Is lack of confidence a big issue in the equine world?

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ellhall

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I went to a show today, not to compete, but just to watch, and one of the main things I noticed is the amount of self belief and confidence that so many riders (and so, their horses) seem to have. I am at the tricky age of 18 where the horse world (at least in my eyes, I could be wrong) seems to be at its bitchiest and so, I seem to find it incredibly hard to be a forthright, assertive and confident horse woman when surrounded by so many of my peers in such a competitive sport. I watched in awe as these girls rode so well and so confidently holding their heads high, transmitting this onto their horses who then went beautifully. The thing is, they all knew how good they were and they all seemed to just expect to place well.

What I would really like to know is whether I am the only person in the whole entire horsey world who just cannot seem to be confident in what I'm doing. I ride so differently at home than I do competing because I let the nerves get the better of me when in actual fact, people probably don't even care what I look like. And yet I find myself not going to certain shows because I'm scared certain people will be there and judge me, and I find myself jumping 2ft6 tracks when I jump 1m20 at home, because I just don't have the self belief to ride around a proper track with people watching me, and I'm so scared this lack of confidence will transmit to my mare and I'll end up ruining her.

Or perhaps a lot of people feel the way I do and just have good methods of putting across the idea that they are confident etc when in fact, they also are incredibly conscious? If so, I would love someone to enlighten me as to what these methods are (please!!!) Or if a lot of horsey people just are full of confidence...how do they become so sure of their abilities? I would love to be like this so if anyone has any tips on how to stop being such an idiot I would really appreciate your advice :)

This post is not meant to be nasty or bitchy in any way at all, I think confidence is a great thing and I'm not criticising such people at all. :)

Thank you.
 
It is a good question.

I am long past 18 years old, but am as confident now as I was then and vice versa.

My thought process at a show is more about making the experience nice for my horse, what other people think is very much secondary to that. I still occasionally get anxious in a collecting ring, as I don't like my boy to be crowded or have to listen and watch while other horses are whipped (happened as recently as Wednesday at Dressage).

In the arena I am not nervous as I only have to think about helping my horse through the experience so he enjoys it. He won on Wednesday as an aside, with almost 76%, but that was secondary to us having a nice day out. He does quite often win, but winning or losing is the last thing on my mind. I just set us up for a nice day out, do my best and hold my head high as I know our preparation has been done over many years, and the day itself is just about enjoyment.
 
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Hmmm I see a lot of people riding who are very confident and have self belief who I wouldn't let near me let alone my horse.

I recently saw a local ad where someone was advertiSing to exercise horses. The pic she used to advertise was her (she was quite a large lady) with fixed hands on a very over bent horse but this seems to be the fashion these days
 
Most of the people you think are confident are just better at hiding their nerves than you are, you are right that when you are competing no one really cares what anyone else is doing they are so busy trying to remain focussed on themselves, they are rarely judging others although there will always be the odd bitchy comment they are soon forgotten.

I have taught people of your age, usually self conscious girls who lack confidence, I try and get them totally prepared for the competition, over prepared if they are very nervous, so they feel ready to tackle anything, the jumps look smaller as they have been schooling over bigger at home, have worked on tricky lines and combinations, that way they should be more than ready to do well, having done all the prep gives you confidence that you are not going to fail, it can still go wrong but at least if you arrive feeling good it means the days starts fairly well.

Find a really good trainer who will help not just with your riding but with the overall preparation, that will go to some competitions with you to support you, it can make all the difference, once you have been out and achieved some success, not necessarily winning anything although that really boosts the confidence, just a good round or two can be enough to help you on your way.

Think of my user name, it has been a bit of a motto and I use it with anyone I train, some positive thinking can go a long way.
 
ellhall said:
I watched in awe as these girls rode so well and so confidently holding their heads high, transmitting this onto their horses who then went beautifully. The thing is, they all knew how good they were and they all seemed to just expect to place well.
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How things seem to be and how they really are can be quite different. I suggest those peers could well have been as nervous as you are when you go in the ring.
 
Lovely eloquent post.

Most of us appear to be good riders, but deep down we are criticising ourselves just as much as you are. I for one feel like a sack of spuds, with everything going wrong, always shocked at the 70% Dressage scores and watching videos thinking " it sure never felt like as good as it looks!"

