I'm an awful mum =[ =[ =[ =[ =[

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Cedars

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Had puppy since Thursday. Had a great first 2 days, with 2 accidents each day but she's only 16 weeks.

Yesterday she went in her crate, 3 times. Once we found it when we came home from dinner, and then TWICE this morning. I don't understand why because I took her out properly and everything. She's beginning to ignore me when I call her name and she only sits for treats.

She's also not done a poo today (well, since the one she did in her crate last night).

I'm just doing an awful job, she's having loads of accidents (for a 16 week old), I want to be an amazing 'mum' but I'm just not.

Sat in bed with the OH crying last night. He's got the horses and isn't helping.

I'm so tired and she's such hard work and I'm doing an awful job. My OHs mum has taken her for a long walk now.

She's such an amazing puppy. I'm awful.

Advice please =[

Hannah xxx
 
Oh hun. (((((big hug)))))

She is still only little, 16 weeks is not that old so don't beat yourself up about accidents! You can't blame yourself because your dog is having toiletting issues, you've hardly had her any time at all.

Give yourself and her a bit more time to settle with each other, you are still at the getting to know each other stage right now. Don't compare yourself to others, people whose dogs are getting it at that age probably got them a lot earlier than you did so have had more time.

Have some chocolate, or a beer, or both, and another (((((hug)))))
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She is still settling in, horses and kids always take a few days to settle into a new environment and puppies are no different. Just keep being positive and rewarding her when she does go in the right place and it will stick in time
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Also don't get to heavily into training too early as the novelty can wear off really quickly (like kids and horses too!) Have you looked into clicker training? It might be the answer for a pup already showing enough intelligence to only obey for food!
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Don't be silly, you're not an awful mum! You haven't even had her a week, this things take time. Give puppy a chance to settle in, get to know you and your routine and you'll soon wonder what you were ever worried about.

If it makes you feel any better, Beastie was an absolute 'mare to house train! I think it was 6months before she truly grasped it
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Try not to worry so much, you don't have to be perfect, the puppy will love you anyway!

I'm sure you have heard potty training advise till it comes out your ears but in case it can give you anymore ideas - I tend to take them in the garden; every hour on the hour, after every play, sleep or meal, if they start skulking in corners, wandering off or sniffing at the floor, last thing at night and first thing in the morning... Very time consuming initially but it does pay off. Also I'm sure you have but if you haven't make sure there isn't any toilet smells left in the crate, normal soaps doesn't always get rid (i was advised to use washing powder).

Lastely - enjoy her, you sound like you really care and she will love you for it! You haven't had her long and things will improve!
 
Thanks guys. Just feeling so ridiculously stressed.

Also, we live with my OHs mum and new husband, mum LOVES her and is being so amazing but her husband is such a tw*t and keeps sulking and stuff. So I'm under so much pressure not to let her wee/poo/make ANY mistakes. Like, she just fell in the pond in the garden (she's been eyeing it up since she got here and we think she jumped!) and we were all wetting ourselves at her but he got really angry cos its "his water feature". Get a flipping grip.

Boo. Anyway she's currently asleep in front of the AGA so I'm feeling a bit better lol. Sorry for being so self indulgent.

Hannah xxx
 
Deep breaths and calm down, I got my first dog when I was 16 years old and two weeks later I was sitting crying on my bed, because some of it was not at all the way I had imagined it (and I by no means had any fluffy bunny thoughts seen through pink-tinted glasses about it). But it still just was a lot to handle at once.
I might be totally wrong here, I can only base this on the words you've chosen, but you say f.ex. "I'm just doing an awful job"and "I want to be an amazing 'mum' but I'm just not." And you say she has began ignoring you etc.
I think she is sensing your expectations, "everything" is new, new home, new routines, no siblings to play with and on top of that comes you, worrying about not being a good owner and (my presumption) ruining your lovely puppy.



My first advice is that you sit down and write down/think through what you really expects out of her here and now. What do you really think and how is that compared to real facts?
F. ex. Do you think that puppies that isn't house broken within a certain time in their new home never becomes house broken?
Do you think puppies must learn to sit within a certain time in their new home or they will never learn to sit?
Do you think puppies that now and then forgets that they should react to their name will be like that for the rest of their life?

