Impartial advice needed on my situation.

I really feel for you, I can imagine how it must have felt to finally get your home in the country with the horses at home and then it not work out as you had thought it would, as that is a dream of mine too :( I have no advice to offer about any of it, just wanted to say I hope that you get through it and things start to improve.
 
FWIW, i would PTS the older mare too, BEFORE she struggles through a winter. As already said, the only person it hurts is you. Also, again as already said, better a week/month too soon than too late, you can never turn back the clock.

You're in an awful situation that could easily happen to any of us through illness/injury. I don't know what to add re saving money, other than what has already been said... I'd definitely look at getting another livery in though, to help with costs until you sell. I have no idea where you are or how quickly you will sell the property, but it would help you in the interim.

Would it be worth looking at alternative job ideas too? Or supplementing income for now by selling things on e-bay or similar?

I really hope you can sort things out for you and your family. I know from personal experience how debilitating pain and painkillers can be.

((((hugs))))
 
Im sorry you have found yourself in this situation, it can't be easy for you and you must find it impossible to think clearly.
If your mare is moving in such an uncomfortable way in canter she wont be long till she is struggling in walk. I am a strong believer in better a day too early than a to late when it comes to PTS. Winter is biting and it is early this year, and according to reports it is to be a bad one this year. Is the kinder thing not giving your mare a dignified goodbye before your hand is forced? if you are struggling now how will you cope in the depths of winter when you have to buy extra feed as there is no grass, can your tight budget do it and if you cant who's food budget gets hit? the family or the horses?
I would also get in a livery. Not all are bad some are very good. if you are sensible and go for a more mature, knowledgeable lady you will probably find she is a god send and will be happy to lend a hand rather than see you struggle. Personally this would be my top priority, in fact, if Im completely honest I would let the 4yo go as well. If you cant bear the thought of selling him then loan him out for a year.

Life can feel very cruel at times,and often doing the right thing is the hardest task, but until you can get back on your feet again both physically and financially you will never ever get to a place where you can be happy.
Good luck in whatever choices you make xx
 
If you can hold on to the 3rd girl. When your house is sold and you move to a new home, assuming it is in the countryside, then you can look to rehome her.

I would ask everyone around my new village, put note in the local tackroom, ask the farrier, etc.

Ask for a companion home for your horse, but say that you want to keep in touch and you are flexible with arrangements, for example you would happy to look after the owners horse(s) if they go away, etc in exchange.

Think of your current situation, if you had just the one horse then you might be happy to offer a home to another horse if in exchange the owner looked after your horses for 2 weeks in the Summer to allow them to go away, etc. There are many people in similar situations.

Then if you can't find a good solution, PTS is clearly the only option, but at least you would have tried.
 
Sometimes life doesn't work out as we want it to. The old mare won't know she's been PTS, she's had a happy ending out in the field with her friends. I actually think that taking them from their home towards the end is worse than ending things before they get miserable.

I've got an oldie and I've no qualms that in your situation PTS would be the right thing. Not everyone can afford to keep a retired horse long term. And people who've kept a true veteran will all know it sometimes costs more to keep a veteran going than a younger horse.


Do what is right by the horse before the house and land are sold.

ETA: I've just become an 'only' livery for the first time in many years, just while we get our own place sorted, and it's honestly great. YOs are lovely people, and I try not to get in their way. I clean up after myself and will help out of asked to. Not all liveries are bad :)
 
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OP, have you had an MRI? It was only after having one they found I had a prolapsed disc and spinal compression on 2 vert. Really push your Dr. Pain is miserable, I was lucky and had surgery 7 months after it all kicked off.
I am sorry about your situation, times are hard and being in pain makes it soo much harder, I won't add to the other advice, JG again is spot on. You need to do whatever makes your life easier, making it easier will hopefully reduce your pain and the effects of that will be good for all of you. Horses are not family, if you sell, pts, loan whatever, there will always be another horse of the future for you somewhere.
Good luck.
 
I would turn all 3 out and manage the mare's quirky ways as best you can with the attitude that times are hard, this is how it is get on with chaps. Obviously if you mare deteriorates or is likely to go downhill sharply in the next 12 months then I would consider pts but otherwise I would give the new regime a go.

You may have been trying to do everything too perfectly since leaving livery. Don't :)
 
Always Henesy said:
I am with JanetGeorge 100%

I am so sorry that life is dealing you a rough hand at the moment. As much as many would scoff at this - the well being of your daughter needs to come first and so does your mental and physical health.

