Is it time I gave up horses?

[SmartieBean09]

*wipes away tears and takes a deep breath*

Since becoming pregnant and having my daughter, my pony Jamin (my once be all and end all) has had to take a back seat. I never saw this as being a problem, she would always be loved and have everything she needed. I planned that once my daughter was here I would aim to ride 1-2 times a week. Nothing major, perhaps a 20 minute hack but Jamin would be exercised and taken out of the yard for a bit of different scenery (she has always loved hacks).

Thing is, things have not got to plan since the my daughter Lily was born. My partners family live 60 miles away, my brother and his wife have moved away and so the only family we have around up is my Mum and Dad. Mum and Dad are both very busy and so although they see Lily a lot, they arent able to look after her as much as we both would like. I am not one for fobbing my daughter off to anyone and if my parents did have Lily, it would only be for a couple of hours. Since Lily was born over a year ago, I have only ever spent 3 nights away from her. My boyfriend works long days and so I never ask him to do anything for us, that includes getting up in the night. From day 1 I have done everything and I see that as part of being a mother and I love my daughter beyond all comprehension but I miss being me and having 2 hours every now and then where I can be me and enjoy my pony *and cue tears again*

Money is very tight and Jamin just isnt getting the attention she deserves. She is a one in a million pony and the one I searched my whole childhood for.

At the moment she is kept in a field which is rented by 2 lovely ladies. They go down everyday and see to all of the horses. Jamin is coming up 27 so although she can be ridden she is limited to what she can do. She is also a poor doer in the winter and is petrified of travelling.

After really wanting to ride for the past few months and not being able to, my head is telling me that perhaps its time to put Jamin on full loan...maybe to the ladies who rent the field (I know they love her)?

I really just dont know what to do. All I want is my pony to have the care attention she deserves. Something I cant give her. This is very much a head decision and not a heart felt one. I really am at a loss of what to do for the best.

I love my pony and my hobby but if I cant spend time doing it then perhaps giving up is the right thing to do. After all, how can you miss what you dont have????

Thanks for reading this - I am feeling so low and though HHO'ers would understand. x

 

[Lippyx]

Oh you poor sausage!!
I can only imagine how you feel, and TBH, this is one the thing I fear if and when I start a family.
Can you OH not look after the little one for a few hours, a couple of times a week? I mean, we are all entitled to "me" time, and his daughter is as much responsibility as yours.
Can you ask him?

 

[rangerover]

This might sound a bit old fashioned but I knew lady a long time ago who was mad on hunting and she used to take her baby, feed her, leve her in the trailer in her carry cot, hunt for an hour, go back, feed her again, and go off for another hour or two. But that was in the days when everyone knew everyone and passers by would keep an eye. The other thing you could do is take baby to the field in a pushchair, park her in the middle of a schooling area and ride round her in big circles. I'm sure loads of people will say..oh, nooh but if the pony is 27 she is probably quite sensible...or just take your baby down there for some pony cuddles, I am sure they would both love it!

 

[SmartieBean09]

He does occasionally offer. Problem is, he has a hobby too and so his weekends are usually spent on his hobby or we go and visit his family. He isnt a bad boyfriend or Dad, dont get me wrong but he works hard all week to provide for us, he has a very stressful job so the last thing I would ask him to do is to give up his weekend for me. I know that sounds silly and like I am some kind of door mat but he needs a release just as much as I do.

I think one of the main problems when either Mum or my boyfriend have Lily is that I am always working to a time. No one has ever said....you go and enjoy yourself...come back when you are ready. I wouldnt be that long anyway as I dont think its fair but I always get "how long will you be?" " Can you be back in an hour?" "I cant have Lily but...."

Sometimes its easier just to carry on as I am, ask no one for nothing and get no complaints.

I feel guilty as if I am complaining about becoming a parent and I am not at all. I love being a Mum but things are hard. Harder than anyone could have ever advised me. My life is not my life anymore and I was fully aware that would be the case when I fell pregnant.....but I never thought it would be this hard!

