Juggling baby and horses - can this work?

[mystiandsunny]

Ok, so baby due early Sept. 5 ponies. Of those, one is only ridden by sharer and is fine with 1 & 2 have loaners and if they ride less ponies are less fit - up to them really!
3) is my main horse who I usually ride 6 days a week (and needs this as she has locking stifles).
4) Has a sharer 3x a week to jump/hack, and I was planning on schooling her the other 3 (eventually she will go further than my main horse, but is young yet).
5) Has a sharer 3x a week who won't have more time than that come the winter (A-levels). Again needs to be ridden 6x week due to EPSM and needs keeping fit.

So that's horse 3 who needs riding daily, and ponies 4 and 5 who need 3x a week. Hubby will have baby in evenings, but it'll be dark then by Nov/Dec. Sharers mostly do weekends. If I leave baby with friend/family, that amount of riding will take time and they'll be unimpressed are us! Plus there's mucking out 2x daily...

Ideas?

 

[Mirirab]

Having a baby will change your life. Until he/she is in school all day or you have full-time help and don't work, you will not be able to do everything you did when childless.
It seems like you have some hard choices to make.
Can you turn out your horses with horse problems 24/7? Would that be enough to keep them in ok shape? (don't know anything about locking stifles or espm)
Best of luck.

 

[cardi_girl]

Hello,

Gosh you have a lot of work on your hands when the baby arrives! First of all for the first few weeks it's really hard to do anything other than look after a baby and yourself let alone muck out twice aday. Before and after the birth of my two I turned my horse away. I still have days when I struggle to muck him out (ie when one of the kids are poorly - their 1 & 3) I found the winters tough with the babies as it was so cold and they were pretty miserable sat whilst I did horey chores; so again my horse gets turned away in the winter. Perhaps it would be worth asking your family/friends how often they would be willing to look after the baby - and then do a rough plan of splitting your time between the horses that need the work?

Alot of people manage with babies and horses.

I would recommend a baby sling (check out babywearer.com or naturalmamas) as its easier to get on with chores with baby strapped to you when their not happy sat in the pushchair!

Good luck x

 

[mystiandsunny]

Thanks for the replies so far . It does seem like too much tbh. I think my main girly will be quite enough to start with, then adding in the little dressage one 3x a week once I'm at work (work mornings only several days a week so plan was to ride on way home before picking baby up) would be fine. It's the extra one I'm struggling to figure out how to fit in! Have bought a sling which should be great for mucking out and chores, but wouldn't want to handle horses with little one in it just in case. Have an ancient pram can 'park' baby in while turning out etc though and am hoping that might work for that bit.

Oh and the two with issues live out in summer already and it's not enough without the work. I wonder what my chances are of finding a weekday sharer for the epsm one....? She's totally normal when in enough work so it doesn't affect what she can do.

 

[FfionWinnie]

You could lead and ride to do two at once but remember you will be so tired you will hardly be able to function and your priorities will change. You will not have known tiredness like baby induced tiredness. When I had mine I could not believe it but I literally could not stay awake and would fall asleep feeding her and holding her!! I am an insomniac normally! I think if you can get more riders to do them you will take a lot of pressure off yourself. The first six months are the hardest (in terms of sleep deprivation) because once they are on solids you can be tougher at night and get them into a good sleep pattern.

 

[FfionWinnie]

And by the way you will not muck out with 8lbs of baby hanging round your neck take it from me. Get a good alterrain buggy with a fly net.

 

[Sprig]

You definitely can muck out with a baby in a sling. I had a Moby Wrap and it was brilliant. He was in it until at least 8 months old while I mucked out. I can still muck out with him in a back carrier if I need to and he is 20 months now.

 

[AprilBlossom]

My 4mth old is parking up quite well in the tackroom/on yard/outside school and I can usually have a couple of hours of doing things. That said, it does take longer to do everything as I feel obliged to check him from time to time...he's always fine!