There is no shame in having the old mare pts. It will be a safe and dignified end for her and ultimately the kindest. Rather that than she end up being pushed from pillar to post or not getting the care she needs.

I really wish you well and hope that everything can get sorted out for you sooner rather than later. (((hugs)))
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Iwould totally agree with this. Please dont beat yourself up about it. I really hope you see some light at the end of the tunnell
 
lachlanandmarcus said:
This. I believe that a horse that has given you years of service and isnt yet needing to be PTS should rank above your desire for a new model.

I am very supportive of PTS once a horse starts to struggle, but to do it so you can move onto the next one is not right in my eyes.

If finances are tight, you look after your faithful friend IMO and do the right thing doing that. Young horse will get a good home if sold.

Im sure you may not be happy that this is the opinion Im expressing but that is my honest opinion which is what you said you were seeking.....
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This ^^
 
Ilovefoals said:
Believe me, I've been making a fuss. The pain down my leg feels like my bone is on fire. When I take my quota of painkillers, it's a dull ache, but obviously I'm driving and working and can't always take them. They want to see if trying to get rid of the spasm in my back will lessen the pressure on my disc and reduce the pain that way. If not, it'll probably be injections or surgery. You are right in that pain is debilitating. It wears you down to the point where I'm utterly depressed and not seeing any easy ways out :(
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Muscle relaxants were the only thing that helped relieve my sciatica, painkillers didn't touch the spasms and they were worse than the back pain. I agree with riding helping, I used to spend hours in the saddle with no problem until I got off, the dismount from a 16.2 wasn't good but I learned to sort of slide down his neck lol.
 
For my back I ended up needing a micro-discetomy, but my back is still dodgy, and I get by with pain relief jabs and strong painkillers. You MUST fight to get the treatment you need - stress definitely makes pain worse. The first step has to be an MRI, and it sounds like you will need surgery (I was not able to do much for 6 weeks anyway - you have to be prepared for this).

As for the horses....I am sorry, but I would PTS. You would never be sure what could happen, and the kindest thing for a horse you love dearly is to be with them at the end. The horse knows nothing about it at all (apart from being free from pain at Rainbow Bridge), and you will know that you have done everything you can to prevent any suffering.

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))) to you, so sad for you x
 
I am also with the camp of put to sleep the mare. Why I feel this way is because despite how horrible it sounds, it's not horrible for her. She has served you well and you will be serving her well. Horses have no concept of death. They live for the moment. Right now her life is good. She is well looked after and has been her whole life.

You will struggle with this decision and it's probably going to break your heart. But she will not know any different. Right now you have much on your plate. Life just ain't peachy for the majority of us. Sometimes we have to make decisions we normally wouldn't. But this is a responsible decision your making. You aren't pawning her off on someone. I also understand wanting to keep the younger one and your daughters pony. I don't understand this mentality of well you shouldn't have any if your giving the 18 YO a dignified end.

You need a break. You need to get better, keep your wits about you and concentrate on your family too. You aren't being a selfish person although some seem to think so. It's just not black and white.

Best of luck. Hope things even off for you soon.

Terri
 
Huge sympathies.

Sell one or put your mare to sleep. I think you owe her that - she won't know any different and in today's horrid world you don't know where she might end up otherwise. Heartbreaking for you, but fairest to her.
 
Equilibrium Ireland said:
I am also with the camp of put to sleep the mare. Why I feel this way is because despite how horrible it sounds, it's not horrible for her. She has served you well and you will be serving her well. Horses have no concept of death. They live for the moment. Right now her life is good. She is well looked after and has been her whole life.

You will struggle with this decision and it's probably going to break your heart. But she will not know any different. Right now you have much on your plate. Life just ain't peachy for the majority of us. Sometimes we have to make decisions we normally wouldn't. But this is a responsible decision your making. You aren't pawning her off on someone. I also understand wanting to keep the younger one and your daughters pony. I don't understand this mentality of well you shouldn't have any if your giving the 18 YO a dignified end.

You need a break. You need to get better, keep your wits about you and concentrate on your family too. You aren't being a selfish person although some seem to think so. It's just not black and white.

Best of luck. Hope things even off for you soon.

