Is your horse more important to you than people?

lauraanddolly said:
I'm confused, having just split up with my boyfriend of 7 years he is now saying it was because of my horse and that he can't deal with the fact she is more important than him,
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ahh well its better than the usual 'it's not you, it's me, i need my space right now' excuse;) lets face it, by the sounds of it you're better off without the useless layabout anyway:eek::D

my horses are not more important than anyone in my family but they are very important to me and my OH and parents appreciate that, the kids have never known any different lol;) If my OH tried to make me choose between him and the horses he would lose, not because my horses are more important, but because any person who feels they can try and make me give up a huge part of my life for their own selfish reasons is not someone i want in my life anyway (if that makes sense):)
 
until the horse has learnt to drive itself to Asda - do a weeks shop, cleam & change its own bedding then at some times of the yr its needs will have to come first
have just realised as i typed this that DD hasnt acheived this level of compatence either:D - but she at least can make herself toast
HOWEVER - if a friend or family member truly needed me - i would move heaven & earth to help them
 
Ibblebibble said:
my horses are not more important than anyone in my family but they are very important to me and my OH and parents appreciate that, the kids have never known any different lol;) If my OH tried to make me choose between him and the horses he would lose, not because my horses are more important, but because any person who feels they can try and make me give up a huge part of my life for their own selfish reasons is not someone i want in my life anyway (if that makes sense):)
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This. Bailey always has to come first because he is an animal & therefore relies on us, however I could never be one of those people whose life completely revolves around my horse. I need friends & to socialise with people to stay sane.
 
To me and from bitter experience, my horses have never been a issue until the relationship is in trouble. Then it becomes an issue. I, in turn, have a problem with another person who seeks to completely dictate how I spend my time and would never accept a BF telling me to spend less time with my animals. My horses have always been considerably more flexible than say, the cricketing fiend or rugby fanatic..their times are fixed I could move mine. Best boyfriends have enjoyed doing their own thing, joining me so,etimes with my hobby and enjoying me supporting them with theirs. You are so well rid and let's be honest...this nonsense really is just an excuse!!!
 
I have a gelding and my boyfriend has a mare. It's a running joke that he's my number 2 man and that I'm his number 2 woman.

Currently, my horse comes first. I've had him nearly three years and the boyfriend only one. However, if I were talking about husband/kids and my horse wasn't as old as he is (and therefore sellable I guess) then I may think differently!
 
If you mean who gets their tea first then definitely the horse :D but if both needed saving from a burning building then of course it would be OH first.
 
OP - sounds like you're well shot of the idiot! I can't believe you stayed with him for so long.

I wouldn't say that my horses come first - but they are very important to me - I spend most of my spare time with them. I'm fortunate in that my OH also likes his space, as I do. We don't have kids (I can't stand them) so it's how I choose to spend my time. I don't really like people very much apart from a few close friends (in fact my OH says that he thinks I don't even like him sometimes!)

He golfs and watches Sky Sports - I do the horses. But we also have our life together. It works well - enough time apart gives us plenty to talk about when we're together.
 
My horses are my world any man would need to understand that. All my horsey friends have other halfs that have other hobbys so they go play golf or cricket or what ever then she goes and plays ponies :)
X
 
Difficult one.

My family come first (3yo daughter and hubby), but I have always said that the horses and my cat are dependent on us.

I had arguments with a friend the other day about whether I would go in a burning building to save my cat....I would!! she said this was irresponsible as I am a mum!

Luckily my hubby knows that my animals enable me to stay semi-sane! therefore he would work overtime if he had to!
 
I have a child so my son and husband come first in any 'need' situation. If I had a partner I thought less of than my horse I would bin partner. That is why I didn't marry til my thirties!
 
Its so important to have a balance. I always take the piss with the time I spend with my horse but make up for it. Today I took my husband out for lunch and cook for him every night. I love them both.
 
