Individual or group cremation

D

DD265

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Sorry I am filling up the forum with depressing threads at the minute! Hopefully the very kind and honest opinions on these threads will help others going through the same thing; your experiences are really helping me to identify how I truly think and feel so that I can make the right decision for me. Thank you to everybody who has helped me so far.

D will need to be cremated but I don't know whether to go individual or group. I may be being swayed by the additional cost of individual cremation but I have enough money set aside for either (I think, we have about £1100 in his bank account). There are other thoughts too though:

A large part of me thinks that by this point he is gone and that having his ashes won't bring him back. I have booked us a photo shoot so I'll have those pictures and many others to remember him by as well. I may or may not take any tail hair, I hate the thought of cutting it dead or alive.

I don't know how I feel about scattering his ashes. I can think of two places I'd do it but I don't know whether it's what I want to do. I guess if I opted for individual cremation I can always say that I don't want the ashes.

What have people chosen, and why? Does anybody know whether you have to decide in advance with regards to group/individual, or can you decide on the day?
 
2 horses, 2 different decisions. Minto's ashes came home. I wanted him buried beside his pair bond who had died 2 years previously and was buried in the field. I spent 2 horrible weeks waiting for him to come home. I was very upset when he did come home. His ashes then sat in his stable for months as the farmer kept saying he would bury him and then not doing it. I felt in limbo till then although took some comfort by sitting in his stable with him. I felt I had to say goodbye to him all over again when they were finally buried but I feel glad they are back together.

When I lost soli shortly after I didn't get his ashes back. I felt there was no true real place for him to go after and tbh couldn't bear going through what I did with minto.

Cost also came into in unfortunately. It was almost £900 for minto, not that I resent it in any way.

I knew I didn't want to keep ashes with me too. My friend still has her horses ashes sitting in her parents attic 9 years later but I really wouldn't want that.
 
With my old boy I decided on individual cremation. I then put his ashes underneath a lovely pear tree which has grown over the years and produces a bumper crop every year!

Bear in mind that you won't get a huge amount of ashes back, proportional to the size of the horse that is..... you'll only get a relatively small package back.

Sorry you're in this position.
 
I did want individual cremation when we lost our boy, as he was so precious to me. However, I couldn't justify the cost (we were quoted £1500) so decided to have him cremated in a group. We didn't ask for the ashes back either as I would only have wanted them if they were just him.

Reflecting now, yes I would like his ashes, but I would still find the cost too much. I don't need them to feel close to him.
 
When I had to get my lad PTS early this year due to EFE colic, a group cremation wasn't an option if you wanted ashes back so ended up with individual. I had asked for token ashes back but it was all or nothing I am afraid. However seeing the very large and heavy box and I not sure that I would chose to do that with our even bigger horse in future. The individual cremation was certainly was not as expensive as some of the quotes on here think about £850 but we did have to pay for a PM etc due to the nature of things.
 
Over the years, I have had several horses, young and old, planned and emergency pts and have never had the ashes back. In my view, the ashes are not the horse, so are no use to me, whatsoever.. My horses live on in my memory. We do have some things in memory of past horses, trees and a weathervane, in particular.
 
Kudos for being so practical and thinking ahead, depressing as it may be, it's a very real fact of having horses to the end. The world would be a far better place if more folk thought through what they need to do at the end.

Smartie went to Douglas Braes, they do mass cremation, Jazz went with the North East Fallen Stock company who render their fallen stock into green biofuel and electricity. I didn't really have much of a choice for him, it was a Saturday morning and he needed to be collected before kids came up to the yard etc so it was a case of who could come first.

What made my boys, my boys was no longer there, I have endless memories, pictures, paintings and a section of their tails. For me personally, ashes would have just been a massive expense for some extra clutter. Contrary to what someone else said, you can end up with a fairly big box, a friend of mine got her TB back, the box is big and quite heavy.

But, as I said on my last reply in your other post, what's right for one might not be for another, there is definitely no right or wrong here, do what's right for you.
 