Don't listen to people who say that your whole life will change and you won't be able to do things - you make it what it is, I still do everything I was before - its just an excuse to be a bit lazy and if it's raining not ride haha!

Good luck!

 

[cardi_girl]

I managed to muck my horse out with my baby in a sling (he was just over 4 months old when I started doing this) I wouldn't of risked it when he was any younger due to neck control. Before I started carrying him he was in his pushchair. I found by the time he got to 12 months he was too heavy to carry in a sling/carrier and he now has to sit in his pushchair whilst I do my chores. I also never 'wore' my baby whilst around my horse.

I find I don't get to ride my horse more than twice a month ... hubby works long hours and no family to help out.

Can I ask who's ridding your horses for you now? I'm thinking that you arn't still riding them yourself.....? x

 

[UKa]

Hey, looks like you have a lot of horses to worry about. I only had my one and I managed with that, hung on to her while having two babies. I was able to continue due to my sheer determination. Many people give up, but I sometimes had to be hard and leave a screaming baby for a minute whilst finishing what I was doing with the horse. Not for everyone though, and while you can do your horse(s?) with baby and child in tow, it means you may not be able to do exactly what you always did, but having a child means making compromises, that's fact. I have been able to ride soon after each birth and both my boys have come to the yard with me all the time on weekdays until they started school/ pre-school. I would ride in the school while they waited in their car seat/ pushchair/ and at play next to the arena when a little older (demanding that they wanted a go themselves though, nagging on my patience...). it is sometimes tough having to drag them out when they have just fallen asleep at home, waiting for the vet to arrive in an emergency in the winter when it is just starting to snow with baby in tow is not much fun. I managed to breastfeed both of mine and for me that was the best thing ever! At least I always had food with me, haha. I have always invested in good winter gear for the kids, including snow boots and snowsuits so they would be as snug as possible.
It has all been possible but after 5 years of it I am now tired and really looking forward to being able to going to the yard by myself every morning as littlest starting pre-school in September. Currently I am counting down while enjoying taking them up on nice summer days only during the holidays (and hopefully not too many winter days anymore...) - It has been tough but worth it though, see if you can get some extra help though as you have a lot more horses...

 

[NeverSayNever]

just to add - it may well work out as people say... as in you may be so tired you will hardly be able to function and until he/she is in school all day or you have full-time help and don't work, you will not be able to do everything you did when childless.... i know plenty of friends who for this is true.

However please dont let this get you down as it doesnt have to be this way. my baby is almost 14 weeks old and Im doing everything I did before I had him.. and more, because Im not working! Being a mummy is ace! Aside from that Im back riding 5 days a week, looking after my 6 border collies and keeping 3 of them competition fit as well and I have a pup too However my husband is very supportive and takes over 'baby shift' when he isnt at work, he works office hours. I dont have any other child care but I get on with things while my baby sleeps in his pram or 'lie flat car seat' - a Godsend by the way.I keep my 2 ponies at home and they are very easy natives so that has a big bearing on things. I also have someone coming to poopick for me once a week , just to help me out a bit. I was way more knackered and tired when I was pregnant than I have been since my baby was born... and dare I say it, I was exhausted the first few nights the puppy was home as she screeched all night lol. I am blessed with a very good baby and I dont breast feed, so that too has it's advantages.

I do think the number of horses you have and their needs will make things difficult for you and you may have to cut back. However it IS perfectly manageable to have a horse and a baby. The key word being manageable, you make things as easy for yourself as you can.

Good luck and congrats!

 

[mystiandsunny]

Can I ask who's ridding your horses for you now? I'm thinking that you arn't still riding them yourself.....? x

I've been lucky to find someone to come and be 'me' for my main girl and the little dressage one - but she's only got the time now cos she works in a school so it's the summer hols for her. The EPSM one likewise - her sharer starts A-levels in Sept and thus won't be able to do the 6 days a week she does now!

 

[Booboos]

It really depends on the baby so in many ways you can't tell until he/she arrives and you see how things work out.

