Interfering family member...

milesjess

milesjess

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Long story short... I have a family member (older sister) who I've never really got along with (previous things have happened but I won't got into them and bore you all :P).

Basically ever since buying my horse she all of a sudden wants to come down every weekend and to see him and ride him. She doesn't ask, just says 'I'm coming down today', 'I'm going to lunge/ ride him'... And so on! Needless to say it's really making my blood boil! :@ She doesn't pay for him in anyway, doesn't ask and before I had him she was never interested in socializing or talking to me.

He's not a plod by any means and can be a tricky ride (he threw me off last week) therefore I'm not keen letting others ride him right now, plus I think it's essential one on one time with as I've only had him for 4 months.*

Today she wanted a kid she knows (beginner) to come and have a sit on him and walk him round... I immediately said no to that, but she acts like she knows my horse and his behavior, telling me he'll be fine and won't do anything. *

Anyways, she then text me after I refused and then said she'll come down anyway to see him... Which I ignored. Half an hour later she turns up at the yard and texts me saying she's there!! I drove down and sure enough she was.*

My horse has a small cut to his leg, so its bandaged up to keep it clean/ dry and he is on box rest for a few days, so he isnt been ridden anyway but she then says she'll bring the kid down next week to ride him!*

I'm rather unhappy!! No matter how many times I say no she cannot ride him she seems to ignore me and insist that she knows him best! I wouldn't put it beyond her to turn up when I'm at work and tack him up and allow the kid on him, which is my main concern now.*

I don't want to cause family frictions but my mum things I'm going OTT (she has no experience with horses). And it's bugging me!*

He's my first horse I've bought and I just want one on one time with him to build up a bond but I feel like everyone is interfering :(*

Am I being OTT or not?! I've tried been direct and telling her straight but it's through one ear and out the other...*

Sorry for the rant but I had to let off steam!! :P
 
if your on a private yard, could you not speak to the YO?
I would go mental if anyone and everyone decided they could ride my horse without my permission - even my dad asks before he rides and he pays for him.

i dont think your being OTT but then again, i've not ever been in your situation

not very helpful :p
 
Don't you have to keep your tack at home because there have been some suspicious people around??
She'll be a bit stuffed if theres no tack there.
 
Poor you.
If he's at livery, ask the YO/YM to not allow anyone to touch your horse when your not there....and that's ANYONE!!
Maybe it would be an idea to explain to them what is going on too?

Be strong. He's your horse, you bought him and he's no-one elses but yours, that is why we buy our own. That being the case, what you say must go as it you who is responsible for all of his welfare. Eg, who will pay the vets bills should he be injured?

You need to reclaim and protect him.
 
I don't think your overreacting, I wouldn't let someone ride but horse if they tell me they are riding him regardless of their riding ability!! Especially someone I don't even know..

No question, stick to your guns!
 
Not really sure what to say. Your sister is obviously used to getting her own way and you need to tell her firming and very clearly that this is your horse - end of.

Tell her that you do not want strangers riding it - dont give excuses for this - just say that you do not want anyone else riding it.

You really need to stand up for yourself! She sounds like a bit of a bully. Anyway, dont get angry or shouty but be firm. Also, make sure that she knows you do not want her up the stables without you.

If she wants a horse that bad tell her to get her own!
 
May I ask, did you pay for your horse yourself, or did your parents buy him for you? Who pays for his upkeep ? (just thinking that might explain why your mum thinks it's ok for your sister to ride him).
 
I would go mental.

If she wants to ride a horse that badly, tell her to take lessons.

Such an unfortunate situation, my sister is my best friend! xoxo
 
I'd be talking to the yard and letting them know that she is not to do anything with your horse when you are not there.
Either tell her that you pay a lot of money for his keep so each ride is £10 or tell her straight that you do NOT want her riding him as he is yours. If you don't like confrontation - does he hack? When she texts to say she's on her way, tack him up and take him out. If she turns up and then texts to say she's at yard, tell her sorry but your hacking him out!!

Hope you get it sorted. Families are a PITA!
 
Yeah I'd be taking my tack home too, that's out of order. How would your sister feel if you just rocked up and borrowed her car or her house whenever you wanted?
 
tell your YO/YM that under no circumstances is anyone allowed to handle your horse without your permission, just because she is your sister it doesn't give her automatic rights and if anything it's more important that she doesn't touch. explain that your sister is refusing to accept that he is your horse and is now talking of riding him whenever she wants, you can't be there at all times so there is a complete ban on her being at the yard without you present!

i'd also take my tack home just to back it all up.

tell your sister that you don't want her riding him at the moment as a, he is new to YOU and b, you pay for him. if you don't mind your sister riding him from time to time then tell her that you will charge her the going rate of lessons. don't let her bully you into riding YOUR horse.

i would never allow my family to ride my horses, they are all horsey people but that's why, they would take over and undo all my hard work with them. they would also try and tell me that they know my horse best.
 
