Is it time I gave up horses?

SmartieBean09 said:
This scares me too Pd. When my bf is at home in the evenings, we are very seperated. I am busy getting Lily ready for bed and cooking dinner and he plays with her in between. Once she is in bed, I feel like I have nothing to do. Being a girlfriend doesnt seem to fit in anywhere. I just feel like a Mum.
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Why don't you swap roles somtimes when you are both with your daughter. So some evenings you play with her, while bf does tea and bath. Or pop your daughter in a play pen or sit her at the table in a high chair with something to play with, then you and your bf could make tea together with a nice glass of wine, then bath her together, before popping her off to bed and having some together time. Even if it is just a hot choc on the sofa with a DVD on - something planned and together feels more 'quality time' than the usual routine.
I'm not a mum, but I imagine it must be hard to wear all those hats - you need to somehow remember to be yourself, mum, girlfriend, organiser, horse lover!! Try and put time by just for you and also for you and bf. See if you can get out of the house too, even if just to a playdate with someone local - maybe you would feel a little less isolated if you knew more people local to you who are mums too. More support and babysitting oportunities too!
 
glosgirl said:
Why don't you swap roles somtimes when you are both with your daughter. So some evenings you play with her, while bf does tea and bath. Or pop your daughter in a play pen or sit her at the table in a high chair with something to play with, then you and your bf could make tea together with a nice glass of wine, then bath her together, before popping her off to bed and having some together time. Even if it is just a hot choc on the sofa with a DVD on - something planned and together feels more 'quality time' than the usual routine.
I'm not a mum, but I imagine it must be hard to wear all those hats - you need to somehow remember to be yourself, mum, girlfriend, organiser, horse lover!! Try and put time by just for you and also for you and bf. See if you can get out of the house too, even if just to a playdate with someone local - maybe you would feel a little less isolated if you knew more people local to you who are mums too. More support and babysitting oportunities too!
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Thank you Glosgirl. What a lovely idea! One I may try tonight provided bf is home before 7 when Lily goes to bed.

One thing Motherhood does do and thats make you appreciate your own Mum and what she went through bringing you up! x
 
I have my own land 5 mins drive away. 3 horses and one in foal. Don't have any help (well until 3 weeks ago).

My son turned 3 yesterday.

Horses and kids do mix. But take some pressure off by giving pony some time off till baby starts nursery.

27 yrs old is a good age anyhow......does pony really need exercising? Perhaps in summer months when hubby gets home from work,you could go up and ride then? Pop baby in a buggy whiilst you muck out in winter.....:)
 
Sorry, not read all the replies.

I might be going against the grain here, but bear with me :)

Being a parent a flipping hard work. Yes, it has its brilliant moments and times, but still, hard work.

I know your boyfriend works long days, but so do you. He has time off at the weekends for his hobby, you need the equal amount of time off for yours. It's simple.

I'm grumping a bit about all of it. Your parents are flaming lucky to have you and their grandchild so close.

You need to have some 'me' time, whatever that is doing.

Hugs hun.
 
can you not either share your horse out or retire her and let her live out??

i wouldnt put a 27 year old horse on loan/sell especially with the attachment you obviously have....

:)
 
Cazza525 said:
I have my own land 5 mins drive away. 3 horses and one in foal. Don't have any help (well until 3 weeks ago).

My son turned 3 yesterday.

Horses and kids do mix. But take some pressure off by giving pony some time off till baby starts nursery.

27 yrs old is a good age anyhow......does pony really need exercising? Perhaps in summer months when hubby gets home from work,you could go up and ride then? Pop baby in a buggy whiilst you muck out in winter.....:)
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Jamin loves being ridden and loves nothing more than a good hack. Last year she didnt have that because I was pregnant and she was turned away. In that time she had severe colic and was almost put to sleep, choke, stopped eating and dropped lots of weight. I am a firm believer in once you stop riding a horse and giving it the fuss its been used to, they do go down hill.

It took me 5 years to find Jamin. She is the perfect pony she really is. After the problems last year a part of me is petrified that she wont be around much longer. I would just love for her to have the fuss and attention I used to be able to give her.

I think if I turned her away for 3 years, she wouldnt be here when I then had the time to ride. She really has started to age now.

Hats off to you though hun. 4 horses and a son....my god! x
 
jack9 said:
can you not either share your horse out or retire her and let her live out??

i wouldnt put a 27 year old horse on loan/sell especially with the attachment you obviously have....