 

[SmartieBean09]

This might sound a bit old fashioned but I knew lady a long time ago who was mad on hunting and she used to take her baby, feed her, leve her in the trailer in her carry cot, hunt for an hour, go back, feed her again, and go off for another hour or two. But that was in the days when everyone knew everyone and passers by would keep an eye. The other thing you could do is take baby to the field in a pushchair, park her in the middle of a schooling area and ride round her in big circles. I'm sure loads of people will say..oh, nooh but if the pony is 27 she is probably quite sensible...or just take your baby down there for some pony cuddles, I am sure they would both love it!

I go down there every couple of days and Lily always comes with me and she loves it but I wouldnt take Lily while I rode. Lily is into everything and would scream blue murder if she was strapped in her push chair and mummy was riding round her. I wouldnt enjoy riding at all.

Jamin is 27, safe and yes sensible but in no way shape or form a plod. She is your typical fizzy Anglo Arab

 

[touchstone]

I think a sensible option would be to put your horse on loan, with the option of you being able to ride now and again, if you are friendly with the ladies who would possibly loan her I'm sure a compromise could be reached?

I found it really hard when I had my family and resorted to teaching just for a few hours a week and eventually stopped my horsey activities for a while until the children were older, I think we always underestimate how much time small humans take up until we have them!

Personally I couldn't leave a young child alone while I rode, having witnessed my son choke as a toddler they really do need watching all the time, you'd never forgive yourself if something happened.

Remember that this isn't for ever, but having children does mean that our own needs take second place for a short time, and they are grown and gone so soon that you will get time to enjoy your horse. I wouldn't think of it as giving up, but of having some time out, with a horsey 'fix' now and again, leaving time for you to enjoy your daughter.

 

[eva]

there must be a way to do everything! after all, everyone deserves to have a little hobby to keep them inspired. Maybe you have a friend who's got a baby too - you could mutually babysit, to take turns and have 2 babies over. If your daughter is interested in playing with others, everyone might be better off?

 

[SmartieBean09]

I think a sensible option would be to put your horse on loan, with the option of you being able to ride now and again, if you are friendly with the ladies who would possibly loan her I'm sure a compromise could be reached?

I found it really hard when I had my family and resorted to teaching just for a few hours a week and eventually stopped my horsey activities for a while until the children were older, I think we always underestimate how much time small humans take up until we have them!

Personally I couldn't leave a young child alone while I rode, having witnessed my son choke as a toddler they really do need watching all the time, you'd never forgive yourself if something happened.

Remember that this isn't for ever, but having children does mean that our own needs take second place for a short time, and they are grown and gone so soon that you will get time to enjoy your horse. I wouldn't think of it as giving up, but of having some time out, with a horsey 'fix' now and again, leaving time for you to enjoy your daughter.

I 100% agree and although the tears are flooding down my cheeks, I know that its the right thing to do.

I have to be a Mum. Horses need lots of time and money. I dont have much of either of those things at the moment.

 

[ThePony]

Please excuse me if I'm speaking out of line (I tend to be a bit blunt - sorry!)
I understand that your bf works hard at his job - which I guess is supporting the family. Your job is currently bringing up the child you have together. That makes you both entitled to have support, free time and hobbies. While I totally understand your desire to make time for him to enjoy his hobby on a weekend after a stressful week of work. But I should imagine your weeks are pretty stressful too and you could do with a bit of time to enjoy time with your mare. How about you give each other a morning out at the weekend, then spend the rest of the time together or visiting family etc.
Are there any mums groups around you that you could go to? My sil has a group near her and they run a thing where they agree to look after anothers child for (eg) a morning a week, in return for the mum returning the favour? That way it wouldn't cost you anything, you would get to know more people getting to grips with motherhood and you might not feel so guilty taking time out if you know you are returning the favour.
As an alternative, could you get a sharer? You still get to see your girl and ride her, but it takes some pressure off you as she will have someone else around too to spend time with her and ride her.