Could you tell her that your insurance wouldn't cover it, especially 1) when you're not there and 2) for a child?
 
Thanks for all the replies!! :)

I think having a word with the YO is the next best step to take, he's pretty down to earth and helpful which will make it easier.

He's kept on a private yard. He has he own cupboard with his tack in which is locked. I keep the key by his stable hidden but have moved it just in case.

I bought him and pay for all his up keep.

It's an awkward situation, family members are so difficult to deal with at times, but yes I do need to stand my ground and I certainly will be doing.

I wish we were close sisters but unfortuantely to much has happened previously to forgive and forget :(

Thank you for the advice guys :) really appreciate it!
 
You can't please everybody, so you might as well please yourself - and if that involves a fall-out with your sister, then so be it. Also, think the previously mentioned idea of not leaving your tack at the yard should work.
 
You are going to have to stand your ground and do it darn soon or your bullying older sister is going to start dictating when you can ride and deal with your own horse.
It sounds like she is trying to take the horse over already, if you do not put a stop to this soon she will start to drain all the pleasure out of having your own horse.
Start learning NO.
Good luck it is harder when it is family.
Sorry to go on but it will be better if you do this yourself and not hide behind YO/YM or any other excuse you can come up with, and sooner the better, get it over and done with xx
 
I would say stand your ground firmly but politely and maybe come up with a compromise like letting her come down at the weekend when ur about and can watch/instruct her riding.. I just think be very careful you don't alienate her because it is a positive thing she likes him so much and if god forbid anything ever happened to him it might be nice to have someone help out with whatever he needs.

I say this because we had a mare with a puncture wound on her hock and it was touch and go and she had to be walked every few hours for a couple of days this includes during the night and if we (my aunt and i) hadnt shared the work it would have been very difficult! I'm not saying anything like that will happen its just good to have someone on your side.. even if you don't get on under normal circumstances. :)
 
No, you're not over-reacting, my goodness I'd have shouted the roof down by now!
Yes, it can make it very awkward with family members (I have a very 'special' sister in law, known to me as the "***** psycho"), so I really sympathise.

Just bear in mind when it all gets a bit horrid how upset you would be if your lovely new boy gets confused and messed up by her bringing the world and his dog to ride him.

I'm also willing to bet a few quid that if he had any accidents with her or needed any vet treatment she'd be the last to help with the bills!
 
I'd flatten my sister if she tried this! i agree, take you tack home so she can't ride and ask yo/ym to step in and each time she's there say ym/yo needs express permission for your sister to ride your horse and as you you have not given it yo/ym will not allow it.
 
Go to her house, pick up her car keys and tell her you are just borrowing her car. When she tries to stop you, explain to her that this is what she is doing when 'borrowing' your horse!
 
i don't think telling her your insurance won't be valid if she keeps helping herself will work as she has already stated that he won't do anything and that seems to be ingrained in her brain at the moment so in her eyes all will be fine.
 
Sorry, had to comment again.

I would just tell her, shout at her if you have to, but tell her why you think what she is doing is wrong. I don't see any point to creating an elaborate web of lies when you haven't even explained your own feelings about it to your sister. I know she's family, but that gives you a right to shout at her. She might get mad, but she's family, she'll forgive and get over it.
 
I was previously in a similar situation - a very good family friend used to have a horse at our yard, until she got rid of it after a bad accident and just popped up occasionally to see us. As we decided it was time to get a horse for me we enlisted her help to come to a couple of viewings with us and the person buying the horse for me is a bit of a 'ooh that hoss is nice and he can hunt, how much is it, i'll buy him!' sort. And from the minute I got him she insisted on having the first ride, later told me I needed to buy him new tack, arranged for somebody to come out fit tack for him and hacked him when I wasn't around. Even having the nerve to describe him as 'our' (meaning me and her) horse!! After some stern texts from me and realising that my family agreed she eventually backed off and went to ride somebody else's horses. Good luck :) I know it's horrible.
 
I'd be furious. Take the tack home with you, that will stop her.Keep it in your car if necessary but don't let your sister have access to it. In the long term it might be necessary to tell her outright that she is not to ride YOUR horse because you are working on building a bond with him. If she wants to ride suggest a riding school that she can use.
 
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