It pains me to ask this; Other DIY's expecting you to "help out"

Mental and totally unacceptable from that women. We're on DIY (although yo turns out on a morning) and we do swap favours with other liveries but if you ask someone else to fetch in or turn out then everything should be ready so it's literally that and is on a very informal, the odd weekend I'll do Saturday, friend does Sunday type thing so we both get a morning off. Even that is rare as between us my sister and I had 3 adult horses and swapped favours with a friend with 1 horse so it's a big ask for us to have someone (who isn't yo and being paid) to do them. I simply won't ask anyone but yo at the moment as my mare has a 6 month old foal and while he is normally very well behaved he is a baby and can have moments so wouldn't be comfortable asking someone else to deal with that as a favour.

I think I'd be ignoring this women, most certainly don't do anything for her or ask her to do anything for you but be quite firm about it and if she kicks off again turn around and walk away (maybe have your husband with you for the next few days for safety until you see if she settles down) and then don't let her spoil your enjoyment of your (lovely sounding) yard
 
Boulty said:
Whilst I can totally see why you didn't want to be dragged into an arrangement that had not been discussed I don't think it's fair to make generalisations that people who keep their horses on DIY who struggle to get up twice a day religiously are awful people. I work some very odd hours and sometimes it would be impossible to bring my horse in at a reasonable time. Said horse does not like being out totally on his own so can't really leave him be until whatever godforsaken hour of the night I may end up finishing that day. I am not fortunate enough to be able to afford 2 horses (pity as it would save me a lot of hassle if I could!) to ensure company for him. To be blunt I can't afford full livery and I also like to do my own bed, feeds and nets all of which I have time to prepare and have ready. Because of all these factors yes I am reliant on help from other liveries BUT I always offer my help in return. I refuse to see that there is anything wrong with coming to these arrangements if both parties are happy and it genuinely saves both people time. Definitely think the flying off the handle argument was out of line though. If they had a good thing going with whoever left then yeah they're gonna be at least mildly annoyed that newbie doesn't want to carry this on but still no excuse for verbal abuse
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I don't think they had a right to be even mildly annoyed. If arrangements are discussed and agreed before a new person joins the yard that's one thing, but if not then nobody has a right to assume anything. DIY means you look after your own own horse. I think you're lucky Boulty to have help, but you should bear in mind that people's circumstances change and if any of your fellow-liveries wanted to change your rotas they'd have every right to do that without aggro from others. I think the most anyone can expect from others is reasonable consideration for the horse as an animal, which could mean bringing in one horse to make sure it's not left out alone. That's bring it in to a stable that's ready with hay - and leave it there, no assumptions about changing rugs etc.

Shysmum, your new place sounds great. Don't let anyone make your life a misery. If they don't like what's happening there any more bear in mind they may even end up leaving.
 
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That woman sounds a bit nuts, is she likely to be one to doing anything horrible because you wont help?

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all. I think on most yards people help each other out bringing in and feeding sometimes but through choice and not including mucking out too
 
Where I've been its been literally a favour for a favour , and only with people you know aren't going to take the mick. For example , I keep my horse in at night all year, this means going up twice per day to bring in and put out. Other woman at yard only brings hers in november- march so we agreed that we would put each others out one day at the weekend each so we could at least get one long lie per week!

This woman sounds like a fruit loop. It's not your job to do her horse.
 
Shysmum, your yard does sound magical - I love places like that. Any pics?? :) So sorry this one woman has caused you problems. She sounds totally deranged! Sadly, I liveried beside a woman just like her for five years so can totally imagine how awful she is. :(
 
Gosh OP - a difficult one this. Sounds like, from the reaction you've received, that there's a total fruitloop at your yard, and a very nasty piece of work at that. Probably, if the YO is elderly, as you say, then this woman has obviously been the Queen Bee for far too long and has been allowed to fling her weight around and as you're new on the yard you're fair game.

Probably....... as you've now stood up to her and she's realising you're not a pushover, she'll leave you alone in future; but a possible backlash might be that you're black-balled on the yard as she'll get all the lesser mortals on her side (as they're too weak to stand up to her like you have done).

Its a pity the YO obviously isn't in a position to step into this situation and lay down the law; but as a YO myself methinks that THIS is EXACTLY what should be happening!!!

Think, if the good things about the yard outweigh the nasties, you may just have to keep your chin up and tough this one out OP. Don't envy you though.
 
Stick to your guns and don't be drawn in, no matter what is said.
Its very easy for these things to start as " could you just fetch in on such and such a day?" and end up with you being totally put upon, has happened to me in the past and ruined my enjoyment of my own horses.
Hope it all works out for you, some people are just users and don't like not getting their own way.
 