 

[cobface]

I really think that everybody should have time out on there own, your partner has time out whilst at work and as you mentioned a hobby at weekends. Surely Its only fair that you have a couple of hours per week to spend with your horse?
I would maybe sit down with your partner and tell him how you feel about it all

Hugs to you, i know how hard it is having a young baby and no time for anything else xx

 

[touchstone]

Aw bless you hun xx, ((hugs)) Remember it isn't forever, and daughters nearly always go through the 'wanting a pony stage' where you can probably share your hobby.

 

[Lippyx]

He does occasionally offer. Problem is, he has a hobby too and so his weekends are usually spent on his hobby or we go and visit his family. He isnt a bad boyfriend or Dad, dont get me wrong but he works hard all week to provide for us, he has a very stressful job so the last thing I would ask him to do is to give up his weekend for me. I know that sounds silly and like I am some kind of door mat but he needs a release just as much as I do.

SB - We are ALL entitled to hobbies and surely your OH could give up a few hours at a weekend so you can go and enjoy your hobby. It is only fair!

 

[Lisamd]

Bit of a longshot here (as you can tell i have horses and no children!) Do you have any friends in the same situation? Not neccesarily with horses, but where you could trade time 'babysitting' each others kids whilst you individually have 'me' time?

Also - i see what your saying re your OH but surely a few hrs on a weekend would be ok? Sell it as a bit of father/daughter bonding?!

 

[Jingleballs]

SB - We are ALL entitled to hobbies and surely your OH could give up a few hours at a weekend so you can go and enjoy your hobby. It is only fair!

I totally agree with this and maybe if you spoke to him and told him how heartbreaking this was for you he may understand and you could agree a few hours a week when you could get free time to go to the yard?

My friend used to let her baby fall asleep in the buggy then park it beside the arena, tack up and ride before she woke up!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

You work just as hard as your BF, doing an equally valuable job AND you are still doing your job in the middle of the night. I quite understand why and I'm sure your BF does too. In which case, I think if you talk to him about it he will be happy to give you a morning off each weekend. Perhaps he even feels a little left out atm because he doesn't get any solo time with Lily. After the summer go to your nearest children's centre and find out about all the groups/classes you can join. I'm sure that there you will meet other mums who would like a morning off occasionally who you would trust to look after your daughter while you ride. When Lily is 3 she will be able to go to nursery/playgroup without you, this will also give you some free time. In the meantime could you get a sharer to exercise Jamin for you? Remember as well, that it is good for your daughter to get to know other adults at this stage, although I do admire you for being a stay-at-home mum. Well done!

 

[SmartieBean09]

I know most of you are right about getting bf to spend more time with out daughter and to be far to him, he probably would. I guess its just the guilt trip I would feel, leaving him. Its stupid but since becoming a mum, I feel selfish for any time or money spent on myself!

Having a sharer wouldnt really work because I am lucky enough that the 2 ladies who rent the field, look after Jamin for me most days and I just pop down every couple of days and see to Jamin and their old pony. They have done me a huge favour letting me keep Jamin there (its at the end of the track to where Jamin used to be kept). If Lily is asleep in the car, I can literally pull up next to the stables and field and so if she did wake up, she can always see me.

Perhaps I need to speak to these ladies and see what their thoughts are. If they couldnt take Jamin on then really I am stuck because I know they would love Jamin like I do.

Just thinking about loaning Jamin, although heart breaking, I would be lying if I didnt say that there is a feeling of release there. Like a heavy load has been lifted. That is mainly to do with the money side of things.

 

[SmartieBean09]

You work just as hard as your BF, doing an equally valuable job AND you are still doing your job in the middle of the night. I quite understand why and I'm sure your BF does too. In which case, I think if you talk to him about it he will be happy to give you a morning off each weekend. Perhaps he even feels a little left out atm because he doesn't get any solo time with Lily. After the summer go to your nearest children's centre and find out about all the groups/classes you can join. I'm sure that there you will meet other mums who would like a morning off occasionally who you would trust to look after your daughter while you ride. When Lily is 3 she will be able to go to nursery/playgroup without you, this will also give you some free time. In the meantime could you get a sharer to exercise Jamin for you? Remember as well, that it is good for your daughter to get to know other adults at this stage, although I do admire you for being a stay-at-home mum. Well done!