Terri
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Perfectly put.
OP, I hope everything gets better for you very soon. x
 
I'd be considering pts for the mare anyway at this stage, if she is struggling now, what will she be like in February? Much worse I should imagine.
Then you MUST get your GP to refer you to a specialist who can at the very least control your pain properly. My friend was told to take paracetamol for her problem of crumbling vertebrae, which she was trying to do until we told her not to be so silly and go back to GP. When she did he has given her much better pain relief and and referred her on.
Then you will need to consider ways to improve your income until you sell your property, which I'm sorry to say may not be easy, especially at this time of the year. There are properties with land near us which have been for sale for a long time and I guess you don't want to sell at a loss because of your mortgage. I would look at offering DIY livery again, making it clear that you will not be offering any services, owing to your health and I would consider getting a sharer for the 4yr old, who will be able to take some of your workload off you.
Good luck, it's a horrid position to be in.
 
I feel so sorry for you, it must be so miserable when what you think is going to be your dream house turns out to be a huge millstone round you and your husbands' necks.

Having suffered with back problems for a long while now I agree with the others who say you need to get things sorted asap. If you do need surgery (I'm not a doctor but sounds like it to me as very similar to me) you are going to be out of action for a while and if you try and rush things and do to much too soon you will take much longer to recover.

If you are working you must be entitled to sick pay surely?

I know other people have given you good ideas re money saving and heating but I would say warmth helps my back pain so at least invest in a good electric blanket!

With regards to your horse situation I would also pts your mare. Yes it will be heartbreaking for you but if she is arthritic now coming into winter she is sadly not going to get any better.

I really hope things start to improve for you, hopefully once you take the first steps to changing things everything else will fall into place and you can start living again!
 
If the mare is already uncomfortable, she's not going to get better in a cold wet winter - I'd PTS for her sake.

I also think you should get a sharer for the 4 year old. You and your family need a break from this - and someone who can muck out two horses three days a week in exchange for riding means your husband and daughter will feel the benefit when you are less tired and in less pain.

Also - sorry to say it - it could be months and months before the house sells and / or you get an operation or good treatment for your back. Having a sharer will take the pressure off when you are busy with house moving and treatment, and if (heaven forbid) it's spring before you are moving forward, the sharer can help keep him in work in the warmer months having had a quieter winter to get to know him.

It's a rotten situation - I hope you're okay.

One other idea - if you have spare rooms, and depending on where you are, what about taking in lodgers to help with the bills?
 
Auslander said:
I'm with Janet! There is no shame in putting to sleep an arthritic older horse. Her quality of life will decline as she gets older, and in a way, it would be nicer to do the deed before she looks like she needs it. If I had the choice of rehoming or putting to sleep a horse that couldn't be ridden - I'd choose the latter option every time. Better a day/week/month/year too soon, than keeping her going because you don't think she's uncomfortable enough to justify it yet. Don't feel guilty about sending her on her way with dignity while shes still happy and comfortable.
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This. Or sell/loan/share the youngster you intend to keep? So you can keep the 18 year old mare yourself until her time comes and then have your younger riding horse back. For me, these are the two sensible options to choose from. But don't knock yourself if you decide upon the PTS option. It's far kinder in the long run, than she and you having an undecided and complicated future.
 
Sorry to read about your situation. Haven't really got the time to read through all the replies so someone might have suggested already: have you considered talking to the mortgage company about a payment holiday? It seems to me your financial situation is quite stressful in addition to health and horse issues. They might not agree to it but if you don't ask....
 
I would sell the 4 year old and keep the mare.

After 13 years, and 2 foals, think she deserves a nice retirement. 18 isnt old unless she really is very poorly, and wouldnt last a winter.

As for needing the exercise, have you considered swimming ? i believe thats fantastic for core strength.

Really sorry for you OP, its a horrible position to be in.
 
Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if someone's already posted this. My yard owner is in a sort of similar situation to you, she keeps her horses at home but is very busy and always moaning about not having enough money! So she gets me to look after them for her, do all the filed maintenance, general odd jobs etc in return for keeping my two horses there on free livery. So basically all she has to do is ride her lot and I do everything else for her! Could you do something like this? Find someone locally looking for somewhere to keep their horse and offer them a place at yours in return for looking after the horses for you? Obviously you'd need someone with the time to do all the work, I work quite flexible hours so can fit it in fine, someone doing a 9-5 might struggle. I would try advertising in local tack shops, emphasise that the livery would be free, (then you avoid all the complicated tax stuff that comes from having liveries!) and this should encourage people as there are a lot trying to save money at the moment particularly coming into winter when horsey costs always increase! It could work really well of you find the right person, would leave you with the time to enjoy your younger horse, help daughter with her pony and still keep the mare. Good luck whatever you decide I know it can't be an easy decision.
 
