Is it normal to feel this lost

gumpatrump

gumpatrump

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I had to make the tough decision to have my beautiful big mare put to sleep two weeks ago due to extensive damage to both tendons in both her front legs. She was in a lot of pain and I feel relieved that she is no longer in pain and know it was the right decision but I just feel completely lost without her. I go to the yard everyday and every morning I just wish so much that I will walk round the corner and she will be there in her stable, looking over the door and always being first to call, demanding for her breakfast. But then every morning it hits me that she has gone! I miss her so much and was just wondering if it is normal to feel this lost without your horse?
 
hi honey
I am so sorry for your loss, I am facing having to make this decision too, it is awful isn't it. I lost my mare about 6 years ago and was absolutely devastated. I did not understand how awful it was until it happened to me. Is there someone you can talk to about it? OIbviously there is the forum, but do you have a friend that has gone thru it?
Big hugs for you, it will take time but you will feel better
xxx
 
Yes....I think it is........

It isnt just about your horse, but a way of life. Horses are such a huge commitment, that if you take it away it leaves such a great hole.

When I lost my horse 7 years ago, I bought my mare pretty much straight away. I knew I didnt want to live without one, and as much as I loved him and wanted *him* back, I knew I needed to find another one...........
 
of course it is you are grieving and two weeks is no time at all.my mare died in my arms after a heart attack 7 years ago and for weeks i struggled,didnt want to see or talk to anyone and just felt distraught.i think when you are very attatched its like losing one of your family. be kind to yourself you loved her and you did your best for her. allow yourself to feel sad its ok.
 
Firstly, I am really sorry to hear about your loss.

Secondly, yes, I do think it is totally normal, I have had my 24yr old pony for 16yrs and I think I would struggle to ever get over the day he leaves me.

Of course you will feel sad adn I echo what debsflo said, let yourself be sad and grieve.
x
 
I lost 2 of my ponies within a month 3 years ago this month....I still miss them dearly and get upset when I think about them.

I had had them for 16 years and grown up them. But even the pony I've had for 9 months is a member of my family and it would kill me to see her go.
 
Poor you, it's a horrible thing to go through but yes it's totally normal, grief is never nice and affects people in different ways

I lost my pony suddenly 3 years ago after 18 years. At the time I had no horsey friends and my family stopped mentioning her after a couple of weeks so I had no one to share the loss with. I would really recommend talking about your horse with people that knew her as it can be comforting. It took me three months until I could get through the day without thinking of her constantly, I still miss her now

It does get easier though, someone also told me to read a magazine article on grief and it helped me to identify and deal with my emotions at the time. I echo debsflo - give yourself time to grieve x
 
Lost.....Yes it would be normal to feel like that!
So sorry for how you are feeling at present was like that 3 years ago........felt like a big chunk of me was missing when I had my lovely black TB mare PTS....it will get better with time.....just sometimes you wish the time would pass quick...Guess it's the healing process so they call it!
Sending out a hug...know how your feeling!
frown.gif
 
Yes it is normal to feel completely lost. Unfortunately I have a lot of experience losing horses having lost four of my own in the space of less than seven years. There are many stages of grief denial usually being the first, followed by guilt or anger, bitterness, and total sadness and loss. Some people experience all the stages, some people experience only one or two. In all cases I have felt anger - the injustice of it all. I have felt guilt in the case of my last horse (none of the horses died as a result of my negligence I must add) but I felt tremendous guilt because he was put down at Liverpool Hopsital and would not follow the nurse into the put down box so I led him in (and ultimately to his death). He trusted me and I felt I had lied to him and let him down. I lost count of the many lovely dreams I woudl have of my horses and then wake in the morning to be faced with the dreadful realisation that it was just a dream and that they were gone forever. It could take you a while to get over losing your horse, and ultimately you may never get over losing her. There is no time limit on grief and never let anyone tell you any different. I went onto the blue cross website and there is a little memorial thing on there where you can leave a lasting tribute to your horse. I found that that was really comforting. There are also horse bereavement sites, and the Blue Cross have set up a bereavement helpline where you can speak to bereavement counsellors in total confidence. My heart goes out to you know - I do know how you feel. Time is a great healer and although you may not think it now, you will feel better eventually. For me half the battle was being able to talk to people about my loss. I find people very annoying when they are too 'embarrassed' or 'too worried about saying anything to you in case they upset you'. I have found over the time period I lost my four precious horses many people would either ignore me, or pretend nothing had happened. These were people who I needed, and they let me down by acting how they did, but it was only because they didn't know how to handle things. Please do not hesitate to email me personally if you feel you need to talk. Good luck and god bless I am very sorry for you loss x
 
