Impartial advice needed on my situation.

I'd try for another free livery in return for services. But have a contract and if they won't do the work chuck them out straight away.

I'd have the, all out myself and if really bad weather bring the old one in for the night if you feel it's necessary but unless it's a poor doer it might do well outside anyway with a decent rug.

Get a local farmer to deliver round bale hay and put it in the field in a ring feeder.
 
I know you have said you had a diy livery before but why not re think it? If 2 of the horses are gone then you have room???? Advertise for a livery with reduced rates in return for helping you with yours that way your work load is cut and you get a bit of income too??
 
I would put the older mare to sleep. You've been trying for a while now to find somewhere for her, but with no luck. You're driving yourself mad in the process, along with everything else.

If you put to sleep yes, there will be sadness, but you'll know she's safe and you'll have one less mouth to feed and one less to stress about. The horse won't know anything other than nice food and hugs.

If money really is that tight that you're not eating propely, etc., then I think you need to consider the older gelding as well. I know your daughter will be upset, but if finances are so stretched and you're so damaged, apart from needing to get yourself fixed for her (I had a mother who was often ill, my sister is often ill - the effect on the children is not so good), who is going to muck out two when your back is too bad?

It's a rubbish position to be in now, but, in my opinion, with a huge amount of guts on your part, you can make the future better for all concerned.
 
Thank you Auslander and Goldenstar, for not making me feel terrible. It's a much more complicated situation than some people are seeing and yes, my husband is at the end of his tether. I do have him and my daughter to think about and feel like utter crap because I persuaded him that this set up would be a great idea, that just one more horse wont be any extra work etc etc. I had rose tinted spectacles on then. I sure don't now that I'm in this situation :(
 
The other thought is that with your back unless you're lucky with NHS you will be out of action for a while - I'm still waiting for surgery a year after slipping my disc (although I did wait 6 months before asking for surgery as I didn't want to do it) and have barely ridden since last summer.

If you were to sell the 4 year old, take a few months off, sell the house and get into livery then when the mare is struggling have her PTS and get another rideable horse. Can you ride the gelding or the pony?
 
MrsMozart said:
I would put the older mare to sleep. You've been trying for a while now to find somewhere for her, but with no luck. You're driving yourself mad in the process, along with everything else.

If you put to sleep yes, there will be sadness, but you'll know she's safe and you'll have one less mouth to feed and one less to stress about. The horse won't know anything other than nice food and hugs.

If money really is that tight that you're not eating propely, etc., then I think you need to consider the older gelding as well. I know your daughter will be upset, but if finances are so stretched and you're so damaged, apart from needing to get yourself fixed for her (I had a mother who was often ill, my sister is often ill - the effect on the children is not so good), who is going to muck out two when your back is too bad?

It's a rubbish position to be in now, but, in my opinion, with a huge amount of guts on your part, you can make the future better for all concerned.
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Thanks Mrs M. I just feel like I'd rip her heart out if we tried to sell him too. He's so good for her and I'm already returning the shetland we've had since my daughter was 4 to WHW so already feel like the biggest cow in the world. I'm sure the situation will get better and if I only had the 2 boys and could battle on til the house was sold, I'd see light at the end of the tunnel. The plan is then that they will go to my friends yard on livery and I'll only be mucking out at weekends and might actually have some kind of life.
 
I think I owe it to my horses to either sell them onto good homes before they are too old to do so, or plan ahead to give them a good retirement. My conscience wouldn't let me do otherwise. I couldn't live with myself if I pts a reasonably healthy horse which had worked hard and served me well all its life, just for my own convenience. Most horses are happy enough living out, especially if not working, so if I was desperate I'd find grass livery and do whats necessary. Obviously if the horse physically deteriorated and was in pain, I'd pts. But never out of convenience to myself. 18 is not old for a horse. Its the situation many people with horses face, a horse which is useful to you at 12 or 15 and out competing, well I just couldn't do it if 3 years later I was thinking of pts for other than medical reasons.

