It's been nearly two years but it still hurts like hell.

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LauraWheeler

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As most know I lost my amazing mare Lucy almost two years ago now.
Today the weather is rubbish again and Herbs is in at night at the mo and goes out during the day for a few hours due to him getting a chill last week. :( I'm waiting for a waterproof liner to arrive for his sweetitch rug. It is going to be showery today and I wanted to put something over his sweetitch rug so he didn't get soaked and cold again. All his full neck turnouts are heavyweight and I didn't want him to get to hot so I had an idea of putting one of his thin turnouts on and attatching a neckcover to it. I was shore I had a neck cover somewhere. I found a rain sheet of his with rings for attaching a hood to and pulled down my neckcover. I opened it up and it was covered in chestnut and afew grey hairs. I just burst into tears and stood there looking at it. I must have stood there crying for a good 5mins. I just couldn't bare to put it on Herbs. I just put his rainsheet on over his sweetitch rug and it hasn't rained so far. He'll be coming in at lunchtime anyway so hopefuly he'll be ok.
I just feel like I want to cry all the time. Untill recently I seemed to be coping. I still cry for Lucy everyday but was able to function normaly 99% of the time. I still havn't looked at the bag of stuff the vet gave me. Her shoes, headcoller, chifney and some of her tail. It hurts just thinking about it.
I'm not realy shore why i'm posting this I just needed to get it off my chest. Thankyou if you read this poinless post.
 
Oh bless you. I know, it DOES hurt like hell. I am still hurting over the loss of my Bob, last year. I think you never really get over it, just used to it. I miss him every day, and although I have my lovely boy, Murphy, things just aren't the same as when Bob was here with us. We must just try to think of the happy memories, and know they are always with us wherever and whatever we do. Hugs to you xx
 
It is hard isn't it. Still feeling the pain is a measure of the strength of your love for Lucy. She is still there strong in your heart and though that is sometimes painful it is also good that love doesn't end. :)

I lost my boy last Sept and have moved yards with my new mare and when I was sorting all my stuff I kept finding things with his golden hairs all over and his long white mane hairs. I had a good snotty cry over that!

Went to wash his smelly fleece and ended up snuggling it and crying into it because it still has a faint whiff of him.

You are not alone Laura. xx
 
I tried for the first time today to tell one of my classes about losing milieu and ended up with my eyes full of tears in front of 30 teenagers. Fortunately they were very supportive and sweet.
She is so lucky to have left such a hoofprint on her human's heart. Try to remember her and smile - I'm sure she would hate to see you sad. My boy used to nudge my face when I cried to cheer me up, i think of that when it gets too hard xxxxxxxxxx
 
Sometimes it seems that months can go by with the hubub of general day to day life and then out of nowhere - WHAM it hits you like a steam train , usually triggered by something trivial . Having a good cry will do you the world of good , it'll reset your focus on here and now , but it also lets you know that Lucy is there in your heart and head - just where she should be . Chin up maid , hugs from Al & PI x
 
The bond you had with Lucy and what you achieved was amazing, so no wonder it still hurts.
Other horses come along and although you love them dearly, there will always be one that touches you deeply.
Be brave and take care x
 
Have some (((hugs)))

As has been already said, you get used to it, but sometimes something really small can set you off again.

I've lost 3 over the past 5 years, and still miss them all and can smile over the happy memories, but still get upset over them too. I bawled my eyes out when my mum's yard got broken into because they took Gypsy's and Sceptre's headcollars and bridles :(
 
Oh Laura, I am so sorry, and I know just how you feel.
:(
A good cry does release some of the heartache, and dont forget, I am always here if you need me. I know you have lots of wonderful memories of good times so I hope they can help you through this difficult patch.

Huge hugs. xx
 
Massive hugs coming your way.

I sadly lost my girl on monday :( I've cried so much that I physically cant cry anymore. Everything just feels unreal at the moment, I dont think I've come to terms with it yet, she's on my mind the minute I wake up, and the minute I go to sleep.

