in a really ***** situation

Maddie2412

Maddie2412

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Having a really tough time atm!! i go to school in london and leave every friday lunch to go to sussex where my boy is kept and ride all weekend. my parents got divorced about 1 1/2 years ago and since then for me have kept our house there and do alternate weekends however my dad has a girlfriend and wants to spend every weekend with her but he has a bad relationship with my mum and so he is not allowed down there with the new woman. Big blowout recently has meant my mum has told me she never wants to go down again my dad wants to go and live in the cotswold with this woman and they are now very suddenly going to sell our house. they havent said it directly but im sure this means selling sully too :-( i just cant bear the thought of getting rid of him horses are all that have kept me sane through this and I just cant face not having that because they pay for most of him I dont really feel I can have a say in this

Im sorry this is so venty but im just at a loss most stables around london are a lot of money and i dont want to have to ask my parents to start forking out absurd amounts... ANY IDEAS PLEASE or anyone who commutes out from london(im in wimbledon so at least good transport...)
 
Wel since you are still at school surley one of them must have to provide you with a home? Which ever one does that, then your horse can be kept on livery near that home?
Then just like now you can go home on a weekend and ride your horse?
Who pays for what it generally best left to them to agree on.
Good luck I know it's a big change but I'm sure it can all be worked out.
 
Tough one, am not in London but my advice would be to explain to your parents (obviously seperately) that your horse(s) are one of the most important things in your life, they make you happy and you would appreciate their help in working out a viable solution. Could you contribute a little to costs by way of a Saturday job for example? Allow them to see that you're serious. Perhaps involve your Dad's new partner if you can or feel able, communication is the key - I know these things aren't always easy but it may help (I am a Step Mum and we're not all wicked :-)
 
thanks A yes I live mostly with my mum but thats in wimbledon just cant seem to find anywhere i can access im very young in my year so despite being in my last year i cant drive myself anywhere and have always relied on my parents driving me down to sussex but neither of them are horsey so unless they can go home while i ride (ie very close) they obvs wont drive just a nightmare... :-(
 
Poor you. That does sound like a lot of things are happening and it must be hard. I guess that the house was bound to be sold sooner or later. You might find that things are better once everyone has got away from the house and the painful memories.

Where abouts are you going to be living at weekends? I would look into the cost of livery in that area. You could do with the pony on full livery really, and perhaps a sharer to help out?

Have a chat with your mum and dad. Tell them that you can understand why the house needs to be sold etc, but is there any way that you can find a way to keep the horse? Tell them all that you told us - how he has kept you going. Explain that you'd look for ways of keeping the bills down with a sharer etc. Hopefully they will realise how much it means to you and work at finding a way to put their emotions aside and sort things out so its nicer for you.

Fingers crossed for you.x
 
JessnGeorge said:
Tough one, am not in London but my advice would be to explain to your parents (obviously seperately) that your horse(s) are one of the most important things in your life, they make you happy and you would appreciate their help in working out a viable solution. Could you contribute a little to costs by way of a Saturday job for example? Allow them to see that you're serious. Perhaps involve your Dad's new partner if you can or feel able, communication is the key - I know these things aren't always easy but it may help (I am a Step Mum and we're not all wicked :-)
Click to expand...

thank you! yeah I will definitely i already contribute and cover as extras shoeing wormers ands tuff but at my old yard had a good relationship with my YM so would work in return for some cover just struggle with a job as school is very full on (in my last year doing 4 a-levels) and my school is very pushy so just where to compensate...
 
When I couldn't drive and needed to see my horse I got the bus and then walked from bus stop to yard. 2 winters ago this meant walking over 2 fields for 45 minutes in the blizzards, hail and pouring rain and I got absolutely drenched/freezing, but I did it because my horse was the most important thing to me.

