It appears we horsey woman are all the same!

debsey1 said:
I'm sick of it now and last nights row was HUGE! He plays golf EVERY weekend which I don't mind as I can then spent time riding and not have to clock watch. I am finding there is a pattern to his behaviour and it is usually when he is stressed
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Yup - or tired with mine, especially when he's been on a night shift. Funny, my sister's three year old is much the same when she needs a nap :rolleyes:
 
I do feel sorry for my OH because he does try to be good about it, but I sometimes feel like I am letting him down, especially this time of year when the horses are so labour intensive. And of course there's the money. I try to make it up to him as best I can but I often think he'd be better served by a less outdoorsy sort of lass
 
mcnaughty said:
I am very lucky that my OH is obsessive with his golf - playing Saturday and Sunday for most of the day. Our son (12) plays golf too and is usually also out all weekend mid morning to dark and my daughter comes up the yard with me. In fact if I want to ride by myself, I usually have to go up in the dark at the moment!! You cannot play golf in the dark I believe ... nor can you take a 6yo with you!

I get up at 5.30am every week day to do horses and back for 7am so OH can run off to work and I then get kids ready for school then off to work myself all day. Leave work at 5pm to bring in quickly and home for 6pm but he is not back usually until 7pm.

House is a mess but thankfully we are both untidy buggers!

In the past though - OMG - moan moan moan from exes!!! Both eventually buggered off with non-horsey women (thank god!!)

I do believe it would be a good idea to iron out these issues with your OH otherwise they will only niggle and niggle and become HUGE!! What exactly is he moaning about anyway? If he plays golf he is out for the best part of daylight hours at the moment and during the week what does he want to do with you ;-) Is he sitting at home for hours by himself? I'm sure you can find a compromise somewhere either with assisted DIY or get up earlier while he is asleep and cannot miss you??
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Lyndsay said:
My boyfriend is an amateur jockey. It's a win win situation - he and his dad have the racehorses and I have my eventers! Touch wood, there is barely a cross word said.
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Lyndsay - Youare one lucky lady! :)
 
debsey1 said:
Had a shockingly bad row with my OH last night and long story short he said that "all horsey woman were the same" meaning we put our horses before anything else, that being, housework, being attentive to their needs and that we spend far to much time down the yard. Some of his friend say their GF/ wives are exactly the same, they never bloody see them!

Initially, when we met I was horseless. Four years in and feeling secure in the relationship I expressed I wanted a horse I knew he wasn't keen however, I went ahead, borrowed money off parents (now repaid by myself). Everyday I leave the home for 7.30 and at the yard for 8am, then work a 9 hour day then back to yard for 6.20 then home by 7.30. I then cook tea, quick tidy then sit down for the evening. Weekends, YO turns out for me in the mornings when I arrive arround lunchtime I ride out then home for around 5pm.

I don't feel this is excessive and quite frankly, I am still fuming :mad: He hasn't said yet " me or the horse" as he knows this is an unfair request
but he has indicated this, testing me I think and is disappointed that I didn't answer.

He isn't an ogre and is generous in many many ways but this is the one thing I am so passionate about. He plays golf every weekend which I have pointed out and he retorted that my hobby is everyday!

When I get home tonight this will probably all be brushed under the carpet until next time......

I am so exasperated, tired and angry that everytime we row this always comes up GGrrhh :mad:
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I think the bit in red is the key point, you didn't take his feelings into consideration when you bought the horse, and now are cross that he isn't happy the horse when he told you he wasn't happy about it before you committed to the horse.

Horses are a huge drain on our time and resources. I'm really lucky that my husband is horsey but even he occasionally gets frustrated by how late we end up eating dinner due to horse commitments. I can't begin to imagine how couples manage where one is horsey and the other isn't unless the other also has an expensive and time consuming hobby.

I think you need to talk to him and see what his concerns are and whether a compromise can be reached. Would it help if you paid for more help or paid for help at different times? Or if he came with you to the yard and got involved? Or if you paid for a cleaner? Or had dinner in the slow cooker for him certain nights so he isn't waiting for his dinner?
 
I feel so lucky after reading some posts. My OH is as daft about them as me .

