its a No

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Peacelily

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I've had a dog for the last 16 years from when I was a child up until my mid 20's, she died last year (ahhh bless her), and naturally it's always been a certainty that at some point (when life is right, houses etc...) i'll get another one.
However, boyfriend (over about a year and a half) has told me last night that on no uncertain terms are we ever having a dog, he doesn't like them...(he's not ever had one, but doesn't like them, no question)

And then he gets annoyed that I'm upset/devastated and annoyed at him....
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How on earth do you compromise in that situation? I don't say I want one now, but probably some point in the future...
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sorry - just wanted to bitch about him to someone...
 
Oh dear....

It wasn't a long term relationship in any sense of the word (just a fling for sh!ts and giggles) but I did actually once end a relationship because the poor guy said he didn't like animals - I was getting a bit bored with him anyway and it was the last straw! Not suggesting this in your case of course, just sharing an anecdote. Picky? Moi?

Are you living together? You could get one and let the dog convert him.....
 
lol - most people suggest get the dog and get rid of him...
when he's being so pig ignorant its tempting!! but difficult when you love someone...
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I wouldn't mind if he just said it could be a possibility "lets see how it goes" and actually consider it, rather than just crossing his arms, stopping his feet and saying no and using all the emotional blackmail that goes with it, its more like he's 3 and not 30...

We stayed in my friends house and looked after her 2 dogs for the weekend but he wasn't a convert (although he said he enjoyed parts of it...which is more annoying as he can enjoy them!) grr!

I got really upset with the thought of not being able to go for a nice hound walk (I still haven't figured out why people want to go walking without a dog...thats just wierd!?!?!)....
 
I'm with the others who suggest dumping him and getting a dog!!
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My animals maybe a deal breaker but thats the way it is
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- where you went wrong is not getting another one almost immediately
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- if there is a gap its lets them suggest you can live with out - which is plainly untrue!!
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I've just realised - you had a dog when he met you!! Thats outrageous
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!! He can hardly be surprised that you would like another one then!!
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I agree, walking without a doglet is no fun at all.

Maybe you need to borrow a few more to convert him! I could hire Henry out at a competitive rate
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Actually I'm often desperate for a dog sitter so if you're in Norfolk / Suffolk kind of area....!

Perhaps you could try and work out what it is he dislikes about dogs then find a breed to fit...? Like if it's shedding look at breeds that don't shed much, if it's long walks look at greyhounds etc that like short sharp blasts? TBH I can't help too much, Henry and I come as a package I'm afraid, sorry
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Many years ago when i was living with my then bf, i wanted a cat, he said no. I bought a kitten home and he was fine. I was a bit of a rebel though back then. It would of been him going if he didn't like it, not the cat and i think he knew that!
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I know this sounds silly but could you volunteer at a dogs home walking the dogs? I know it's not the same. This is if you cannot convince your OH to get a dog.
 
i'm in Cambridge - so kinda near norfolk/suffolk!

yeah I've tried to figure out what he doesn't like about them - but you just kinda mention it and he shrivels up his nose like you're talking about eating your own puke or something....

SilkyUnicorn - you're right - I should have just got another one earlier on in the relationship and he'd've had no say in the matter...I let him have what he wants and fully support the matter (he's just got some fish - not quite a dog, but the ways he's acting it's more bloody hassle than any dog I've had/looked after!!!!)...but I've been all round the (endless) fish shops, looked at many tanks, researched many fish, driven him to all the random far off aquatic centres.....gah!
 
My OH had to learn to love my lot, including two smelly labradors and then put up with the training of another lab when one of mine was PTS. He loves my little Beastie schnauzer though.

I can't imagine being a relationship with someone who cannot understand how important all my animals are to me.
 
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i'm in Cambridge - so kinda near norfolk/suffolk!

yeah I've tried to figure out what he doesn't like about them - but you just kinda mention it and he shrivels up his nose like you're talking about eating your own puke or something....

SilkyUnicorn - you're right - I should have just got another one earlier on in the relationship and he'd've had no say in the matter...I let him have what he wants and fully support the matter (he's just got some fish - not quite a dog, but the ways he's acting it's more bloody hassle than any dog I've had/looked after!!!!)...but I've been all round the (endless) fish shops, looked at many tanks, researched many fish, driven him to all the random far off aquatic centres.....gah!

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Hmph
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. Sounds like it's time to visit a dogs shelter in that case.

If you're ever over my way, come and meet Henry (and me too as his chauffeur and social secretary!). It will be kill or cure!
 