If you really do care enough, then you find a way.


edit: and this was every single day whilst st university, so I don't think 2 days on a weekend would be a trouble. The only problem I had was at Christmas, but if your parents could give you a lift on the days the bus doesn't run then there's no issue.
 
thank you everyone yes im meeting my dad today to discuss things Im going to try looking at yards in chessington and cobham as i can get to these areas fairly easily I will walk miles no matter the weather but i also have to be realistic because if im working weekends too, studying and it takes me 2 hours each way to reach my horse not to mention the time i want to spend with him i may just be being unrealistic...
 
tough situation for you to be in but kinda know how you feel. i've been both a step child and step mother!
do you get on with your dads new girlfriend? if not do you think it's because of the whole step parent/child situation or is she just the sort of person you would avoid?

if you get on with her then it might be worth talking to her as well, your dad must be serious about her to want to move to the cotswolds with her, is that where she's from/have family there?

if things between you and her are ok then speak to her about them taking your horse with them to the cotswolds (lovely riding out there), also tell your dad about how the horses have been the only thing that's helped you get through things and have helped you do well in school. explain you don't want to lose the stability of your horses if they have to sell.

also if your parents are quick to interrupt you when talking or tell you things like not to worry etc (most parents do that when talking about the other parent) then why not write it all down and give them both the 'letter' and maybe even do a kind of business plan for them to see that you are serious about keeping your horse.

good luck and hope things work out for you.
 
thank you his girlfriend is ok but she is very pushy and i just dont get on with my dad when hes around her she is hardly helping by pushing my dad to take her to our sussex house despite knowing both me and my mum were not happy with that happening of course he gave in to her and this has sparked off the whole situation so what a foundation for a healthy relationship!!
 
Hope it all works out, do your research re yards etc and stay focused, I don't envy you the A Levels but if you can concentrate on your exams and keep your horse, everything else will work out. Good qualifications and happy horse is the result you have to focus on. Wishing you all the best.
 
This might not be want you want to hear but short term, ie until you finish your a levels, could you loan him out? Then you can concentrate on school and sort out what you are going to do knowing horse will be there once you are finished. Then if you go to uni you could take him with you or if you get a job then you can pay for him yourself? Just an idea...sorry you are having a crap time.
 
OP, I really feel for you. My parents divorced when I was just a little bit younger than you were. They also played stupid games with each other and my brother and I were stuck in the middle. You would think grown-ups would behave better...
Neither of them was horsey either and I obviously didn't drive, so getting to the yard was difficult and I very much had to play the diplomat to get them to fetch and carry me (by the time I moved out I could have worked for the United Nations!!).

I would echo what the other posters have said - sit each one down ***calmly*** and ask what they intend to do. Once you have the information to hand, you can start to plan around that.

I really hope you are able to work things out.
 
Agreed. You are worrying yourself a lot before you have actually talked this through with your parents! Ask them separately what they are thinking of doing and if they do want to sell, then there are a lot of yards down the A3 where you could get to from Wimbledon. I would also perhaps consider the Guildford area as the trains there are very quick (but have no idea which yards would be close by).

Being in the middle of a parental split is very unpleasant, been there, got the t shirt! but remember that your priority must be your exams because good results is this beginning of your own independance..
 
Look it's very important that you sit down and TALK - it will be hard and not the nicest thing you will ever have to do, but since you are in your last year at school at least you can demostrate to your parents that you are growing up and whatever has happened between your mum and dad - you are still the innocent child in the middle and you are and will always be their main concern and it's very difficult when there is a divorce and new people are begining to be introduced, for both your parents this is not an easy time either so feelings will be running high.

With your horse say how much he means to you and how he has stood there and listened to all your worries - he is your focus and rock at the moment and we all need one of those. Prehaps you can find somewhere that is a little easier to access from your mums house and offer to pay for his shoes - (gives you six weeks to save ) just so that you are showing some responsibilty for him.

What ever the outcome - stay strong, stay rational, and stay calm. Best of luck
you will find a way.
 
lydia_markwick said:
Having a really tough time atm!! i go to school in london and leave every friday lunch to go to sussex where my boy is kept and ride all weekend. my parents got divorced about 1 1/2 years ago and since then for me have kept our house there and do alternate weekends however my dad has a girlfriend and wants to spend every weekend with her but he has a bad relationship with my mum and so he is not allowed down there with the new woman. Big blowout recently has meant my mum has told me she never wants to go down again my dad wants to go and live in the cotswold with this woman and they are now very suddenly going to sell our house. they havent said it directly but im sure this means selling sully too :-( i just cant bear the thought of getting rid of him horses are all that have kept me sane through this and I just cant face not having that because they pay for most of him I dont really feel I can have a say in this
Im sorry this is so venty but im just at a loss most stables around london are
a lot of money and i dont want to have to ask my parents to start forking out absurd amounts... ANY IDEAS PLEASE or anyone who commutes out from london(im in wimbledon so at least good transport...)
Click to expand...

