It appears we horsey woman are all the same!

debsey1

debsey1

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Had a shockingly bad row with my OH last night and long story short he said that "all horsey woman were the same" meaning we put our horses before anything else, that being, housework, being attentive to their needs and that we spend far to much time down the yard. Some of his friend say their GF/ wives are exactly the same, they never bloody see them!

Initially, when we met I was horseless. Four years in and feeling secure in the relationship I expressed I wanted a horse I knew he wasn't keen however, I went ahead, borrowed money off parents (now repaid by myself). Everyday I leave the home for 7.30 and at the yard for 8am, then work a 9 hour day then back to yard for 6.20 then home by 7.30. I then cook tea, quick tidy then sit down for the evening. Weekends, YO turns out for me in the mornings when I arrive arround lunchtime I ride out then home for around 5pm.

I don't feel this is excessive and quite frankly, I am still fuming :mad: He hasn't said yet " me or the horse" as he knows this is an unfair request
but he has indicated this, testing me I think and is disappointed that I didn't answer.

He isn't an ogre and is generous in many many ways but this is the one thing I am so passionate about. He plays golf every weekend which I have pointed out and he retorted that my hobby is everyday!

When I get home tonight this will probably all be brushed under the carpet until next time......

I am so exasperated, tired and angry that everytime we row this always comes up GGrrhh :mad:
 
I'm sorry to read this. It does seem though that it takes a certain type of guy to put up with horsey girls. I'm yet to find one!
The last chap I was with seemed perfectly happy with the fact that I had a pony before we ofiicially started going out, but a couple of weeks in it became a problem and he wanted more time than I could give. Having given up my horse for a guy before, this was not an option. Thankfully it was all very civil, but even so, why get involved in the first place!?
Sorry... I've just realised I was ranting on your post. Hopefully it was just a spur of the moment comment that came up and I'm sure it will all blow over and he'll be happy again for a while. Don't hold a grudge, life is too short :)
 
Exactly right, It's a shame when we take our responsibilities seriously isn't it! lol.

My old bf had a problem with my horse and the dog, when the dog was put down he didn't offered his sympathy and actually told me "well thats one down.." and when I suggested one day I will get another dog he said no way. Got rid of him, got myself a puppy and found a man who admires both ;)
 
Yes, I dont have my own at the moment and havent since I've been with hubby. He is struggling enough with my weekend share but I want to buy again next year and I'm fully expecting this conversation to come up. I already work long hours - I'm out of the house from 7am until about 8pm for work and he does the majority of the housework which I think is fair given that he works a lot less hours than me.

It is difficult.
 
I am afraid that it works the other way round being a male myself and have been told several times that the horse comes before my partner. Unfortuntaely horses are labour intensive and do take time to look after and and they have to be done 24/7.
 
OWLIE185 said:
I am afraid that it works the other way round being a male myself and have been told several times that the horse comes before my partner. Unfortuntaely horses are labour intensive and do take time to look after and and they have to be done 24/7.
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That's the thing that people don't understand. It's not like a dog that you can put in the car and take with you!
 
I don`t have a prob as my horse is on full livery (due to other reasons) so I just go and see him and or ride whenever I want or OH is not around! :)
 
OWLIE185 said:
I am afraid that it works the other way round being a male myself and have been told several times that the horse comes before my partner. Unfortuntaely horses are labour intensive and do take time to look after and and they have to be done 24/7.
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Absolutely!

TBH, Long term, I can't see this relationhip lasting unless he gives in and accepts this is the way it is. Sad I know, but I can't bring myself to sell him because he would like me too :(
 
OWLIE185 said:
I am afraid that it works the other way round being a male myself and have been told several times that the horse comes before my partner. Unfortuntaely horses are labour intensive and do take time to look after and and they have to be done 24/7.
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ah its good to know that its not just us - thing is its like anything - you put petrol in a car and get it services because it needs to be done - if you have a live animal you have to look after it - i think as long as time is made for other halves whether you have a horse or a dog it what the person cares about and other halves should support that not feel like its a competition - its just about making time for both and if you are with someone you care about that much i think you'll appreciate thats part of who makes them them is horses as much as someone who loves football, or music etc. its who makes us us! unfortunately for other halves we must just all love our horses so much we look after them soo god damn well! must make us extra caring people then lucky other halves!! lol :p
 
I dont think your hours at the yard are excessive at all, puts me to shame! I'm sharing 2 at the moment (well 1 properly and then looking after another until he's sold) so I get to the yard at 6pm and am not back until 9pm, that is 3 nights per week (ok so I'm not every night which is a bit different). Then weekends (Sat and Sun) I'll be up there early doors (between 8 and 9) to turn out, if there is a training clinic on I'll probably end up watching before popping home for food, only to go back again about 2pm to ride, muck out, watch more riding etc and back home for 6ish.

Thankfully my other half plays rugby 2 nights a week and on Saturdays so he's often out as long as I am! He does jest that I dont do enough housework and spend too much time at the yard, but he is only messing around.