I spend all day and all weekend with my lot. We go off to shows and events most weekends in the summer all together as a family. Our whole life revolves around them, for me it has always been like this as my family are very horsey.

I do wonder sometimes what my life would be like if OH was not into horses. I can see where problems happen, its the time spent at the stables more than the money in most cases.
 
A few years ago i gave up the horses for a couple of years got bored and bought another one. my boyfriend at the time....now ex said to me " what you have to go to the yard TWICE a day every day!!!, what about me?! Who's going to cook my dinner" I said " Don't worry i'll help you pack!"

Now have a lovely, good looking boyfriend who helps me at shows and cooks his own dinner!:)
 
My husband is a farmer and hating horses is therefore bred into him.

I get this all the time and just smile and nod, or say 'well all farmers smell and have big hands.'

Also, I tend to only have black/dark brown horses. He doesn't know which is which and therefore he doesn't really know how many I have. :D
 
KristmasKat said:
I think the bit in red is the key point, you didn't take his feelings into consideration when you bought the horse, and now are cross that he isn't happy the horse when he told you he wasn't happy about it before you committed to the horse.

Horses are a huge drain on our time and resources. I'm really lucky that my husband is horsey but even he occasionally gets frustrated by how late we end up eating dinner due to horse commitments. I can't begin to imagine how couples manage where one is horsey and the other isn't unless the other also has an expensive and time consuming hobby.

I think you need to talk to him and see what his concerns are and whether a compromise can be reached. Would it help if you paid for more help or paid for help at different times? Or if he came with you to the yard and got involved? Or if you paid for a cleaner? Or had dinner in the slow cooker for him certain nights so he isn't waiting for his dinner?
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Unfortunately YO has stopped doing assisted DIY :( Until recently. I am organised with dinner it's me not being there thats the problem. He can't come to yard as it's in the opposite direction plus he has his own chores to do. Thing is, I 'm not the girl he met 6 years ago, well I am, it's just that I have extra baggage being my half ton of horse!!:p
 
Just give him a beer and tell him to shut up. Some people don't know they're born.

Life is FAR too short. You are a long time dead. If he's not happy, point out that he's not shackled to the walls.

Get on with it girl, if this man isn't making your world go round, the roundabout is obviously broken. Go n jump on another one!!
 
I am very lucky as have a very understanding husband - initially he was a bit taken aback about how time consuming and expensive my hobby was, but has now just accepted it. I also have some liveries so pay my way, and do not expect him to have anything to do with, or pay for the horses, although he would always help out if I had an emergency vets bill or such like.

My son has got a pony too so we often go off at weekends to PC or comps, and he enjoys the peace and quiet. When we are out he uses the time to catch up on the rugby or do his model making.

However I do try to ensure a 'family day' at weekends if we are not off 'horsing' which usually involves a long walk with the dogs and a hearty pub lunch, so win win all round! Also holidays tend to be of his choice and try to make sure we go out as a couple every couple of weeks so have some 'us' time.

Feel sorry for you op as would not know what to do in your situation - it is all very well saying 'it's me or the horse' but life is more complicated than that....
 
MyOH goes to watch football most weekends and often in the evenings during the week. Although I don't really care i make a point of showing an interest and let him watch televised games without me complaining. He then returns the compliment when I spend time and money on the horses. Surprisingly he has taken an interest in horse driving since I started at the beginning of the year and wants to join in on the backstep.

If you did everything together you'd have nothing to talk about.
I'd challenge your OH on why he can't cook the dinner and what he would really like to do together, watch tv, go out-where, stay in?
 
Mine used to moan all the time, then when my horse was PTS and I didn't have one he saw how missed it and bought me another. He never complains now as he travels alot with work and it keeps me busy. But I'm lucky to only work part time so I have time for housework cooking etc.
 
I consider myself to be hugely fortunate as my husband is equally horse nuts as I am! Although I am mainly responsible for our horse my OH tries as much as possible to get to the yard at 6am with me before work to help out. He doesn't mind how late home I am from the yard when I'm riding and doesn't expect house beautiful. He's doing his cat C licence so he can box us out and about too.
 