I love being a Mum but I miss work incredibly. I sometimes feel very very isolated!

 

[flowerlady]

Hi SB

What about a part share?

I'd also ask you this question: Who would look after your child if your were ill or had to go into hospital?Your BF must start to look after them otherwise your not being fair on either of them. They need to bond too If he never looks after them then he will be thrown into turmoil. You need time start being you again for at least one morning/afternoon at the weekend let him change/feed and amuse your child. You never know he might enjoy it.

 

[SmartieBean09]

Hi SB

What about a part share?

I'd also ask you this question: Who would look after your child if your were ill or had to go into hospital?Your BF must start to look after them otherwise your not being fair on either of them. They need to bond too If he never looks after them then he will be thrown into turmoil. You need time start being you again for at least one morning/afternoon at the weekend let him change/feed and amuse your child. You never know he might enjoy it.

Usually my boyf leaves before Lily is awake and is home after she has gone to sleep but on the times he is at home, he does spend time with her while I get the dinner on etc.

I must be making him sound really bad! He isnt..honest!

If I am 100% truthful with you guys, he was married before and wasnt allowed to move an inch! Deep down I guess I just try in more ways than one not to be like his ex!

He does spend time with Lily dont get me wrong and he has times where he cant do his hobby. He is infact working 6 day weeks for the next two weeks. I see it that he needs his release and I get to sit on HHO all day. Yes my job is 24/7 but I often get to sit down with a cup of tea and watch TV, play on the computer, catch up on sleep when Lily sleeps so things are very well balanced.

The problem is just finding the time to ride. I cant ask OH every weekend, that just wouldnt be fair and Mum who is busy, has her the odd occasion.

Do you other Mums ever miss your old lives before you had kids? I love being a Mum and I wouldnt give up what I have for anything but I so miss being able to be care free? Anyone else feel like that? ...... Please say yes!

 

[Kat]

Ok I understand that you probably feel a little isolated, overwhelmed and hormonal, so I'll try not to make the straight talking too tough.

I think you need to stop being a martyr, your daughter does not need YOU 24/7, you can take time off. Other people can help, and she can work around you. You need to have time to yourself and your hobby taking up a couple of ours twice a week is not excessive! Also although you are responsible for your daughter you are also responsible for your horse who is 27 and therefore it would be unfair to change her life too drastically.

Lots of points to think about below with regard to how to make this work.

1. Arrange one slot per week where you go off and do your own thing and your husband has daddy and daughter time. This is important for everyone, not just you, if you don't do this you are actually depriving your husband and daughter. They need too build a relationship. Many men feel hopelessly inadequate with their baby because their partner never leaves them alone for any significant time and takes virtually sole responsibility for all the baby's needs. It is hugely important for your daughter to be happy with her dad and to build a relationship with him now for reasons both practical and emotional. You being able to use the time to see your horse is just the added bonus! Personally I have very fond memories of the times when my dad was left in "sole charge" and none of the injuries that resulted have caused lasting damage! Agree a decent timescale, so you don't feel rushed and they don't either.

2. The same goes for the grandparents. You don't want them to think of their grandaughter as a chore, but I'm sure they would be overjoyed to look after her or take her out for a while, maybe not without you all the time but it isn't too much to ask for two hours every now and then. They are probably only asking when you will be back so that they know, not because they expect you to hurry. Consider letting them have her at their house, and eventually have her over night too, this is very useful for the future as she will be used to staying over there and could do so in an emergency.

3. Take her with you. She needs to fit in to your life, you do not need to fit your entire life around her. Go down to the field, and time it so that she'll have a nap in her pushchair for a while, pop her puschair somewhere safe and ride within sight of her. An old but large travel cot or playpen left at the yard would have the same result. Learning to amuse herself for short periods is part of her development, although do not leave her totally unsupervised.

