Inspired by content of gamebird's post, your favourite mother quotes!

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1928sky

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Well techniquely not my mum but;
Nan- "Well done you are almost winning your just three from the top."
Me- "Nan, they're penalty points- lowest score wins"
Nan- "oh well, she did look very shiny and I noticed how well you had done your plaits, and your not last isn't that good"
 
Mine, as overheard by my father 200 yards away and on the other side of a 2 story barn when I was having a lesson from her "WILL YOU RE-LAX!!!!!"

I didn't...
 
My mum was coming to watch me dressage for the first time ever, so I e-mailed her with a brief itinerary, as follows

"Dr 9.30... blah blah'

She e-mails back, 'Well, what time's the dressage then? I know it can't be early as you've got the doctor at 9.30.'
 
My mother stores up her sarky wit for special occassions - for example, she 'helped' my special needs horse create a birthday card for me
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It had 'Happy Birthday' on the front made with newspaper letter cuttings (in a moderately creepy, ransom letter stylee
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) and in side contained the caption 'This is my friend, he's psycho too' with the following picture:

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How rude
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My horse windsucked...my Mum said "So how does whistle blowing affect him?"
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she's only ever seen me ride three times and I've ridden for 12 years.
 
My parents are definitely not horsey, so when I was 14 and trying a new horse my dad's fantastic comment to its current owner was 'he's got a really nice tail'. Thanks Dad, really helped me decide if it was the horse for me. And we didn't look like idiots, at all, did we?
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Megan, i love that one, it's fab.
Umm, my mother's other great ones include, repeatedly for years, "hasn't she got a lovely tail..." (this was the grey in my siggy who was Advanced, she'd watch vids of us going xc that day, and then i'd get the "lovely tail" comment. great. just the reaction i was looking for.)
she 'helped' me at an event years ago and made a spirited attempt to take the horse's boots off just as the steward called me into the show-jumping. helpful. i suppose it looks quite like the dressage arena really...
if i ever get to a 4 star i won't tell her, i'll book her into a spa for the week or something so she can't come and walk the course and assure me that me and my horse can't possibly jump those fences...!!
i adore her really, she is SO supportive, but sometimes i wish i had a really horsey mum!
 
These made me laugh out loud!! especially the tail comment!!!
The best comment I have had from my dad was 'So, how do I use this.' when he picked up a poop scoop after he offered to poo pick the field..bless him!!
and also my mum was locked in a stable for several hours. she was giving pone some more water, the kickbolt fliped down when she shut the door and me and my dad were not at home!! she got to know pone well though!
 
Not a mother thing but...
once my sister was just going into a showing class and friends dad quickly said "wait his hairs all scruffy" (quater marks on bum) and then started to wipe them off to which he gets shouted at
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I got a photo taken out hunting with the coakham bloodhounds years ago, it was a massive hedge with a ditch on landing. All my totally non-horsey mother could say was, 'What a shame your not smiling'. Not smiling mother no, but I can assure you I was sh*tting myself at the time!!!
 
My bf is non horsey and when i come home from events he always feins a good level of interest and ask me "did you win your race?" bless him, i haven't the heart to explain it's not speed trials!
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Rosie's godmother - actually very horsey - watching the vid of R's dressage test at Weston 2* so complete with top hat and tails, nattering away (as you do). All of a sudden "OMG - that's Rosie, no it can't be - it looks like a proper person. OMG, it is". Hysterical laughter all round - had to rewind so she could watch properly.
 
My mum while watching one of my dressage tests from the gallery suddenly let out a high pitched scream because she thought Osc was being naughty... you then heard my dad say, sshhh, she's supposed to be doing that, it's called rein back!!
On our way back from viewing a horse, mum's input was 'he had his ears forward'!
Oh and classic. Mum (again) offered to go and put my pony's sun cream on one day a few years ago (we've had the pony for 22 years now). I had told her to put it on her white nose... well mum put it on her white nose.... and her white blaze and her two white socks!!! Poor little Polly was sooo confused!!
 
My parents are non horsey, so when i first started show-jump, they'd be like well done, you went clear. It was very hard for them to understand why you got faults for stops if you got over the fence eventually!

Whenever my dad takes me show-jumping he always insists that every fence needs to be taken at a full gallop, so if anything goes wrong he always says, "see, i told you, you weren't going fast enough!!"
 
Don't get many comments off my mum when we are competing as I can never find her!!! Instead of watching her daughters she is always off to socialise with the PC people that she finds
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I wouldn't mind except that she is the SJ team manager, we have long since left PC and when we were in the teams we had to get lifts with other people as she always went on holiday!!
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Although, she is always miraculously there just in time to start videoing (never in time to do a practise fence though
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) but always misses the falls so I can't make any money off you've been framed either
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My personal faves:-

'Darling, I think I've worked out why you never win at dressage. The horse needs to put his head down like all the other horses are doing..'

*tense mutinous silence from offspring*

And from the vet father after a particularly trying day eventing:-

'That's lucky. your horse has a star right over the spot where you put the gun...'
 
My mum only came once to see me compete and left before I did my dressage.
Her parting shot was - I don't know HOW you cope with all these flies.
In 35 years of riding she has only seen me ride twice, last comment was how cruel I was to make the poor horse canter while it was going to the toilet.....
 
[ QUOTE ]
Fail your O'levels I sell your pony.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nasty but I was bribed with "tidy your room or the pony goes"
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It worked though
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"Well he's very handsome" about the horse who flipped over on me twice at a rally.
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Have also been to the portaloo with pony's leadrope through the door when absolutely desperate and too scared to ask a stranger when i first started going to shows.
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I have a horsey mum so no silly comments there, but she does love to tell people about when I was about 6 or 7 and we went to try a pony, she said that he was very green... this really confused me and i said the only bit of green i could see was the grass sticking out of his mouth!

Very embarassing when she tells the story to your pro eventer boss!
 
I am very lucky as mum is horsey.

But brother(who has ridden a few times)constanlty informes me that all you have to do is 'hold the reins and move up and down'.

Step-dad also supports but when ever watching XC he goes 'oh s**t' if the horse has the smallest error at a fence!
 
Not really comments more memories.
Mum was scared stiff of horses and my cob lived in a stable down the bottom of the garden.
One day she was in the washouse off the yard emptying the machine and he escaped and found her inside.
Thinking if she gave him a carrot from the sack in there he might go away, she threw one to him.
An hour later I found her with a horse stood patiently outside the door , and empty sack and she was sooo mad..!
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The same cob learned how to open bolts and often came into the garden from his paddock, he would walk up to the window and look in hoping for food.
If my Mum ignored him he would wander over to either the washing on her line or her roses, open his mouth just above one and look sideways at her.
She would then rap on the window, and shout, he would look up, buck and canter off back to his paddock. The whole thing amused him no end and he would repeat it over and over again.
My dad on the other hand had no fear or understanding either.
he would happily walk right under the horse's nose carrying a full length ladder whilst he was tied up, and blow me the thing never flinched, yet was the spookiest devil to ride...
Happy days...
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these all made me laugh. i have many from non-horsey family but a recent one, was when i showed my mum some pics of a recent dressage test "she's smaller than your last one isn't she" i reply no they're the same height "oh she must have really short legs then, oh no i think its the big belly". thanks mum!
 
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