It pains me to ask this; Other DIY's expecting you to "help out"

Shysmum

Shysmum

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I'm DIY, always have been. I will help out when needed, but this has caused me to be taken advantage of several times. At a new yard now, and seem to have walked into "you bring in every other night". But I want to do my pony twice a day myself. Like a DIY.

There was a very scary scene tonight - I've never seen someone so mad, even when I had to serve a summons in the RSPCA. Eyes bulging, fists clenched, full on tantrum, while flinging straw around with a pitch fork..... because I said I didn't want to be so involved with other horses, and was going to stick to myself.

New yard, two months. Hubs and I are so shocked. Sorry that this woman is clearly so upset, but OMG.

Persephone has been a huge help to me over this week (THANKYOU !!!) - I had no idea I was in such a serious situation. Thanks P xx
 
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Was the other person on something? Been drinking? Sounds like it and rather scary, she sounds deluded. .... stick to your guns and just do your own as you set out to do. There are unfortunately some weirdos out there x
 
Been there. Wouldn't do it again in a month of Sundays.

Like you I want to care for MY horses, and get on with what I want to do when I want to do it.
 
Thanks so much. I have never seen someone so angry - but NOT on something. Hubs is an ex copper, and only ever saw that reaction, like you say, with drugs or drink. But no, this was a full on rage.

Only three of us at the yard, I am the new girl, but no, I will not "do" other horses (for free) after three weeks of every night. Obviously an enraged woman, but my God, Welcome to The Yard.

Don't worry, all offers of help withdrawn, and if I need help in the future, I will pay a groom to come in.

A lot of tears shed tonight *sigh*

I'm 44 years old and (would have) helped out, but how bloody DARE they treat me like this ?
 
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I've been DIY for years and its always been a case of people who want to enter into regular or occasional helping do so, and people who want to keep to their own devices are able to do so.
I'm not surprised you're shocked by this woman I think she is completely out of order!!!
At a previous yard a couple of years ago I did have the yard b*tch/stirrer trying to wind me up and get me angry when my boy was left out on his own one night by his fieldmate's sharer (only for half an hour til I arrived), it was so funny seeing her get more and more wound up the more I explained my boy wasn't bothered and that I wasn't going to go mad at the sharer like she wanted me to, she was such a trouble-maker. I'm so glad I moved yards soon after, best decision I ever made😄😄😄!!!
 
OMG. That is the question. I have become close to the YO, an elderly (and lovely) lady. It's saving me a lot of money, and I have a fab stable/tack feed area set up.

Obviously I won't go into what was said tonight as it was personal. I had a feeling things were not right and I was being taken the piss out of (again) within a few weeks. As far as I am concerned, if you pay me, I will be the groom. (other DIY'ers please note - you have to PAY for assisted livery.)

Devastated, but no, I will just stick on my own at this yard, and see how it goes. The worst thing for me is that the elderly YO walked into my stable to offer me tea, while this huge row was going on. *so ashamed*. Hubs is going to speak to her tomorrow.
 
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My God what an idiot! Don't leave on her account or she will be in effect walking over you again. If you love the facilities you have and the YO is great then stay put and ignore the silly childish women(girl?)

You do your thing and don't feel bad about it.
 
Thank you so much. Yes I will stay (as long as I can) as the YO is so lovely. It does take a lot to shock me, but tonight was something else. Only a few days ago another livery asked me to look after her dog for half an hour, but turned up 45 minutes late. Hubs was furious, I was trying to *hide* my anger to keep the peace.

My beloved little terrier had a stroke 2 weeks ago (recovering very well !!!) so this has just not been good timing.

Thanks for listening to me ranting, I feel so much better for getting it out, and seeing other peeps are similar minded. I cannot tell you how much a bit of support means atm xx
 
she's nearly 80, and I think one of the other liveries has been in "control" for a many years. And set out what she wants. Fair enough, but i just want to do my own thing.

I don't understand either - such a wonderful place (older than Victorian yard)- arches, kitchen garden, the lot. I love it, it's a magical place. I can't believe my luck being there - apart from what happened tonight. it's like being in Black Beauty's stables. Why would you take that for granted ?