:)
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If I was to loan her, she would be staying where she is with the same familiar faces around her....plus I would visit for lots of cuddles :)
 
MrsMozart said:
Sorry, not read all the replies.

I might be going against the grain here, but bear with me :)

Being a parent a flipping hard work. Yes, it has its brilliant moments and times, but still, hard work.

I know your boyfriend works long days, but so do you. He has time off at the weekends for his hobby, you need the equal amount of time off for yours. It's simple.

I'm grumping a bit about all of it. Your parents are flaming lucky to have you and their grandchild so close.

You need to have some 'me' time, whatever that is doing.

Hugs hun.
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Thanks hun. My parents are lucky and so am I but not for long. They have just bought a house 40 minutes away. That is going to be REALLY tough :(
 
SmartieBean09 said:
Jamin loves being ridden and loves nothing more than a good hack. Last year she didnt have that because I was pregnant and she was turned away. In that time she had severe colic and was almost put to sleep, choke, stopped eating and dropped lots of weight. I am a firm believer in once you stop riding a horse and giving it the fuss its been used to, they do go down hill.

It took me 5 years to find Jamin. She is the perfect pony she really is. After the problems last year a part of me is petrified that she wont be around much longer. I would just love for her to have the fuss and attention I used to be able to give her.

I think if I turned her away for 3 years, she wouldnt be here when I then had the time to ride. She really has started to age now.

Hats off to you though hun. 4 horses and a son....my god! x
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My parents NEVER have my children. When he was newborn,I strapped him to me and got on with it.....twice a day,every day. My husband works away all week. I also have a stroppy teenage son! Whatever the weather we'd do it.....no one else will!! I used to time it so that he'd drop off to sleep in the car so I had some peace and quiet.....other mum's would rest then,but I'd quickly lunge a couple!!

Now he kind of helps me !! lol I do put him in tackroom with some colouring whilst I fetch in/turn out.....for safety.

ask someone you trust to exercise whilst childcare is an issue.....it won't be forever. Keep up maintainance yourself.....it will do you good and you can take baby with you.



Find someone you trust
 
I think that things have just gotten a bit on top of you which is very easy with the amount of work that goes into bringing up children. I seriously think that you should stop stressing about things and take a few moments to remember who you are. Then when your other half gets back see if he wants to come down to the yard with you like you used to see if he would like to do some of the things that you used to. Go and get take out and chill out, relax and have fun! Just because you are a mother doesn't mean that is all you are, you are still the person you were before just with added extras.

And get some friends over so you can have a proper big hug when you need it not just a cyber one! I would love it if my friends brought their babies round but so few do! I feel really left out (I am childless at mo) and I bet they are too but don't want to interfere. I would do anything to pinch a child for the day, its a great excuse to go to all those places like farm parks and the forest for walks and fun stuff that you are supposed to only do with kids. When I had step children all the mothers at the time were "there" then they just faded away after the nasty ex and I split up. Its almost as if I wasn't "them" anymore - shame really. Single people are great for tireing out little ones before giving them back!
 
Paddydou said:
I think that things have just gotten a bit on top of you which is very easy with the amount of work that goes into bringing up children. I seriously think that you should stop stressing about things and take a few moments to remember who you are. Then when your other half gets back see if he wants to come down to the yard with you like you used to see if he would like to do some of the things that you used to. Go and get take out and chill out, relax and have fun! Just because you are a mother doesn't mean that is all you are, you are still the person you were before just with added extras.

And get some friends over so you can have a proper big hug when you need it not just a cyber one! I would love it if my friends brought their babies round but so few do! I feel really left out (I am childless at mo) and I bet they are too but don't want to interfere. I would do anything to pinch a child for the day, its a great excuse to go to all those places like farm parks and the forest for walks and fun stuff that you are supposed to only do with kids. When I had step children all the mothers at the time were "there" then they just faded away after the nasty ex and I split up. Its almost as if I wasn't "them" anymore - shame really. Single people are great for tireing out little ones before giving them back!
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I was a step Mum too....well still am but for complicated reasons dont see them anymore. We miss them dreadfully so I know how you feel.

