I've started my dream business and am totally and utterly miserable three months later

[Flyingsolo]

So after years of successfully managing equine businesses in my sector and loving it, I took the plunge, (a big one!) and started my own.
All was initially well, BUT three months in I am absolutely miserable and depressed to the point I can hardly get out of bed anymore.

I've realised, that starting this business, after the initial excitement, is the least fun thing I have ever done and I am so lonely.

I'm not one for socialising in the evenings and I've realised that my fulfilling human interactions come from my work colleagues and now of course I have none. I'm a one man band and the business is not in a position to have 'staff' in this early stage.

I can't believe how utterly miserable and lonely I feel. I don't have anyone to bounce off, commiserate with and it has affected my mental health more than I ever thought it could.

This really has taken me by surprise and I just wasn't expecting this. Now I just don't know what to do with myself. I'll have to shut the business down, but then what. I thought this was going to be my thing but it just isn't and I feel like a right idiot.

 

[bonny]

If it’s making you that miserable you need to change tracks and either go back to working or maybe consider a partner ? Is your business successful ?

 

[SEL]

I don't know what the business is but will there be more interactions with other people when it gets bigger? Are you likely to be out seeing more customers or anything?

I work for a company where we are all over the place and so there are no in-office interactions. It took me a while to adjust and I do make sure I 'zoom' someone or try and find a riding buddy for my down time (poor riding buddy probably thinks I talk non stop on the days I've only had horse interaction)

If you genuinely enjoy the business but are miserable about the lack of social interaction then see if you can come up with ideas to address that before shutting it down.

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

Depending on the business, I'd be expecting you to be getting out there, marketing, building stakeholder networks, working with customers etc. Maybe you need to be working on phase 2 and growing the business.

What are your plans to grow and expand?

 

[j1ffy]

Ditto OandL - hopefully you'll soon be able to have more conversations with customers / get out networking etc. The other options (depending on the nature of your business) could be to rent a desk in a co-working space instead of WFH. Even my local small town now has one, it has a cafe as well as the desks / offices / studios so there are plenty of chances to interact with others.

Having said that, running a solo business isn't for everyone so don't feel ashamed to go back to what you did before! I was self-employed for a few years and had some wonderful clients, but now run a small business with a partner and it's far more fulfilling than being out on my own. I've also known plenty of people who have gone it alone for a while then back to companies, some multiple times. There are no career rules these days

 

[SantaVera]

Sorry to hear that things are getting you down, must be very disappointing. Is it possible to share with us the nature of your business? Maybe we could then suggest ideas to help. For example is it possible to do something of it in the evening? Have the afternoons off,go to the gym,lunch with friends,go riding?

 

[PurBee]

Im sorry youre going through this. What you’ve written i can relate to, and wanted to offer the perspective that where there’s problems there’s opportunity for change and growth.
Often we can plunge into things that on paper and in our heads, even with meticulous planning, can then have aspects that turn sour - all due to factors we cannot pre-know or pre-plan. There’s always the aspect of the unknown we leap into when we take on any type of venture. We always blame ourselves, feel stupid and inadequate, but those emotions are wasted energy, and not true. Its not possible for 1 person to plan for every single part of a venture.
You have proven to yourself to have the strength and vision to embark on this, and by allowing yourself some compassion for not having it all figured-out will give you the energy to dedicate to solving issues.

You’re just 3 months into this - so there’s the teething issues thats normal, and feeling exhausted, thats normal - yet you sound like youre mostly missing a work group, and if that isnt likely to change anytime soon, now is the opportune time to, that the distress is signalling, for another route to be explored.
Would it be possible to hire volunteers/students/apprentices?
Are there government funded apprenticeship schemes you could apply for as a workplace?
Could you open up your business to offer a ‘co-owner’ opportunity which will bring in more support/knowledge etc?

It’s so easy for someone to start off a venture on their own, but im now of the opinion, having done such ventures, that the larger projects do need many hands and minds on board, to pull it off, make it a success. The ‘lone warrior’ business venturer is a bloody hard job. The more we can include others, the more resources and strengths are available to all.

Sometimes things ‘go wrong’ with plans to signal to us to change course. Having strength and voracity to plough-through and solve any problem can be a weakness in these instances, as we ignore the inner gut instinct to change course. I’ve done this a few times, and regretted ‘pushing on’.

Tune into your gut instinct, and forget all other considerations. What does it say?

 

[[153312]]

have you been successful enough thus far to get a loan to enable you to hire employees with a reasonable expectation of recouping the monies (and making enough of a profit to pay staff)?