OP - I feel your pain! Been there numerous times. As I'm the 'reliable, trustworthy' person who is always at the yard, I have been taken advantage of numerous times. Last time was this Spring when I stuck up for myself and said that I didn't want to be involved with others' horses as I don't ask anyone to help me with mine. Oh how the **** did fly! Luckily my YO is great and backed me up.

I agree with the others, politely stick to your guns and hopefully the nasty woman will bog off to a new yard! You sound like you have a lovely yard. It would be a shame to let one person ruin it for you. You are doing nothing wrong by looking after your own horse. Her horses are NOT your responsibility.
 
The yard sounds lovely, stick to your guns, buy an Ipod and plug yourself in and sing to your pony! If she speaks to you, keep your earplugs in and use that magical word 'whatever' then carry on lalalalalalala-ing!!! At worst she'll think you're potty, at best she'll give up with her demands!
 
I feel your pain as well. I can't understand what is so surprising to some that I only want to look after my own horse and I don't want or need other people to look after him for me.

I'm sensing some impending arguments this winter when I have to state this fact and I'm not looking forward to it. :(

I understand time is tight, I work full time, but between me and OH cob is visited twice a day. If people don't have the time or willing family members to help they should find somewhere part livery and pay for it, cheap small farm DIY and expecting others to help for free is not suitable.
 
How awful for you! That woman sounds like a total headcase and needs to be on prosac or something! The horse I am currently looking after is on DIY livery as that is the only option for our yard, though one person does to turn outs, bring ins, muck outs, rug changes the lot, but she gets paid to do it all by each owner. I have an agreement with two friends that I bring in or turn out for, and in return they will do stuff for me like do all day for me on a sunday because I work a 12 hour shift. But we agreed this, Id be mortified if anyone felt obliged to do my horse or vise versa. Totally out of order.

PS sounds like you have a lovely set up, dont leave on this womans account shes not worth it.
 
Shysmum said:
she's nearly 80, and I think one of the other liveries has been in "control" for a many years. And set out what she wants. Fair enough, but i just want to do my own thing.

I don't understand either - such a wonderful place (older than Victorian yard)- arches, kitchen garden, the lot. I love it, it's a magical place. I can't believe my luck being there - apart from what happened tonight. it's like being in Black Beauty's stables. Why would you take that for granted ?

Anyway, hopefully it will all settle out, and I will let you know it has. I'm a happy soul, and just love being with my pony (and singing to him...), so I'm sure this is just a hiccup. It does help so much to vent on here. Thanks guys. xxxx
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This sounds just like a yard I know, along with the sweet 80 year old YO and the nut job client. Some people have issues. They are best avoided! Smile politely but avoid any more than that. I think I yards where the owner is very elderly and not involved, you end up getting a few liveries that think they own the place and expect people to obey them. That is certainly what happens at the yard I know.

I used to hate DIY because lazy fellow DIY-ers wanted to share the tasks. I would arrive up at the crack of dawn and have all the horses fed and turned out by 8 at the latest. When it was their turn they would stroll up anywhere from 12 and later. I was forced into sharing tasks with a girl. I made it clear that my horse being turned out any later than 9 was totally unacceptable. I arrived up at 2pm to ride only to see her arriving just before me with a stonking hangover. I was fuming and never did it again. Equally I would do an immaculate job on their stables and they would leave my horse standing in poo. Sharing tasks only suits the lazy ones
 
^^^^^^^^
minimilton - exactly what happened to me last year. Not again. I felt I'd let my poor horse down, the only people I now trust are myself, OH and my mum.
 
Unless it was made clear that it's a requirement of being an offered a place at the yard, I don't see why anyone would expect you to get involved in other peoples' arrangements. :confused3:

At our yard, there are some who do share each others' chores and some who don't. No-one has to. The woman sounds a tad unbalanced IMO. ;)
 
