Is this the same everywhere or does respect just not exist in the horse world?

[niagaraduval]

I am an English owner living in France. I have lived here and owned the horse for 7 years now. I have countless stories to tell, most of which are so childish and petty that I won't post. There are some things (although just as childish) that really shock me. I'm wanting to know whether we are the horrible English people of if this is infact the case everywhere in the horse world. In the experience, horses seem to bring the worst out in people, there is so much bitching and jealousy it's unreal sometimes.

When we moved here, we were looking for a horse. In the mean time I rode at the local stables. When the time came to buy a horse, we asked the stables if they had any horses for sale and how much livery etc was. They didn't ever reply to us, although we were fellow clients for a whole year before buying our own. We found a neighbor that would keep a horse so we went out to meet a dealer, we later bought my.horse from this dealer. When the horse finally arrived, the WHOLE town new about it, the local stables knew about it and this is where the problems started.

The horse lost a shoe the day before a ralley, desperately seeking someone to put it back on (I had the shoe that had come off, it was still new ) the neighbor who kept our horse phoned the local stables where he arranged for me to take the horse and have his shoe nailed back on. Upon arrival were lot's of people watching like a hawk and criticising my every move. As the owner of the stables (in France it seems the owners do their own shoeing) came towards be with his hand held out, I just assumed he was going to shake my hand so grabbed his hand and gave him a firm friendly hand shake. He didn't want to shake my hand but in fact snatch my leadrope from my hands, which he then did. When the shoe was put back on his wife came out and gave me a bill for 40 euros !! They must have been some VERY expensive nails LOL because a whole new set costs 50 euros, but I didn't question this (as in fact it was mostly lack of French and I was so shocked by the whole thing) I just paid and left.

At a later date whilst hacking down the road I was followed for a good mile and then stopped by a familiar face, this woman had been teaching at the local stables but owned a stables out of town. She was red in the face and very angry, she shouted at me. Although I have no clue why, she totally lost it. I still to this day, 6 years later have no clue why she was telling me off, as I had done nothing wrong and was just walking the horse back home calmly.

Things got worse, ANYONE from the stables was nasty. When I crossed anyone out hacking they would canter past and push us out the way, I would smile and say 'bonjour' they would look the other way or pretend they hadn't heard.
The stables are in the middle of town, this doesn't seem uncommon in France, so we regularly have to ride past. When we ride past and the owner is there she slams her car door purposely next to me, and when I see her out she will speed past very very close. I mean, that is just disgusting, especially from someone who knows the risk with horses!

All I can think is this is because we rode there but didn't put our horse there ? Although it's twice the price of everywhere and has NO turnout at all, the horses are stabled in V. small stables all year 24/7. We did ask them also before buying a horse and they never replied.

 

[nikCscott]

Wow

What a bunch of twits. That woman must have been really miffed to have followed you for a MILE to tell you off! Hope it gets better

The French!

 

[ISHmad]

Some of my best friends are people I've met in the horsey world. As are some of the most horrible people I could ever have come across too. No idea what the hell it is all about but horses do seem to have a very odd effect on some people.

It must really tee them off when you smile and say "Bonjour" when they are being so deliberately mean and provocative to you. Good for you!

 

[Clippy]

No, it's not the same everywhere.

Come back to England!

 

[canteron]

Weird.

In the fullness of time I am sure you will find someone (preferably French) who will come to the stables with you and confront them on their behaviour. Not is a nasty way, but just in a 'you would like to understand why' sort of way. Clearly has to be the right person that they would respect.

In the meantime, you are brilliant, holding your head up and being polite.

And horse people, OMG, I have a theory that a lot of people scrabbling to make a living from horses really dislike their clients and are pretty jealous of them but have to be nice to get money, so a lot of resentment builds up (unbeknown to client).

The loveliest horse people I have met are those with lives as well as horses who have everything in proportion. Those whose lives are horses often seem resentful because they haven't been recognised as the great rider they think they are?

 

[Four Seasons]

Ugh, the arrogance of the French. This is shocking!