As it stands, you still own a house with land. It might not sell fast or at all in the current climate. I don't think you have exhausted all options re liveries there. And personally, I'd sell the 4 yo before pts a horse which had served me well, if you really only want to have two horses.
 
Broke_But_Happy said:
The other thought is that with your back unless you're lucky with NHS you will be out of action for a while - I'm still waiting for surgery a year after slipping my disc (although I did wait 6 months before asking for surgery as I didn't want to do it) and have barely ridden since last summer.

If you were to sell the 4 year old, take a few months off, sell the house and get into livery then when the mare is struggling have her PTS and get another rideable horse. Can you ride the gelding or the pony?
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The pony is my daughters and she rides him as often as possible. He was given to her by my parents so I don't think they'd be too happy if we sold him. Besides which, he's a little star and has taught my daughter so much. The 4yr old is my riding horse now. I just fail to see why I should wait til the mare is struggling before I pts and meanwhile I've sold the one who is meant to be my horse for the future. I think if I did that, I'd give up altogether :( I'm becoming resigned to the fact that I'll probably have to pts the mare the longer this thread becomes.
 
Mithras said:
I think I owe it to my horses to either sell them onto good homes before they are too old to do so, or plan ahead to give them a good retirement. My conscience wouldn't let me do otherwise. I couldn't live with myself if I pts a reasonably healthy horse which had worked hard and served me well all its life, just for my own convenience. Most horses are happy enough living out, especially if not working, so if I was desperate I'd find grass livery and do whats necessary. Obviously if the horse physically deteriorated and was in pain, I'd pts. But never out of convenience to myself. 18 is not old for a horse. Its the situation many people with horses face, a horse which is useful to you at 12 or 15 and out competing, well I just couldn't do it if 3 years later I was thinking of pts for other than medical reasons.

As it stands, you still own a house with land. It might not sell fast or at all in the current climate. I don't think you have exhausted all options re liveries there. And personally, I'd sell the 4 yo before pts a horse which had served me well, if you really only want to have two horses.
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Typed a reply but actually can't articulate what I want to say!
 
I am with JanetGeorge 100%

I am so sorry that life is dealing you a rough hand at the moment. As much as many would scoff at this - the well being of your daughter needs to come first and so does your mental and physical health.

There is no shame in having the old mare pts. It will be a safe and dignified end for her and ultimately the kindest. Rather that than she end up being pushed from pillar to post or not getting the care she needs.

I really wish you well and hope that everything can get sorted out for you sooner rather than later. (((hugs)))
 
well I would pts in your situation, and am sorry that it has not worked out for you, esp. losing your property.

the horse is not one that is marketable in what is already a flooded market, she is aged, and not 100% sound. You cannot afford her, and you do not have your own property on which to keep her. I think it is an easy decision to make. I would not feel any guilt in this situation, far better, than her ending up in a bad place, suffering, through no fault of her own.

I do hope that this difficult decision sees you in a better place down the track.
 
In your situation I would look for a sharer for the 4 year old, as I'm thinking with the problems with your back you possibly aren't riding much? I would be open to options on possible help with all 3 rather than money changing hands, which would give you a couple of days off a week. Our old girl is actually better living out, maybe try to set it up so that the pony can wander in and out at night, don't know if thats possible, and have the mare next to them, but not in with them. I helped a lady when she had her hip replaced, and completly changed her set up, which meant she was actually able to take over the reins far earlier, and saved her a fortune.
You may find a home easier to find in the spring, poss as a companion for weaned foals, then you may have to take the decision later. How well does she move? I would get the opinion of a vet about her ability to carry a foal, and if he felt it was an option, look to loan her to have one more foal, then see where you were personally.
Good luck with selling the house, it is not easy at the moment.
 
Always Henesy said:
I am with JanetGeorge 100%

I am so sorry that life is dealing you a rough hand at the moment. As much as many would scoff at this - the well being of your daughter needs to come first and so does your mental and physical health.