I work alternate shifts, 6-2, 2-10 and It's impossible for me to go down twice a day. They started turning mine out as he was 'banging the door' when they turned theirs out, because it 'meant he'd get hay', personally, I'd have ignored him, as he'd have got bored and stopped... but no, not them.
I always thought 9 to 9-30 am was a fair time to be out, I mean what difference does half an hour really make? I might have wanted to go out to ride, but having someone take it upon themselves to turn out because of a habit they created..
Anyway, fast forward two years, I moved onto full livery for 12 months, which in hindsight I shouldn't have done. I really didn't like the feeling I was loosing my horse to someone else, not intentionally, it's their job to turn out, muck out, rug up, fetch in.. your horse prefers them, because they don't do the riding side, and you loose some of the closeness you had with them :( .
I moved back to DIY, but assisted, so help turning out. Dynamics at the yard has changed, YO is very forgetful, and really can't help it, she and her husband are old, and I don't expect her to be able to handle my lad. The new liveries have offered to help me when i'm working, but at the end of the day, mucking out, haynets, feeds are all down to me, they don't even have to change rugs, i'll sort that if I can. The trouble is, i'm finding it hard getting them to accept money, they remind me of my Nana and Aunty arguing over who was going to pay the bill at a cafe.
I may be going on continental shifts in the new year, so things are about to get tougher, I really don't want to go back to full livery, but i'm certainly going to have to think about organising his exercise regime for the winter months. I have a sharer who comes up twice a week, the arrange is she mucks out one day, does jobs and rides, and the other I do jobs and she rides (I like the set up). I'm going to have to see if she can come up and ride more often whilst i'm working, I don't ask much financially, as far as i'm concerned my horses happiness and care comes first, he likes her, they get on, she likes him, that's all that matters.
She lives in a congested place (traffic wise) and I wouldn't want to increase her fuel costs (she drives), in fact I might end up just saying, leave the rent, I don't need it that much, it's just a token anyway, if you want to help out, just get a bag of feed or treat him to something from time to time, it's more important he has a regular sharer who has time to spend with him whilst i'm at work.
In my case, DIY doesn't really suit, wish it did, but what else can I do?

The woman on your yard, she needs to point check and look at herself, her reaction was over board and uncalled for. Taking advantage of an old lady? She needs reminding that it doesn't matter how long she's been on there, she needs to respect the Yo, as she does have the power to remove her if need be, she just needs the strength to do it.
 
thats sounds like a horrible situation for you :(
i pleased someone else likes to just do there own too , i was beginning to think i was being mean
my last yard i refused to put out / bring in other horses but was so sick of being nagged i said if you pay me x amount i will put out as i thought at least it will be worth while and go towards paying for my horses
it was ok when they paid me but there was one that always short paid me and i got fed up

i'm on a new bigger yard now and our horses have only been in a week ,some are not even in yet and i've had two requests and one very big hint to fetch in/put out and i feel awful and really mean saying no because it is a very short walk to our field but if i ended up doing it 4-5 times i wouldn't have time to ride

i really think its quite rude the way some people ask as it does but you in an incredibly bad situation when you don't want to :(
 
See her reaction is what is unacceptable, nobody needs that.

I am quite happy to pop other peoples horses in and out, but because I am an headcase I dont ask, dont want people to do the same for me.

My horse to be put out involves rug changed, feet picked out, over reach boots on, and the same again, boots off, when brought back in. I would not expect anyone to do this for me, and nor would I do it for others.

So if asked I literally chuck in or out, its up to the owners to check the horse has hay/water/bed ect. as I will not do all that. usually I am rushing to work anyway!!!

You are totally within your rights, 100% xx
 
Lots of DIYer's will have a miserable winter struggling to turn out other people's horses in foul weather because of owners who want livery on the cheap.

I've just agreed to turn some one's horse out EVERY morning this winter because my automatic response is always to say yes. Reading this thread it's only just occurred to me that the woman could have asked the yard staff. Drat.

Sympathies Shysmum. Hope everything settles down on your yard. That lady sounds pretty selfish.
 
We had a livery who took the mickey out of "no horse left out alone"rule in as doing stable etc even evening feed in stable in morning and just not coming up at all to bring in in winter. Now i will help anyone out happily but as mine were always last coming in most time i ended up fetching other in. no big deal you may ask? Well if i couldnt get to yard i paid someone to fetch my 2 in so why didnt this livery? And in hiwling winds rain snow after a while it started to really pee me off.Got to point yo would ring her to say her horse was out alone and she needed to get to yard. she soon got picture and trust me wasnt down to work commitments etc just lazy :)
 
OP's situation is of course why some YO say that if owners can't/don't want to do their own horses, other liveries are not allowed to do so, owner has to ask YO and pay for the service.
Oddly enough some people have posted on such threads, complaining about the arrangement.

OP - stick to your guns. I'm amazed it took 3 weeks for you to say 'NO!'.
 
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Just give them a bill at the end of the first month - slightly more than the yard would charge- and then when they complain act astonished that they thought you'd do it for free.

dogatemysalad said:
Lots of DIYer's will have a miserable winter struggling to turn out other people's horses in foul weather because of owners who want livery on the cheap.

I've just agreed to turn some one's horse out EVERY morning this winter because my automatic response is always to say yes. Reading this thread it's only just occurred to me that the woman could have asked the yard staff. Drat.