4. Arrange for someone else to look after her through a babysitting swap, if you don't know other mums start going to the clinic more often or sure start or NCT or local mother and baby groups. Or post on Mums Net for people in your area or even on here. Once you get to know someone and trust them you can arrange to look after each others children, again very useful for non-horse related emergencies too.

5. Get someone to come down to the yard with you and keep an eye on her, if you did this with your husband it would be family/couple time as well as horse time. You could all get involved and enjoy your horse, and you wouldn't feel guilty.

6. Ask a friend without children (or with older children) if they would look after her in exchange for some other sort of favour. You'll probably find they'll do it for fun and being an honorary Auntie if it is only irregular. I'd happily watch a friend's baby for a couple of hours to give them a break. Or even consider a trust worthy teenage babysitter as it would only be for a short time and you would be fairly close at hand. If you can find a horsey one you could trade babysitting for a bit of time riding!

You sound really lonely, and isolated, that is not a good place to be, horse or no horse. You need to start making contact with other mums in your area and start to use some of the help you already have. While you might feel guilty asking for help now because it is "just" for you hobby it is important to have these support systems in place for times when you need emergency help.

Also consider having a chat about your feelings to your GP/nurse/health visitor. It is possible you've got a touch of post natal depression.

 

[spookypony]

All I can say, from observing friends that are going through similar situations to yours, is, LISTEN TO KATT. I think her advice is good and practical!

You have my sympathy! I think one of the biggest problems in modern society is the lack of community support for young parents, and the unrealistic expectations placed on mums in particular. Historically, very very few mums were able to be full-time, stay-at-home mothers, and there was much greater reliance on family and community support. I'm no early-childhood expert, but common sense tells me that socialisation is important for small children, as is learning that mummy is not a 24/7 entertainment centre, and has her own needs and desires!

 

[touchstone]

It is a long time since I had my children, they are 23 and 21; but I felt exactly the same as you and was a stay at home mum. I can well remember not wanting the responsibility of being a parent and wanting my old life back at some points, but would never have not wanted my children.

I always felt slightly guilty at having 'me' time, and was often pressured by others to go out and enjoy myself, but I could never enjoy it worrying about the children!

It is a huge life change having children, and when they are babies it is 24/7, but it does get easier as they get older.

My daughter had a life threatening condition when she was two, which meant I didn't get the opportunity for a break at all for a few years, and wouldn't have wanted one to be honest! I think it also made me view parenting differently too.

Now that they are grown I can do what I want when I want, and have a great relationship with both of them and no regrets whatsoever.

You need to do what feels right for you, it's got to sit right with you at the end of the day, if you do something because you feel you 'should' then you won't be happy, if you are happiest going back to work for a few hours a week then do it - if you'd rather be at home then that's fine too! No one can tell you what is right for you, only you can make that decision.

 

[Nellycob]

I don't think it is too much to ask your bf to take care of his child for a couple of ours a few times a week. It might even be a good time for them to get to know each other better!

 

[Quartz]

Personally I think at your horses age she doesn't need to be ridden too much, therefore your other half should let you grab those few hours with your pony. You work hard being a mother, I know I have brought up two pretty much on my own while my OH travelled for work and when he was back had his own things to do. My children are 4 and 5 now, and I have only just started to put my foot down and say, just because I am a stay at home mum does not mean I am on full time holiday, its hard work and 24 hour at that. We all deserve some down time, however you want to spend it is your choice but you are entitled to it. Start now though or it will just progress and eventually you will resent it. Being a mother is the best job in the world, but you need time out to be you. Its also important for you child you do this, as it makes you happier and they also grow up seeing its ok to do your own thing. Sorry to go off on one, but this is a bit close to my heart!!!! I get grief from mine everytime I want to go and ride my horse, but now I just do it!!!!

 

[SmartieBean09]

Lily is definately a Mummys girl and that is down to me being there all of the time. I dont want her to be a clingy child. I want her to be happy in others company.