There is no shame in having the old mare pts. It will be a safe and dignified end for her and ultimately the kindest. Rather that than she end up being pushed from pillar to post or not getting the care she needs.

I really wish you well and hope that everything can get sorted out for you sooner rather than later. (((hugs)))
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Thanks for your understanding, it means a lot.
 
zaminda said:
In your situation I would look for a sharer for the 4 year old, as I'm thinking with the problems with your back you possibly aren't riding much? I would be open to options on possible help with all 3 rather than money changing hands, which would give you a couple of days off a week. Our old girl is actually better living out, maybe try to set it up so that the pony can wander in and out at night, don't know if thats possible, and have the mare next to them, but not in with them. I helped a lady when she had her hip replaced, and completly changed her set up, which meant she was actually able to take over the reins far earlier, and saved her a fortune.
You may find a home easier to find in the spring, poss as a companion for weaned foals, then you may have to take the decision later. How well does she move? I would get the opinion of a vet about her ability to carry a foal, and if he felt it was an option, look to loan her to have one more foal, then see where you were personally.
Good luck with selling the house, it is not easy at the moment.
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No I'm only riding a couple of times a week but that is ok as he's very bum high and tbh, could do with an easy winter. My set up wont really allow free rein to wander in and out of the yard I'm afraid. I think I'll give the vet a ring today and have a discussion with her. She knows the mare very well and will give me her honest opinion. She's very stiff legged, she canters a bit like a deer, like it's difficult to bend her joints. Tho I've tried her on daily bute but it didn't make that much difference to her movement.
 
I would put the 4 year old on loan and keep the older two. If I wanted to ride I would ride the gelding.

You could then get the other horse back once you are in a position to do so.
 
Phoning the vet is a good idea

It's hard to be in a situation where you can't see the wood for the trees but you have already made some selfless and brave decisions so don't beat yourself up

Fwiw - I too would PTS the mare at home surrounded by people she knows and loves, unless she can go to a close friend you do run the risk of losing sight of her and having no say on what happens down the line

Good luck with it x
 
I really do feel for you. I have had to make huge sacrifices in the past, including losing my house, and I can understand how much this is tearing you apart.

You've been given some really sound advice on this post. If you can speak to your vet as she knows your mare really well, and get an honest opinion then that could be helpful. Unfortunately there is only you who can make the decision but as others have said there is absolutely no shame in having her PTS if that is the best option in your personal situation.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Grumpymoo said:
I would put the 4 year old on loan and keep the older two. If I wanted to ride I would ride the gelding.

You could then get the other horse back once you are in a position to do so.
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The 4yr old is the gelding. The other gelding is a 22yr old welsh sec A and is my daughters pony. So, does the 4yr old stay out on loan til the 18yr old mare becomes old enough or decrepid enough for me not to feel guilty to pts? Maybe in like another 2 or 3yrs?
 
Cazzah said:
I really do feel for you. I have had to make huge sacrifices in the past, including losing my house, and I can understand how much this is tearing you apart.

You've been given some really sound advice on this post. If you can speak to your vet as she knows your mare really well, and get an honest opinion then that could be helpful. Unfortunately there is only you who can make the decision but as others have said there is absolutely no shame in having her PTS if that is the best option in your personal situation.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
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Thank you. I'm glad someone else can understand my situation :( Sorry you had to go through it too.
 
I wouldnt have any qualms at all about having an elderly arthritic horse PTS if she cant canter properly how long will it be before she struggles to walk? I have had to face this decision and no it wasnt an easy one, the vet backed me 100% and I only worry it wasnt the right decision as I felt guilty, it's sometimes very hard to separate our emotions when it's a much loved horse that we've had for many years.

I might be tempted to see if you can find another livery as that might ease the financial burden and cut costs wherever you can. You might need to sit down and write down every expense and then decide which is necessary and where savings could be made.