Its something that unfortunately we commit too when taking on horses. As much as they bring us heartache, they also bring us the most happiest times in our lives. I'm trying to cope with it by thinking about the amazing memories we shared, that, and I know my girl is finally at peace and out of pain, I know its what she wanted.

Just because they arent here in person anymore, doesnt mean they arent listening and watching over us.
xx
 
So sorry for those of you who've lost horses, recent or not. Branston's things are still in a bag in the tack room (including the chunk of his tail that I took and his headcollar) and I lost him in April 2009. I don't know quite what to do with the tail, but it just doesn't feel right to give away his headcollar.

My FIL still has his dog's lead hung up in the kitchen and she died about 15 years ago. They hold so many memories, don't they?

Laura, my pony has severe sweet itch and I've bought her an Amigo 1200 Lite turnout. It's been brilliant and she hasn't suffered at all. The belly coverage is great and I bought the next neck size up, so it goes right to her ears.

As an aside, if you're the Laura who's friends with Liz, then I'll seek you out tomorrow and give you a hug! xx
 
Bug Hugs for you xx I lost my boy just over a week ago and i can honestly saw it has been the worst week of my life! I had him for 9 years after getting him at 9 months old starved and poor. His stable is next to my other 3 oldies (36 yrs) so i have to walk past it every day. The worst was the next day after he had gone i had to go down and look after my other 3 horses. Even now i go to do his feeds, go in his stable, look for him in the field, cry all the time. I am just starting to eat again i could not eat i just felt sick. I just want him back but i know that wont happen! The pain is still as fresh as the day he got PTS i will never forget that day. I am crying writing this now i really miss him. Im sure just like you Laura i will miss him in the years to come. I really hope it gets better x
 
Doesn't it always hurt like hell. There is no shame in crying, I still do, there is a picture of my grey boys at the side of this computor, they were both lost in October 2004 - eight years have passed but I still cry at times and still smile at the good times they gave me.

I too kept their bits and pieces carefully put away in a steel bin. I vividly remember someone asking to buy one of the rugs a few months after I lost the big horse. The rug is 7'9" made to measure, I said no and burst into tears when the person said -get over it, it's only a rug and selling it to them would save them a lot money because that size cannot be bought off the peg.

I treasure the leather headcollars with their names on brass plates. I have a little tradition where when my horses have their first real achievement, be it a successful days hunting or a competitive win they are bought a nice leather headcollar with their name on it. No one else is allowed to wear it.

Those of you that have read my thread on 'My next equine project' will have seen the unhandled black colt I have taken on. He had to have a headcollar left on him, for safety it must be leather. I got out a 30 year old headcollar that belonged to a much loved hunting cob I owned for 29 years and who died 3 years ago. The collar is threadbare and held together, in part, by sticky tape. I put it on the colt and said to him "if you are as good as the horse that looked through that headcollar for 29 years you will be a very good horse" then I had a little cry, the colt is still wearing it and one day will be bought his own.

OP love your horses, laugh with them and cry with them. No one will judge you and if they do - well. they do not understand the bond we have with our horses and we must not judge them for their lack of understanding, we are the richer people with horses in our lives.
 
I was devestated to loose my first horse who taught me so patiently, I will be as bad with my mare who I've had since 4 & is now 15. She has carried my 1000's of miles in training & competition ,& we have seen each others souls on the way. When the going was tough, I knew she would carry me & vice versa. What I will be like when I loose her daughter I cannot imagine. The day will come when I loose these girls, but until then I'll enjoy today with mum & daughter.
 
Thankyou everyone for the lovely messages and words of support.
I know I am lucky to have my two lovely boys Herbs and Merryn and I do love them so very much. But I never have and never will expect them to replace Lucy. I think this has all been made worse by a person who's horses I am looking after while she goes away saying to me the other day "I don't want my horses put down, no matter what the vet says" I then told her about loosing Lucy. She made me feel abit like I didn't try hard enough and like it was easy to just have her PTS while I was away. Like I should have made the vet keep her going till I got back. That made all the feelings of guilt come flooding back. I still feel so guilty for not being there for her at the end. Although I do know I made the right desition, the only desition to ensure Lucy didn't suffer.