Self criticism is what we need to continually strive to do better, however, it shouldn't wear you down. Sit up, sit proud, and ride as well as you know you can. Fake it till you make it! Then you look back and think, "hey, I was too harsh on myself!"

Then there is the other side, the snobbery and bitchiness that comes with your age. I was SJing around 14-17 yo, I turned up with my 1980's trailer, and fluffy unclipped tbx. Got sneered at, then kicked ass in the ring. Be the bigger person, and just all you can be. Don't get hung up on what others think, just do it for you, and your horse. Tis all that matters really ;)
 
I go to pieces when I'm being watched - to the point I had to dismount during a vetting - that was embarrassing!

But my husband has videoed me a few times and I've been pleasantly surprised with what I see. Deep down I know I ride well and often achieve excellent results in terms of movement from horses known to have difficulty exerting such movement.

I have no confidence in the ring however, it's just me - I also hate dancing and had a tiny wedding - hate being looked at.

Love x-country - it's all happening too fast for me to worry about spectators staring at my bum.

I still bare the scars from being asked to demo something to an audience. ;-)
 
I know someone who on the surface is the gutsiest rider I've ever met, randomly puts up massive spreads- will attempt any jump no matter how big.
- however it turns out she's actually quite nervous and extremely down on her riding ability constantly saying she's not a great rider etc.

It's quite amazing really, in her case she loves the nervous adrenaline and she enjoys the success and feeling afterwards.

I am naturally a nervous rider, I feel I lack technical ability but mainly guts, a mixture of reasons due to falls and having a baby.
However slowly slowly catch a monkey, I'm getting there :-)
 
It could be a lack of confidence in your own ability, a disbelief that you have really done everything to prepare properly (normally a good feminine quality....) or pressure that you put yourself under. I still suffer from the latter and saw 18 a very very long time ago. What I have seen is the people who are busy being unpleasant around the ring are frequently those who are no longer actually riding and competing themselves. Other riders are too busy or if watching, it's normally to get an idea of how the course is riding. If you really freeze with nerves, even though you know you can ride at a higher level, try taking someone with you, friend or trainer who will talk you through and help you with your warm up. I did this yesterday and for someone who is normally calm and gets on with it, I was stressing to the point of absolute stupidity. I was putting so much pressure on myself to do well as I have truly put a huge amount of work into my horse and me. My lovely friend and trainer literally walked me through a warm up, which seemed to consistently seem to making me stop and breathe. I was tiring quickly as I was so tense and not breathing. I really am old enough to know better as well. My results saw a 16% increase in our dressage score from the previous week and we actually completed our first competitive SJ. I would like to think I am reasonably intelligent as well but I honestly hadn't realised how much pressure I was putting myself under and my physical reaction to it.
 
webble said:
Hmmm I see a lot of people riding who are very confident and have self belief who I wouldn't let near me let alone my horse.

I recently saw a local ad where someone was advertiSing to exercise horses. The pic she used to advertise was her (she was quite a large lady) with fixed hands on a very over bent horse but this seems to be the fashion these days
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Oh yes, I saw that one. I'd retire my mare before anyone like that rode her.
 
I'm a nervous rider, and will work myself up something silly before I go in to jump, however once I've started jumping I slowly get more comfortable. But regardless of how I feel, I go in that arena to win, I've paid too much on entries to not do on my pony who is a damn good show jumper... When she feels like it! ;) she's clean and 99% of the time jumps clear! however there are those moments when she just says 'no!' And I can't do a thing to stop it, I'm usually the other side of the fence to her by the time I realise she's stopped :p

I have recently bought a youngster, and it will point out that when she goes out to compete, initially it would be about the experience, not the win (which will be a bonus), but I've had Pony for 8yrs and know her well enough to know she's quick and clean enough to win at the heights I jump at.

Go and jump whatever you feel comfortable jumping, when you're happy with that, push yourself further. I must say though I generally feel happier jumping at a show rather than at home, but then I've been competing (in other sports) since I was 5, so I've been in the competition environment many many years now.
 
