In shock... I can't believe my pony's gone.

Thank you all so so much for your lovely words.

Gingerwitch, that's exactly how it is. I still have the odd moment of seeing the "film clip" of when our last shock PTS happened. That was horrific, and I know I'll be seeing it forever.

I think this is the hardest one I've ever had to deal with. Mostly because he was just a baby, but also because I knew him from day one. I feel like I let him down.

My poor beautiful boy. Miss him so much. It's so hard having to be cheerful with liveries when all I really want to do today is sit in his stable and cry.
 
Starzaan - if i could have your pain i would - your dealing with it the same as me, its not as bad now, but its been nearly 3 months, but i still think about it most days, although i am starting to smile a little things he used to do.

You will go through a stage when you cant rememer what he looks like, what he felt like and what he sounded like - you wont even be able to remember what colour he was -but you will.

If you need to cry, just cry no point putting a brave face on it - I cried till i could cry no more, and please please let your oh, your friends help you - they are hurting seeing you hurting.

you will get through this - honestly you will

GW
x
 
Gingerwitch said:
Starzaan - if i could have your pain i would - your dealing with it the same as me, its not as bad now, but its been nearly 3 months, but i still think about it most days, although i am starting to smile a little things he used to do.

You will go through a stage when you cant rememer what he looks like, what he felt like and what he sounded like - you wont even be able to remember what colour he was -but you will.

If you need to cry, just cry no point putting a brave face on it - I cried till i could cry no more, and please please let your oh, your friends help you - they are hurting seeing you hurting.

you will get through this - honestly you will

GW
x
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You're lovely. Thank you so much. It's ridiculous - I've had horses put down before, and I've held countless horses for friends and liveries - why do I feel so dreadful this time?!

I think maybe it's the shock of it. He was fine and cantering over for cuddles the night before, and then the next morning he was gone. It's so horrid. It's so unfair - he was such a talented, gracious horse, and he had such an incredible future ahead of him.
 
Starzan - it is the shock and it is the seeing of what is happening and what has happened - i will be haunted till the end of my days, seeing what was happening to my boy, toxic shock is the most horrid thing to see. But at least you dont carry the guilt i do - i paid the vets to inject my boy - i paid for this result - and no matter what my hubby or the vets say i will never ever be able to forgive myself for allowing my boy to be sedated.

Yours was a tragic tragic accident, if it helps go to the woods and scream and wail and blame the world - but please just let your OH help - he must feel even worse than you do.

I am streaming with tears here, so you and me both today.

GW
x
 
So sorry, what a horrible thing to happen :( You've had such a hard time recently. At the very least, be glad that you didn't put him through surgery etc.

So sorry, once again :(
 
He was, Starzaan. I looked at his conformation and it was exceptional. I bet he moved like a dream. I know I would be just the same if I lose my mare. So hard to be the strong and cheerful yard owner when you are hurting so much.
 
Gingerwitch said:
Starzan - it is the shock and it is the seeing of what is happening and what has happened - i will be haunted till the end of my days, seeing what was happening to my boy, toxic shock is the most horrid thing to see. But at least you dont carry the guilt i do - i paid the vets to inject my boy - i paid for this result - and no matter what my hubby or the vets say i will never ever be able to forgive myself for allowing my boy to be sedated.

Yours was a tragic tragic accident, if it helps go to the woods and scream and wail and blame the world - but please just let your OH help - he must feel even worse than you do.

I am streaming with tears here, so you and me both today.

GW
x
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Gingerwitch, you shouldn't feel guilty for loving him. Love was what drove you to try to save him. If you hadn't have tried, you would feel guilty for having given up on him too soon.
 
Gingerwitch - you mustn't feel guilty. As Wagtail said, you did it out of love, and your boy will have known that. I think I would have tried almost anything to save my boy, but circumstances meant that there was no point in even thinking about trying. You're lovely, and your kind words are such a comfort.

Wagtail - thank you so much. Until he was 5 he was rather gangly and peculiar looking, and so many people told me I had been mad to buy him. Then when he finally grew into himself and his Andalusian dam started to show herself in him people took notice and conceded that yes, he was beautiful. I can't tell you how many times people said "god he's much nicer than I thought he was going to be".

He was perfect. Nothing could spook him - to the point where you almost had to throw a brick at his head to get him to realise you were trying to tell him off. A hot air balloon landed in his field last summer - the other horses were up at the gate going bonkers with their eyes on stalks, and Kai had to be removed from the field because he was practically trying to climb into the basket with them! Totally unflappable, totally calm, totally perfect.

My dog is still in a tizzy about it. He knew from the moment I put Kai in his stable on Friday morning that something was very wrong, and wouldn't leave the stable door. We had to drag him into the house so we could get Kai out, and since then he's been checking all the stables every time he goes outside.

My big bear knew he was loved. I hope he knew how much.
 
How devastating and heartbreaking for you. I am so sorry as I know how much it hurts. May time slowly heal the pain and RIP beautiful boy xxx
 
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