I'm being bullied

quirky

quirky

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We have a newish livery at the yard, who upon first meeting I thought was as mad as a hatter but okay. I was pretty much the only one who liked her, everybody else said she looked like trouble.

Anyway, I am (unfortunately) stabled next to her. Whilst putting my horses rug on, she was filling up her hay rack and my ned had his head over the door trying for a nibble, as they all do. She put her elbow up to him and he shot backwards into me as I was doing his leg straps up. I said "Ooh, I'm behind him". This led to a massive over reaction by her, saying lots of uncalled for things, shouting at the top of her voice. Being rather shocked, I tried to calm her down, unsuccessfully I might add and eventually emerged from stable to find most who had been in the barn at the time had disappeared. They were pretty embarassed by her and all said later I'd handled it well and that she'd beeen very rude.

Have managed to avoid her for about 3 weeks, when yesterday I had the misfortune to see her again. This time she had a massive go because I opened the barn door. Her reaction was "you're a stupid little bitch, do you do it deliberately?". In my defence, the barn doors had been open all morning, as they are every day weather permitting. She closed them, so I opened them again when I went out, not being deliberately antagonistic.

To cut a long story short, she ranted at me, calling me some not very pleasent things and this time I retaliated, telling her she was universally disliked.

BUT, now, I feel really intimidated and sick at the thought of going down. I want to enjoy my hobby, not tread on egg shells. I don't want to leave the yard as it is fab and everybody else gets on really well. Another livery says I should involve the YO as I'm being bullied but then that makes me look weak. I feel quite teary recounting this now.

So, what to do, front it out, or speak to YO.
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By the way, this woman is 55, so really old enough to be able to manage her temper in my opinion. I think she thinks I'm younger than I am as she keeps calling me little girl ... which is quite a compliment as I'll be the big 40 this year (whisper it though, I'm in denial).
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What a horrible person she sounds like, and old enough to know better really. I'd involve the YO as it's their job to sort out disputes. It's a hobby at the end of the day, you should enjoy being up there not dread going.
This is exactly the reason why I'm not on a yard, can't stand stable politics and bitchiness.
Good luck, hope it gets sorted.
 
It is in the YO's interests to know what is going on within the yard. Most definitely tell her.
 
absolutely speak to the yard owner and if you have witnesses you need to take them with you to back you up. Her behaviour and language is unacceptable. If I were the YO I would want to know as it will spread and before the YO knows it she will have a horrendous atmosphere.
 
By the sounds of it, the situation has got sour enough to report it to the YO.
I can't give advice re:yards as mine are kept at home but why should your enjoyment be disregarded because of (sounds like) a very dramatic horse owner that is upsetting the calm status of the yard. Without starting up a mutiny, is there any one else who can go to the YO with you to back you up and confirm what this woman is being like?

I am sure the last thing the YO wants is for everyone to up sticks and leave due to one person.
 
Tell YO, definitely. I'm not as restrained as you!! In your position I would've given her a taste of her own medicine
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If you decide to give it a go, I find the phrases "How dare you speak to me like that?!" "Don't EVER address me in that way again" and "Who exactly do you think you are?!" work quite well, but I do look very stern, apparently
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I do have somebody who will go to the YO with me but to be honest she (YO) doesn't like confrontation and I really don't want to put on her (as such). What could she say to her, she is pretty scary and not the sort of woman who takes telling.

All the other liveries are quite wary of this woman and having witnessed her verbal assault on me, they all give her a wide berth.
 
I think that you should wait until you are a little calmer, then have a quiet chat with your YO. It may help to write down a list of the issues before talking to your YO - focus on her behaviour towards you and your horse, rather than on your feelings about it. Also think about what you would like the YO to do about it - do you want to move stable, do you want her moved away from you, or asked to leave the yard? This woman is behaving in an unacceptable way, whatever age she is, but it is probably unrealistic to expect her to change, so it is a matter of finding a solution that you can cope with.

An effective way of dealing with an angry blustering person is to stand and look them in the eye calmly, ignoring and not responding to what they are saying, until they wind down. You have to be the adult here - think of her as a toddler having a tantrum. Then summarise their rant in one line, for example "I gather that you are unhappy about the barn doors but you haven't told me why your horse prefers to live in a poorly ventilated stable." Ideally, followed with "Shall we go and discuss the issue with the YO right now". Get her to the YO while she is still cross.
 