Sympathies Shysmum. Hope everything settles down on your yard. That lady sounds pretty selfish.
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Pearlsasinger said:
OP's situation is of course why some YO say that if owners can't/don't want to do their own horses, other liveries are not allowed to do so, owner has to ask YO and pay for the service.
Oddly enough some people have posted on such threads, complaining about the arrangement.

OP - stick to your guns. I'm amazed it took 3 weeks for you to say 'NO!'.
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I wouldn't want to be on a yard where you weren't allowed to do each others' horses. Why should the YO mind if myself and Mollie's fieldmate's owner take turns to bring in and put out? If we're both happy and it avoids either horse churning the field up when let alone, why should anyone object?
 
I had that issued at a yard.
I got taken advantage of and it got ridiculous.

I'm at a new yard now and its much quieter and I can do my own think.

I offer to help but am never expected to do anything.

Just stick to your guns.
You are on diy, if the lady wants help the she needs to pay and sort something out.

Dont let her spoil it for you.
You are in the right, her very much not!
 
I was at a yard where liveries were not allowed to help with each others horses. All services had to be done by the YO.

TBH, it was a relief. There was no resentment, no one being taken advantage of and everyone either had to get off their backsides or pay extra for services.

I think this particular YO was fed up with some liveries making a sizeable cash in hand income for mucking out/clipping etc when she was providing cheap DIY livery. Plus, the arguments caused by lazy owners always leaving others to bring their horses in.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
OP's situation is of course why some YO say that if owners can't/don't want to do their own horses, other liveries are not allowed to do so, owner has to ask YO and pay for the service.
Oddly enough some people have posted on such threads, complaining about the arrangement.

OP - stick to your guns. I'm amazed it took 3 weeks for you to say 'NO!'.
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Really? I thought that was because the YO wanted to make more income from their liveries. I would always defend the right of DIY liveries to make their own arrangements and deals regarding horse care, and of course who teaches them as well. They should sort out their disagreements over arrangements they've made as well. However, in Op's case a livery has tried to impose something on a new livery that was never agreed and is not part of the livery agreement. In that case the YO should intervene, but of course an 80 year old lady might struggle with that. (I know some 80 year old ladies who wouldn't mind you...).
 
horserider said:
I was at a yard where liveries were not allowed to help with each others horses. All services had to be done by the YO.

TBH, it was a relief. There was no resentment, no one being taken advantage of and everyone either had to get off their backsides or pay extra for services.
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Me too. Caused a bit of upset when initially implemented. But actually worked out much better for those needing help in the longrun.
 
Dreamer515 said:
i have 2 on DIY. the yard where i keep them is a real friendly place. i dont mind (and have done) helping out on the odd occasion or if their is an emergency but as you say. you pay to keep your horses there and do them yourself so why should other people be relying on you on a regular basis? if you have come to a happy agreement about sharing duties then fair enough but in my opinion if your on DIY then you expect to blimin well DIY. if need extra help then as said you pay for it.

saying that i do look after someone elses horse that is kept down there. a friend of my mothers has her mare down at the yard on DIY yet she hasnt seen the horse in over a year. ive told her countless times that she needs to come down and sort her out or sell/loan her but she refuses to. she is such a lovely mare and loves people that it makes me feel bad about leaving her all alone. if it wernt for me she wouldnt have had her feet trimmed or had been wormed since shes been at the yard :( i dont get paid to look after her and it is a bit of a pain in the butt to look after 3 when i only have 2 but as i said if i didnt look after her then nobody would.
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This is so sad, thank goodness you are there, do you know why she won't sell or loan?
 
Shysmum, what a blinking cheek - I find it almost unbelievable that this woman spoke to you in this manner - how dare she. Just get on with your own thing and do not offer any help, but don't let it interfere with your normal manner, go up be happy and do your horse, do not let this woman put you off.
I am on a diy livery yard, we have 20 horses but only about seven owners and we all get on really well, we are always willing to help out if someone is stuck, but this happens rarely so we all know where we stand. Good Luck.
ps are you Shysmum off AL is so i am Alison
 
She sounds mental, hope everything works out ok!

I think DIY if there is an agreement between people for helping eachother out then fair enough....but don't expect the new livery to just fit in with it if they havn't even been asked and are not happy to do so!

I have helped out and been helped out in the past...however it can cause a lot of bad feelings and resentment if for instance said helper forgets to change rugs, doesn't notice a cut on leg etc.

I went to look at a share (different I know as not my horse) but was expected to take out or bring in all 6 DIY horses on my days. Only 2 horses at a time and the field was 20 minutes there and back....so that is 1hr taken out of my day when I am paying to share one horse!
 
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