My suggestions probably sounds silly when seeing it in black and white, but that is the great thing with writing it down, seeing it makes it easier for you to realise if your expectations are realistic or not.


My second advice is that you take a 24 hours vacation from all demands. Take her out, if she pees outside great, if she pees indoors pretends as if it rains and just bring out the bucket and clean it up (and try to don't think any negative thoughts, is it not great that her bladder works properly
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? The alternative is after all that something could be seriously wrong).
If she doesn't listen to you, ignore her, you should not beg for her attention. But when she just happens to walk past you, catch that moment and make something out of it by saying something nice and sweet.
If she gnaws at something forbidden, use your legs (or wheelchair) and just go over to her, pick her up (pretend as if you're not noticing what you're doing) and put her down next to allowed gnaw bones (yes you might have to do it more than once, but I promise you wont have to do it fiftyeleven times every time after the first time).
Put a long line and harness on her so you can "haul" her in if she doesn't listen to you outdoors. And/or "abandon" her, walk a way and begin to talk with imagined ants or what ever. As long as you call her, you might actually be telling her "I'm here and I'm watching so you're safe to keep on doing what you're doing!" and that is hardly what you intended to tell her is it? An abandoned puppy is a vulnerable puppy and most puppies remembers this sooner or later.




It would not surprise me at all if the crate accidents are a reaction to demands your puppy can't handle and would it not be ironic if you're crying because you have to high demands on yourself as a new puppy owner and your puppy is doing the same in one of the few ways she can show she can't handle her situation?




It is now about 19 years since I sat crying on my bed and for every puppy I've had the more relaxed I get, the more often I just shrug my shoulders and think that "They'll learn that another day". And they're still house broken, they still got compliments from the other puppy owners in our puppy class saying "Your puppies are always so calm and sensible" (mother and I attended with one puppy each). Well why should they not be calm, they have learned that they don't need to worry that much about doing wrong, because that usually only means they wont get no praise. But since they want praise, they do their best to get it.


Good luck and remember to breath deep. And try to forget your demands on yourself and enjoy here and now a little more instead, trust me, they grow like weed.

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Lots of good advice from FLH and others, as usual!

I can't offer much more advice as I tend to get my youngsters at the 6-9 month mark and they are outdoors dogs, except to say, don't be so hard on yourself, it is really early days, I hate to anthromorphise but she is the equivalent of a toddler and we all know how many accidents they have!
 
If it makes you feel any better my pup is now 11months old,

and had an accident the other day (which was my fault for not picking up the signs due to stupid revision!!! lets blame the owrk)

so fret not!! and about the husband...... ignore him!! everyone else obv loves the puppy (and why wouldnt they they are SOOOOOO cute!) so hes totally outnumbered!
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Mine pee'd on my boyfriends mums foot the first time he met her! Talk about good first impressions ......
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HAHAHA Lucy that made me laugh out loud purely because it is something she totally would do!!! God what did your boyfs mum say?!?!

FLH thank you SO much your post was SO helpful - I think I am doing what you say and thinking that every time she does something wrong i take it to mean she'll never learn that. I know she will, in time!

You guys have been so helpful, thank you. Just put her to bed on an completely accident free day (if you dont include last night lol) and feeling a bit happier.

THANK YOU!

Hannah xxx
 
ermm she didnt say much, I don't think she knew whether to scream, or just accept he was a puppy! she was awesome with him the rest of the time.

but for a first meeting.... first impressions and all that! (woops
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) o well at least hes cute hehe
Might I point out my boyf was wetting himself laughing whilst i was going redder, and redder......

glad its all going better, keep going!
 