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Another livery says I should involve the YO

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Absolutely - she sounds vile. No one should be spoken to in the way she has spoken to you.

Tell YO - hopefully he will monitor - and if she is a trouble maker, marching orders will be issued!
 
The yard owner at least needs to know what the situation is so she can decide what action to take. She may not like confrontation, but she'll like it even less if she starts losing liveries because of this woman's behaviour.
Don't let her spoil your fun with your horse - you haven't done anything wrong. I would go with PF's advice or just simply walk away and refuse to converse with her.
 
wot a b.... dont let her stop you enjoying your horse there ONE AT EVERY YARD we certainly have one .just try and ignore her if you can everybody will soon see her for what she is ,true colours shine through .If you have a YO then have a word she is out of order .GOOD LUCK KEEP SMILING x
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Poor you, that sounds awful
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If unfortunately your YO doesn't like confrontation, you might just have to have a great big bite back at her
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. I know it will take an awful lot of courage, but it sounds like she will only get worse as time goes on, especially if she is getting away with the bullying.

I doubt very much if she will lash out (well hopefully not), so just go for it - stand your ground and BITE HER ASS! What's the worst she can do - shout back? But initially, I would make YO 'aware' of what is exactly happening first.

What a horrible situation and good luck with things - be strong or it will make you feel tense and worried, which may rub off onto ponio. LB x
 
speak the YO. It sounds like she is having a go at everyone and your the only one with the guts to stand up to her.

maybe ask another livery to go with you?
 
What a nasty sad old cow. Its a shame you didn't laugh in her face the first time she called you "little girl", or perhaps said, "So what's your problem, old crone?"...but the damage is done now. It is NOT RIGHT that this nasty old b*tch bullies you, so you need to take it to the YO. I suspect that even if you succeed in getting her off your back, she will simply find another livery to bully, but that is the YOs problem, not yours.
 
Oh I'm so sorry you have to put up with such an old bag
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I would definately get YO involved you shouldn't have to put up with being treated in this manner. Hope you sort it out soon xx
 
There seems to be someone like this at every yard at some point.
I had the reverse problem in so far as I was the new girl at the yard and the yard bully started on me. I am quite fiesty so took her on. It led to a huge barny and her leaving the yard. I was terrified no one would speak to me as I'd effectively turned up and "run this lady off". They actually patted me on the back and said "thank lord someone stood up to her". Apparently she used to bully everyone.
You shouldn't have to put up with it - talk to the YO or give her rock all back!
 
Defo tell the YO - no one deserves to be bullied and you shouldn't have to put up with it. ((((hugs)))) - it isn't being weak it's being sensible!!
 
I would defo speak to your YO, she would want to know if there was someone on her yard spoiling it for others! If she has any sense she will ask her to leave before she loses her some customers!
 
I don't think that you can expect someone else to fight your battles for you. Just ignore her after all as we know with our husbands your can't argue with someone who won't argue back. Just tell her that you don't wish anything to do with her and you won't be speaking to her again until she is going to be civil to you. If she says anything behave as if she were not there. There is nothing more annoying than being ignored.
 

It must be horrible for you.

Go and tell the YO,after all she needs to know what is going on on the yard, and then stand up straight, put your chin up, and be prepared to stand upto her, if the YO wont. You should not have to take the old bag bullying you- your horse is your hobby, your time to relax and chill.

If you don't feel you can stand upto her, however scared you are of her, smile and ask if you can have a word. Tell her that you are finding your time at the yard stressful, due to her bullying, and that you would appreciate it if she would quieten down and if she can't be nice to you, ask her to ignore you.

good luck with your situatuion, i hope it improves.
 

having been in your position before, i would speak to the yard owner, tell them that your getting a solisters letter for the woman to leave you alone. your entitled to enjoy your hobby with out hassle from someone like her.
 
To those who said have a go back, I did the 2nd time.

I told her she was universally disliked and that everybody wanted her to leave. I'm not always meek and mild! She just laughed and said she didn't care, I said of course she didn't as she's probably been disliked all her life due to her behaviour and was used to it.

She replied about me being a stupid little girl and I said at least I had age on my side you old trout! Then I turned on my heel and shot off ... see I'm not brave really!!!!

So, standing up to her didn't do much good.
 
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