Is anyone nervous to ride their horse?

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domane

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But ashamed to do something about it?

I've had my TB for two and a half years and my riding confidence has gone. He's been nothing but the perfect but I can't get over myself for expecting him, as a TB, to be "mental" which he never has been. He's 15 and point-to-pointed in the past so he's very laid-back and placid and nothing fazes him. Before him I had a safe and sane, forward-going 15hh feathered cob and I was fearless on her... this was only five years ago. So the problem is not him, it's me. So why am I so ashamed to admit this? Today I broke down in tears on my YO's shoulder and sobbed that I feel so awful for feeling like I do because I have 100% confidence with him on the ground. I will ride him in the school but I love hacking, that's my "thing". YO had suggested (kindly) that I find him a home with a fearless teenager and go back to a cob, if that's what makes me feel safe. My lovely, supportive OH is great, but he can't understand how riding a 15hh wide horse will make me feel safer than a 16.2 one, and I can't express it either. It just will.

I love my boy completely and I feel like I am letting him down. However, when I rationalise, does he whinny each day when I arrive because "he loves me and he's pleased to see me" or because he knows he is going to be fed? Horses aren't emotional like humans so I'd be very surprised if there was any emotion other than a comfortable familiarity from him so I don't think it would break his heart to find him another home.... yet why do I feel like I am letting him down? Like I should be offering him a home for life? Will people think I'm off-loading a horse because of his age? Why do I care so much what people think?

Anyone else got the wibbles they are embarrassed to admit?
 
Yes, I've been scared to ride my own horse - all of them, at some point. Lots of us have been there, I promise. Normally the horse shies, misbehaves or feels a bit fresh, I cope perfectly well with what's going on at the time and then have a bad attack of the 'what ifs' the next time I go to get on. I've also lent my well-mannered cob to people to ride so that they can remind themselves that they too can ride when their own horses have freaked them out.

You are not letting your horse down - horses don't have that kind of agenda. You've obviously got a good relationship with him. If you give him a good standard of living he'll be happy. I suggest you concentrate on what works for you - will riding someone else's horses or getting someone else to ride yours help your confidence? Personally I wouldn't give up just yet if you can find some ideas that might build your confidence back up, but if you feel you've exhausted the possibilities and you are never going to feel comfortable on him there is no shame in choosing to call it a day and finding a horse that suits you better. After all, it's /supposed/ to be fun.
 
I think you'll find it is a lot more common than you think!

I used to be a professional rider - not any great shakes on the competition front, but was paid to school other people's horses. I then had a complete break - family etc got in the way - usual stuff.

I then took my eldest daughter trekking - I dreaded going for days beforehand, got the most horrendous butterflies on the way there but once we got going, I was lucky and everything slotted back into place.

I still get nervous before I ride a new or problematic horse - I'm definitely not as fearless as I was as a teenager. But the more I do, the more relaxed I feel. I think with me it is the fear that I am not good enough to produce the horses I am asked to work with. As I do more, and feel the horses work for me, the confidence improves.

I'm sure your horse is genuinely pleased to see you - and is in no way bothered whether you ride him or not. That doesn't mean to say he wouldn't have just as much fun with another rider who is perhaps more suited to him than you. Likewise - I'm sure there is a chunky chappie just round the corner - waiting for someone just like you!

Life is too short to waste on situations that make you unhappy. I think, perhaps, your YO's advice is spot on. ;)
 
I'm sorry not laughing at you but the old 'go back to a cob' comment!!!!! Honestly I would really really love those who think cobs are all safe boring plods to come visit my LC!! He's utterly insane, the majority of people on my yard won't get on him...and I keep my boys on a P2P training yard!!!

You need to find out what it is that makes you nervous, you say he's good so what is it about hacking him out that bothers you? Is it because of type? I'll admit LC and my bigger heavier boy BC I will absolutely do anything on, LC will bolt, he spins and he naps like a loony but I'm never scared on him. BUT as I said I keep them on a training yard and often I have to help out taking the P2P'ers hacking to help with fitness and I hate it. I spend the whole ride with my shoulders in my ears and my whole body is stiff (poor horses!!!) they are all extreamly good to hack...WAY WAY WAY better than my LC is but I'm still terrified because they have no shoulders, long necks and are bloody long way up!!! (Even though BC is 16.3..well 17hh at last count!) I'm still scared of their size!!