For example, my daughter breastfed almost constantly so I literally had only 45 minute breaks between breastfeeding sessions to get other things done. Everything had to get done in little increments which was very time consuming. To make things worse this continued through the night so I have now had 14 months of sleep deprivation, some days so bad I daren't get in the car. She is also a very large baby so very quickly it became impossible to carry her in slings/carriers but she still needed to be held, which just by itself is knackering. Now she's walking about everywhere so I can't take my eyes off her. The 'pop her in the pram and do things' stage never really happened for me.

The good news is that it's all worth it and the horses cope fine with less work!

 

[Dukey]

Hey, I remember when I was pregnant everyone said to me how hard it was and I never really believed them until she arrived! Now I threaten to send her into a secondary school cos I'm sure if teenagers had her for a few hours it would solve all problems in relation to underage pregnancies!
Anyho, I have two horse and a lot of help from mum and sister. I also work 4 days and its tough. I would say until baby is a year its ok. Like others have said use a pushchair or sling. As long and you work out feeding etc around horse times its ok. Although there were moments I had to feed her in the stable or tea room! When baby is a year is when things really get hard. My little girl is 18months and wants to help, run around and play... Not great around my highly strung 6 year old. She has learnt to sit in her pushchair around horses or when tractors are about but one day it took me two hours to muck out!
I would suggest you find as much help/support as poss and maybe focus your energy on 1 horse...? Or work out quickier ways of exercising..?
Sorry its not more positive, but really without my support network I would struggle and I only have 2, 1 of which is semi retired and my mum rides him most of the time!

 

[Dukey]

Sorry just to add, although my post sounds all doom and gloom. Like someone else has said I have manged to make it work and my little girl has been around horses since we came home from hospital it was great to get out the house! But she was a good baby, was breast fed but slept through since 6 weeks and she is very happy around horses etc. Things are good but until babba arrives you won't really know! Good luck! X

 

[hoggedmane]

I had two horses when I had my first and it was tough. Up to a year wasn't too bad 'cos she stayed put but once she was mobile and vocal it got a lot harder. I put my mare on loan for a year when I had my second and am very glad I did so I could concentrate on the children. (I was also very sick while pregnant).

Just make sure you have contingency plans in case things don't go as planned with the birth and you have to have a caesararian. Girl on our yard had one 6 weeks ago and has been unable to come up since - her two horses are on full livery at the moment.

Hope everything goes well with the pregnancy and that you manage to get some sleep once baby arrives!!

 

[Littlelegs]

I'd say its manageable if you have the right attitude. Used to drive me mad listening to all the voices of doom when I was pregnant about how hard it was, how exhausting & similar crap. It's actually not, its just ime some people aren't very good at hard work or responsibility. Just like most of us know someone who works 9-5 with one horse who thinks lifes soooo hard. Whereas most of us find that pretty simple. Babies are the same, some people just aren't very good at coping with anything but a relaxed life. I just used to park mine in a pram when she was asleep & do the jobs. I didn't ride much at first as nobody to leave baby with, but I certainly had the time. Infact, as she was a winter baby my house was immaculate in the first few weeks. Didn't want her out at night while it was freezing so I had endless energy in the evening. What I will say is have a back up plan. Although you sound like you will manage fine, be prepared for the what ifs. A c-section, unwell baby etc can't be forseen, but would make a difference to how manageable your plan is.

 

[mystiandsunny]

Thanks for all the thoughts! Ponies going nowhere lol. It seems breastfeeding might be the thing that has to give. I've only said I'll do 6 weeks all along (and see how it goes from there), which is more than my mum did with me. Regardless of horses, I need to go back to work after 4 months, need to be able to drive the car without crashing, and tbh need to feel like a human being in order to care properly for baby! Equally, I struggle to keep weight on at the best of times. Pregnancy has felt like an eating marathon and I'm not sure I'd be able to keep up with demand as it increased!