This is a little poem I found on the internet one day at a place called Rainbow Bridge a pet bereavement site for people going through what you are going through. I found it very hard to read the first time, but please read it and cry and read it again and try to understand.....

I'll lend you for a little while,
a horse of mine, God said,
for you to love whilst she's alive
and mourn for when she's dead.

It may be two or three short years,
or twenty-two or three,
but will you, till I call her back,
take care of her for me?

She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
and should her stay be brief,
you'll have your lovely memories
as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay,
since all from earth return,
but there are lessons taught down there
I want this horse to learn.

I've looked the wide world over
in my search for teacher's true,
and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have chosen you.

Now will you give her all your love?
Nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to call,
to take her back again?"

God fancied he heard the owner say,
"Dear Lord, thy will be done.
For all the joy this horse shall bring,
the risk of grief I'll run.

I'll shelter her with tenderness,
and love her while I may,
and for the happiness I've known
forever grateful I'll stay.

But should the angels call for her,
much sooner than I planned,
I'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
and try to understand."

(Author unknown)
 
So sorry. It is quite OK to feel sad, but the one thing we owe our animals is not to let them suffer. You have done the right thing and time will heel. Hard to hear but true.
 
I lost my beloved "Jack" 9 years ago now and still miss him like hell. However I "bought" a "Tree in Tribute" at the World Horse Welfare farm at Snetterton. I often go over there and just sit by his tree and remember the good times we had. Also it gives me comfort that he is now helping other less fortunate horses.
They had a memorial service two or three years ago which although very emotional,was also helpful to me.
 
Yes it is very normal to feel LOST. I too have lost my best friend 5th August this year after 15 really good years. He was ill for a while and I went through all the things such as if I'd done enough etc etc. No one can ever explain how it feels until it happens to you and nothing can hurry the healing process. You will never totally get over it but it should get easier over time to remember the happy and sad times you will have shared together.
I still have to go to the yard he was at as my daughter still has her pony there and it's still hard to see another horse with its head over my boys old stable door- but to me it will always be his stable and in my minds eye I can see him there calling when I turn up to feed!!
You will shed many tears and like me perhaps wish for that extra time but remember that you did the right thing at the right time.
I always remember someone telling me that it is better to lose them a week early than to keep them for yourself for a day too late. The suffering for your horse is now over and they will probably be in that lovely field in the sky chasing around with my boy and all who have gone before - having a fantastic time free from pain.
Good luck to you and I hope you can start to feel things ease very soon but remember that it's ok to cry and feel this way it's what helps us to cope with the grieving process.
 
Yes it is normal - it will be a year on Sunday since the mare I shared for 14 years was PTS. She was the best pony in the World and would do anything for me and protect me too.

It was completley out of the blue, one day she was fine and I went to the yard to ride her and I saw her suffering stroke like symptoms and I just knew.

We had to make the decision the next day having spent the night with her and it was agonising. It was definitley the right decision but it doesn't make coping without her any easier.

I still felt her all around me for months as if she was checking I was ok and then she just disappeared. I still cry now and am dreading Sunday as I know it will just bring it all back.

She was my best friend and it takes time to get used to them not being around but it does get easier.

I am soooo sorry for your loss and I am thinking of you as I know how much it hurts, hugs coming your way x
 
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