 

[nagblagger]

First thing - YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT !
You have been braver than a lot of people and took the plunge to start your own company, that takes guts.
You recognise that you are lonely 3 months in, with support from your HHO family you may decide to keep going until you meet more people relating to your work, or decide to go back to working for others. I obviously don't know what type of work you are in, but, i do think 3 months isn't a long time to set up your company.
Maybe structure your day, have an hour on here to 'socialise' before work and then after to unwind in the evening.

 

[Caski]

Are there any local business networking groups available to you?

Networking breakfasts can be good on many levels...

 

[Abacus]

In my village where many of us work from home we often team up and work together from one house or other. Last summer when it was boiling we spent some days working in the church where it was lovely and cool (and a good backdrop to zoom calls). I often work from home with a good friend who is in the same line of business but not at the same company. Even if you are not working on the same type of business and part of the same team, this can be good for general chat and having interactions during the day. You don't say if you have horses yourself but if you do, perhaps schedule lunchtime hacks with friends to break up the day and give you some human interaction.

Well done for recognising a problem. I did the same a while ago, I love not having to commute and be in town or even in an office but did miss people. There are ways to recreate it without abandoning the business that you dreamed of and were proud enough to start. Happy to chat more if you would like to.

 

[Kaylum]

Make sure you get outside for an hour in the middle of the day go for a walk or do something away from your computer. I usually go for a swim. I see the same people there and get some normality from that. Some of my friends drive down to the coffee shop and have a lunchtime meet up.

 

[millikins]

I tried to set up as self employed many years ago and felt just like you, I hated it. I went to a seminar at the time about hints and advice and they said don't underestimate the loneliness of self employment, it's not for everyone.

 

[scats]

I do one day in the college that I set up with two friends and I really enjoy that day as it allows me some socialising and a bit of normality, as my business involves working alone.
Do you have an option of dropping a day or two and doing something else on those days to allow you some socialisation?

 

[honetpot]

I would try getting a part time job, which sounds mad but when you are SE you are always thinking about what you need to do next, and will the work will still be comeing in.It gives you a bit of social interaction, brain space, and cash.
My daughter has been SE since 2008, and sometimes works for other people, its not just the cash, broadening her skills and getting more contacts. My SIL is SE, works mainly from home but has still managed to find a business he does work for that he can socialise with, he goes to staff events.

 

[Ample Prosecco]

Well done on chasing a dream. You are absolutely NOT an idiot for trying. If it turns out not to be right fit you there is no shame in packing it in. As for then what- you sound extremely employable to me!

I run my own business and you are right about the loneliness. Networking, meeting suppliers or customers etc is not the same as you are still ‘working’ - those aren’t friendships or even vaguely social relationships. You are still in professional mode. It’s not the same as colleagues you can gossip with or offload, or share ideas with.

3 months is no time at all though. I have found other ways to be social and have a business mentor which helps with bouncing ideas around. And I love the freedom and flexibility. I’d give yourself a bit more time - but I’d also set a deadline. This may just be an adjustment phase and you’ll grow to appreciate the good parts of being self employed and develop strategies for the downsides. Or maybe not but at least you’ll have given it a chance to work.

Good luck with whatever you decide x

 

[shanti]

You are not an idiot, don't be too hard on yourself! I think sometimes we create a fairytale idea of a situation and when it doesn't go exactly to plan or how we imagined it, we feel like we have failed or made the wrong choice.
I had always dreamed of having my own farm, ever since I was a child, and finally at age 40 it happened, we packed up everything, left our old lives behind and moved 2000ks away. I quickly discovered that the romantic images I had in my head of riding through the forest every afternoon, spending my days playing with all the cute farm animals I would collect and relaxing on the deck looking over immaculate gardens and paddocks, was quickly replaced with fencing, weeds, fox's, vet bills, bore pump repairs and mowing. I was quite depressed at around 6 months in as nothing was working out how I expected it to, and I thought I had made a huge mistake. It's fine now, still not at all what I had expected but I wouldn't change it. I have learned so many new things and have experienced things that I never imagined I even wanted to experience.

I think you should cut yourself some slack, reassess and maybe change that image of what it should be, and look for silver linings in what it actually is right now. Alternatively, there is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting that this isn't for you and going back or looking at other options

 

[Highmileagecob]

Being self employed is a bit like having a relationship. You have to remain in love to forgive all the rough bits. If at this stage you decide this isn't really what you wanted, and it would make you feel relieved to know there was a way out, then that's fine. No one is judging you. At least you gave it a go. If, on the other hand, you start to see a way forward and still have plans, then go for it. Life is too short to be miserable.

