I'm useless....:(

Cazza525

Cazza525

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I honestly feel like giving it all up,been in tears about it. Bought a lovely mare on Thursday,have got her home and she's a lunatic. I'm not geared up for this and it makes me feel useless. Am empolying someone to help with her each day...

I'm just so used to being self sufficient and not needing anyone to help me....and before you all say,I know its very early days and it takes some longer than others to settle in...

Perhaps I should get a pet rock :(
 
Cazza, you said yourself it's very early days and it really is VERY early days! I highly doubt you're useless at all, some people take months to get their horse settled in but it all becomes more than worth it in the end. I've been in tears over my mare who has turned out to be a right handful but we are soldiering on and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Keep employing someone to come and help you and give it a good few weeks for her just to adjust to her new surroundings, then slowly work up what you are doing with her. She is probably just a little confused and nervous in her new home and wants some time to calm down. She may well be a cracking mare underneath, is just feeling a bit stressed about moving home. :)
 
Hang in there ! Could you put her on a calmer straight away to help her settle down ? It's not a failure to have to ask for help,it shows great strenth of character, and I'm sure it wont be for long.

Can you get in touch with the old owner to get some info ? At least touch base and tell them what's going on ? In the meantime, take rescue remedy spray from Boots, and try to stay calm, or she'll sense it .

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))) sm x
 
If you can give her 24 hour turn out I would turn her away for at least a week maybe more. How is she with other horses? Come and feed her every day, groom her, apply fly reppellant etc, bring her a carrot once or twice a day and be lovely to her. Maybe take her for a lead rein walk after a week if she is a bit more friendly and calm. Is she ok with other horses, is there a steady neddy around that she can be turned out with?

Was she fine when you tried her out? Do you think she could have been doped?

If she wasn't doped then she has clearly taken this move really badly as some do. Just let her be a horse for a while, let her make new friends and then take it all very slowly and gradually. Did you get her from a dealer? How many homes has she had in the past year? I would say if she's uncontrollable that it's going to be minimum 6 months of careful, kind, patient care before you have a "normal" horse on your hands.
 
Cazza525 said:
Perhaps I should get a pet rock :(
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I have a pet log you can borrow if you`d like :D



**massive hugs to ya**

Don`t be down on yourself .... breathe .... relax ... Take all the "i must do XYZ" away now, start with a blank sheet and just spend a bit of time grooming her, getting to know her *ticklish* spots, and just be in each others company for a while, with out all the *pressure* .... You`ll be ok ;)
 
Errm, its only Saturday, I think she needs more time ! Ive been posting about my problems with horse who has been with me for 10 months and not settled. Most horses will take a few weeks. Keep Calm and carry on!
 
Cazza525 said:
I honestly feel like giving it all up,been in tears about it. Bought a lovely mare on Thursday,have got her home and she's a lunatic. I'm not geared up for this and it makes me feel useless. Am empolying someone to help with her each day...

I'm just so used to being self sufficient and not needing anyone to help me....and before you all say,I know its very early days and it takes some longer than others to settle in...

Perhaps I should get a pet rock :(
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:( Oh I really feel for you, was in the exact same position not so long ago. Horse was completely different to the one I tried. It does knock your confidence. It's good that you're getting help. I would give it a little time then re-assess the situation. :)

ETA Oh and it most certainly does not mean you're useless!
 
To be fair to the mare she hasn't really done anything,is just very highly strung. Basically turned her ouy when we got home on thursday in paddock beside my other 2. At some point she has hoiked under fencing overnight (my own fault,didn't switch fencing on). Brought all 3 in yesterday morning after that and because of the threat of rain,kept them in.

Girl came up this morning to help me....had one either side of her to lead up track to fields. She was on her toes but didn't do anything.....let her go in paddock and she went to5tally beserk...thought she was going to plough through fencing so I kept her away from fence line whilst my helper undid next paddock which is secure post and rail,but has quite a lot of grass in it. We herded her in there and shut it up so secure. I then went down and got my 2 littleuns and put them in the paddock beside. She did calm down then.

I think I've bitten off more than I can chew.....:(
 
I bought her from a stud dispersal sale on thursday,by auction.....I know,I know!!

She is extremely well bred and won the cuddy supreme at HOYS as a 2 year old. She's 14.2hh and totally magnificent. Probably been stabled for a long time looking at her condition. She's now 6 and fully broken....watched her being ridden when I arrived and thought she was superb.

I really think I've bitten off more than I can chew......my own fault and I'm soooo upset!
 
