Is there a timescale on which to find a bond with your horse?

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opinionuk

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How long does it roughly take to know if you have or can make a bond with your 'new' horse/

I've had my 5 year old Mare for over a year now but I feel that there is something 'missing' she was a nightmare when I had her rearing, napping, barging I could never take her out hacking on her own and now we can happily hack out on our own 95% of the time so lots of improvement there. I also feel that her trust has grown in me as whereas she would be scared to do a lot of things but now she seems to realise that if it doesn't bother me then it shouldn't bother her.

I just feel that we are 'missing' that connection sometimes shes affectionate, others shes lunging to bite me all the time and seems quite aggressive towards me, teeth, back etc checked so not down to pain.

Am I ever likely to get that 'connection' after 12 months or is it just a case of knock it on the head we're just not suited ..
 
I feel the same with my mare. I've had her 8 months and I'm getting to know her ways but she doesn't trust me yet as I am still a nervous rider so I don't give her much confidence but I'm getting there slowly. She doesn't come to me straight away when called and doesn't seem that pleased to see me when I come to the yard. She has started making that cute noise when I bring her food (don't know what its called!) but thats because its food! I know what you mean though, there seems to be something missing. I don't know whether to expect her to dance and sing when she sees me (!) or if I'm expecting too much but it would be nice for her to make that noise when she sees me! Well done though for getting where you are though. The work you have done with yours means you do have a certain amount of bonding otherwise you wouldn't have got as far as you have!
 
Cornish on the Cob said:
I feel the same with my mare. I've had her 8 months and I'm getting to know her ways but she doesn't trust me yet as I am still a nervous rider so I don't give her much confidence but I'm getting there slowly. She doesn't come to me straight away when called and doesn't seem that pleased to see me when I come to the yard. She has started making that cute noise when I bring her food (don't know what its called!) but thats because its food! I know what you mean though, there seems to be something missing. I don't know whether to expect her to dance and sing when she sees me (!) or if I'm expecting too much but it would be nice for her to make that noise when she sees me! Well done though for getting where you are though. The work you have done with yours means you do have a certain amount of bonding otherwise you wouldn't have got as far as you have!
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Maybe its just mares being tempermental but its so frustrating, sounds silly but it feels a bit like a person not liking you!
 
It sounds like you have one already.;)

Mares are careful and don't just give there love away, but once they do you'll have it for life.

They can still be a bitch though!:D:D
 
opinionuk said:
Maybe its just mares being tempermental but its so frustrating, sounds silly but it feels a bit like a person not liking you!
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Yes I know exactly what you mean! I hope this thread keeps going as I'm looking forward to some more replies. A friend at my yard deals with Bridie at the weekend as I start work early and I thought it was because she doesn't see me at weekends so she was confused about who owned her as my friend rides her too, so I decided I was going to deal with her at weekends even if it meant getting up at stupid O 'clock and I found she has been a bit better towards me but still follows my friend around like a sheep which is upsetting!
 
I bought a mare last year who had been with the vendors for less than a year. They openly said that they didn't get on with her, she bit and had runaway with her rider.
When we got her home with her tack, I found that her bridle was much too small for her and squashed her ears. No wonder she bit! I have worked with her, made sure that all her tack fits properly and that it is never put on roughly. She obviously appreciates living with us.

All our horses, except the 1st one, have been mares and tbh we have never had a problem with bonding. They can be temperamental but that is part of their charm. It can take them years to settle into a new home though. Sometimes it is only when you look back, that you realise how much they have changed since you got them.
 
I've had my mare for about 10 months. It was only when we moved yards a couple of months ago that I realised SHE had bonded with me. I put her on schooling livery and went to watch the first time she was ridden. She napped towards me, which although isn't ideal, it clicked. Also the first time she was hacked out there, I was there when they returned and she walked straight over to me nuzzling me.

It was only very subtle, small things that made me realise and it has taken time.

Our greeting is for her to nuzzle my hand. She also thinks it's hilarious to cover me in hay in her stable - if I'm grooming her and bent down for her belly or legs, she pulls big lumps of hay and shakes it all over me.

Mares are more difficult to bond with but once it has happened, there's nothing like it. I've also found that I needed to look for the small things rather than grand gestures from her.
 