You need to find out what it is that is causing your fear, and then work on it. Can you borrow a plod from someone and them hack out your lad for you? So you can see he behaves nicely. Arrange some group hacks, arrange a trip out with friends to somewhere new, beach, forest etc. How about finding out if you have any Trek training courses in the area, it's a great way of bonding and after starting it last year with LC I've found out although he's nuts he's also very trusting and confident!!

Don't give in, he sounds like a nice sort and it would be a shame to not give him more time. I'm sure you won't regret it.
 
Most of us lose our confidence at one stage or other. If you feel you are better off going back to a 'cob' then do it. My sec D. is a nutcase and those with sane cobs tend to hold on to them.

What about having an instructor with you on a hack?
 
yes i am really nervous to ride my girl not been on her for few months due to broken wrist not done falling off but she did do it i was on the floor leading her in she touched electric fencing and then i woke up on the floor gaping head wound and broken wrist
my girl is a 5 yr old friesian standing at 16.1 have owned her for 4 years and she is a star
i think its her age and height that terrifies me as well as her greeness but she gona stay green if i dont do something about it
i am struggling to get a saddle that fits at the mo but i am trying.............honest
 
I wouldnt worry, i have certainly been nervous to ride hector out on hacks, to the stage i would actually nearly be sick, but once i did it and got out their i was always so chuffed with myself, Just take things in your own time, and do things when you feel ready to, best of luck x
 
I am terrified to hack and suffer terribly from the 'what ifs' that often leaves my paralysed with nerves - and that's before I get in the saddle. Rather than concentrating on what you can't do, why not say to yourself "I'm trhee quarters of the way there". Give yourself a break - ride something else when hacking and get someone to hack your boy and make a hack together your goal for the year. Just take little baby steps and focus on the positive. A horse is a partnership that can last of years so don't worry if its not all working straight off the bat. If you give yourself a year to solve this problem then you will be paid back in spades over the many years you will have together when you get over this hump.
 
you say your expecting your tb to be crazy and he has never been so why do you expect it?
i know ploddy safe cobs, and crazy arsy cobs, as well as safe sane reliable tbs and crazy highly strung tbs.

i don't think it always comes down to breed, as each horse is different, for example my friends connemara is nuts but mine is so good anyone can ride him even if they have never ridden before!
so maybe your tb is one of the quiet ones?
if you found your tb a nice home then i wouldn't hold it against you for selling him and getting something you feel comfortable on!
if it were me i would rather be on a well behaved 16.2hh tb, than a 15hh silly cob!
my cob is a lunitic, he thinks he's a racehorse!
hope you solve your problem soon :)
 
I didn't jump much after I moved, lack of transport time etc. Beau sprained her back in the summer and being the trooper she is didn't tell me till half way round a large(ish) course at Arena UK. She stopped. Beau never stops. Completely knocked my nerve, when she stopped the 2nd time, I withdrew, I know something is wrong if she stops. Anyway didn't jump much as she healed then it snowed and froze.

Now a major issue with me papping myself over 2 ft and my baby horse learning that jumping means 'carry mommy safely over this little obstacle while she sits paralysed'. Beau on the other hand has reacted to my fear by exploding, she goes up and takes off, I could not stop her if a small child ran in front of the jump. It's like she is soo annoyed with me she's determined to show me I can do it. I think she's offended by my lack of trust, she has been very anti cuddles and quick to lay her ears back also.

This weekend I had a stern talk to myself about trusting Beau, reminded myself what we used to do and how big we would jump, how I was (silly, but confident) enough to go xc on her in tshirt and no BP (naughty). Got on and jumped on sunday and LOVED IT. Popped a few little ones this morning too. She instantly relaxed as soon as I made myself trust her, I got it wrong a few times and she just sorted it out and looked after me as always. I got kisseis and cuddles after too.

I still have to sort my issues with the baby horse as I can't rely on 'she always has before' but it's coming.

I guess what I am trying to say is have a word with yourself. Remind yourself your horse has always been fab and nothing bad happens, think of all the times it's behaved better than expected. Do you have tuition? Could you get more confidence from a different instructor?

Though I note from your post that you talk about letting him down not being distraught to let him go for your own sake. Comendable but makes me wonder if in your heart you know you would prefer a fun coblet (agree not all cobs/coblets quiet, mine's not!) Can you afford a cobby type if you put your current horse on loan? (I don't want answer re your finances, just something for you to think about !!) Maybe your horse is also offended by your lack of trust? At the end of the day this is what we do for fun.

Sorry long.
 
Oh yes - I have been especially hacking out on my own

I was all fine until I had children.........then have become the most pathetic wimp of all time filling my head with lots of "what ifs".