Anyway, hopefully it will all settle out, and I will let you know it has. I'm a happy soul, and just love being with my pony (and singing to him...), so I'm sure this is just a hiccup. It does help so much to vent on here. Thanks guys. xxxx
 
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My lad is such a gentle soul, and being at the yard is good for my soul. Or was until tonight. harmony WILL be restored :)

I have to say that anyone on DIY who comes to expect other liveries will help them.......think about the fact that they may not WANT to do so, but feel OBLIGED to do so. DIY is DIY. I am on DIY, and if I go on holiday, Shy will go onto full livery at another yard. As he is on DIY day to day, I will do everything for him. If I can't do it, I will PAY someone to do it for me. I go down to the yard twice a day, because I want to be with my pony, NOT yours.

I simply do not want to have to go out to a field a few times and wheel in horses that are not mine. Or put their beds down, water and feed them. pick their feet out. Change their rugs. These horses DO NOT BELONG TO ME, and that's it. Please do not rely on other DIY'ers to do your dirty work.
 
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Ah, bless you - my lad is just so kind and gentle. He has settled straight away, the local village has adopted him via carrots, so I just don't want to move him ( as well as I have adopted the YO as my aunt).

I am sure that now I have put my foot down, things will blow over. But this lady went SOOOOOOO mad tonight, who knows.
 
I (sort of) know how you feel!
When YO was at the yard, it was a part-livery, as she lived on the property, it was easy for her to go out and do the horses. When she left, apparently (no one told me!) it became a DIY, yet I was still expected to clean up after other peoples horses? Not on. I tried telling them that Ned didn't do a large wheelbarrow of poo a day, but they didn't listen and I got stroppy texts about it, saying that I MUST do a WHOLE barrow a day...
I just wanted to be left to do my own horse and not do other peoples. I tried reasoning with her, saying that since I have one horse and I do a full barrow, surely she should be doing 5 barrow fulls? She only did one too, even with 5 horses.
Not fair.

I've never had anyone got THAT mad at me in person before though, that must have been terrifying!!!
Good luck with her, I hope it's all sorted and you can go back to your idyllic yard :)
 
Whilst I can totally see why you didn't want to be dragged into an arrangement that had not been discussed I don't think it's fair to make generalisations that people who keep their horses on DIY who struggle to get up twice a day religiously are awful people. I work some very odd hours and sometimes it would be impossible to bring my horse in at a reasonable time. Said horse does not like being out totally on his own so can't really leave him be until whatever godforsaken hour of the night I may end up finishing that day. I am not fortunate enough to be able to afford 2 horses (pity as it would save me a lot of hassle if I could!) to ensure company for him. To be blunt I can't afford full livery and I also like to do my own bed, feeds and nets all of which I have time to prepare and have ready. Because of all these factors yes I am reliant on help from other liveries BUT I always offer my help in return. I refuse to see that there is anything wrong with coming to these arrangements if both parties are happy and it genuinely saves both people time. Definitely think the flying off the handle argument was out of line though. If they had a good thing going with whoever left then yeah they're gonna be at least mildly annoyed that newbie doesn't want to carry this on but still no excuse for verbal abuse
 
Ah just seen the bit about her expecting you to put their beds down and feed an water them as well... yeah that is taking the piss just a little bit... When I've shared duties with people I've always literally had everything ready (bed down, feed in stable, haynet hung) so that it's only taking up an extra 30 seconds of their time and I've only requested rug changes if I was doing the same for their horse
 
i have 2 on DIY. the yard where i keep them is a real friendly place. i dont mind (and have done) helping out on the odd occasion or if their is an emergency but as you say. you pay to keep your horses there and do them yourself so why should other people be relying on you on a regular basis? if you have come to a happy agreement about sharing duties then fair enough but in my opinion if your on DIY then you expect to blimin well DIY. if need extra help then as said you pay for it.

saying that i do look after someone elses horse that is kept down there. a friend of my mothers has her mare down at the yard on DIY yet she hasnt seen the horse in over a year. ive told her countless times that she needs to come down and sort her out or sell/loan her but she refuses to. she is such a lovely mare and loves people that it makes me feel bad about leaving her all alone. if it wernt for me she wouldnt have had her feet trimmed or had been wormed since shes been at the yard :( i dont get paid to look after her and it is a bit of a pain in the butt to look after 3 when i only have 2 but as i said if i didnt look after her then nobody would.
 
Shysmum I really feel for you, and hope the person, when they've calmed down, realises how they've behaved.

We work a bit like Boulty on our yard but we wouldn't expect anyone to join in if it didn't suit and even if they didnt I would still help if they were caught unexpectedly, life happens. Hope you work it out
 
So sorry that you've had this nasty experience. It sounds like this opinionated livery has appointed herself as yard manager, as the owner is not involved - power abhors a vacuum and all that. Carry on doing what you are doing. As you rightly say DIY is DIY. It's fine to have informal agreements between owners that are beneficial to all parties, but the benefits must be equal.
 