 

[MidChristmasCrisis]

If you feel like this there will be other fledgling business operators feeling it too. If the local area doesn’t have business networking opportunities then organise something yourself. Ring the council or look up the bodies doing business enterprise work locally. Hang on in there as three months isn’t giving you long enough to feel you re making headway. Perhaps if you let us know exactly what you do there will be clever peeps on here who can help in a more targeted way.

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

Sorry this has happened. I'm self employed (YO) and also work at a local FE college for one day a week; it isn't about the pay, it's about the fact that whilst I'm at college I can just chill and don't have to make any decisions! Someone else does that and I just turn-up and do what's been set out for me to do.

One of the problems with self-employment is time management and the fact you may be working from home, therefore you cannot "get away from it all" simply because there isn't anywhere to "go to" - also yes the "solo" issue cannot be ignored, which is where you admit you are struggling; you are missing the bonhomie of a workplace environment - even though that isn't always a good place because of the inevitable bitching etc! But isn't is strange how we miss the very thing that others are striving desperately to get out of! Also you are always having to be a "professional" and can't ever relax and come off-duty from having to be in the professional mould. That's hard. Which is why if you can find one in your area a business networking hub or something similar would help you.

Only you know whether you can come through this. You have got to consider your mental health at the end of the day and not being "well" in that area of your life won't help your business to prosper.

Sorry you are in this position.

 

[sollimum]

I think you have to set yourself a date at which time to look back and consider is this working for you or was it a blip at the beginning. I do a mixture of work both employed and self employed - is this an option? As the others have said if you cannot see a way through it, then life is too short and your happiness is paramount.

 

[Orangehorse]

Our local library runs various Business information sessions and I think that also includes a bit of a club, Its probably on behalf of the County Council. It is to reach out to people in your sort of situation.

 

[Anna Clara]

I had a business that did reasonably well and would have looked fairly dreamy from the outside. I hated it. I felt so lonely and also quite 'narrow' in everyday life if that makes sense. It sort of lacked complexity and collaboration. Im so much happier working in a huge and challenging organisation as part of a team. I think its absolutely ok to decide its not for you.

 

[gallopingby]

A few of my neighbours work from home and they all make a point of getting out of the house at lunch time and either going for a walk or ride. It’s important that you have people to chat to as part of you day whether work related or something different. Good luck it takes a while to establish new ventures.

 

[Caski]

I would try getting a part time job, which sounds mad but when you are SE you are always thinking about what you need to do next, and will the work will still be comeing in.It gives you a bit of social interaction, brain space, and cash.
My daughter has been SE since 2008, and sometimes works for other people, its not just the cash, broadening her skills and getting more contacts. My SIL is SE, works mainly from home but has still managed to find a business he does work for that he can socialise with, he goes to staff events.

That's me actually, employed part-time, but freelancing as well, it works for me but this rather depends on where you are at in your own career I think.

 

[WestCoast]

So after years of successfully managing equine businesses in my sector and loving it, I took the plunge, (a big one!) and started my own.
All was initially well, BUT three months in I am absolutely miserable and depressed to the point I can hardly get out of bed anymore.

I've realised, that starting this business, after the initial excitement, is the least fun thing I have ever done and I am so lonely.

I'm not one for socialising in the evenings and I've realised that my fulfilling human interactions come from my work colleagues and now of course I have none. I'm a one man band and the business is not in a position to have 'staff' in this early stage.

I can't believe how utterly miserable and lonely I feel. I don't have anyone to bounce off, commiserate with and it has affected my mental health more than I ever thought it could.

This really has taken me by surprise and I just wasn't expecting this. Now I just don't know what to do with myself. I'll have to shut the business down, but then what. I thought this was going to be my thing but it just isn't and I feel like a right idiot.

Sorry I haven’t had a chance to read all the replies, but I think you‘re not alone in having this happen. You’re not a right idiot, you are brave and you went and chased your dreams - you just hit the small print that says you don’t always get the fairytale ending. So now you reassess - decide if the business can be changed to suit what you enjoy or it’s just time to call it quits and look for another job with the experience of setting up your own business under your belt.

I did the same thing a few years back - went and set up freelance, which is what I’d wanted to do from the time I’d retrained 15 years before. And I hated it - just didn’t like self promotion and didn’t feel secure doing it. Got part time work and carried on with it as a side hustle for a bit and then finally accepted that I didn’t want to keep doing it when I changed to my current employer and used the excuse I was too busy with my job and horse to shut it all down.