I think its because everyone tells you what you do wrong instead of emphasizing what you do right, and this starts from when you first start to ride.
In the old days riding was very much taught by copying other riders, you fell off lots and made loads of mistakes but no one really said much to you. Good riders were those that stayed on and could get the horse to do things, that's what made them a good rider and you rode lots perhaps 5-6 hours a week at least, no schools and lots of hacking.
Then riding became a sport and more people wanted to make a living from it and to charge they have to become an expert, and an expert must know better then you so has to make you feel dependant so you keep coming back.
If you replaced riding with the word, swimming, walking,cycling, if you did those sports you know some people are better at it than you but everyone can do it and no one would make a judgement about you depending on your competence. Unfortunately riding seems to attract the worst in some women and bitching about others is a competitive sport, see it for what it is and way for them to feel better about themselves and next door to bullying.
I wish instructors and people would say well done more, concentrate on the positive and give realistic goals, develop problem solving and general awareness and not make people s*** because they ride 'better' than them. People pay money to seek help not to be abused and be made to feel inadequate. There are lots of amazing riders who learnt by doing,at 16 John Whittaker was an effective rider, he had a battered hat and was blagging rides at a show I was helping at, he was not the rider he is now he was like us a bit rough and ready and I am sure that if someone if someone had given him lesson they would have pulled him apart.
I learnt to ride mainly using classic riding books, the old ones, they can not teach you to ride but can give you a background knowledge so you know what you should be aiming towards and discount and rubbish a so called expert tells you, you have enough knowledge to ask why they are asking you to do a particular thing. I would also look at the Mary Wanless books as they cover basic sports phycology and how to understand why you feel the way you do and how to think positively.
Riding should be fun and sometimes you just have take a breath and enjoy what you have, horses like life are never perfect.
 
Thanks so much everyone for all the replies - It's so interesting reading other peoples stories and opinions. I do agree with the majority of them in saying that actually a lot of people aren't nearly as confident and self assured and they can put across but simply have good methods of portraying confidence. I actually find it really reliving that so many other riders as well as myself do struggle with self-esteem etc. I've also been reminded in this post that actually, riding is meant to be fun! Yeah people can be overly critical, and take it far too seriously and love a good old gossip, but in the end, it all comes down to our mutual love for horses and riding which is something that I think we can all agree on! Riding these days can be a battlefield as like someone above said, instructors and peers can slate you down and down and tell you everything you do wrong instead of praising what you do right. I'm no instructor by any means but I'm going to try and compliment people's riding from now on because in actual fact, although they may look like they're overly confident, you never actually know what they're thinking or feeling underneath. I'm also going to man up and let people watch me ride and go to competitions and look up and smile because at the end of the day I love my mare to the moon and back and that's all that really matters. Thanks guys, am feeling a bit better now :)
 
I am another one who has absolutely no confidence in my own ability. I go to pot at the thought of going to compete. It's only when I am actually in the ring when I am concentrating that I can get on with things, so to speak.

My OH commented today that he doesn't enjoy coming to shows because how bitchy it can be.
 
ellhall said:
Thanks so much everyone for all the replies - It's so interesting reading other peoples stories and opinions. I do agree with the majority of them in saying that actually a lot of people aren't nearly as confident and self assured and they can put across but simply have good methods of portraying confidence. I actually find it really reliving that so many other riders as well as myself do struggle with self-esteem etc. I've also been reminded in this post that actually, riding is meant to be fun! Yeah people can be overly critical, and take it far too seriously and love a good old gossip, but in the end, it all comes down to our mutual love for horses and riding which is something that I think we can all agree on! Riding these days can be a battlefield as like someone above said, instructors and peers can slate you down and down and tell you everything you do wrong instead of praising what you do right. I'm no instructor by any means but I'm going to try and compliment people's riding from now on because in actual fact, although they may look like they're overly confident, you never actually know what they're thinking or feeling underneath. I'm also going to man up and let people watch me ride and go to competitions and look up and smile because at the end of the day I love my mare to the moon and back and that's all that really matters. Thanks guys, am feeling a bit better now :)
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I'm very lacking in confidence in my riding, but i've got a fantastic instructor who isn't critical/ tells me what i'm doing wrong all the time - she praises when things go right, and shows me how to improve and get a better result (which is so much better than just being told you're doing it wrong all the time), she's always willing to change a lesson to focus on something different if i'm going to a show, or something goes better/ worse than we thought.