When me and OH got together he loved me so loved my horse, no choice there. he then wanted a cat/cats, i then was a dog person thru and thru but because where we were then we couldnt have a dog i compromised and ended up with 2 cats that i grew to adore. As soon as we moved to somewhere dog friendly we once again compromised and he said if we were going to get a dog he would like a choc lab, so thats what we got. Ok, so not what i wanted but as soon as i realised we could have one dog i went out and got what i wanted and came home with a border collie pup...then a jrt....oh and another kitten!!! he didnt have much choice once i had already brought them home, you cant very well just take them back! We have said no more now tho.....:)
 
I'm not sure he can prevent you from getting a dog if you really want one. So if you want one, don't work full time, and can offer one a great home - go for it.
 
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I am now on my own - guess why???

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Aha someone after my own heart (see above)
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We are NOT on our own, we have animals!
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I am now on my own - guess why???

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Aha someone after my own heart (see above)
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We are NOT on our own, we have animals!
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Me too!
Would never give up my animals for a man.
 
Ditch the boyfriend. I could never be with someone who didn't like dogs, its not something i'd compromise on tbh.
 
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I can't imagine being a relationship with someone who cannot understand how important all my animals are to me.

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Ditto. My animals and my love for them is such a huge part of me, and who I am. I couldn't be with someone who didn't appreciate that. Mind you, I am single
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I wouldn't mind if he just said it could be a possibility "lets see how it goes" and actually consider it, rather than just crossing his arms, stopping his feet and saying no and using all the emotional blackmail that goes with it, its more like he's 3 and not 30...



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This is the worrying part to me. Emotional blackmail. He sounds as if he is bullying you into what he wants. It may be about a dog now, but what about later on?

Having been in a relationship where I did everything the ex-OH wanted and suffered for it, I am seriously anti the TINIEST hint of emotional blackmail. If my OH did that then his fish would be going, petty but 'sauce for the goose...'

Logically, compromise is the way to go, as previous posters have said. He can't have everything his own way. It isn't fair, or grown up.
 
My OH is very allergic to animal hair - he would love it if I didn't have 3 dogs and a cat but he knows how much they mean to me so he tolerates them....they're not allowed sit on him and he just ignores them and vice versa.

He's not an "animal" person because as a result of his allergies his family never had pets so he really doesn't get the whole pet thing and they are the reason we don't live together full time. However he did volunteer to pay the dogs last humungus vet bill and has sat and listened to me wail and weep when I thought I was going to lose him.

Our compromise is that I hoover a lot more than I would if down to me :-0, animals are not allowed on the bed or in his car (tried that once, thought if I had it cleaned he'd never know but he was itching and wheezing for a week. Ooops)

TBH, the animals are non negoitable(sp) and after having an ex who was jealous of them and whined constantly by the end that I thought more of the pets then him - hard choice it wasn't when I had to choose :-)
 
I'm another one who couldn't be with someone who didn't like dogs.
My OH will occasionally grumble about how much money and time I spend on mine, or tell me and by best mate to stop 'dinging on about dogs all the time' if we are out at the pub, but he knows the score.
My dogs have been a huge part of my life, my whole life and I can't and won't change that.
Likewise, I don't dictate to him to stop smoking, having beer, hanging with his annoying mates or sitting playing computer games, because those are things he had been doing for a long time before he met me!
 
My friend was in the same situation, although her husband's negative reaction to dogs was more fear-based. Fast forward several years, and they now have a much-adored Boxer dog (with hubs doing most of the walking, wrestling etc.).

Do any of your friends have a dog that's a failsafe sweetie? Perhaps some Sunday walks, combined with pub lunches, might be in order.
 
I like the idea of getting a friend with a dog and doing the sunday walks/pub lunch etc... - that sounds really good
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will put that on my list to do!
Nope he's not allergic or anything to hair etc..
and like Hacking_Hack I also don't dictate to him about when he can smoke, go out, or playing computer games!!!
 
Consider the probability that he is being totally, utterly and completely honest with you. That he is not being controlling. That he means no dogs at any point in your life together because he truly, honestly, just does not like them? Whatever his reason, he cannot bear the thought of living in the same house as one. Such people do exist
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If he genuinely feels that way and you push this he will leave.
For you 'no dog' might be a deal breaker, for him 'dog' is the same? Getting a dog would probably mean he walks out the door the same day.
So
Try to envision your future (long term, forever?) dog-free:
Maybe the dog is more important than him, long term
Maybe you love him and don't need a dog, ever
You decide

Just maybe something will change in the future and he will come round, but I'd not bank on it iiwy. TRying to change his mind is more likely to push him away. Sorry to be the pessimist but it sounds to me like he feels really strongly on this one
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You have some very good points there atwork - and yes I've been considering them, but its heartbreaking....I'm giving it plenty of thinking space/time etc....
its good to hear it set out like that though - thankyou
 
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