Is H&H forum like real life....comments made...

What bugs me is how people are happy to jump on you for things they feel you have done "wrong" but not give praise where it's due.

I posted about issues I was having with my mares napping and backward behaviour and got a ton of replies to the video I put up with her in draw reins. Most slagging me and my trainer off for what we were doing. When I posted she had been diagnosed with ulcers, not one of the slaggers commented and lately when I posted pics of a fab lesson that we had, hardly anyone commented. (Thanks to those who did). That annoys the hell out of me! Why couldn't some of the people who slated what I was doing at the start, comment and say well done? Puts me off posting about anything in here!!!
 
Lol baydale (sorry on phone can't quote)!! No Hector references, promise! :) Think it's been got rid of now tbf which I think is for the best.
 
Hmm, I told someone in NL that I was concerned over their pony's weight yesterday, but I did try to do it nicely, give constructive advice etc. I would've done the same in RL or on any other social media, whether I knew them personally or not. When it comes to welfare, I do think there is a responsibility to point it out if the OP seems unaware, or doesn't appreciate the severity of obesity.

That said, I saw the NM post in here, half-considered commenting on the pony's weight, but didn't see the point as NM clearly knows what she's doing with horses (isn't some muppet novice owner) and therefore will be aware (I presume!). I also thought that the thread was clearly a joke, and I didn't want to spoil it by posting something negative (when it only had a few replies).

I also think there's a big leap from the abuse people get for doing things which other posters don't "like" - e.g. use draw reins, not wear a hat :rolleyes: , wrong bit / noseband, dodgy position etc - and pointing out a potentially very serious welfare issue - e.g. a morbidly obese pony.

(NM's pony isn't imo morbidly obese, btw!)
 
To be honest both on here and in real life I like to keep myself to myself, I do what needs doing with my horses with the guidance from people I pay to advise me, trainer, farrier, physio, vet.

I am an RI so yes I will give people advice if I feel qualified to an the livery yard im on doesn't have many overly experienced owners so I'm happy to help and advise if they need it and I feel I can provide the right answer but unless someone was doing something to hurt an animal I would Not wade over and stick my nose in just if I thought they had the wrong bit, noseband, pony was too fat or thin, rider was too big because unless I know the full story who am I to tell them what to do!
 
I think in real life people are more inclined to simply talk about someone behind their back - sometimes with little knowledge of the situation just like on here. I used to keep horses at home so wasn't so aware of it but now I ride at a livery yard (and to be fair its a very nice friendly one!) I'm very aware of the gossip and judgements! I try to keep out of it as much as possible, although I'm very keen to learn as much as I can I'm not there to judge or be judged!
 
4faults- I think being an instructor has a huge impact on when you say something and when you don't and how to phrase something rather than belittling the owner/rider. I too am a BHSII(SM) taking my BHSI in October. I also manage a riding school/livery yard. I see things all the time that may make me cringe a little but sometimes, unless its a huge welfare issue, you have to live and let live.
If you do feel the need to mention something to some one then you do it in a certain way with a certain tone, otherwise I would have no clients left!
 
^^ This is a particular point. I think people might be surprised how often instructors and other "people in positions of responsibility" bite (or at least curb) their tongues! It's all very well to say this is "irresponsible" but experience tends to tell you that saying every thought that comes into your head is not just potentially unpleasant but unproductive. Even the most recalcitrant person tends to react better to a more gradual and balanced approach!

(The other option is to say what you have to say and walk away. I know I'm guilty of doing it but I haven't found repeating something ad nauseum generally does the trick anyway. If I'm doing it I'm doing it for ME, to get it out of my system, not for the recipient. ;) )

This goes to the "how do you like your instructor" thread, as well. People often say they want to hear it how it is but in reality, if you make a habit of that, you'll have no clients and everyone will be cast - needlessly - in either despair or fury. ;)

Maybe that goes back to the "friend" thing - I'm far more likely to tell my friends what I really think (sorry, friends :D ) but I do so on the understanding it's private and only reasonable because I have the whole story and we can agree to disagree if necessary.

To be honest, at least on here, I don't think anyone gives a toss what I say or follows the advice of random people on the internet. Forums are just for information gathering. Perhaps that's where some of us fall down - we really are just saying what we think/know/suspect or presenting an alternative view, not actively giving advice to an individual.
 