I suggest being patient and not pushing yourself too much :)
 
domane said:
But ashamed to do something about it?

I've had my TB for two and a half years and my riding confidence has gone. He's been nothing but the perfect but I can't get over myself for expecting him, as a TB, to be "mental" which he never has been. He's 15 and point-to-pointed in the past so he's very laid-back and placid and nothing fazes him. Before him I had a safe and sane, forward-going 15hh feathered cob and I was fearless on her... this was only five years ago. So the problem is not him, it's me. So why am I so ashamed to admit this? Today I broke down in tears on my YO's shoulder and sobbed that I feel so awful for feeling like I do because I have 100% confidence with him on the ground. I will ride him in the school but I love hacking, that's my "thing". YO had suggested (kindly) that I find him a home with a fearless teenager and go back to a cob, if that's what makes me feel safe. My lovely, supportive OH is great, but he can't understand how riding a 15hh wide horse will make me feel safer than a 16.2 one, and I can't express it either. It just will.

I love my boy completely and I feel like I am letting him down. However, when I rationalise, does he whinny each day when I arrive because "he loves me and he's pleased to see me" or because he knows he is going to be fed? Horses aren't emotional like humans so I'd be very surprised if there was any emotion other than a comfortable familiarity from him so I don't think it would break his heart to find him another home.... yet why do I feel like I am letting him down? Like I should be offering him a home for life? Will people think I'm off-loading a horse because of his age? Why do I care so much what people think?

Anyone else got the wibbles they are embarrassed to admit?
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There is no shame in admiting he's not what you need. I sold my last horse because I was nervous of him and i bought myself a lovely sensible connie and my confidence is way back up, it was definately the right thing to do. I battled on for a good year with my nerves and i wish i would have just admitted to myself striaght away i needed somethng else and stopped bowing to pressures of people telling me not to. Go with your heart, you won't be letting him down if you find him a nice home.
 
Hi there.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. I recently had ( prob still having ! ) a crisis of confidence with my 6yr old tb, so i know how you feel. I was getting hung up on what he might do...( hes a tb, off the track + everyone knows they are loopy- right)
Do you want to persist with your horse or do you want to sell him?
If you want to persist, maybe see if you can find a good instructor, who will understand how nerves can affect us.
Also, are there other people you can ride with or walk along side to boost your confidence?
Also, set small goals. Tomorrow im aiming to ride my tb on the farm next to his yard, along the fence line, for about 100m. If we manage that, I'll be chuffed.
Kx
 
cai said:
I didn't jump much after I moved, lack of transport time etc. Beau sprained her back in the summer and being the trooper she is didn't tell me till half way round a large(ish) course at Arena UK. She stopped. Beau never stops. Completely knocked my nerve, when she stopped the 2nd time, I withdrew, I know something is wrong if she stops. Anyway didn't jump much as she healed then it snowed and froze.

Now a major issue with me papping myself over 2 ft and my baby horse learning that jumping means 'carry mommy safely over this little obstacle while she sits paralysed'. Beau on the other hand has reacted to my fear by exploding, she goes up and takes off, I could not stop her if a small child ran in front of the jump. It's like she is soo annoyed with me she's determined to show me I can do it. I think she's offended by my lack of trust, she has been very anti cuddles and quick to lay her ears back also.

This weekend I had a stern talk to myself about trusting Beau, reminded myself what we used to do and how big we would jump, how I was (silly, but confident) enough to go xc on her in tshirt and no BP (naughty). Got on and jumped on sunday and LOVED IT. Popped a few little ones this morning too. She instantly relaxed as soon as I made myself trust her, I got it wrong a few times and she just sorted it out and looked after me as always. I got kisseis and cuddles after too.

I still have to sort my issues with the baby horse as I can't rely on 'she always has before' but it's coming.

I guess what I am trying to say is have a word with yourself. Remind yourself your horse has always been fab and nothing bad happens, think of all the times it's behaved better than expected. Do you have tuition? Could you get more confidence from a different instructor?

Though I note from your post that you talk about letting him down not being distraught to let him go for your own sake. Comendable but makes me wonder if in your heart you know you would prefer a fun coblet (agree not all cobs/coblets quiet, mine's not!) Can you afford a cobby type if you put your current horse on loan? (I don't want answer re your finances, just something for you to think about !!) Maybe your horse is also offended by your lack of trust? At the end of the day this is what we do for fun.

Sorry long.
Click to expand...



^^^^^^^^^^Ditto this
 
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