Jealousy over my friend

[Moomintrude]

bit of background information, I’ve been riding for coming up to four years (in October) but I moved yards about a year ago now.


A friend of mine who is at the same yard has been riding less than a year (about 8 months) and has just started to jump and I’m feeling Jealous , I’m a better rider than her I’m constantly put on the young horses to improve them but feel like over the last 4 months haven’t been able to focus on myself as a rider since being in the young horses . My friend is always on the school masters and has progressed really quickly yet I feel like I’m still stuck where I was before she started riding. Honestly I’m not sure what to do . I’m debating whether to quit riding.

Any advice on anything?

 

[Moomintrude]

Also i just realised I sound like a whining idiot.

 

[starbucker]

Don't quit, ask your instructor to put you on other horses.IT is frustrating when progress plateaus. Alot of riding schools don't care about your progress aslong as you keep paying (im assuming you are at a riding school?). Learning is not linear - focus on your own learning, young horses need alot more riding than schoolmasters who can pretty much do it for you. You often need to ask for what you want if they dont listen , try a different riding school

EDIT - I got sick of riding the same routine in my lessons when growing up moved school and started learning to jump but I had to have several private lessons to up my game first

 

[Glitter's fun]

Also i just realised I sound like a whining idiot.

Not true! (Young maybe but not an idiot!)

 

[Glitter's fun]

bit of background information, I’ve been riding for coming up to four years (in October) but I moved yards about a year ago now.


A friend of mine who is at the same yard has been riding less than a year (about 8 months) and has just started to jump and I’m feeling Jealous , I’m a better rider than her I’m constantly put on the young horses to improve them but feel like over the last 4 months haven’t been able to focus on myself as a rider since being in the young horses . My friend is always on the school masters and has progressed really quickly yet I feel like I’m still stuck where I was before she started riding. Honestly I’m not sure what to do . I’m debating whether to quit riding.

Any advice on anything?

There's bad jealousy that says "I hate that you have something I don't and I don't want you to have it either".

And then there's constructive jealousy that says "seeing you with/doing that has made me realise that i would like that too, so I'm going to see how I can re-jig my life to get some".

 

[Glitter's fun]

So, can you ask to have some time on the schoolmasters?

 

[starbucker]

Explain exactly what you wrote here to the person you have lessons with, ask for them to give you steps to get to where you want to be, if you don't say anything they will just assume you are happy where you are

 

[Moomintrude]

Not true! (Young maybe but not an idiot!)

I’m a teen so that explains it

 

[Moomintrude]

Don't quit, ask your instructor to put you on other horses.IT is frustrating when progress plateaus. Alot of riding schools don't care about your progress aslong as you keep paying (im assuming you are at a riding school?). Learning is not linear - focus on your own learning, young horses need alot more riding than schoolmasters who can pretty much do it for you. You often need to ask for what you want if they dont listen , try a different riding school

EDIT - I got sick of riding the same routine in my lessons when growing up moved school and started learning to jump but I had to have several private lessons to up my game first

Ok thanks ! I was kind of expecting to be completely slated by people after posting this but everyone seems nice, and yeah I am at a riding school, I have been struggling with a sort of imposter syndrome about being aloud to ride young horses as I still don’t believe I’m good enough. The young horse I ride most is having some time off (threw his owner off and she has quit riding, that’s a whole other thing, he’s never made me feel uncomfortable though ) so I have been on one of the school masters a little bit more recently so fingers crossed I start to improve a bit more now ! Thanks for your help

 

[honetpot]

The point of a schoolmaster is they look most people look competant, which is great for learning, they are usaully consistant and safe. I think the school is not thinking about what you should be getting out of the lesson, you are a more competant rider so they are putting you on something that a less competant rider would find difficult. There is nothing more difficult than riding a young horse, you are not their to train their horses
I would discuss your objectives with your teacher, and perhaps if you can afford it ask for a private lesson, which I know from experience is a lot more intensive than being able to bumble along at the back at the ride.
If you are already doing so ride at a different time for your friend, and try not to compare. A lot of riding is brain work, preperration thinking why I did X I didn't get what I expected or WTF why did it do that. If you are not learning perhaps your in the wrong place, your paying its about you.
I taught both my daughters to ride, a good riding school should have the right horse for each stage of your learning.

 

[Rowreach]

I’m a teen so that explains it

A self aware teen though.

I used to get put on all the young and dodgy ones too, and I longed to ride the straightforward ones so I could actually work on my riding. However it did make me a better rider in the long run (I ended up backing and schooling and bringing on youngsters, which was a bit of a passion thing) and "making" horses is incredibly satisfying. They must think you are capable, although it is sometimes the lazy option for a RS to use the better riders in this way. You have every right to ask to ride something a bit more established now and then in order to progress.