I think you should tell them how you feel just as you have us on this forum.
If your horses are whats helping you through this awful time, they need to be made aware, and tell them your worries about losing your horse.They may already know this is whats keeping your head above the emotional water and if not, they should.
Put the feelers out for livery in and around your area, and good luck, I hope you get things sorted out
 
My post sounded like a bus from South Wimbledon! It's Northern line from S Wimbledon to Morden, then the 293 from Morden to the stables.

I guess you've looked at Wimbledon village? It is very expensive unless you choose working livery and that is quite restrictive.

There's also Deen City Farm but I'm not sure if they do livery
 
Deen City Farm do offer livery. And are a bus ride from Wimbledon.

I really hope you sort this out. I'm local to you so if you need any info about transport etc let me know. I don't have a car at the moment so public transport is my speciality!
 
I'm in Wimbledon and don't drive - I keep my horses at Chessington Equestrian Centre, and there are lots of other livery yards in the area - you can get the train to Chessington South from Wimbledon in 15 minutes, then if you have a bike you can cycle from there - it's about a mile to CEC, and a bit further on to other yards in the area such as Manor Farm, Slough Farm and Arbrook Farm. It's walkable to CEC from the station, but about 20 minutes.

I think this is basically the 'boundary' between London yards (such as Wimbledon Village, Kingston Riding School) and Surrey yards - still not cheap, but you'll get a lot more turnout at these yards.

edit - or if you're quite active, it's an 8 mile cycle from Wimbledon :)
 
I haven't had a chance to read all of the responses so someone may have suggested grass livery already... I work in Putney, just up the road from you and keep my horse in Esher - it's not far and I am just moving my retired horse onto grass livery which is only £175pcm. Hacking is great, and you could always get a sharer (I'm looking to share!) to cut costs right back. I drive virtually past Wimbledon after work so would happily drop you down there if you ever needed a lift. Has your horse lived out before? (Mine hasn't either but there's a first for everything!)

Drop me a PM if you want to chat about it.
 
wow thank you all so much had a brief chat last night with my dad but he kept diverting i have looked at chessington and thought it looked fab thank you so much everyone will definitely have a look :-)
 
Depending on your horse, CEC offers working livery options, which may help with money, esp if you don't have time to ride in the week. Mine are both on w/l.
 
thanks jenj i have really considered it especially when i first got him but as hes got fitter he is pretty unpredictable and can actually be a downright little b***ard so would worry a little putting him on w/l i dont mind coming off but wouldnt really like other people of my consciense and dont quite trust him...!
 
I appologise in advance as this is going to be blunt... but....get ajob!!!!

I dont get any funding from my parents to help with my horses. and i have 2 of the beasts. I just work damn hard as they are the most important thing to me.

Im studying for a degree (and having done 4 a levels can tell you that uni is worse, subject dependent obvs) but that i work 3 days a week. Both days at the weekend and one evening. Yes i dont get free time but its either that, or no horse.

I think if you really want to stick with your horse, you could work one day a week easily. Youre kidding yourself if you think you cant surely??? Not even after school? And if your a levels are that important to you then put the horse on loan for a couple of years until you are out of education. Although if youre studying a levels, what are you going to do when you go to uni? Cos if you wont get a job now i doubt you will when you are studying for a degree so perhaps it would be the best thing to sell your boy on?

Im sorry to sound harsh, and im very sorry for your situation, but i have respect for people that work bloody hard for what they love, rather than get handed it on a plate and then moan when they think about doing what the rest of us have to do?! Sorry im just being honest!
 
no not blunt samantha008 i do work already i work a teaching centre for learning disabled kids every monday for 4 hours payed for that babysit and tutor the rest of the week and around that i have to make sure someone is always around for my mum who is in a poor state and try to make sure i still see my dad i also work every weekend on my yard in order to manage my livery but that didnt give me enough to manage one horse this year next year is only going to get worse...!
 
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