My OH dosent even bother starting the row anymore after thirty years with him and owning horses he dosent stand a chance if he dosent like it he can use the door. But out of fairness he pays everything for them no vets bill are to big enough for him he will all ways find the the money for my boys hes great
 
I think I must be very lucky, my OH kicks my a*s£ if I don't ride cos I'm i'll/ in bad weather or spend enough time with my boy - largely because I turn into a grumpy witch if I don't get my 'fix'! He looks after them when I'm stuck at work - with only minor grumbling if the stables are totally trashed!
I'd suggest you have a really good chat to OH about how important horses are to you and explain how miserable you'd be without them - and no richer as you'd spend all weekend shopping/ out etc. trying to relieve the bordum - that I guess non horsey people must have with all that time on their hands!!
 
argh mine can be the same when he wants to chuck it up in an argument! i had my horse when I met him so he knew i had baggage ;) he has golf, gym, running & football twice a week!! and has the cheek to sometimes pick @ the horse

he knows what would happen if he gave me the whole "its me or the horse" so he wouldnt dare!!! :D
 
tallyho! said:
Just give him a beer and tell him to shut up. Some people don't know they're born.

Life is FAR too short. You are a long time dead. If he's not happy, point out that he's not shackled to the walls.
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This. How the hell can people put up with this sort of rubbish? OP, live your life and as long you don't tell him what he can and can't do, he's no right trying to tell you.
 
tallyho! said:
Just give him a beer and tell him to shut up. Some people don't know they're born.

Life is FAR too short. You are a long time dead. If he's not happy, point out that he's not shackled to the walls.

Get on with it girl, if this man isn't making your world go round, the roundabout is obviously broken. Go n jump on another one!!
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i love this!! this has made my evening!! :D
 
I have heard the same about friends with dogs - expensive and absorbing hobbies do offer a ready made argument when things are stressed.

OP - you could end up doing longer hours if you had a long commute for work - my day is about that long if I need to go to London or Edinburgh for work. It has got to be a less threatening hobby to him and his ego than one where you are surrounded by fit men all the time, I havent figured out yet what hobby that might be... ;)

Nothing else to offer apart from hugs
 
My OH is great as he's an animal lover too. When we first met in 1998 I didn't own a horse but I did ride a couple of times a week. He had always skied and I had never skied or ever wanted to ski. But as that was his holiday I agreed to learn to ski, if he learned to ride. So he had some lessons and I went on a ski holiday. I actually went on several ski holidays, am still crap and still hate it - last year I put my foot down and said never again. He didn't really carry on much with the riding lessons, but when I got my ex-racer he used to ride him occasionally and his Facebook page is a picture of him sitting on Rebel in the park (after he'd cantered him across the fields!). He adores my horses now, especially my TB mare and gets them in from the field most afternoons for me. His knowledge is basic - it can take him a minute at least to get the headcollar on sometimes....but he has common sense and love of the horses. He plays golf quite a bit in summer and watches so much football on TV that it actually drives me mad, but it would be unfair of me to say anything as he never criticises me for the time I spend with the horses. I do try not to spend too much unnecessary time at the yard and make an effort to have a walk to the pub with him at weekends (where I generously let him buy me a drink as I never have any money!) and I do the horses early at weekends too so that I'm home in time to go out if we want to go anywhere.
I think it's a question of give and take - but I think if you're in a relationship where the OH doesn't appreciate your horses and moans about the time you spend with them, then it's a relationship that's not really going anywhere long -term and is probably heading towards an eventual breakdown anyway. Might as well get out sooner rather than later!
 
My hubby gets really really grumpy if I have the horses on diy and then I'm not around for daughter, more because he thinks it's important for her to be taken to and picked up from school by me each day so I can talk her through homework etc and know what's happening with her all the time. I've had to compromise in that I won't sell my horses so now they're on full livery and I ride during the day in the week which doesn't clash with daughter's time at all. I miss looking after them myself but I've been lucky in that my yard is lovely and they're very well looked after. My only real issue is that personally I'd rather spend my time than our money on them, but we've agreed we'll look at it again when daughter is old enough to make her own way to and from school.