 

[Wishfilly]

I would maybe try to book some private jumping lessons over the summer. Explain your goals to your instructor, and hopefully they will ensure you are on an appropriate horse for each session.

When you say you want to improve, is there something specific you have in mind e.g. jumping a course more fluently, being able to jump trickier lines, jumping more technical fences? It's likely you are improving whilst riding these young horses, just in ways that are less obvious and measurable than your friend! But if you have a specific goal in mind, then the whole point of lessons is to help you achieve that!

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

The best incentive to "progress" is via "dissatisfaction". And complacency is the enemy of motivation.

You admit you are dissatisfied right now with your prowess. You don't feel you are progressing and are feeling unmotivated.

Personally I feel you need to get the cobwebs outta your head - and I therefore would suggest a radical course of action which may involve a complete move from the instructor you are currently with, or indeed the yard. You are comparing yourself with your friend - never a good idea - and I fear that if you stay in this current situation it will eventually lead to bad air being produced between you.

The other thing I would say is that you are perhaps being over-hard on yourself. Let's face it, "friend" is riding the Dopes-on-a-Rope, whereas YOU are being thrown at the youngsters & improvers. That says a lot about your riding and about the way others perceive you.

I personally feel you would benefit from a few sessions with a different Instructor: perhaps try a different discipline too, i.e. if you're more into SJ then try a Dressage lesson, or whatever. Or perhaps travel out to a clinic at another venue. Just something to give you some fresh input.

 

[lynz88]

definitely ask the school (I'm assuming it's a riding school) for a different horse and what you want to progress to. Maybe they don't know what your goals/aspirations are? I've learned that taking it perhaps slower but on more difficult horses makes you a fffaaarrrrr better rider overall than riding a schoolmaster that can do it all but you get to do more "cool things" with. The problem is that you don't "see" it - you aren't the one jumping and doing all the other "cool" things. Instead, you're stuck just trying to get a consistent trot around the school. What you are actually getting, is a much better education because if there comes a day that you want to buy a horse for yourself, they aren't all going to be schoolmasters for sale that you can hop on and go around a course on without a second thought (they are out there but at a definite cost!!).

 

[Moomintrude]

So, can you ask to have some time on the schoolmasters?

Yh I have done now , the

A self aware teen though.

I used to get put on all the young and dodgy ones too, and I longed to ride the straightforward ones so I could actually work on my riding. However it did make me a better rider in the long run (I ended up backing and schooling and bringing on youngsters, which was a bit of a passion thing) and "making" horses is incredibly satisfying. They must think you are capable, although it is sometimes the lazy option for a RS to use the better riders in this way. You have every right to ask to ride something a bit more established now and then in order to progress.

Yes , I definitely will ask them !

 

[Cortez]

Ok thanks ! I was kind of expecting to be completely slated by people after posting this but everyone seems nice, and yeah I am at a riding school, I have been struggling with a sort of imposter syndrome about being aloud to ride young horses as I still don’t believe I’m good enough. The young horse I ride most is having some time off (threw his owner off and she has quit riding, that’s a whole other thing, he’s never made me feel uncomfortable though ) so I have been on one of the school masters a little bit more recently so fingers crossed I start to improve a bit more now ! Thanks for your help

Oh we all get slated sooner or later, it's point of principle and a badge of honour .

Riding young horses will always set your actual riding back as you have to teach the horse before you can teach yourself, which is a backwards way to do it. Experienced (i.e.old) riders for young horses, experienced horses for young riders is always better, that way at least ONE of you knows what you're supposed to be doing. Being used as a Crash Test Dummy because you're plucky and keen is a sneaky way of getting tricky young horses going, not a compliment.

 

[Moomintrude]

The best incentive to "progress" is via "dissatisfaction". And complacency is the enemy of motivation.

You admit you are dissatisfied right now with your prowess. You don't feel you are progressing and are feeling unmotivated.

Personally I feel you need to get the cobwebs outta your head - and I therefore would suggest a radical course of action which may involve a complete move from the instructor you are currently with, or indeed the yard. You are comparing yourself with your friend - never a good idea - and I fear that if you stay in this current situation it will eventually lead to bad air being produced between you.

The other thing I would say is that you are perhaps being over-hard on yourself. Let's face it, "friend" is riding the Dopes-on-a-Rope, whereas YOU are being thrown at the youngsters & improvers. That says a lot about your riding and about the way others perceive you.

I personally feel you would benefit from a few sessions with a different Instructor: perhaps try a different discipline too, i.e. if you're more into SJ then try a Dressage lesson, or whatever. Or perhaps travel out to a clinic at

I don’t have time to do in depth replies to everyone so I just want to say thank you all so so much