I have owned my pony for 15 years and I swear she loves my dad more than she loves me!! And I'm the one who has fed her and looked after her all these years! It did take us a while to click on the riding front. I had many tears and frustrations because I couldn't get the hang of her, but when we finally 'got' each other I could trust her with my life :)
My other horse has a very quite personality anyway and it took me a while to realise she was never going to be overly expressive so it was difficult to know how she was feeling at times!
I've just got my new boy as of yesterday! And I think he has already figured out where the food comes from! He is a bit different from how I remember when I tried him, but hopefully he'll become more confident and I'm really looking forward to building a partnership with him! :-)
 
One of mine took 1 1/2 years, mare, very temperamental and still doesn't really like other people!

Another I had was a lovely, sweet cob with a heart of absolute gold and would do anything for anyone, had her for 4 1/2 years and we just never 'clicked'. Did absolutely everything there was to do together but still never had that bond, sold her to a fantastic home and her and the girl clicked almost instantly :/

My newest is a young gelding, I'd say we've got a bond but he just forgets his manners sometimes being young!
 
I dont know if love bond is right but it took me one year to get to know my boy and his quirks and features. I had a few battles of wills with him but tried different approaches and took a step back to see if it was me and it was!

None of them love us but they might respect us as a leader or kindly easy food source!

An old horse we had for about 30 years(died 36 years) had a bad start and up until he died he was very wary of us all at times! He would pull away and one day my sister said I have never ever been cruel to you at all and you are a funny old thing still not trusting meAFTER ALL THESE YEARS!

I always think my horse just looks at me as cupboard love....food food food and here comes more food. Or in spring I dont need you as I have tons of food growing here so I dont want to come to see you....! I just think I am a familiar thing with two legs that feeds and waters him and will give him a good old brush to help with any itchy areas or flies nibbling. As long as he behaves well he can have all of these things.
 
With my last horse it was almost immediate. I trusted him - he trusted me.
Sadly I lost him last year. Had my new boy for 6 months and the bond just isn't there.
I don'y trust him and he doesn't trust me.
Hopefully we will be fine in time.
 
Just one observation I have made with horses is they do seem to like children and are curious about them. Mine definitely have a like for young girls who probably will fuss over them grooming them for hours etc so I think mine have an association that they are a good bet to be kind. And have a good itch and scratch..probably an apple if they are lucky!
 
NuBeginningsFrance said:
As this is my first horse I can't fully comment. My boy has been with me under a week. In the short space of time, I feel our relationship improves every day. I have been taking him for walks a couple of times a day whilst he settles in. I keep popping in to the stable to say hi and bring him a little treat and keep talking to him softly.
I have even sat on the his bed whilst he nuzzles me and have been lucky enough that he allows me to sit with him when he is lying down.
I am sure that it is not normal to bond so quickly and I feel very luck that our relationship gets stronger and stronger every day. I feel privileged to have him in my life ;-)
My boy and me today ;-)
DSC_0208.jpg
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what a beautiful picture :D
 
I don't know, had my new young girl two weeks tomorrow. I do feel we are getting to know one another. Only time will tell. She is certainly a cheeky minx and a very clever little coblet who is constantly testing me, she is only young so I am hoping she grows out of it. But she is very sweet and does know me and I think she realises I am her mum, but she is still unsure. She is very green bless her but should come right with time and patience. I am hoping over this year we do develop a great bond, only time will tell, it is such early days for me. I still miss my old girl terribly and how lovely she was, I knew her inside out and she knew me, we had 19yrs together. I cannot recall exactly when the bond came, but I loved her from the word go though.
 
This is interesting.

My chestnut mare 'clicked' with me right from the start. She is not food orientated and is actually quite nervous. It always makes me smile (although it can be a bit of a pain)when no-one else can catch her even with a bucket of food. ;)

My grey is very people and food orientated and is a bit of a 'me, me ME' type. She loves everyone especially if she smells polos in their pockets. I adore her, but I didn't realise that she liked me over other people until I'd had her about two years. I took her for a walk with my Dad. I needed a pee so I handed her to him (who she knows very well) while I popped into the public loo. When I came out again she neighed at me so loudly and no food was involved. my dad said that she had been staring at the door I went through the whole time.

She loves me! :D

My TB is also friendly to everyone as is the gelding. :)
 
It took my and my mare about 18 months to bond and then only after she got blood poisoning and I spent 6+ weeks nursing her slowly back to full health.
We have just got a new mare (1 week ago) and she and my daughter bonded at the first viewing.
 