At my livery yard, the bitches are always lurking. If you don't take lesson from the YO's daughter, you are nothing and you and your horse are called ugly, pathetic and losers. I don't take lessons with the YO's daughter, she's not my cup of tea and not very friendly towards horses. So, everytime I ride in the arena, I have a herd of pathetic, hopeless girls trying to make me feel bad.

It just makes me feel good, as my competition results keep improving and theirs keep getting worse, mwuahahaha.

 

[teasle]

Those people are nuts - thaat is not normal behaviour . At the yard I keep my horse people are friendly and supportive and oddness exists in a different parameter. Those people you mention are nuts.nutd nuts.....

 

[niagaraduval]

And that's just a few of our encounters !

I knew there was always lot's of bitching in England but it seems its 10 times worse over here (which is suprising!).

 

[JCWHITE]

I have comment here, to say that on the reverse side of the coin, I am English and live in France too, and that my experiences with my horses have been majorly positive and that many of our best friends are French.
Of course rude does exits on all sides, but we often quote the word Respect, as it really does seem to exist in the circles we move in.
Sure things are different here, life would be boring if not!
I am sorry for your experiences and would try to move on.
PS Some of the local agricoles do a great rubber trug style bucket for a very good price!

 

[niagaraduval]

JCWHITE - Where are you located ? We are located in a very French part with no foreigners at all, we wanted to move somewhere really French, we now regret it loads and wish we went where all the English go so we wouldn't be outcasts !

 

[trakehnersrock!]

I live in Belgium, and have done for 27 years. I have found that the horse community seems to have about the same number of rude/ignorant/ obnoxious people as anywhere else. There have been one or two incidences of nasty behaviour but nothing on the scale you seem to have suffered. My sympathies to you!
Having said that, the present situation at my yard is not the best (think coup d'état), but unless you are sitting comfortably with a pot of tea and large plate of biscuits (or a large bottle of something and other sorts of munchies), I won't even begin

 

[millreef]

I live part the year in HOng kong and two months of the year in Morocco and I don't speak either language. I can totally understand your frustration but I have decided that if I don't understand what they're saying then I can't get hurt. It's worked for me so far. I don't get dragged into any arguments. In your case though I don't quite understand the severity of the outpouring. Is it possible to have a third party find out what you've supposed to have done?

 

[Rowreach]

I am totally confused I seem to remember last month you were posting about doing a flit from your livery yard because you'd fallen out with the YO and his wife?

It sounds like, whether intentionally or not, you've upset a lot of people

 

[niagaraduval]

millreef- I do understand I am fluent now (and have been for the last 5 years) I have thought about shouting back.. but I'm not that shallow.

Rowreach, apart from doing our own thing I haven't ever been nasty or spoken to anyone really. We are always friendly, say hello etc. we just cannot seem to be accepted as the English family. Our English friend came to stay and went to the local pub, all the community were talking about us, although our friend did make them think as they were saying us English were going to take over the town. Our friend told them to grow up as one English family in the town isn't going to make a difference. 7 years on it's still the same situation and we are still the only English in the area.

We know what happened with YO wife, we just could never confront her because she wouldn't listen.

 

[Ibblebibble]

ND, how do you get treated by local people who aren't horsey? are they civil or do they treat you as an outsider? it happens in this country too, 'outsider' moves into a small village and you can be treated like an alien for years!!

 

[niagaraduval]

There are lot's of people apparently who have problems like this with this local stables.. we seem to get the worst of the nastiness though.

Ibibble - Sometimes people will say bonjour (as we always say bonjour to others) and some will just not acknowledge us at all. It seems the problem is in the horsey world. The kids used to throw stuff at us and shout things, and were very disrespectful, but then that's what kids do. It took us 3 years of knodding when we saw the neighbor in the garden (almost everyday) before he finally knodded back, and this was only when he was on his own, when ever there were others in his garden he would ignore us, and still does.

 

[dreamcometrue]

That sounds horrendous.

You could write a book about your experiences. "Seven shite years in Picardie".

 

[niagaraduval]

That sounds horrendous.

You could write a book about your experiences. "Seven shite years in Picardie".

I have been told this so many times I think I will end up doing it

 

[4x4]

I know you are not in Normandy but I read a book once which said that it takes Normans 7 years to accept people. Can you not just keep saying 'bonjour' and hope that one day they will say it back? In my experience of the French they are normally very polite and like to show us how they do things in their country..is there not any young equine students around who would like to learn a bit of English that you could pal up with?

