I'm turning into a very protective mummy in my hunt for a sharer

abbijay

abbijay

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I've had sharers for my boy for about the last 4 years (ever since I was fairly heavily pregnant). They've generally been hugely successful and I've made some amazing friends along the way. It has taken the pressure off me to keep him fit and not have to be out of the house for stupid hours every day of the week.
I genuinely need help with him (I work very long hours and have young kids to look after) but I can't afford the extra to pay for muck outs 2 days a week on top of my livery bill. Sharers have always been a perfect solution and until he got ill (last year) I was very relaxed about who rode him and what they did with him but now I want to know they will spot signs of lameness straight away and know enough about riding in a school to warm him up properly, not push him beyond his capabilities, have full control and cool him down properly. He is a very nice straight forward kind of a horse but I have worked hard to school him correctly so he is very responsive (not sharp but a heck of a step up from a riding school pony) which seems to make him unappealing to higher level riders but a bit too much for a lot of lower level riders.
I had a lovely lady come to meet him last weekend and she ticks so many boxes - she is happy to do a week day and a weekend day, she is happy to pay me a small contribution, she is happy to muck out on her days, she has a horse of her own so she knows how to care for a horse and should be completely capable of being in charge of a horse unsupervised. Literally this is all the things I wanted in a sharer and she seems really nice to boot.
But she is used to riding riding school horses these days so when she tried him he pretty much picked up the pace and kept going faster because that's what he thought she was after (schooling whip was waving and legs were nudging on every stride). Over the next 15 minutes we got him listening to her a bit better but I could still see him misunderstanding her and trying to canter on every corner in trot. I'd happily let her out on the roads on him but I know it's the schooling in particular that she wants to focus on.
I'm sure she will learn to ride him over time and adapt to schooling on her own but I'm having a seriously overprotective moment and not sure I can relinquish control of my "pony" and all the seriously hard work I've put into his schooling and keeping him sound.
Can someone give me a kick up the 4rs3 and tell me that I'm being irrational?
 
My first share off RS mounts took off and did 4 or so laps of the arena first time I changed schooling whip sides (to be fair I wasn't really uses to carrying one but owner thought I might need!). I booked a lesson on him with owner's trainer to reassure me it wpuld all be OK... And it was a lovely share.

Do you have a trainer you use? Could you say 'yes to share but pls can you have 1 lesson/month or whatever '?
 
abbijay said:
Can someone give me a kick up the 4rs3 and tell me that I'm being irrational?
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I'm going to go against the previous responses. If she cant do something as basic as control pace and gait yet wants to focus on schooling your horse then probably not a match made in heaven. Dont think a bum kick required.
 
I am afraid that if she can't control the horse at trot in the school then I would not allow her out of the school.

If you think she is the right one then maybe invite her to have a lesson with your trainer on your horse? Hopefully, if she does have all of that experience, then she would not take long to tune in, especially as she may have been nervous on the time she rode him.

If she did not settle with the horse with help then I would not allow her to ride unsupervised from a safety aspect.
 
SpringArising said:
It doesn't sound like she can't even ride?!
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That's not the case but going from riding school horses (where she's doing her exams) to riding a horse that goes off weight aids and the slightest nudge is a bit different. Plus she did let me know beforehand that she wasn't the gretest and wanted to improve - I'm sure many people would have said that I couldn't ride before I got my own but I wasn't completely incapable.
 
I would make monthly (possibly fortnightly at first) lessons with a decent instructor a condition of the share. Should suit her too if she wants to improve her schooling.
 
I would ensure you have a share agreement which includes a clause about having x number of lessons as a minimum with your choice of trainer " to ensure continuity for the horse and ensure you are both doing the same thing"

I have done this in the past. If she is the right person it shouldn't put her off.

Then I would proceed on a trial basis
 
Unfortunately it's just as likely that she will 'de-tune' him rather than learning to ride him. A horse that's schooled to weight aids and used to a still leg is going to be upset and confused by a constant request from the leg that he has already responded to in the way you have taught him.. so he'll learn to ignore it and become as dead to the leg as the riding school horses that your potential sharer is more used to.
Either you explain the concept to her and see if she can a) understand b) is willing to have regular lessons, or, you find someone else. I would guess that many people looking for a share situation are similarly novice so she may be the best of the bunch but I would be seriously reluctant to put a horse of mine in that situation ��
 
JulesRules said:
I would ensure you have a share agreement which includes a clause about having x number of lessons as a minimum with your choice of trainer " to ensure continuity for the horse and ensure you are both doing the same thing"

I have done this in the past. If she is the right person it shouldn't put her off.