Going back to work isnt an option. Money is tight for us but my bf earns well and we arent entitled to any help for child care. This means that any money I earnt would be spent on child care. Being at work would be lovely but having someone else look after our child....not so nice when I know that I could do it...if you know what I mean because I dont want that to come across pig headed.

I do have times where I wish my life was different. Not at all not wanting my daughter, much as you said touchstone....just missing me time.

I feel bits of me are given to everyone but me. I have no money for nice clothes so I wont go out with friends because they look gorgeous and I look like some old tramp in close that really dont fit....but a I again like Touchstone says, you feel guilty anyway, spend the whole time worrying and just want to get back home.

Lily has stayed with my mum 3 nights since July last year and all 3 times I was up and picking her up by 7.30am!

I am going to speak to the yard owner today who the ladies rent from because I pay him for stable and field, just happens that I use their field as they arent allowed to sub let. YO has stopped grass livery but I really dont use my stable. Jamin will be living out and the ladies have said they have a spare stable on the odd occasion Jamin may need it.

I think being sensible and not rushing into things, if I would pay grass livery and get through the winter feeding Jamin hay and Sugarbeet only then she will cost me no more than £100 a month rather than the £250 a month she cost me last year with stable, bedding feed etc. If she loses weight and I cant keep weight on her within budget then I think I will sit down and go through this again. Perhaps read back to this thread.

Anyone out there with tips on how to keep a poer doer cheaply, would be much appreciated!!

She will have shelter and good Rambo Rugs.

As for the riding, I think I will see if I can get a sharer. May not help me with wanting to ride but would help Jamin and she is whos interests I have at heart really. Im just a worn out, tired old 29 year old who is feeling a little lower than low at the minute.

Thanks HH'ers. You guys keep me sane daily! xx

 

[cellie]

Maybe one of the older ladies would love to look after your daughter for a hour.I look after friends(we only met through yard and horses) whilst we are down yard about 3-4 times a week so she can school her youngster and I enjoy time spent with her.Try and have chat with ladies on yard maybe they would spare you a hour in return for a ride.

 

[SmartieBean09]

Good point Cellie. I know they couldnt during the week but wkends may be an option. Didnt think of that! derr! x

 

[Paddydou]

He does occasionally offer. Problem is, he has a hobby too and so his weekends are usually spent on his hobby or we go and visit his family. He isnt a bad boyfriend or Dad, dont get me wrong but he works hard all week to provide for us, he has a very stressful job so the last thing I would ask him to do is to give up his weekend for me. I know that sounds silly and like I am some kind of door mat but he needs a release just as much as I do.

You are a Mum with a young child, you are getting up throughout the night, you are constantly "on guard" you are looking after the house, your hubby and daughter... Thats a full time job and then some!

Why not ask him to cut back a little on his hobby so you both can have "me" time rather than it all being one sided? Its not as if you are asking for much. If you carry on like this you will stop being the person he fell in love with and that is far worse than him taking your daughter to the park for a few hours once a week.

I think the idea of a sharer is also good for the time being, just make sure that the share agreement is written down.

 

[SmartieBean09]

Ok I understand that you probably feel a little isolated, overwhelmed and hormonal, so I'll try not to make the straight talking too tough.

I think you need to stop being a martyr, your daughter does not need YOU 24/7, you can take time off. Other people can help, and she can work around you. You need to have time to yourself and your hobby taking up a couple of ours twice a week is not excessive! Also although you are responsible for your daughter you are also responsible for your horse who is 27 and therefore it would be unfair to change her life too drastically.

Lots of points to think about below with regard to how to make this work.

1. Arrange one slot per week where you go off and do your own thing and your husband has daddy and daughter time. This is important for everyone, not just you, if you don't do this you are actually depriving your husband and daughter. They need too build a relationship. Many men feel hopelessly inadequate with their baby because their partner never leaves them alone for any significant time and takes virtually sole responsibility for all the baby's needs. It is hugely important for your daughter to be happy with her dad and to build a relationship with him now for reasons both practical and emotional. You being able to use the time to see your horse is just the added bonus! Personally I have very fond memories of the times when my dad was left in "sole charge" and none of the injuries that resulted have caused lasting damage! Agree a decent timescale, so you don't feel rushed and they don't either.