Big hugs to you Pd xx ((()))

Have just spoken to Mum (who is also having a hard time at the moment) and she suggested dropping Lily off while me and OH do something together. so called other half who is....wait for it......actually already on his way home!!! He was up for going out for a chinese or something so tonight, Mum will have Lily and OH and I are going to stuff our faces with greasy chinese food and spend a few hours of quality us time!! I cant wait!!!!!

I am on Weightwatchers at the mo but stuff it........priorities!!!! lol!

That has cheered me right up!

Thanks again everyone xxx
 
Could you not do a babysit swap with local moms. I bet most moms would be up for it. But I know how difficult it is perhaps you could take care for a couple of afternoons and visa versa, that way the children have some social time and you have the afternoon free. Whatever you do I think you need some me time. Dont forget they grow up pretty fast, nursery wont be far off.
You could also take baby in the pushchair and do some free schooling or lunging.
Maybe a local pony mad teenager would be willing to ride a coule of times a week. Good luck
 
SmartieBean,

Your posts have made me feel so sad. Keep this thread and keep looking back at all the fab suggestions you have had. I think if you mix them all up together you will find that you have time to ride Jamin a couple of times a week and gradually feel happier in yourself and your relationship.

To help keep Jamin active and help with her feed through the winter why not look for a sharer to just do a day or two a week, so she isn't being worked too hard. The sharer could contribute some money towards her keep and could also be a new friend for you.

What is your husband's hobby? Is it something you can all be involved in? I think you need some *family* time as well as BOTH having time for your hobbies.

Why not try this.

- One day of the weekend you go down to the yard to ride and hubby has Lily on his own, either at home or he takes her out. If you don't feel happy taking her swimming maybe he could - it could be their together thing. You have the morning or the afternoon to yourself and he spends quality time with Lily, the rest of the day you will have her but join in with his hobby.

- The other day of the weekend he brings Lily to the yard with you to join in with your hobby and the other half of the day you look after her while he does his hobby on his own.

If he works a six day week one week then you spend the one day off doing both hobbies as a family.

In the week, you can still get your parents involved, maybe ask them to do one friday night a month. Even once they are 40 minutes away it is manageable once a month and it means they get to do bedtime stories etc. My parents jump at the chance of having their grandson stay the night, in fact I'm not sure who loves it most, him or them!

You also need to really look at finding some "mummy friends", you don't lose your other friends or abandon them, but your lives are quite different and you need friends in your own situation. It can be nice to spend time with friends who appreciate a glass of wine and a gossip about non-child related things, but it is also important that you have friends at your stage in life experiencing the same things as you and able to support you and undertsnad your feelings.

DO NOT feel inferior to your friends without children. Although your lives are different you are blessed in many ways that they are not. You may even find that some of them are envious of what you have. Keep in touch with them, they are part of who you are, but adapt when and how you spend time with them to fit with your current life. If you don't fancy a night on the town with them arrange a meal out or at someones house, or a picnic. Remember that they might actually love to see Lily. I'm always a tiny bit disappointed if my best friend has put her daughter to bed by the time I arrive, it is lovely to see her and I would happily spend time with my friend with her daughter in tow or even look after her daughter for her for a while if it would help her out.

Above all talk to your husband, your mum and your doctor/health visitor about how you feel it is very normal and they will be happy to help.

I bet your husband will be only too pleased to get more involved with Lily to take some of the burden off. One of my colleagues has a rule that he gets home for bedtime with his two. His wife has had them all day, and he gets home to bath them and read a bedtime story before they go down. He comes in the door and takes them off her hands and spends some quality time with them. This gives her time to get dinner on and have a cuppa without the kids in tow. When you don't have them all day doing that isn't work, it is a great way to unwind, better than being left alone in front of the telly while the wife does it all!

The three of you need to work on your relationship and making sure it is fun, rewarding, and happy for all of you. That means that you share the burdens and the happy times. Bonding as a family will mean your husband is even more committed to you and Lily, he won't feel put upon and resentful, he'll feel involved and wanted!

Have a great night tonight.

x x x
 
I can fully understand how you feel after becoming a first time mum recently. Some really really good advice has been given on here :) I wouldnt go getting rid of your pony, have you the option of advertising for somebody to come and help out with her a couple of days per week?

becoming a mum does change your life, and things do change having another little person to think about. But although you are a mum now and yes you have to prioritise your daughter, you need to have your own time/own hobbies as an escape and a bit of 'me time'. if I didnt have my horse I wouldnt leave the house most days... id go stir crazy! Being a mum is a full time job in itself so therefore you need some time off now and again.

yes your partner may go to work and do long hours. But the child is half his so you have every right to ask him to look after her while you go off and do the pony. My OH is a golfer but we comprimise so we both get time to do our hobbies while the other one looks after the baby.