Have ideas now (park car by schooling area and perhaps have small paddock just next to it that I can chuck pony in sans tack while deal with baby), play pen for baby when older while I ride, that kind of thing. Luckily it's our place so we can arrange things to suit!

 

[Orson Cart]

If you decide not to breastfeed a bottle warmer in the barn, tea room - whatever your set up is, is essential no matter how near your house is, and always leave house with bottle ready and with you. No matter how near your house is, when that feeding shriek starts up there will be no time to spare! chuckle.

A little table somewhere with a soft top and a few nappy bits/wipes for bottom/emergency changes. You could be changing that bottom every half an hour for the first week or so and you don't want to be having to constantly leaving your mucking out to trapse back into the house for a bum change!

For when you get to toddler stage - encourage your riding time to be 'quiet' time for your lo. Have a picnic table near your menage and encourage child to do quiet activites like drawing, painting, craft - most toddlers love sticking stuff together and making a mess and you might get a good half an hour out of it!

Don't worry. You can do it and you will find a solution. And along the way you will have the most amazing experiences being a mum and sharing your love of horses with your child.

xxx

 

[Booboos]

It's actually not, its just ime some people aren't very good at hard work or responsibility. Just like most of us know someone who works 9-5 with one horse who thinks lifes soooo hard. Whereas most of us find that pretty simple. Babies are the same, some people just aren't very good at coping with anything but a relaxed life.

I think this has come up before on a thread but I am afraid I, once again, find your comments quite naive, after all there are about 130 million babies born each year in the world and you, I pressume, have intimate experience of one, two or at most three or four of them!

If you would like to test other people's claims set your alarm clock to waking you up every two hours with the odd night where it rings 2-3 times every hour and on top of that on the odd night stay up between 2am and 5am and see how you feel after a few weeks of that.

Parents have it tough enough without other parents being all superior and calling them lazy and irresponsible.

 

[cardi_girl]

Booboos I totally agree with you regarding the post from 'littlelegs'; I found it very insulting. I only have one horse, and two children and I struggle. It might be easy enough to park up the baby whilst they are small but when they get to toddler age and don't want locking in a pushchair or playpen and are screaming their little heads of because they want you to spend time with them, its not so easy then. I also can't understand why when you've got kids you wouldn't want to have a relaxed life - not be rushing around constantly trying to fit everything in. Babies don't stay babies for long and soon enough it'll be off to school every day. Enjoy every day with your new bundle.

Also I bottle fed one baby and breast fed the other, I personally found it so much easier whopping out a boob with milk thats constantly on supply, warm, no bottles to faff with. But how you feed your baby is totally a personally choice.

Best of luck x

 

[partypremier]

My 1st was in special care for 2 weeks so I had to live at hospital whole time pregnancy normal but he was very ill having to be syringes feed every 2 hours & constantly vomiting also had csection I hardly saw my 4 & they were at home but it did get better as he got stronger. My second arrived 1 month before my foal 2 children under 2 was hard.
They are 1&3 now & it is impossible to ride without someone else here to watch them.
They cannot be left to own devices children do have very short attention spans.
Be prepared for change & to change unless you have a groom or nanny the horses will have to move down the list.
Horses will survive with minimal care for a while & once you get used to being a mum & juggle YOUR situation you can establish a plan suited to your needs.

By the way that first ride after baby makes you feel oh so human again.

 

[AprilBlossom]

Booboos/C_G - I get your point regarding what LL has said, but I too see things from her point of view - I think the amount your child sleeps at night (soundly!) must make a huge difference, as I do 3 horses (only ride one usually) most days and yes, it's hard work and sometimes I'd like to go 'oh, well the baby is a bit grizzly, I'd best stay home' but I don't, and baby gets bet himself

I guess LL and I have been very lucky, but I do wonder if the parental attitude has a little to do with it, subconsciously.