2. The same goes for the grandparents. You don't want them to think of their grandaughter as a chore, but I'm sure they would be overjoyed to look after her or take her out for a while, maybe not without you all the time but it isn't too much to ask for two hours every now and then. They are probably only asking when you will be back so that they know, not because they expect you to hurry. Consider letting them have her at their house, and eventually have her over night too, this is very useful for the future as she will be used to staying over there and could do so in an emergency.

3. Take her with you. She needs to fit in to your life, you do not need to fit your entire life around her. Go down to the field, and time it so that she'll have a nap in her pushchair for a while, pop her puschair somewhere safe and ride within sight of her. An old but large travel cot or playpen left at the yard would have the same result. Learning to amuse herself for short periods is part of her development, although do not leave her totally unsupervised.

4. Arrange for someone else to look after her through a babysitting swap, if you don't know other mums start going to the clinic more often or sure start or NCT or local mother and baby groups. Or post on Mums Net for people in your area or even on here. Once you get to know someone and trust them you can arrange to look after each others children, again very useful for non-horse related emergencies too.

5. Get someone to come down to the yard with you and keep an eye on her, if you did this with your husband it would be family/couple time as well as horse time. You could all get involved and enjoy your horse, and you wouldn't feel guilty.

6. Ask a friend without children (or with older children) if they would look after her in exchange for some other sort of favour. You'll probably find they'll do it for fun and being an honorary Auntie if it is only irregular. I'd happily watch a friend's baby for a couple of hours to give them a break. Or even consider a trust worthy teenage babysitter as it would only be for a short time and you would be fairly close at hand. If you can find a horsey one you could trade babysitting for a bit of time riding!

You sound really lonely, and isolated, that is not a good place to be, horse or no horse. You need to start making contact with other mums in your area and start to use some of the help you already have. While you might feel guilty asking for help now because it is "just" for you hobby it is important to have these support systems in place for times when you need emergency help.

Also consider having a chat about your feelings to your GP/nurse/health visitor. It is possible you've got a touch of post natal depression.

Sorry Katt, I missed your post. You made me cry! Not in a bad way, just a few home truths thats all.

Point 5 was great. BF loves coming down the stables and all that stopped once Lily was born. It shouldnt have done and I think that is just a trap I have fallen into. Seperating us and him! He doesnt need that either, he had it with his ex and their 2 children. There are a lot of things that have made me the way I am and the mother I am. I am isolated and sometimes feel that I have no one but Lily. She is almost like a best friend...how sad is that!

I dont make time for friends for the reasons being that they all have lovely things and I dont and feel very unconfident around them. My own issues I know.

I have no motivation to get up and do things. I go 2-3 days not leaving this flat unless it is to go down to Jamin. I have all the things there that should motivate me but they dont.

Motherhood isnt what I thought it was going to be. I am very lonely.

I bought things for Lily so that I could take her swimming but am very aware of my post baby body and so Lily has missed out.

Sometimes I just feel that if I had just an incy bit of me back (like riding Jamin) then the rest of me would appear. Does that make sense?

 

[SmartieBean09]

You are a Mum with a young child, you are getting up throughout the night, you are constantly "on guard" you are looking after the house, your hubby and daughter... Thats a full time job and then some!

Why not ask him to cut back a little on his hobby so you both can have "me" time rather than it all being one sided? Its not as if you are asking for much. If you carry on like this you will stop being the person he fell in love with and that is far worse than him taking your daughter to the park for a few hours once a week.

I think the idea of a sharer is also good for the time being, just make sure that the share agreement is written down.

This scares me too Pd. When my bf is at home in the evenings, we are very seperated. I am busy getting Lily ready for bed and cooking dinner and he plays with her in between. Once she is in bed, I feel like I have nothing to do. Being a girlfriend doesnt seem to fit in anywhere. I just feel like a Mum.