Then I would proceed on a trial basis
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This. And from what you say it sounds like that's exactly what she'd want anyway. If she's not mad keen on the idea, maybe have a rethink.
 
Lulup said:
Unfortunately it's just as likely that she will 'de-tune' him rather than learning to ride him. A horse that's schooled to weight aids and used to a still leg is going to be upset and confused by a constant request from the leg that he has already responded to in the way you have taught him.. so he'll learn to ignore it and become as dead to the leg as the riding school horses that your potential sharer is more used to.
Either you explain the concept to her and see if she can a) understand b) is willing to have regular lessons, or, you find someone else. I would guess that many people looking for a share situation are similarly novice so she may be the best of the bunch but I would be seriously reluctant to put a horse of mine in that situation ��
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I agree completely, it happened with one of mine last year and my absolutely perfectly saintly pony became very confused and started napping because of it and the rider was actually having regular lessons too but everything just seemed to go in one ear and out the other but then I seem to only ever attract incompetent and ignorant sharers anyway, they aren't worth the hassle.
If you decide to give this lady a go then make sure you are very clear on everything you expect and have it all written down in a contract
 
PaddyMonty said:
I'm going to go against the previous responses. If she cant do something as basic as control pace and gait yet wants to focus on schooling your horse then probably not a match made in heaven. Dont think a bum kick required.
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This ^^ Had a few people try mine out and one got run away with: she hadn't asked for canter, but he's sensitive and she wasn't balanced and was quite new to riding. She wasn't invited back. I don't think you're being precious at all.
 
My share ended in disaster because of no one listening and lame horse. Horse was willing but doing endless medium trot and damaged shoulder and became totally dead to the leg. The girl was sweet enough but not competent enough in my eyes in hindsight. If you feel it's not right it probably isn't.
 
I ended a share after a week as unfortunately pony is quite green and needs a lot of support from rider and the girl didn't know how to do this. Instead of saying "can you help or can I have a few more lessons with your instructor?" I got a "he's very difficult to ride and very green but I'm happy to improve him for you but don't want to pay"... the horse is green but will school quite nicely if you support him properly, she couldn't do that so he was tearing around the school and wobbling about everywhere. I'm having to reteach him not to rush in canter.

I perhaps would have let her continue to try and ride him had that not happened and had I had a less rude response about my horse.

I felt terrible, if you don't think they are the right fit and you've put a lot of effort into schooling, don't let her ride him.
 
Thank you all! Some really good ideas and I think I will pursue with my instructor as she's worked with us for 4 years now and I really like her judgement.
From a training point of view I'm not too scared as he's always been typically schoolmastery and will step up or down according to the rider's level. He was also in a trekking centre as a youngster so I know he's had to deal with all sorts over the years and it really doesn't upset him. Also, he is an absolute diamond on the roads which is why I'm far more relaxed about it and I just don't find that bobbling about on the lanes I have the concerns about him "being injured" from poor riding. Riding a private horse in an arena is so different to doing a riding lesson and I have to accept she has to learn this - it's not hammering around in trot until you get told to put a circle in or change the rein and keeping this up for 20 minutes so I think working with my instructor could definitely help her find a way to structure her unsupervised sessions.
Much as I'd love to say to her, "sorry you're not good enough for my beloved horse," I have to be realistic and she is a million times more capable than most who have contacted me lately so I feel I'm running out of options!
 
Also worth bearing in mind is that she was probably very, very nervous! If it is her first share/first time riding a non riding-school horse, i'm sure she was extremely nervous, added with the pressure of being assessed by yourself, so would probably cut her a bit of slack for her first time and re-assess on her second viewing! Good luck, i'm sure you will make the right decision - and listen to your instincts!
 
I recently found that I am also overprotective. You have to trust that they will be able to manage your horse when your not around. If she was struggling to trot calmly in the school i would run for the hills... But then I have realised I am very precious and won't be having any sharers because of this.
 
Been through something v similar just recently. I could use a sharer but also want my horse to myself! Worried about all the same things that you've mentioned OP. It's hard to find sharers that are everything you'd want but as long as you feel they will both be reasonably safe, and she won't ruin him, then with all the other positive it may be worth a go.

Agree on the trial period, plus regular lessons, and maybe even you watching now and again, or having someone else who can keep a friendly eye on them and let you know if there is an issue.

I think there is an element of compromise needed, but within reasonable boundaries.
 
I've been planning on looking for a sharer for the last 3 years and I still haven't done it. I just keep thinking of all the things that could go wrong and talk myself out of it!
 
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