Shysmum, that is terrible, discussion and own decisions fine but I draw the line at anyone expecting me to do anything. Our total DIY yard is great, majority of people happy to help if needed, but no one expects anything and if people unable, for whatever reason, to help we would all arrange to pay for that help, but usually runs smoothly with occassional favours along the way
 
I have mine on part livery now and am happy to help out occasionally (its DIY at weekends) but would hate to be tied into an agreement and like you want to just enjoy my two rather than worrying about doing other people's horses.

At a previous yard I had one on DIY. There was a Rota for bring in / turn out at the weekends which I was part of for about a month but then opted out of - my pony can be naughty when being led so that was a worry, and it got too much when people started to leave notes saying 'can you stick his hay in or change his rug' meaning a 10 min job started taking alot longer. People also wanted 'yard meetings' to discuss the rota which i just didnt have time for. it was easier to just go up myself and do my own daily - so I feel your pain!
 
For welfare and safety reasons no horse is left on its own at our yard. In the summer this rarely affects anyone but in the winter you do find you're bringing in other horses. I honestly don't mind because it goes both ways and I'm comforted in the fact my boy won't be left on his own which he hates. At the old yard Andy was constantly left on his own and he went crazy, run through the fence, gallop about for hours and threaten to jump the gate. I wouldn't even get a text letting me know he's gone mad. which was great for his various health problems.

Much happier where I am now :)
 
Angus' yard said:
So sorry that you've had this nasty experience. It sounds like this opinionated livery has appointed herself as yard manager, as the owner is not involved - power abhors a vacuum and all that. Carry on doing what you are doing. As you rightly say DIY is DIY. It's fine to have informal agreements between owners that are beneficial to all parties, but the benefits must be equal.
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Agree. Nowt wrong with people helping each other out, but it must be mutually agreed. Your yard sounds lovely, just ignore this silly woman and crack on with your horse.

P
 
Shysmum said:
I'm DIY, always have been. I will help out when needed, but this has caused me to be taken advantage of several times. At a new yard now, and seem to have walked into "you bring in every other night". But I want to do my pony twice a day myself. Like a DIY.

There was a very scary scene tonight - I've never seen someone so mad, even when I had to serve a summons in the RSPCA. Eyes bulging, fists clenched, full on tantrum, while flinging straw around with a pitch fork..... because I said I didn't want to be so involved with other horses, and was going to stick to myself.

New yard, two months. Hubs and I are so shocked. Sorry that this woman is clearly so upset, but OMG.

Persephone has been a huge help to me over this week (THANKYOU !!!) - I had no idea I was in such a serious situation. Thanks P xx
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Stick to your guns whatever you do. You muse not allow yourself to feel pressured into this kind of arrangement. I have been running an assisted D.I.Y yard for 18 years, and I seen this sort of thing before and these kind of arrangements ALWAYS end in tears because it's virtually impossible for one of the parties involved to not feel like they are getting the short straw. I would just tell this woman straight, you are there to see to your own horse, it's not convenient for you to be tied down to looking after soembody else's horse and indeed probably wouldn't be covered in the event of an accident by insurance? I've had clients on my yard before like you who are easily taken advantage of and I'm afraid the only way you can stop this in its tracks is to be up front and firm. I have o say I have never, thankfully, ever had someone go off on a wobbler like this woman seems To have done. I feel for you I really do. We spend a lot of time and money on our hobby, and there is nothing worse than all the enjoyment being taken out of it by one persons selfish behaviour.:(
 
Ignore this woman. Enjoy the yard. DIY means setting your own routine and responsibilities. If pushed again, just point out politely you cannot commit to caring for other peoples horses. End of. And she keeps pushing the point, just stick to the "I am not committing to looking after other peoples horses" and walk away.

I have been on DIY and got into a routine with a good friend so we effectively split the visits and work. I did the feed and turn out early am all week. They would give me a lie in at the weekend but feeding and chucking out mine, they would bring mine in during the week, feed and rug. I could then swing by much later after work and do the last night checks and finish them both off. We learnt quickly to avoid getting invoked with others unless in an extreme emergency.
 
Thanks so much for your replies, it has made things a lot clearer. I am going to stay by myself from now on, and see how things settle down. Will keep you posted !
 
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