My hubby might begrudge me spending time with them when he and my daughter are around but luckily he understands that I couldn't be without them and daughter gets a lot out of us having them too. :)
 
Hmm, OP: your OH sounds as if he isn't going to change anytime soon. His behaviour would cause me to give him the heave-ho, but I have different priorities to a lot of people, and being with an OH is nowhere near the top of the list. Quite a few women at the yard have OHs who are interested, supportive and very helpful. A couple of them have turned into good travelling grooms and seem to be enjoying their joint efforts with wife/gf and horse! I can't really be bothered with anyone else's needs anymore on a full time basis. I do it for a living and just want to shut myself away with the animals and not to have to talk to anyone if I dont want to!
I have turned into Ms Too Tired to Care for Anyone Else! I live in a small supportive community and we all routinely look out for and help/care for each other and our animals, I have saleable skills, know what I am capable of, and the limitations that I live within.
I wouldn't tolerate a partner dictating to me what I was allowed to do. OP, your OH sounds as if he finds equality difficult. Who would you rather have, if you can't negotiate satisfactorily? Him, or horse? It is likely that one or other has to go.
 
Am going to go against the grain slightly and say that if the shoe was on the other foot then how would you feel? I agree that you don't need to be attentive to his every need and that workloads should be shared etc and that you are entitled to a hobby but ..... Horses are an expensive hobby and they take up a lot of time EVERY day and you can't compromise and say you just not going today. How would you feel if he went to the gym for example every day twice a day and at the weekends without fail? it's ok if you have a matching in time hobby but he obviously feels like he wants to see more of you and / or is jealous of the time spent.

FWIW I often have the same argument with my husband and i always feel indignant in the aftermath but i generally do start to feel that actually he has a point SOMETIMEs and I would hate it if he did the equivalent BUT and a big but - my circumstances are different becuase i am lucky because I am a full time mum and our horses are at home and therefore have time when he is not here to indulge my hobby. If I had to work then I couldn't have horses due to time and i only don't work because he works hard for both for us. He pays for my horses and I try and make sure that I ride/ spend the majority of my time with the horses when it's not family time. He works very hard and for long hours and I think it's only fair that I ensure I look after the basic needs of my family before I indulge myself.

Ultimately every relationship is always a compromise... And it's alway difficult to comment and judge other people's relationships from an outside perspective.
 
my husband hated my old horse in fact I used to get timed the amount of time I was at the yard in fact if I wasn't home by 10:30 at the latest on a Saturday morning that was the weekend pretty much a right off as he would sulk all weekend - so he found a new hobby "affairs" :rolleyes:

I wouldn't ever go out with anyone ever again who didn't get the whole horse thing!
 
I am now single, I meet my ex whilst horseless but still rode, he never understood it and held a grudge that I didn't run anymore (we met through running and I had to stop due to medical issues, prob shouldnt ride but hey ho).
I went out for dinner with him the other night (still friends) and he commented he would still come after my boys I agreed, quite simple he would, one of mine I don't quite know how I would cope without!
However when we were together he was fab, he funded the purchase of my youngster helped me pay bills if I was short and came to most comps with me. The other night after dinner he took me to the yard as I was worried about one of mine and stayed whilst I walked him in hand, skipped out etc despite me saying I could walk home.
He has also text me daily to see how poorly pony is.
However every row inc the horses and I constantly clock watched, then would get p!ssed off when he didn't show me the same courtesy, we are not destined to be together as never been so happy and content since we split!
Think if it worth working on then do it but dont get rid of your horses because you will resent him forever.
Sorry just realised how long that is, oops
 
Oh I'm another who can't see the point in being with someone that doesn't suit your own lifestyle :o

I like my house being clean and tidy, I enjoy making dinner and as I host lots of dinner parties our house is usually respectable. The horses are my business and have been for many many years. It's part of our life so it would be a bit silly if my husband were to complain lol! He doesn't though and he never has in all the years we've been married. He doesn't complain about anything really and seems happy with his lot. I'm not much of a complainer either though probably because he does his thing through the days and I do my thing and we're both happy with our lifestyles. If either of us weren't we'd have gone our separate ways years ago as neither of us are push-overs!
 
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