Thanks everyone for your replies, like I said when he first left I was very upset, when we spoke yesterday and he came out with the horse is more important to you than everyone line, I became angry - its just not true!
If our relationship had been good and we both made time to nuture it, then it wouldn't have ended. He was lazy and I didn't want to spend time with him towards the end so my free time was spent with the horse. If he had said to me lets do x or y together I would have happily sorted Dolly around that, but he didn't, I made suggestions of things we could do together and they were met with a maybe or we'll see what happens i.e no firm plans were made, so the horse got sorted as normal then I'd get it in the neck for doing the horse as normal.
Friends and family are very important to me, always will be but they accept that Dol is an important aspect of my life. Ex says that he feels my love was conditional on him liking the horse - well blaming her for everything that was wrong in our relationship is unfair and untrue there was fault on both sides I accept that, however in the last few months Dol has had a few problems and I felt she needed me more than he did at the time.
Right now I feel very resentful that I have wasted 7 years of my life. We were together since I was 21, I will be 28 in may.
Learning to live without him is hard, its only been a fortnight, I have never lived alone and that is taking some learning to do also!
Being with some who was so controlling was hard, I have lost touch with a lot of people because of my relationship, a situation I am now rectifying.
 
*Hugs* I believe I know you from when Dolly was at a certain local riding school on DIY ( 5 years ago now mind :D )
 
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I have never had my heart broken by a horse, people on the other hand have done it many times. I always remeber when my first proper boyfriend told me to choose, my yard owner told me not to worry horses are more fun to ride anyway. Little crude but always makes me smile.
 
Astonsmummy, yes i was at a certain local riding school 5 years or so ago, are you still on the iow? Thank u all again, he is not the be all and end all of my life there are plenty of fish in the sea but I'm going to take some time to find me again, will be nice spending time with dol and friends without feeling guilty! I have not long ago moved her to a lovely little yard so plan to have a nice summer enjoying my horsey again!
 
Yes I am :) I was one of two girls who were working pupils there! I believe I remember watching Tim stockdale demo with you and the instructors!
 
IMO OH's should come before horses in certain aspects, and yes they are right to complain at times. I love my horse to pieces and have had rows with OH about her. I would never sell her or change the way I treat her just because he wants me to. However, at the end of the day, if I want to marry and have kids with him, then I want him to be with me for the rest of my life, and therefore he would outlast my horse in that respect.

I do think some horse owners are very insular and I see lots who just obsessively devote their lives to horses and never get out of a pair of jods or stop reading horsey magazines. It's not healthy and it's certainly not productive in relationships with non-horsey OH's!
 
I have finished with someone who I was with for a few years due to the horse or me line, now with current o/h he knows it's my son horse dog him and that won't change my horse got me through lots of things and helps me with a life long illness even if I get married horse would come before, a man should be able to look after themselves a horse can't it's dependant on you
 
Oh you are so well shot of that one girly. Now move on and don't look back for a second :D

My OH knows exactly where he is in the line of priority - its kids, horse, dog, cats and then him - he tells people this all the time :D Hes a good sort though and accepts that he is settled down with someone who is passionate about her animals - cause he knows that when it really matters I am there for him 100%
 
One particular horse used to be, I threw away several incredible opportunities to travel because I couldn't bear to leave her - fool. If the same were to happen now I'd be off like a shot!

Horses v people in my life now?

People. No question about it. Burning stable, burning house - I'd get my family/people out every time, sorry horses (and other animals)

Toss up between husband and horses? He would never issue the ultimatum - wise man that he is, but if push came to shove, putting food on the table, clothes on our backs, our future together etc, again - sorry horses.
 
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Is there an insurance pay out to be factored into this argument?

Because based on current figures, I have to say the OH is looking like the better option.

I've seen the future and it's a fully irradiated 40k dressage horse:D
(I'd love some clean boots after the last few days, wouldn't you?;)
 
OP you are well rid of him. He sounds jealous and juvenile.

My OH reckons that the general pecking order in our house goes:

children
horses
dogs
chickens
goldfish
him

But he's wrong 'cos the pecking order in our house in reality goes:

children
horses
dogs
chickens
husband
goldfish

Only joking, husband dearest :D
 
I guess I am very lucky because my hubby loves the horses just as much as I do. They are mainly my hobby, but he helps me out when needs be (and actually likes poo-picking- starnge man).
Likewise I help him out with his 'hobby', running his own business.

He would never make me choose and even though I have offered to sell the horses once or twice due to finances/ my illness last year, he says no as they are our therapy!
 
My OH is already resigned to the fact that once the horse arrives, he is going to get bumped down the line! At least that is what he reckons, anyway! I've already taken him riding, and he really enjoyed it. He actually wants to start lessons of his own! I'm going to include him with the horsey stuff, and hopefully that way he won't end up feeling like the horse is more important than he is. I've found that a lot of people don't understand how a horse can be so important to me, but then they've never given horses a try and don't know what they are missing! :D
 
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