Sharers round here pay 25 a week and look after on their days. Would probably do it stabled 2 and give u couple days a week off as well as potential 100 a month to help with bills. Could ur 4 year old be shared?
 
Do not let the good times of owning yr horses and enjoying your home be clouded by unhappiness and pain.

See the doctor, acupuncture costs money that could be spent on food, keep warm as others have said, sadly yes make the decision you are not a bad person, put the 18 yr old down, it's a good age, be happy with yr good memories.

Good luck and chin up.
 
Can't stop thinking about your pain situation tbh - I was lucky, in that I had BUPA at the time of my op and full sick pay. My back was severe again about 6 weeks ago (put a post on here even), and when I asked my doctor for an MRI (I have degenerative disc disease), my first for 20 years, he refused flatly. I am still waiting for my referal to come through just for physio. I'm not holding my breath.
 
This is quite an upsetting thread for me as my mare is 18 and has overcome a broken shoulder to defy the vets and come back into work after 3 years off. I did not care if I could never ride her again, I just wanted her to live. I have had her a similar amount of time to the OP (since she was 6) and now, sadly I am facing the very real possibility of losing her to laminitis. The thought is absolutely unbearable to me, but I will make the decision if I have to. I don't want her on box rest in pain for prolonged periods. But to me, it doesn't matter if I could never ride her. When she did her shoulder aged 15 and the vets said she may never even be field sound, I just hoped and prayed I could have her with me, alive and happy, even if I couldn't ride her. The thought of putting her to sleep so that I could ride a younger horse is utterly unthinkable. Sorry OP but that is how I feel. I love her so utterly and deeply. But I understand that is a very special and close relationship we have, and not one that I have felt with every horse I have owned. But even so, for me, I would feel to guilty to end a life so that I could ride. If your mare is suffering on the other hand then PTS without hesitation.
 
Ilovefoals said:
Typed a reply but actually can't articulate what I want to say!
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Yes well you posted on a public internet forum and you must expect a variety of replies, not only those which agree with you. I've got a 16 year old horse with spavins, in no way could I contemplate pts in 2 years time if he is not suffering pain, so I can save money and concentrate on my younger horse. Different if it was a horse in his mid to late twenties suffering typically serious age related conditions. And I have livery bills to pay!

And I'm sorry about your back, but if its that bad, what is the point in keeping a 4 year old horse to ride over an older, proven horse which you might be able to pootle about on?

Sorry if you don't like my opinion, but there it is.
 
Horses, and land, buildings, etc, ARE hard work. Sorry about your back and all, but if you're not able and if your family are not willing to participate, then you are better to manage your situation so that you are able to cope. If that means reducing your workload by removing the non-productive horses then do so; it's what I would do. If it means giving up the whole shebang, then that's what you must do. But do SOMETHING, otherwise be prepared to wallow in it.
 
Thanks to the people who have been understanding regarding my situation. I was telling my hay delivery man this afternoon about the whole situation and he said his wife was looking for a companion for her foal who has lost his mum at 4 months and is being bullied by the older horses. My mare is going there on monday and will be his nanny for the winter, giving me time to think about what to do, reduce my work load and stress levels and get the house hopefully sold. The yard she's going to is 5 mins from me, I pass it every day. It has acres of land and she'll have access to an open barn during the winter which is perfect as she wont stiffen up being in a stable. I will definitely think about advertising for a sharer for the 4yr old or for free livery in return for mucking out.

As far as my back goes, the acupunture is on the NHS so I'm not paying for it. The GP and physio want me to have 4 treatments and if it does not help, I'll be referred for an MRI. I can be signed off and be paid sick pay, however, I need to work extra shifts in order to pay my bills and cant do that if I'm signed off sick.

I've had a long discussion with my hubby today and we have cleared the air and agreed to knuckle down and try hard to get the place ready to be sold asap, just doing the easiest and cheapest cosmetic jobs we can afford.

So thanks again to those who have understood and have offered constuctive advice and a sympathetic ear. To the rest, I hope you never have to go through such an upsetting and stressful time and I hope you are never in the pain that I am in.
 
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