It must be really hard if your OH isnt 100% committed to living where you do, thankfully mine is and will happily (ok maybe not very happily) go out and mend fences in the dark and rain for me. He loves living here and yes it took him some time to get used to it, but now he wouldnt have it any other way, we're both fitter and happier.
 
dornrose said:
I wouldnt have any qualms at all about having an elderly arthritic horse PTS if she cant canter properly how long will it be before she struggles to walk? I have had to face this decision and no it wasnt an easy one, the vet backed me 100% and I only worry it wasnt the right decision as I felt guilty, it's sometimes very hard to separate our emotions when it's a much loved horse that we've had for many years.

I might be tempted to see if you can find another livery as that might ease the financial burden and cut costs wherever you can. You might need to sit down and write down every expense and then decide which is necessary and where savings could be made.

It must be really hard if your OH isnt 100% committed to living where you do, thankfully mine is and will happily (ok maybe not very happily) go out and mend fences in the dark and rain for me. He loves living here and yes it took him some time to get used to it, but now he wouldnt have it any other way, we're both fitter and happier.
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Thanks for your understanding. Yes, it does make it really hard knowing my hubby isn't happy here. I feel like my selfishness has really buggered up our lives at the moment :(
 
Mithras said:
I think I owe it to my horses to either sell them onto good homes before they are too old to do so, or plan ahead to give them a good retirement. My conscience wouldn't let me do otherwise. I couldn't live with myself if I pts a reasonably healthy horse which had worked hard and served me well all its life, just for my own convenience. Most horses are happy enough living out, especially if not working, so if I was desperate I'd find grass livery and do whats necessary. Obviously if the horse physically deteriorated and was in pain, I'd pts. But never out of convenience to myself. 18 is not old for a horse. Its the situation many people with horses face, a horse which is useful to you at 12 or 15 and out competing, well I just couldn't do it if 3 years later I was thinking of pts for other than medical reasons.

As it stands, you still own a house with land. It might not sell fast or at all in the current climate. I don't think you have exhausted all options re liveries there. And personally, I'd sell the 4 yo before pts a horse which had served me well, if you really only want to have two horses.
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This. I believe that a horse that has given you years of service and isnt yet needing to be PTS should rank above your desire for a new model.

I am very supportive of PTS once a horse starts to struggle, but to do it so you can move onto the next one is not right in my eyes.

If finances are tight, you look after your faithful friend IMO and do the right thing doing that. Young horse will get a good home if sold.

Im sure you may not be happy that this is the opinion Im expressing but that is my honest opinion which is what you said you were seeking.....
 
Speak with the vet and see if they are in agreement, as the last thing you want is them trying to dissuade you. Unlikely, but not what you need I'd imagine. If letting your old mare go peacefully, at home will give you breathing-space and some let-up, that is what I would do.

Then, I'd be getting right to the doctor's!

Good luck and take care of yourself.
 
littlelegs said:
Imo there's only two choices. Either have the old mare pts, or sell the 4yr old.
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^^ This.

In all honesty I would pts the older mare though (can't find oringinal post but) if you've said she can't canter round in the field anymore and are waiting for her to be crippled enough not to feel guilty, you're going about this backwards. She's arthritic, already suffering the effects and about to go through another cold winter. I'd have her pts for her own sake and not put her through pain and misery for mine.
If she was still happy in fields cantering about, I'd sell the 4yo though.
 
lachlanandmarcus said:
This. I believe that a horse that has given you years of service and isnt yet needing to be PTS should rank above your desire for a new model.
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I absolutely agree. But moving and money aside, this horse sounds like it has started struggling and I'd pts ahead of winter for the horses sake not mine. I owe it to mine to let them go happy at the start of breaking down, than when 'crippled enough not to make me feel guilty' as in op's post. I think hanging on too long for you own reasons is just as bad as upgrading and getting rid too early for your own reasons. I'd always rather pts too early - but for the horse not me.... if any of that waffle made sense!
 
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