My horse jumped out of the paddock, tried to climb out of the stable, napped, reared, bit and was a complete nightmare. He did start to settle in the stable but he had massive seperation issues. It sounds to me like your mare will settle, she is prob feeling upset at the move and wants to be around other horses at the moment. Give it time, I know that doesn't help right now but I bet she settles. I'd limit hard feed too. Best of luck :)
 
To me this just sounds like genral stress in her case from being in a new place, please dont be dis heartened, you need to give her time to settal in :D and think yourself lucky she's not 16.2hh and throwing her weight around. :D
 
She just sounds a bit lively to me, as most would be in a new home. My 16.2hh has moments where she charges around like a complete looney, has broken bridles etc. I certainly did bite off a bit too much but now I'm upping my game. :p I think yours will settle down fine given some time.
 
do you want to hear the worst bit? The girl who I have got to help me now,has been at my place rent free for the last 10 months with her 16.2hh 4 yr old ex racer...I asked her to leave (not cos of her,just the horse!) and she moved her on Tuesday....her TB was a big girl and very unpredictable.

Then I buy this little mare....and end up ringing my mate to come back and help me!!
 
Cazza525 said:
do you want to hear the worst bit? The girl who I have got to help me now,has been at my place rent free for the last 10 months with her 16.2hh 4 yr old ex racer...I asked her to leave (not cos of her,just the horse!) and she moved her on Tuesday....her TB was a big girl and very unpredictable.

Then I buy this little mare....and end up ringing my mate to come back and help me!!
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Ah don't worry about that! These things happen.
Try and be firm with her, when I first got my old boy, he knew I was nervous I think, soon as I started being firm and not taking any more cr*p off him, he did improve when he was tied up and leading him etc. I found when he dragged me a bit, I used to stop him, and push him back two steps. Took all my weight to do it, but he soon stopped pulling.
 
Cazza my friend bought a retired show horse (had been a reserve at HOYS) who'd been locked in a stable most of its life with its head tied in (should see the muscle deformation!) - was sold originally to a young girl to ride but she'd found it that insane she was going to have it shot until my friend offered her meat money. When she brought it home and put it in her field it went mental for hours, took out the arena fencing... nobody could get near it for two days.

Once they'd gone through a lot of issues keeping weight on it (it had withdrawal from the steroids it'd been on) it settled down and is now a lovely all round horse, does a bit of everything and her other half has even learnt to ride on it!

Just let her be a horse for a while, sounds like it's pretty new to her if she's come from a similar background to him... hopefully once the novelty has worn off for her you'll have yourself a nice little mare :)
 
Give the poor horse a chance! It doesn;t happen overnight, it takes time for your horse to settle and for you both get used to each other. Sometimes it takes years, but time heals everything :)
When I got my horse as 6 year old I thought 'what have I done?', the other day I was thinking that if I had million pounds and could buy any horse I wanted I would buy the horse I have now is perfect in everyway now. It only took 4 years!
 
What do you think about me letting all 3 run together....would it help? Should I just leave her in paddock beside for a day or 2 until I'm happy,then open up both fields.

The're al mares....one of the littleuns has just gone in foal and the other is an oldie quiet companion.

It may help when I do eventually want to bring her in as I wouldn't have to lead her past my 2 then(which would probably scoot around and generally not help anyway!).

And if I bring my 2 in and they're still separated then she would get anxious again being left.....
 
Random thought - maybe give her a few more days to settle, and then start to get her into a fairly solid routine including some lunging/long reining (whichever you prefer?) so that a) the routine might make her feel a bit more chilled, horses are supposed to like routine anyway so there's that theory, and b) the work might take the edge off her? It's also giving you/her a chance to get used to each other, working with each other etc but not as daunting as getting on her! Maybe your friend could help?
Just an idea, ignore if it's stupid :) I just always prefer to get them working asap as it gives them a purpose and for all of the above reason - and it's an extra reason to spend more time bonding.
Good luck anyway! I'm sure she'll chill out soon :)
 
Dear Lord, give the mare a chance! I haven't heard you say you have tried to introduce yourself to her or make friends and TBH it all sounds a bit unplanned and clinical.

She is presumably normally adjusted to people and is broken to ride so must have an idea about humans. Politely try and find what makes her tick - the nice scratchy bit on her withers or some kind words and a tasty bit of something in a feedskip. Horses need to know their 'geography' and it is very unsettling for some to be uprooted and transplanted to a totally different location. It is very important for a horse to know where the 'escape routes' are (should they be required). From her point of view they are unknown and need to be found and assessed. Some horses don't give a fig where they are, others feel totally panicked by a move and go on red alert behaviour til they get their heads around the different set-up. If you think about it from her angle she is possibly terrified and lonely and may be missing lifelong friends. It's another reason for the old-fashioned practice of leading a new horse round its field under supervision. This is to allow it to establish the fences and boundary before you let it loose and avoids it galloping about with its inbuilt sat-nav still searching for a satellite!

You need to be her friend as quickly as possible and find a way to give her the reassurance she seems to need as soon as you can.

Poor lassie.

ETS you seem far more preoccupied with your emotions and feelings of despair than how she is feeling - and you can explain why you feel the way you do!
 
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brighteyes said:
Dear Lord, give the mare a chance! I haven't heard you say you have tried to introduce yourself to her or make friends and TBH it all sounds a bit unplanned and clinical.