Would it make a different to your OH if you perhaps had the horse turned out for you in the mornings so you wouldnt have to go up? Asissted DIY doesnt cost too much more than DIY if its an option at your yard and might give you a bit more time? But then again if your OH is going to work too he wont really care too much about the mornings!

I think it is difficult for a man to understand our obsession with horses when they dont like horses much themselves, only other horsey types understand the hours we spend in the wind and rain! Just like I dont understand when my OH spends an entire weekend on the sofa refusing to move watching rugby games back to back, you have to share the passion for the hobby in order to understand it. It is hard to find one of those elusive understanding men, they are out there though and thankfully I have one!
 
I am sorry to hear that you are having this problem. I had a horse when I met the OH and he was fine and got his own. He got bored and sold her after a couple of years. It then came up when I had the kids aged 1 and 2 and was ill. he said that as I never rode now anyway we might aswell get rid of them. I told him that I would get rid of him first , major row commenced but it was the last time that it came up. He keeps saying no more neddies but as the kids are both into the horses we are just buying number 6. He knows that the more we have the lower down the list he gets !! We have got 3 dogs aswell !!.
I think that you have to accept if someone has horses in their lives , it isnt a hobby it is a way of life.
Hope you can work it out .
 
debsey1 said:
Had a shockingly bad row with my OH last night and long story short he said that "all horsey woman were the same" meaning we put our horses before anything else, that being, housework, being attentive to their needs and that we spend far to much time down the yard. Some of his friend say their GF/ wives are exactly the same, they never bloody see them!
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My other half knows he always more than welcome to come and muck out/clean tack if he wants to! Equally I was very generous and showed him how the oven works, where the Hoover is and how to use the washing machine :D! Luckily my OH is quite good and quite likes the horse so is more than happy to help out. He also has his own hobbies which can take up a fair bit of his time.

We all have to make sacrifices when in a relationship BUT it is a two way street and it would be a very big sacrifice to make on your part. Plus for most of us being 'horsey' is part of who we are! It's a part of our personality - love us FOR this, not in spite of it!
 
As simple as it sounds, the answer is clear if that conversation ever began in my house.... I will compromise with time/money but the horse stays - your choice :)
 
My husband is sooo jealous of the amount of time and money I spend with the horses, it really gets to me to be honest.

Now they're both in for the winter, I can sort of see his point, I get up at 5.45 in the morning and throw some clothes on to go to the yard to muck out, hay and water the two beasts, before coming home to get ready for my hospital appointments which I have three times a week and then working from 9-5.30 Monday - Friday and going straight to the yard from work to ride and do up. I don't get home til 8pm - but horses have been in my life much longer then he has, and will ALWAYS remain a big part of my life, so tough!

What gets me is that he complains that we never go out for meals or for a drink or anything during the week, but the thing is, even when I do have a rare night off from doing the horses, all he wants to do is sit at home and watch tv or play on his Xbox!

I'll be at the yard probably 4-5 hours on weekend days, so there is AMPLE time to do something together around that, but he always goes to the pub with his dad during the day and then ends up falling asleep on the sofa when he gets home!

Sorry, little bit of a rant there :o
 
My other half has not been too bad over the years the odd moan about how often I had to go up the yard, we have them at home now so it much easier and he quite likes feeding them carrots and stuff and often comes out riding on my big horse only for a walk as he cant really ride but she is safe enough.

I dont think the time you spend with your horse is that bad, when I worked full time I never got in until about 9pm every night in the week, maybe you could get a sharer a few days a week then you would have set nights to do things together, or ask him if he would like to go with you a few evenings, thats if you want him too some people like it as there time, hope you manage to sort it out.
 
It's nice to know I'm not the only one. I just say that horses were around a long time before him and will be around a long time after him if he carries on!

It's particularly tricky as he works shifts so any time he has a weekend off he thinks I should drop everything to spend the whole day with him. He gets 4 days off in a row due to his shifts (6 days on 4 days off) so doesn't understand how precious and busy my two days are!
 
Pinkvboots said:
maybe you could get a sharer a few days a week then you would have set nights to do things together.
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I was going to suggest the same thing. My OH has a moan now and again, but this is definitley less evident when I have a sharer who give me one weekend day and one week day off.

I had a horse when we met so he knew what he was getting into. He also spends a lot of time out mountain biking so can't moan that much!
 
Ooooh... I'm on one now!

Bentley had decided to trash a couple of rugs about a month ago, so I of course had to buy him some new ones. I didn't even spend that much money, I bought an EC turnout for £45ish and a Robinsons stable rug for £35ish.

We had an argument at the weekend and as per usual, the horses were brought up.

He said that I spend more money on the ********** horses then I do on him, and that he never has any nice clothes or anything. Baring in mind this is a 31 year old bloke who earns a fair bit more then what I do. He was wearing his expensive converse trainers which I bought him the beginning of October, a brand new tshirt which I bought him that very day, and a pair of jeans which guess what, I'd bought him about three weeks prior, while I was wearing my work clothes which I bought from Primark several years ago and look rather scruffy. RAAH!:mad:
 
I am very lucky that my OH is obsessive with his golf - playing Saturday and Sunday for most of the day. Our son (12) plays golf too and is usually also out all weekend mid morning to dark and my daughter comes up the yard with me. In fact if I want to ride by myself, I usually have to go up in the dark at the moment!! You cannot play golf in the dark I believe ... nor can you take a 6yo with you!