Perhaps being in the middle of summer now are you able to go and see the pony once you have put little one to bed? If OH is home?

Big hugs and I hope that you are able to get sorted xx
 
ive not read all the posts and i bet someone else said this to you
you are doign the hardest job in the world (being a mum) and deserve some me time
some mums go out dancing and drinking, some play bingo - you horse ride.
Please please do not give it up - if i were you i would find a sharer - would help with costs and you would know you horse is being exercised
you go to your husbands family on a Sunday - sureley you could take a couple of hours out to ride, leave himn and the baby with his parents.
If you just get a couple of hours one evening - you time let him babysit and go.
Babies arent babies for long - please tell your husband how you are feeling - i cannot believe any job he does is harder than the one you are doing - you both need "me" time xxxxxxx
 
Hello Potty's Mum here, you have made me sad reading your thread, why not take Lily, to the yard you could park by the barn bring Jamin in, leave car doors open, so you can see and hear Lily,also Kyleigh has yard buggy bringing it down tomorrow, mud as well he he lol,
said baby sits in buggy gets muddy and fresh air, falls asleep does work, tried and tested, as Lily gets older, you get a Lara Hee Hee more expence lol also roping in doting granny Ky, says this works. doting granny,walks said child with shetland, you get to ride. Nanny doesnt realise child is sitting on floor fallen off never mind, all is well. This lasts for a while, until left with sh**ty shettie not really, but you get the idea, old git wobbled off to greener pastures, in the sky, next chapter, child off to nursery do you keep shettie or get dobbin of cob for granny hehe lol (am i too old at 48ish) is the question still hey hoe,Sure Diane and Donna said ladies would babysit for 20 mins ask love Suex

Failing that Ky down every other Sunday she holds said child while you wobble off around block on said pony, you come back she hops on saves me, expence of said cob hehe good idea me thinks bye xx
 
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You say she's the horse you looked for your whole childhood? She sounds a horse in a million and also the horse of you life, and she surely adores you too. I think it would be silly to give her up, I'm sure she doesn't mind being out with the other horses and looked after a couple of times a week, afterall she is a horse.
I honestly think although it's hard until your daughter goes to nursery you should wait it out.
Never give up on a horse.
Maybe you could possibly move the pony closer and go and brush her or just see her whilst baby is sleeping? When I was at a yard the mum just left baby in a pram next to the arena whilst she rode to keep and eye on her.
 
Please dont give up yet!
I have to say i am in exactly the same situation as youreslf,my partner works very long hours & plays golf on a sunday morning....which i think is important for him as he needs his 'me' time too.I also understand about you feeling quilty for not bring money in but hey you have no choice....& i have the same guilt on a regular basis.
My little girl is 8 months old & every saturday i get up early 7'ish & i go & ride for an hour or so usually home by 9.30am ...& we still have the rest of the day to go out as a family.My partner & little girl get to spend quality time together & i get to be me for a couple of hours....it's great....i feel normal....just like the old days!!
We are currently looking into putting her into a nursery for a few hours a week again for me to have a bit of time to myself & also for daughter to be socialised with other children & have some fun away from mum,she can only benefit.
Please sit down with your other half & see if you can arrange to go off for a couple of hours on a weekend morning.....even if you try it & really dont enjoy it at least you would have tried.Also have a look at whats going on in your area for kids of your daughters age & go along & meet some more mums you are not alone in the way you feel.I am very lucky to have met 3 other mums at a baby massage class & we now go swimming on a monday followed by lunch at the pub,we also do a music group with the kids & meet up at each others houses.Recentley i had to go to a funeral & i was able to drop my daughter off for a play with another of the mums & her daughter.I know it may be daunting but you have got to try & get out there.My daughter comes with me to the yard twice a day & if she's not asleep in the car the she sits quite happily whilst i muck out,groom etc.Your daughter does have to fit in around you to some degree....she gets mummy time most of the time & you need your time even if it is only a couple of hours a week.....you will be a much happier mummy for it as well.Good Luck with it all & do let us know how you get on.xx
 
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