She is presumably normally adjusted to people and is broken to ride so must have an idea about humans. Politely try and find what makes her tick - the nice scratchy bit on her withers or some kind words and a tasty bit of something in a feedskip. Horses need to know their 'geography' and it is very unsettling for some to be uprooted and transplanted to a totally different location. It is very important for a horse to know where the 'escape routes' are (should they be required). From her point of view they are unknown and need to be found and assessed. Some horses don't give a fig where they are, others feel totally panicked by a move and go on red alert behaviour til they get their heads around the different set-up. If you think about it from her angle she is possibly terrified and lonely and may be missing lifelong friends. It's another reason for the old-fashioned practice of leading a new horse round its field under supervision. This is to allow it to establish the fences and boundary before you let it loose and avoids it galloping about with its inbuilt sat-nav still searching for a satellite!

You need to be her friend as quickly as possible and find a way to give her the reassurance she seems to need as soon as you can.

Poor lassie.
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Thanks for the support....yep I know you're right,but was rather thinking along the lines of 'poor me'.
 
She sounds like a beautiful horse! (and no I don't think you are useless!)

As others have said it is very early days and if you bought her from the Stud then that's all she has ever known (yes I know she's been to shows, but she will know she's returning home afterwards)
She's also probably been used to a hot house environment so the whole thing will be horrifying for her, but she will get used to it so don't give up yet

Yes I think I would put her in with the other 2 now. Like you I do always keeep new horses separate for a day or 2, but don't think they really start to properly settle until they are in the herd, so to speak

I'd chuck them in together, give it a day or so and then start working her. Be prepared for some separation anxiety to begin with though, she's likely going to think she is about to lose her friends again if you take her out on her own

Hope it all goes well and look forward to hearing how you get on
 
0ldmare said:
She sounds like a beautiful horse! (and no I don't think you are useless!)

As others have said it is very early days and if you bought her from the Stud then that's all she has ever known (yes I know she's been to shows, but she will know she's returning home afterwards)
She's also probably been used to a hot house environment so the whole thing will be horrifying for her, but she will get used to it so don't give up yet

Yes I think I would put her in with the other 2 now. Like you I do always keeep new horses separate for a day or 2, but don't think they really start to properly settle until they are in the herd, so to speak

I'd chuck them in together, give it a day or so and then start working her. Be prepared for some separation anxiety to begin with though, she's likely going to think she is about to lose her friends again if you take her out on her own

Hope it all goes well and look forward to hearing how you get on
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Thanyou for that,I will put her in with my other 2 tommorow...just to make sure that they know each other 100% before I open up. I'm going to leave them all out tonight and just go up and poo pick and mooch around so she knows I'm not a scary lion!!

It will be easier all round to have them in together. Especially for the bringing in and turning out,she can be lead in and out behind the other 2,which will gain her confidence. :)
 
I should point out I bought her for myself to mooch around on (very low key) and then as a broodmare later on. When I get horses,I tend to keep for life,which is why I'm so upset and frazzled by this. She is a super mare, and I would like to think I'd keep her for life,but don't want too much stress!!

I must admit her behaviour just points out to me she has noooo self confidence at all,which is why I must put her in with the others so she can learn how to be a horse (rather than a show animal). I spose with her breeding that she must be expected to be a little hot headed as well....!!
 
I would totally keep her separate from the other 2 for the first week. Then try putting them all in together if she seems calm and relaxed around them all the time - if not then go another few days/weeks if necessary. I would try to lead her out with one of the other horses if you can as it sounds like she is panicking when separated from other equines. Turn her out, then shut the gate and turn the others out.

I don't think the situation sounds as bad as I first thought, mine was a little like this when I first got him. Again, mostly stabled, very smart bloodlines, very clever hence easily wound up, a month later he had spent time with my 30yo veteran and he was a different horse. Sounds like she's had a bit of a sh*t life quite frankly and needs a home for life (just like you can offer her) but you have to start being a calm, reassuring force in her life not feeling sorry for yourself. That sort of negative energy is not what she needs. Take everything very slowly and she will be fine.
 
I know how you feel I changed yards once and my mare became possessed I was actaully frightened of her because she panicked so much about new horses, new place etc, taking her out to the paddock was like running the gauntlet and I had to have help which I appreciated but always felt so indebted to everyone, anyway we stuck it for 3 wks and moved back, now she is back in donkey mode just the way we both like it. I got a feeling it brought back some bad memories from a previous life, who knows
Its hard to deal with a stressy horse because they are just not listening to reason, my mare lost a lot of weight during those 3 wks.
What about leaving her out in the field for a week or two and letting her watch all the goings on and let her settle on her own and just try bonding with her through grooms and a little gentle ground work, nothing too demanding. You will get there she has to relax sometime. Good luck and keep us posted
 
Hey chin up, maybe you are just feeling a bit too sorry for yourself because she's not showing the behaviour you expected/bought her for, but it's quite normal with some horses while they find their feet and settle into new routine at a different yard, don't panic and worry about it just yet, she'll be finding it all very exciting being around new horses but usually settle in their good time so don't be too hard on yourself. :)
 
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