QR.... Is the crate too big.... does she feel that she has room to wee poo and sleep without being unacceptable for herself
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To make you feel better, I too have a 18 week old pup and she is totally unreliable in the house.... so much so that we only have her in the kitchen with the back door open.... otherwise we spend the whole time looking for the wee!!!

chin up, I am sure you are doing an ok job really
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Merlin'sQuest - Her crate is big enough to house a full size labrador, so it is quite large. We've got some bedding that we currently fold in half but we could lie it over the entire floor, but she might just go on the bed instead? Although we're already washing it once a day anyway so I'm not sure it'd make much difference =[ I'm pleased that your pup is still messing (not good for you though!) because at least she's not behind everyone else! =[

Hannah xxx
 
Well I think then that this is your problem..... I think you will need to use one that is only just big enough to constitute a 'bed' and then she would be less willing to mess it up
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Also you have only had her less than a week
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.... How was she housed/trained before...... at 16 weeks she will have learnt quite a lot of habits.... ie if she was allowed to soil the nest or cage previously, then she wont see it as a problem
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So its not really your fault
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MQ - do you think we should spread the blanket/bedding thing over the whole of the cage then? I can't put anything in the crate to make it smaller, and at over £50 a pop I can't afford to buy a smaller one =[

We bought her off some people who were kennel club accreditted breeders, because of this we thought they would be great but since then we found out she was covered in fleas and they've been giving her treats for EVERYTHING - like, for eating all her dinner and for sitting and stuff.....which means that shes quite challenging when she doesnt want to do things she wont unless she gets a treat. And we think that they just layered their living room with newspaper and we assume that she could just go anywhere she wants.

She does look guilty when she goes in the house but not in the morning. I dunno.

Any ideas about the crate?

Hannah xxx
 
This might not be much help to you but her behaviour could probably give a clue to whether or not they had newspapers everywhere or not. As far as I know, for it to work you need to do as following. You begin with having one bed/rug in a corner and everything else covered with newspapers in the puppy pen. When they have realised it's better to not go in/on the bed/rug, you slowly begin putting in less newspapers, until the newspapers is in one end of the puppy pen (preferably the part that also is closest to the door) and the bed/rug in the other end.

If the puppies have gotten the point, it could be quite amusing (the times you're not fast enough to let them out) to see them hurry over to the newspapers and as soon as the front paws reaches the goal they pee. We can all guess were their behinds will be? Anyway that wont happen if there has been newspapers everywhere. But even then they could temporarily forget and in the middle of playing or something else they just have to pee. Dogs are smarter than humans in at least one way, they never hold themselves until their bladder bursts the way there's humans that actually have done.





As far as looking guilty, I think it's a reaction to what she thinks your reaction will be, so she tries to smoothen you by doing things that makes humans think they know they've done wrong (=looking guilty). I would think you don't feel as stressed over an accident happening at night (poor puppy it's not easy to not be able to go for so long when you're so young etc.), but accidents at day time might make you begin to worry about her ever becoming house broken and if so, that would easily explain why she doesn't look"guilty" in the morning.



About the crate, do you have any friends with smaller dogs and thereby possibly also a smaller crate that they could lend you?
I'm no expert on crate training, you need CALA or someone else for that but otherwise, well I don't quite like this idea, but you could put newspaper in one end and rug in the other, but the whole point of the crate is that they should not "go" in it, on other hand if it is to big and makes her feel that there's enough room for her to both sleep and go on the toilet, I would think it was at least better she went on newspapers than the rug?
Have you anything over the crate? Covering it could make it feel more enclosed and smaller than it actually is.

Good luck.
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I forgot to say that being KC accredited is no guarantee for whether the breeder is good or not, I see it more as a guide, where the KC hopefully have sorted out the worst weeds for you (but I've read a few replies that suggests that I might be overly optimistic with that thought, but I'm from Sweden so I know SKK better). Anyhow you still have to make the final decision if they're a good breeder or not. And of course even the best breeders are still not 100% perfect.


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FLH thank you SOO much! I think you're right. The crate is covered but I might consider filling it with pillows so it feels smaller. Unless she chews them of course...

Hannah xxx
 
Yep.... make it small.... put a big cardboard box in one end so all she has is a place to sleep.....

She cant live in it obviously, but it may help break her of the habit of soiling it.

I have made a pen for millie out of garden centre wire pannels and however big I make it now... so long as it has a duvet on the floor.... think double!! she does not soil it. Out of it however and anywhere is fair game
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Echo what FLH says about the accredited breeder scheme.... they only have to comply with a few basics like not selling the pups before they are a certain age etc .. to join it
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