OH goes to catch in:

*From top of the paddock* MMMMMuuuuuummmmmmyyyyyyyyy!

Oh. It's you.

And when I am messing around with him I don't think he would say anything. He'd do what he does any way and sigh. Loudly. And look all ever suffering:
18288_10151360269280628_1138687238_n.jpg
 
Ha ha ha love this..

Mine..

WHY are you late?
Oh but it's too FAAAAAARRRRRRRrrrrrrrr to walk to the gate!
No, THIS way.
This is sooooo boring.
 
Haylage, haylage now!! Hurry up I am.hungry I need food!
Nom nom I love haylage
Why is it gone so quickly
Ok salt lick yum yum
Hello you are here do you have food
Do not take off my rugs its cold
No no don't you dare
Ok well being brushed is ok oh that bit is nice and itchy don't touch my belly I do not like having my belly brushed and you know this
Ok riding ace lets go let me have that bridle
Ha ha you arr not looking time to escape, food anywhere
Ok youre annoyed I will go in
Ok right riding now finally - cool
 
Just hurry up dumbo, lets get on with it
Why can't I gallop the ground is great here
I'm not going second, I'm not going second
We can take them, no trouble
Scary leaf .... scary log....
No the combine harvester is fine
I want to go back to the field now
hurry up hurry up hurry up....
 
The big cob : "I really do expect you full attention at all times ... Get off your phone ... Stop chatting with others of your kind .. Do you not realise you were put on this earth to feed me, brush me, itch my tail and be my general minion! Now pay attention else I shall throw whatever is in my mouths reach at you and fart in your general direction!"
 
Highland......"feed me. Feed me now. Im not fat, im just big haired. I can fit in the lock up, i know theres food in there even if it is that diet stuff. And yes.....my willy stinks. What of it?"

Arab......
"look at me with my swishy tail....i can't possibly go through that muddy gateway....faster......faster....faster......wheeeee!.
Oh go on then.....snog me if you must....."
 
From fatty on saturday morning parked just along from the meet .
" I am coming out I am coming out "( of the trailer )
"I am out I am out ."
" Wheres mr GS we are late we will miss it . "
( QUe Mr GS stuffing bits of string flask gloves phone sandwiches into saddle boxes pockets etc )
FAtty , " hurry up hurry up"
( Mr GS gets on from trailer GS tightens girth checks tack gives thumbs up locked and loaded good to go )
Fatty does two celebration bucks ( just to settle Mr GS into the saddle you understand and swings his head to look at GS and winks)
"Fatty "growls MR GS
Fatty," ok just winking at GS , right let's get this show on the road."
3 pm GS picks up at cross roads Fatty is listening to hounds in the distance ,
Sees trailer and whinnys always knows his tranport
GS "you ok Fatty, "
Fatty , " great GS just great."
Home safe.
 
The Appy would be giving a running comentary on everthing she was doing, as of course she is the most important being in the world :D This would be interspersed with exclamations from her about how beautiful she is, just to make sure that no-one forgot.
The Old Cob would complain about the quality of the catering and the quality of horse care these days and object if she had a rug put on and equaly object if she didn't have a rug put on.
The Big Mare would constantly ask for more haylage, chaff just doesn't do it for her, she doesn't understand the concept of a diet and certainly doesn't understand why she might need to be on one!
 
What happens when a silly two legs insists on feeding the horses while two are being tacked up to go out. Can't fool a 20 year old, food obsessed, crafty ole git.

Hey, why are they getting food. Where's mine?
Ok..now I'm getting annoyed. Stop grooming me GIVE Me Food.
Ok time for really scary face!
I'll kick you I will I will really kick you! WHERES MY DINNER?!
No ******* off!! I'm not lifting my feet. I really will kick you..gerrof !!
Hah! It's working I've scared her away and she's going to the lock up for my dinner.
Huh! :confused: That's not dinner it's a stick :eek:
Oh alright then. Pick my bloody feet IF you must.:mad:
Mutter mutter..it's not fair I'm the only one who didn't get dinner..well the fat black cob thing hasn't either but he doesn't need any food.
 
Mine would be like;

"mmmuuuummmmyyyy!!!!!"
"Give me a polo now... now... NOW!!"
" why do you have tack in your hand???? work???? :eek: I have already told you I am 9 years old and I want to be retired!!!"
"give me another polo please"
"It is far too cold to take any of my rugs off!"
" Is it dinner time yet??"
"do not touch my sides, I have told you repeatedly I DO NOT LIKE IT!!"
"give me another polo please"
Romeo; "Its raining..."
Me; "yes I know, you have a waterproof coat on..."
Romeo; "But its raining..."
Me; "yes I know but you wont be out for long..."
Romeo; "god dam it women! Its RAINING!!!"
Me; "you will be ok... its water not acid..."
Romeo; " your not listening to me... ITS RAINING!! I AM NOT GOING OUTSIDE!"
Me; "ok, stay in then!"
Romeo; "great, you can feed me now, pppplllleeeeaaaaasssseee"
 
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