See, my baby was a 'happy accident', completely unplanned, so OH and I had no built up expectations, there was no overwhelming anticipation at the end of my pregnancy or anything (more terror than anything else) and since our son arrived we've had a 'just get on with it and he will join in' attitude. Yes, we both love him implicitly, but we weren't ready for our lives to change so drastically, so haven't let them TBH! Call it luck, but the baby has slept through the night since about 10 weeks, before that only woke once, he sits quietly and looks at everything if he's not asleep in his pushchair, and he gets changed on the tack room table/grass/boot of car, and he drinks cold milk - make up a bottle, go to yard - when bby is hungry bottle immediate, you don't have to faff with a bottle warmer, just feed at room temp

But then you have to work out a plan to suit you, IMO, have a contingency plan, and an open mind, and you can't be disappointed then from trial and error working out a system that suits you!

 

[LauraBR]

Another one who agrees with Booboos here!

I ended up selling my horse when my eldest was 6 months old- he wasn't at all happy to sit cooperatively in a pushchair, never slept longer than about half an hour at a time, and rushing round trying to get all my horsey jobs done while he was screaming blue murder every day was utterly miserable. Selling up was heartbreaking but the right choice for me at the time, I rarely got to ride or enjoy my horse and my baby needed my full attention. My second baby was completely different- very easy going, slept loads, would have been quite happy sat in a pram watching me potter about the yard... I often wonder if I'd still have my horse now if they had been born the other way around!

So much really does depend on the baby, and how much support you have around you too. My husband worked long hours and I didn't have any local family to take babies off my hands for a small window of time, I am sure it would have been far easier if I had of done.

On the plus side, I am coming out of the other side of the tunnel now, my eldest starts school in September and my youngest will start mornings at nursery school in the new year so I'll be starting to get some potential horse time back These short years really have flown by!

Best of luck OP!

 

[Littlelegs]

Booboos-yes, it has come up on another thread, & same as I said there its different with an unhealthy child/mother. And of course I've done the lack of sleep, I accept some babies sleep easier than others, so whilst you are free to give your experience I am equally free to give mine.
Cardi girl- sorry your insulted, my comments weren't aimed at anyone on this thread. But my opinion remains the same, kids really aren't that hard. I had to work ft from baby being 9months, with no family or partner to help out & while I would have loved to stay home, physically I managed fine. So I'm not going to lie to the op & say how hard I found it when I didn't. But don't want to hijack the thread to argue, someone can start a new one if they really want to debate it.
Op- regarding breast feeding, my original intention was the same. Like you I don't carry weight easily. I found in the last few weeks I put on a small amount which helped. I eat loads anyway but breastfeeding I was on 5 meals a day. I had another natural skinny as a post- natal mw, she said as long as you take enough food in then lack of body fat to draw on as reserves doesn't matter. I used to make a loaf into sandwiches every am which I could munch whilst feeding. And probably doubled local sales of chocolate too. Or scoff crackers by the box, anything you can grab one handed really. I ended up breastfeeding to 4 months regularly then small comfort feeds for a bit longer. I had intended to swop to bottles but once I had the hang of it, I stuck with it as it was far easier. Only stopped cos she was such a starver I started weaning at 10/11 weeks. Just take breastfeeding day by day & do what works for you, whichever it is. With a toddler, I used to let mine have a lunchbox, like a 'big girl' if I really needed her in the pram while a farrier/vet etc was there. Otherwise I just got her involved, everything from mucking out to grooming. And I've noticed all toddlers love making & mixing feed. Jobs take longer watching a toddler but not so its impossible, at that age riding in barrows, shaking up straw, sitting on bales is all fun, regardless of interest in ponies. And mine used to love caring for the aged shettie she rode, grooming, leading etc. And apologies for going off track with a debate, but I feel its equally important to hear positive experiences as well as the doom & gloom you get in real life.

 

[TGM]

I agree with Booboos that all babies are different and mothers have varying circumstances and amounts of help available.

My baby was a good sleeper so tiredness wasn't really a problem, but I have had friends with poor sleeping babies who really struggled (and definitely were not lazy)! On the other hand, my daughter was quite a big baby and I am only small, so I found I couldn't cope with her in a sling for very long at all as she was so heavy!