I've always found it different, bonding with mares and geldings.
I used to loan a Heinz 57 cob gelding - definitely some stubborn Welsh in there though - on and off for over 2 years. However I loved him to bits and definitely felt that I bonded with him.. after a while anyway.
After that I had a 15.2hh ex racehorse; a chestnut mare. She was a lot more difficult to bond with and was very independent. She was extremely nervous too and very, very green. I think she would have been more happy just being a companion than a ridden horse. However I did bond with her in the end, although not as intensely as the gelding I previously mentioned.
I now have a youngster and have owned her for 9 months. I was wary about getting a filly but she's just far too sweet. I can't even the count the amount of times we sit/lay down together: in the field, in the stable, in the school! I love her to pieces and do feel that we have quite a bond. We definitely understand each other and she can be very cheeky at times but I wouldn't change her (well.. I might add a couple more inches to her legs!)
 
Ahh, all these girls (and a boy!) in love with horses. I'm not too sure about this "bond" thingy, what it's supposed to be, or do? I'm a professional trainer, been working with horses all my life (40+ years, yikes!), and have never felt the need to have a horse "love" me. Don't get me wrong, I adore the things, but have always just got on with the job in hand and not looked for any sentiment. I don't actually want a horse to
go all googly eyed at me, just listen and respond without either of us getting stressed. If I want a relationship, I have a boyfriend.
 
Cortez said:
Ahh, all these girls (and a boy!) in love with horses. I'm not too sure about this "bond" thingy, what it's supposed to be, or do? I'm a professional trainer, been working with horses all my life (40+ years, yikes!), and have never felt the need to have a horse "love" me. Don't get me wrong, I adore the things, but have always just got on with the job in hand and not looked for any sentiment. I don't actually want a horse to
go all googly eyed at me, just listen and respond without either of us getting stressed. If I want a relationship, I have a boyfriend.
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All i can say is you have missed out - no disrespect but as you say you work with "the things" - some of us love them - thats the difference
 
If I want a relationship, I have a boyfriend.
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It's not that kind of relationship! :eek:

;)


ETA. As I understand it, having a 'bond' makes it easier to train a horse or get past a scary hedge cutter for example. I know a lady who says that she goes past scary things easily because her horse is more scared of her than the scary thing. It's very effective (the horse does go past scary things that it's obviously unsure of) but it's not how I want to train my horsers. My mare goes past scary things because I say go and she trusts me.
 
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Heh heh, just pokin' a bit. Of course I love my beasties, but I still don't expect to have them love me, they are horses, not dogs, cats, (or boyfriends).
 
Faracat said:
it's not how I want to train my horsers. My mare goes past scary things because I say go and she trusts me.
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Mine too :) I wonder if that lady has geldings? My TB mare loves everybody on the groud (riding is a rather different matter), my grey girl tolerates the majority of humans but likes to try to terrorise them first as a test. She only gives me cuddles though - but that took nearly two years! :D

ETA: NuBeginningsFrance that is a gorgeous photo
 
Yes, she does have a gelding.

Cortez, horses are very social mammels, alot more so then cats.


Please excuse my awful typing earlier which ended up causing some horrible spelling mistakes.
 
Horses are herd animals, cats tolerate each other, dogs are pack socialisers, and humans live in family and larger groups: all social but in different ways. Horses are not humans, nor even companion animals (as in pets like cats or dogs), and I don't believe they "love" us humans in the same way. I have horses that I like better than others, and I have horses that are more comfortable with me (and other humans) than others, I even have horses that my (very sentimental) horsey friend claims love me, nicker after me, etc., but I don't think it is essential to "bond" with a horse in order to ride it or enjoy it.
 
NuBeginningsFrance said:
Excuse me..... they are horses, so does that make them any less intelligent than a dog of course not.
They are smart noble intelligent wondrous creatures and much smarter than some human I know.
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Actually i think there have been proper scientific-y studies that say that horses are not very smart at all compared with say, dogs, or goats (which are supposedly smarter than dogs). Donkeys are supposed to be way more intelligent than horses, which makes them quite difficult to train. And yes, they ARE smart, noble, and wondrous indeed (and DEFINATELY more intelligent than loads of humans).
 
Be confident in your handling of them, be consistent and set boundaries. They will love you for it; (actually I believe it's more of an interdependency thing but you get my drift):)
 
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