I feel the same way as Pearlasinger. As soon as my animals have died, I have no sentimental attachment to their bodies. I remember scattering my Dad's ashes and feeling no significance about the act at all. When I lost my lurcher, who was 19 when she died and my darling girl, the vet asked the question about individual or group cremation in such a lovely way - do you want her to be cremated individually or would you rather she had company? - it doesn't look so nice written down, but it really made me feel less guilty about never wanting their ashes back. When I lost my mare, suddenly in July, it didn't even occur to me to have her cremated individually. The vet cut some tail which my lovely yard friends paid to turn into a bracelet, and my lovely farrier who was due to shoe her that very day turned up and went and took her shoes off - he is going to make something nice out of them at some point. But most of all, I have the lovely memories of her - she was an amazing creature and I'll forever remember her for the tears that streamed down my face when we galloped around the countryside, the proud feelings I had when people stopped their cars to tell me how beautiful she was as she passaged down the main road and that lovely last nicker she gave me when I found her lying down in the field with a horrifically broken leg - not one of distress but definitely one of, Mum, I've got my self into a bit of a pickle, you're going to need to sort it out for me. I don't need ashes to remeber any of that but it's hugely personal. You'll know what's right for you when it happens.
 
I always thought I'd have my best horses individually cremated but when it came down to it I decided on the cheapest group cremation. My reason being you get approx 20kg of ashes back and realistically I had no where specific I wanted to bury/scatter them. Instead I commissioned a bespoke piece of silver, gem and horsehair jewellery
 
Like others - for me once they are gone there is nothing left of "them" and I was (and am) not too fussed about what happens to the "old clothes" so to speak. I have tokens from all those who have gone over the years - a shoe, or hair etc. But nothing too much. IMO having a token can turn into a bit of a burden. Especially a large one. If you opt for ashes back you should get about 40 - 50 Kgs - unless you get token ashes only. 40 - 50kgs in a wooden box is a lot of weight and quite a bit of storage space. And you can't decide to just put it in the attic or whatever without feeling guilty.

Kamikazie's account is very thought provoking too. This is hard enough for all of us without somehow dragging it out waiting for them to be returned to you, deciding what to do with them etc.

If you can - take tail hair, or have the vet do it. I felt like a complete heel chopping chunks off our deeply beloved and very much missed Dash recently. But I would have felt far worse if I hadn't done it. And I really regret not getting his shoes but it was an emergency, he died late at night and his body had to be removed before kids got to the yard the next morning. If I had more time and planning I would have got his shoes too.

But I did not want his ashes. I am sorry to say I don't even know what the fallen stock service did with him. Or come to think of it with any of them.
 
I went with group and I didn't want her ashes,
As horrible as it sounds a box of ashes just isn't my baby girl.

I have a lock of her hair that I will eventually have made into something, but still can't bring myself to do it yet
 
Echo that, the box that comes back is huge and very heavy. You can choose between a scatter casket and a more solid keeping casket (for another £100). I also took a bit it tail from both of them. Mintos shoes came back with the ashes (they asked if I wanted them) and I have one of soli's shoes as they had to take it off at the vets with the injury.

It was really hard waiting for them to come back. They rang to say they would be bringing them back, my friend spoke to them and said it would be the next day. However I then got a call from the farmer saying they were back that day and he had put them in the stable. That was really hard and I was upset as I had been when he was actually pts. I still haven't asked my friend if she made a mistake or if she was trying to help me.
 
Thanks all, I have decided on group cremation. In addition to what you've written here, I spoke to a couple of people and confirmed that I believe that what's left behind - and what I'd receive - isn't him. I also hate the idea of waiting for the ashes to come back and then saying goodbye all over again.

I did just have to laugh at the thought of having his "shoes" back though; he's been barefoot for the better part of 8 years and I can't imagine what I could make out of a set of hoof boots :)
 
Jim was cremated individually. He's now home with me in a lovely cask with a name plate on & when it gets too much I still go & talk to him.
 
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