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4faults said:
I am an RI so yes I will give people advice if I feel qualified to an the livery yard im on doesn't have many overly experienced owners so I'm happy to help and advise if they need it and I feel I can provide the right answer but unless someone was doing something to hurt an animal I would Not wade over and stick my nose in just if I thought they had the wrong bit, noseband, pony was too fat or thin, rider was too big because unless I know the full story who am I to tell them what to do!
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This is pretty much where I stand, as long as its doing noone any harm then leave folk alone. E.g I was judging at a RC show on Sunday and my old form tutor was waiting by the ring with her daughter, she had her martingale neckstrap on inside out, I pointed this out, kid shrugged her shoulders and said it's always been like that, so I just left it at that, wasn't doing any harm and at some point soon she might turn it round.
 
Exactly. I might tell some one if their chaps were on the wrong legs but no way would I say' your chaps are on the wrong legs, oh and by the way you are far too fat for your horse and a rubbish rider anyway!' but on here, that seems to be acceptable!
The only people on our yard that seem to think that its ok to be rude to people are the ones who don't have too many friends!
 
Sportznight said:
It is my opinion that a lot of people need to learn more about condition scoring (at both ends of the scale!) and also how to monitor and manage good and poor doers.
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And, if we are on the subject of opinions, it is MY opinion that a lot of people, well some anyway, need to learn more about when it is appropriate to express their opinions and when to keep them to themselves, and how best to express those opinions to achieve the outcome they desire (ie presumably a change in behaviour) :) :)

ETA: Oh yes, and how often those opinions need to be repeated :D

And I think the point re trainers/instructors having a different, possibly slightly more tolerant perspective, is valid. As a fairly busy trainer/coach I have to decide pretty regularly when to intervene and when to walk away ;)
 
I don't offer criticism or advice on HHO unless it is asked for (the exception being a welfare issue) and even then I don't bother if I think the recipient is either a) too up their own bottoms to take notice or b) too intellectually challenged to understand.
Exactly the same as in Real Life.
 
nikkimariet said:
People are so ignorant of the full story on here and jump in with their two pennies worth with no regard for circumstance or explanation.
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Totally agree 100% to this one. I am sometimes amazed at some of the stuff people post on here - particularly some of the newer forum members. I have to be hones though, CR is not quite the bitchfest that NL can descend into. To survive on there you have to be an absolutely perfect owner - how many of us can say we are that?

To be honest there is only one person on this forum who I would want to respond to, but I wont do it, because its the reaction they would really want, as they obviously get off on it. Yes I ride a cob. I want to ride a cob!!!! Enough said.
 
TarrSteps said:
Not fair, not true. I have followed your advice. You once posted that if you tell someone NOT to do something, they do it. ("Don't think of a turnip" was I think the example you used.)

I heed this advice religiously and, when my boyfriend tells me continuously not to fall off... again.... I say very sanctimoniously: "Darling, that's far too negative. When you tell me not to fall off, I think about falling off and do, indeed, fall off - ergo my riding mishaps are ALL YOUR FAULT." (To clarify, boyfriend's fault, not TS'. (Actually, largely mine, ed.))
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I'm my own worst critic - it has to be perfect or it's not good enough, and I do have enough knowledge to know what things SHOULD look like. As a result, any CC on here usually just re-iterates what I already know, and I doubt they could be harsher on me than I am on myself.

I have left the world of livery yards though, as there you can't choose what people comment on. Over 8 years or so I lost count of the number of times people would make comments about riding/horse/management (esp regarding horse with interesting medical condition who was sound and in work), sit and watch you school and comment loudly to their friends etc etc. I like advice when I pay or ask for it, and measure my success in the competition arena. What's wrong with that? I began to ride in the mornings before work, and then when the opportunity came up, got my own place. Bliss. It's nice to be able to concentrate!
 
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HotToTrot said:
Not fair, not true. I have followed your advice. You once posted that if you tell someone NOT to do something, they do it. ("Don't think of a turnip" was I think the example you used.)

I heed this advice religiously and, when my boyfriend tells me continuously not to fall off... again.... I say very sanctimoniously: "Darling, that's far too negative. When you tell me not to fall off, I think about falling off and do, indeed, fall off - ergo my riding mishaps are ALL YOUR FAULT." (To clarify, boyfriend's fault, not TS'. (Actually, largely mine, ed.))
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:cool:

That made me laugh. I will obviously have to be more careful! :D
 
I rarely tell anyone what I think, unless they ask for it, it serves me extremely well at work. When I was a young know-it-all I would often offer advice, but got fed up of being ignored, so just get on with my own horses and leave people to it!

I certainly wouldn't stand on a yard and listen to several people critise someone to their face, then wade in just to repeat what had already been said, which is what seems to happen on here.

But, hey ho, what do I know, I've spent my evening getting over-excited whilst plannning a treasure hunt :o I'm clearly an eejit! :D
 
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