I was also lucky enough to keep the horses at home, so could to some extent tailor the environment to our needs. Baby sat in a pushchair in a safe area and was normally happy enough to watch what was going on and be chatted to whilst I did chores, although if she was ill it became a huge task to get anything done. Once they are mobile though, it is harder - I found a waterproof all-in-one useful for her second winter so she could toddle about and not get too filthy.

My biggest problem was having no family locally, so if OH was out there was no-one able to have baby for a couple of hours if need be and we couldn't afford paid childcare.

I breastfed until baby was ten months old, and although the first couple of weeks were hard, after that it was easy and much simpler than having to worry about taking bottles about and sterilising everything. But again that was my experience and some mums find breastfeeding much harder.

Fingers crossed that you have an easy, uncomplicated natural birth, no stitches, and an easy sleeping, healthy baby, so you can continue to enjoy your horses. But if you are that lucky, please don't look down on other mothers who are not so fortunate.

 

[bex1984]

I have to agree with Booboos et al - it really does depend on the baby you get. I have one that wont be put down to sleep in the day, and if she doesn't sleep in the day she doesn't sleep at night, so a large portion of my day is spent with her asleep on me (which is where she is at this very moment). I would love love love to be able to park up a car with a sleeping baby in it next to the school and ride my pony, but it just wouldn't work!

OP this is not meant to be doom and gloom though, you work with the baby you get and fit life in around it as much as you can. Yes, it means some sacrifices and compromises, and yes life changes, but they are only little for such a short space of time and they are so worth it

oh - and despite a clingy baby, having a c section, and having loaned my pony out....I managed to ride 5 weeks postpartum.

 

[NeverSayNever]

it really really is just so individual - down to the parents, circumstances and baby.

I think it would be very naive and insulting to assume its all down to coping strategies and parental approach.

I know I am incredibly lucky with my baby and there isnt a day that goes by when I dont look at some of my friends who are struggling with babies who wont sleep or settle and thank God its not me.


HOWEVER I do think its so very unfair to burden an expectant mother with the worry that their life will never be the same again and paint a negative picture of doom and gloom, because it definitely isnt always this way!! Its a sheer JOY in my case and even with no childcare through the day I manage fine with my 2 ponies and 6 dogs! And having your very own little person is totally awesome! As long as people are realistic and accept that you have to have a contingency plan in place incase things are difficult I think thats all that matters, but its a real bugbear of mine how some people who had a difficult time , feel the need to proclaim this to poor expectant first time mothers. Its hard enough being pregnant without dreading the ensuing motherhood. Sorry, rant over

 

[LauraBR]

It's a thread about juggling babies and horses, people are going to have had different experiences to share.

If it was a thread about motherhood in general than I am sure the vast majority of people would be waxing lyrical at length about how incredible it is and how their children are the most wonderful thing ever to happen to them, mine certainly are, and have been well worth every little sacrifice and all the hard work.

I am still looking forward to getting back into horses next year though

 

[Littlelegs]

Just to set the record straight I haven't looked down on other mothers. Yes, I had a straightforward birth & a content & more important a healthy baby. Some of that is luck, some isn't. The lady from antenatal who treated pregnancy like a disability, despite being healthy shouldn't have been suprised that her unfit body struggled in labour, or that after 9months self indulgence a demanding new born was too much. And I realise not all complications can be avoided, but in some cases people don't do their best to avoid them. That isn't aimed at anyone on this thread, just a general observation. I agree personal circumstances make a difference, but seen as mine were pretty tough & I managed I feel qualified to comment that more normal situations are perfectly do-able. Sorry if anyone's offended but I very much believe coping with stuff is very much an attitude in all but exceptional circumstances. Like many others, I learnt to deal with problems because I had to, long before I had a baby. So I don't subscribe to 'some people find it harder to cope than others in the same circumstances'. Again, not aimed at anyone on here, but the majority of woe is me Mums in real life really don't know how lucky they are.