I try to ignore what other people are saying and just focus on having a good time with my girl, and hopefully improving on our scores from the last time we were out. Finding an instructor who i click with has been a huge part of me being able to do that - i still come away thinking i could have done xyz better - but see it as something to work on in lessons rather than i'm totally terrible and useless
 
Another one here prone to rising and falling confidence, usually based on worrying too much about what other people have said. My only real horsey problems are in fact nothing to do with horses at all, but other riders. This seems to be regrettably common.
 
I get so nervous doing shows too! I'm only 20 and my loan horse has a habit of refusing any fence she's never seen before! We've only done two shows and the owner had to go on her first and then me second and she refused every fence with her owner! Bless her, she sacrificed a chance at a rosette to allow me to do my first show! (:

But I was so nervous!! I was fine tacking her up and getting ready, but it's the minute you mount up and get ready to go in that ring that I get the jitters... does anyone get the same thing? Once we're in the ring she goes so fast that you only have time to just focus on the jumps... but I hate those pre-jump jitters! I get so scared of her refusing and me falling off and how embarrassing it would be and what people would think watching us?!? I was fell off the other day because she slammed her brakes on! So yes, i think it's natural to get nervous, and I'm sure most people get a little bit nervous before they go in! (: After all you're on an animal with a mind of its own!
 
I think also what you need to remember is that you are talking about people at competitions and so we are in general talking about people who are competitive, ones who aren't competitive tend not to compete by choice (yes, I know people sometimes compete at things jsut for fun but they tend not to get het up about their ability in the same way).

I used to show both dogs and cats and you get the same bitchiness from certain competitors there. I especially used to find the ones who bragged about how many champions their dog or cat had sired or produced amusing--it isn't as if they supplied the DNA personally! :)
 
I'm the same, in fact I made a post a little while ago about feeling constantly judged whenever people watch me. I guess I don't deal with the nerves very well, as I tend to just avoid situations that make me uncomfortable - I'm not a competitive rider because I feel like I fall apart with better riders watching me, and I tend to ride on my own because then it doesn't really matter what I look like. But I find the simple things like just holding your head up that bit higher and reminding yourself that you ARE a good rider can help lift the jitters. Other people might look confident but maybe they're not as sure of themselves as they come across.
 
After years of riding endurance, I started dressage a year or three ago. One thing I discovered very quickly is that competing takes practice and lots of it.

All those people who you think are so confident competing have probably been practicing for a very long time. Or at least that's what I tell myself.

The other thing I learned quite quickly is that everyone is so busy concentrating on themselves, they actually don't really care what anyone else is doing. Sadly we are usually our own worst critic.
 
I too am LONG past 18! I am a nervous rider (find it hard to do fast work or jumping or even hacking alone) but I never care about what anyone thinks of me so don't have the same kind of competition nerves. I agree with NZ Jenny - really and truly, people are far too caught up in thinking about themselves to notice anyone else. And anyone who does notice and makes any b*tchy comments are simply not worth bothering about. I love the notion from an early poster about concentrating on what a good time your horse is having - that way you take the focus and the worry away from yourself. I dare say some of the 'confident' ones were more or less born in the saddle and doing LR classes before they could walk, so it's never occurred to them to be nervous. Either that, or they are having such a ball that they really couldnt give a monkeys. The latter option sounds like a good one to me!
 
I am not a nervous rider but I am very well aware of what both my horses and I do well (and not so well). I don't care what others think of me. I have a great instructor and great friends who sometimes come to shows with me and sometimes they don't.
I have a goal for each show... Something little to focus on. With one horse who is quite forward, doesn't always listen to seat or leg when he gets fired up and on occasion, feels like a grenade that's about to blow - I focused on calm. Calm for me, calm for him. Sure we may have sacrificed some of our impulsion marks in dressage, but we gained marks in submission. In Show Jumping I actually had control (he pretty much always goes clear, but mostly I am hanging on and attempting to try and steer). Same for XC, he was into the bridle and mostly listened to me which was brilliant for him. We may not have placed, but we improved on last time. :) Sure we have bad events where nothing goes right, but I try and always take one positive from an event.
Keeping my focus on my horses helps me tune out any negativity and at the end of the day, all that matters is how you felt you went. Sure your marks may not have been awesome, but you may have nailed your extended trot, or you got the correct lead or whatever :) I have found, people that are bitchy are either unhappy themselves or they are threatened. It's no good getting your self down over the opinions of people who don't matter.
 
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