I'm so very sorry for your losses spottydottypony and *Maddy&Occhi* It does get easyer. The pain never fully goes but you lurn to get through and focas more and more on the good times. There will be times like I had today when it hits you. But the 12 years I spent with Lucy are worth any amount of pain.
 
I am crying for all of you, reading these posts :(
I believe all our animals wait for us, one day we will be together again. xxxx
(((hugs))) to everyone who has lost a dear equine friend xx
 
Laura I hope that person was just making an offhand comment and that, if it came to it, she would put aside her selfish desires and not make her horses suffer any more than was totally necessary. The easy opinion it is NOT. Give yourself a hug and remember that you put the welfare of your horse first and you should never feel guilty for that xx
 
Emilieu said:
Laura I hope that person was just making an offhand comment and that, if it came to it, she would put aside her selfish desires and not make her horses suffer any more than was totally necessary. The easy opinion it is NOT. Give yourself a hug and remember that you put the welfare of your horse first and you should never feel guilty for that xx
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Entirely agree. It was an incredibly tough decision for you and you made the right one - to end her suffering. x
 
I'm not shore if she ment it or not. I don't realy know her well enough. I've known lots of people allow there horses to suffer because they can't bare to say goodbye :( I was screaming at an old bosses daughter once because her horse could barely stand up and she still wouldn't believe me she should have him PTS :( I will always do whats best for my animals no matter what. Sadly this is not the case with everyone who owns animals :( If throwing more money at Lucy would have made her better, by god I would have done it but I was not prepared to let her suffer. I always stand by "it's better a week to early than a day to late"
 
*hugs* I never know what to say, but my heart goes out to you :(
Since Blobby died, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of him, Archie and Holly too. Blobby and Archie had given me the confidence I needed to deal with Neddy, it was almost like Archie had said "Don't worry, you don't need me any more, I've got other kids to teach" but sadly he passed away not long after I stopped riding him.
We found his rug today while sorting through them...it was heart breaking :(

Lucy was very lucky to have an owner like you, she must have felt like a very special horse :)
 
LauraWheeler said:
Thankyou everyone for the lovely messages and words of support.
I know I am lucky to have my two lovely boys Herbs and Merryn and I do love them so very much. But I never have and never will expect them to replace Lucy. I think this has all been made worse by a person who's horses I am looking after while she goes away saying to me the other day "I don't want my horses put down, no matter what the vet says" I then told her about loosing Lucy. She made me feel abit like I didn't try hard enough and like it was easy to just have her PTS while I was away. Like I should have made the vet keep her going till I got back. That made all the feelings of guilt come flooding back. I still feel so guilty for not being there for her at the end. Although I do know I made the right desition, the only desition to ensure Lucy didn't suffer.

I'm so very sorry for your losses spottydottypony and *Maddy&Occhi* It does get easyer. The pain never fully goes but you lurn to get through and focas more and more on the good times. There will be times like I had today when it hits you. But the 12 years I spent with Lucy are worth any amount of pain.
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Aw Laura, im sorry your feeling low, but im sure your conversation with this lady going over the event with Lucy coupled with the visual trigger of the hair in the rug was enough to set off your grief response all over again and its a natural response. Have a good cry, and know you did everything that was best for your horse which is always harder than whats best for you. It will pass, and as time goes on the triggers will hopefully eventually bring back happier memories.
(((( hugs ))))
 
I can't truly appreciate how you must be feeling as I still have all of mine but I know that when I have to say goodbye to my first ever purchase - Jupiter (18 yrs) - I will be in a mess as she has seen me through a serious episode of breast cancer 5 years ago and the only light at the end of my black tunnel of a life at that awful time, was knowing that she was going to give birth to a new life. I now have the most beautiful 5 year old mare from her who is coming on slowly but nicely. I do hope you feel better soon - this made me cry and makes be cherish my lot even more. Thank you for sharing.
 
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