 

[Suffolkangel]

I wouldn't say all horsey people in France are like this. I am English but my Family are French and also live in Picardie. I am lucky enough that my cousin is horsey so we'll have a lesson together when i go over. Although i am fluent in French my cousin will always introduce me as her English cousin and is proud of the fact. I have never in my 30 years of going to the area been received badly. Same goes with when i go to Brittany on Holiday. We again go to a very quiet village that doesnt have many tourists. I had an excellent experience at the local trekking center, they even offered me a job! and even after not going for 10 years the owners of the local campsite and bar in town remembered us and welcomed us warmly. Thy would shout ah the English have returned....
Not sure how to resolve your problem but just wanted to say that not everywhere in France is the same....

 

[niagaraduval]

I have a sharer who is very nice and has also had some real problems with the local stables so knows what I am going through, we stick together.

That's currently what we are and have been doing ; Saying good day and good evening each time we see someone, we also make an effort for the locals, we cut the grass and prune the garden for an old lady that lives next door and also have offered to help repair the roof of the old mill, the owners didn't want our help though. We also take presents and champagne to the next door neighbors every christmas and bought the owners of another local stables a box of chocolates. We offer our help to everyone and try our best to be accepted. It's just not happened though.

 

[niagaraduval]

We came to France for years and travelled up and down the country before buying. It's completely changed though when living here, if you are a tourist they seem friendly and unless you are paying they don't want to know you. If you are here and not going home you're not welcome it seems.

 

[BonneMaman]

Does not surprise me at all - the French are arrogant, rude and totally self-absorbed.

I can only suggest two things either move to a more "ex-pat" area or yard or come back to England.

Of course you could always get hold of someone who can speak French fluently and go and ask this yard owner what their issues are!

Best of luck

 

[5horses2dogsandacat]

That is terrible (sounds like the french are living upto their names...)

I chose not to have best friends that also ride and have horses... it leads to a mess. I enjoy talking to horsey people and I have friends who are horsey, but there is way too much bitchyness in the horse world, and a good mix of nutters as well I choose to keep social life and horse life.

I am really sorry for the time you are having. Like other have said, come back to the UK, we arent all so bad

 

[FestiveBoomBoom]

Sounds like good old fashioned racism to me, not necessarily anything to do with being horsey! Fair play to you, I don't think I would have lasted in such a nasty unwelcoming community for so long

 

[MrsHutt]

I think you are just unlucky, really. We had a house in France (Normandy) for some years and felt very welcomed by the tiny community. There was an English airman buried in the churchyard and many times we were referred to it with thanks. We did make efforts to integrate and I must say, it seemed to us that the villagers made the effort back! It appeared that they thought it was wonderful that we had chosen their village over the whole of France.

I did ride a bit whilst there and was made to feel welcome (didn't have my own horse, however).

Since selling that house a few years ago we have holidayed in the same area of the Languedoc, where I have ridden quite a lot. The family who run the stables are soooo welcoming and accommodating! They thought it very funny that I wanted a mounting block, but the second year I went there they had specially bought me a set of steps! We ended up spending the day there, having meals with them and being invited to stay!

I do know of other people who have had very positive 'horsey' experiences in France (and some awful experiences in America!!). So I guess it's like everywhere else in the world and in all walks - some good, some bad!

 

[Booboos]

Sorry to hear you've been having such a horrid time! There is nothing worse than feeling unwelcome in your own community.

I've been a foreigner in both the UK and France and I have to say it's more a matter of luck in how a rural community accepts you than the country itself. We've moved bang in the middle of rural feuds, in very unhappy communities, but then again we have moved to very welcoming communities. How are your relations with the local maire? Ours is lovely and has introduced us to a lot of neighbours. My impression of the French is that they don't go for direct introductions, but like to meet you as a friend of a friend. Are there any local events you can join in with? Our village makes a big deal of their summer fete, we were at the cutting of the New Year's cake yesterday, there are weekend drives to repair the roads, etc. If you can join in with these kinds of events it may be a bit easier.