I get up at 5.30am every week day to do horses and back for 7am so OH can run off to work and I then get kids ready for school then off to work myself all day. Leave work at 5pm to bring in quickly and home for 6pm but he is not back usually until 7pm.

House is a mess but thankfully we are both untidy buggers!

In the past though - OMG - moan moan moan from exes!!! Both eventually buggered off with non-horsey women (thank god!!)

I do believe it would be a good idea to iron out these issues with your OH otherwise they will only niggle and niggle and become HUGE!! What exactly is he moaning about anyway? If he plays golf he is out for the best part of daylight hours at the moment and during the week what does he want to do with you ;-) Is he sitting at home for hours by himself? I'm sure you can find a compromise somewhere either with assisted DIY or get up earlier while he is asleep and cannot miss you??
 
my rule is the horse came before them so is staying :D

I have actually been asked by one ex who do you love more me or the horse? How I contained myself and not laugh out loud i dont know but polity replied that they are 2 very different things so there is no comparison.

The horse was a real issue for my last ex so much so that he would forever tell me I would never have a house or children whilst I had the horse etc etc he would get funny about how much time I'd spend down the yard etc I ended up riding once a week which is mental (now back to 6 times a week thanks to ditching him lol)

My current boyfriend lives a fair few miles away so actually works perfectly as still get to do what I like with my horse and causes no arguments :D he has no interest in her however will do poles and jumps etc for me as his view is even though it's not his interest we're still spending time together :)
 
CatStew said:
Ooooh... I'm on one now!

Bentley had decided to trash a couple of rugs about a month ago, so I of course had to buy him some new ones. I didn't even spend that much money, I bought an EC turnout for £45ish and a Robinsons stable rug for £35ish.

We had an argument at the weekend and as per usual, the horses were brought up.

He said that I spend more money on the ********** horses then I do on him, and that he never has any nice clothes or anything. Baring in mind this is a 31 year old bloke who earns a fair bit more then what I do. He was wearing his expensive converse trainers which I bought him the beginning of October, a brand new tshirt which I bought him that very day, and a pair of jeans which guess what, I'd bought him about three weeks prior, while I was wearing my work clothes which I bought from Primark several years ago and look rather scruffy. RAAH!:mad:
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Don't tell him when you buy anything - I don't!!!!
 
bubbilygum said:
My other half knows he always more than welcome to come and muck out/clean tack if he wants to! Equally I was very generous and showed him how the oven works, where the Hoover is and how to use the washing machine :D! Luckily my OH is quite good and quite likes the horse so is more than happy to help out. He also has his own hobbies which can take up a fair bit of his time.

We all have to make sacrifices when in a relationship BUT it is a two way street and it would be a very big sacrifice to make on your part. Plus for most of us being 'horsey' is part of who we are! It's a part of our personality - love us FOR this, not in spite of it!
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I so agree with you bubbilygum, so much so, I text him your last paragraph :)
 
JulesRules said:
I was going to suggest the same thing. My OH has a moan now and again, but this is definitley less evident when I have a sharer who give me one weekend day and one week day off.

YO turns out for me at the weekends so I can have a lie-in with him ;). I really try hard that my horsey life doesn't have too much of an impact on his life. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier on my own :(
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mcnaughty said:
I am very lucky that my OH is obsessive with his golf - playing Saturday and Sunday for most of the day. Our son (12) plays golf too and is usually also out all weekend mid morning to dark and my daughter comes up the yard with me. In fact if I want to ride by myself, I usually have to go up in the dark at the moment!! You cannot play golf in the dark I believe ... nor can you take a 6yo with you!

I get up at 5.30am every week day to do horses and back for 7am so OH can run off to work and I then get kids ready for school then off to work myself all day. Leave work at 5pm to bring in quickly and home for 6pm but he is not back usually until 7pm.

House is a mess but thankfully we are both untidy buggers!

In the past though - OMG - moan moan moan from exes!!! Both eventually buggered off with non-horsey women (thank god!!)

I do believe it would be a good idea to iron out these issues with your OH otherwise they will only niggle and niggle and become HUGE!! What exactly is he moaning about anyway? If he plays golf he is out for the best part of daylight hours at the moment and during the week what does he want to do with you ;-) Is he sitting at home for hours by himself? I'm sure you can find a compromise somewhere either with assisted DIY or get up earlier while he is asleep and cannot miss you??
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I'm sick of it now and last nights row was HUGE! He plays golf EVERY weekend which I don't mind as I can then spent time riding and not have to clock watch. I am finding there is a pattern to his behaviour and it is usually when he is stressed
 
My boyfriend is an amateur jockey. It's a win win situation - he and his dad have the racehorses and I have my eventers! Touch wood, there is barely a cross word said.
 
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