 

[unbalanced]

Sorry to hear you've been having such a horrid time! There is nothing worse than feeling unwelcome in your own community.

I've been a foreigner in both the UK and France and I have to say it's more a matter of luck in how a rural community accepts you than the country itself. We've moved bang in the middle of rural feuds, in very unhappy communities, but then again we have moved to very welcoming communities. How are your relations with the local maire? Ours is lovely and has introduced us to a lot of neighbours. My impression of the French is that they don't go for direct introductions, but like to meet you as a friend of a friend. Are there any local events you can join in with? Our village makes a big deal of their summer fete, we were at the cutting of the New Year's cake yesterday, there are weekend drives to repair the roads, etc. If you can join in with these kinds of events it may be a bit easier.

This is really true I think. I went to university in France and you'd introduce yourself directly to people one week - it would be like they'd never met you the next week! They must have thought I was being terribly rude but as an international student I had no one to introduce me so there we go.
I tried going for riding lessons as I'd heard that joining sporting associations was a good way in. What a disaster that turned out to be! The equestrian club didn't believe in winter turnout so I got this horse after its day off (in the stable), they couldn't find its normal bridle (dutch gag and martingale) so put it in a happy mouth snaffle. I have never, in over twenty years of riding, not been able to stop a horse apart from on that day. Good old Monsieur le Directuer (as he liked to be addressed) shouted 'keep your hands still' - no, I'm not sure why either, I just wanted to stop. It was also about his only comment on my riding. Normally he confined himself to critiquing my French and trying to get me to speak more 'properly' - think Henry Higgins and Eliza Doolittle.
The next day I asked for a different horse - wasn't getting on dear Loriot again. Monsieur le Directeur asked me to wash her legs off with the hose after riding. So I tied her up next to the hose, started washing, the hose broke off the tap, started spraying everywhere, the mare freaked - but she didn't come untied. So I became afraid that she would slip over and went in front of her thinking of untying her and turning the tap off. She knocked me underneath her and trampled me. Oh well, at least I got a ride in a French ambulance with three (count 'em) fit French firemen. Sadly, I had been in so much pain that I thought I would pass out so I had laid down in the yard, covered myself in mud and horse crap and consequently covered their nice clean ambulance with mud and horse crap. And yes, they did comment on it.

 

[CobSunshine]

Why dont you play them at there own game

When you ride past there stables makes sure your horse does the biggest woopsie ever

Dress your horse for the day, sounds silly i know, but imagine there faces

Better still get another horse number 2 that would really wind them up!

Is there know one you can go hacking with? Bet they would think twice if you was out with some one else

 

[Fantasy_World]

I have a sharer who is very nice and has also had some real problems with the local stables so knows what I am going through, we stick together.

That's currently what we are and have been doing ; Saying good day and good evening each time we see someone, we also make an effort for the locals, we cut the grass and prune the garden for an old lady that lives next door and also have offered to help repair the roof of the old mill, the owners didn't want our help though. We also take presents and champagne to the next door neighbors every christmas and bought the owners of another local stables a box of chocolates. We offer our help to everyone and try our best to be accepted. It's just not happened though.

You know what I would just think **** them and **** *** to the lot of the them TBH. I would have given up trying to be nice and be accepted years ago.
It just isn't worth the effort, really!
People like that who go about nosing in everyone's business, being rude, arrogant and ignorant would not be worth any of my time or anyone elses.
What utter gits they appear to be.
Do not pander to them anymore.
I would stop the gifts, stop the offer of help and everything TBH because you are never going to be accepted.
The example being the neighbour who nods when alone but does not when others are present to me just tells me that this a place where gossip and misconceptions are rife. You are being seen as the 'outsider', someone who should not be there and someone that they clearly do not want in their village. It will never stop because of whispers. If one person takes a dislike to you ( seems like a couple have) then these people are making dammed sure that everyone else they appear to know feels the same.
Call it peer pressure or whatever you like, but they just won't accept you because this 'dislike' will get handed on to friends and handed down to generations.
Not being paranoid or getting carried away but I can really see these people telling their kids and family to have little or nothing to do with you.
Just ignore them and if they ever did come calling for help just answer the door and very politely in your best french tell them "Va te faire foutre, trouduc"